Trinity Ch. 01

Trinity: Part I - The Husband

O Rose thou art sick!
Th' invisible worm
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,

Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy:
And his dark, secret love
Does thy life destroy.

From Songs of Experience (1974) by William Blake (1757-1827).

Why is it some of us knowingly walk hand in hand towards a precipice - then just step off the edge? Forthose of us that do, dark forces drive our sexuality. I know these forces lie deep in the unconscious - our very own 'Monsters of the Id' - but knowing and feeling are not the same thing. The web of names and events woven through these stories is strange and uncanny. It was woven by that worm flying in the storm at the core of the heart.

I'd had a number of affairs before I got married, but my sex life had begun badly. I had been very much in love with my first girlfriend whom I'd met in London. We dated for over a year without having sex - we were both virgins - but planned to get married. Then she met this older guy, one who had a notorious reputation in our circle for sexual conquests and 'bed-notching '. She told me she was attracted to him, but I didn't take this too seriously. We often joked about other people we fancied, and after all, hadn't we made a commitment? Then when I came back to London after staying home for the Christmas vacation, she told me she had lost her virginity to him while I was away. My heart thumped, I was dizzy with shock. She was extremely unhappy - it had been a violent and distressing encounter. Without thinking, she insisted on giving me a graphic description. She told me it had been a terrible mistake, that she still loved me and wanted to marry me. But although she later initiated me into sex, I just couldn't live with what had happened. We broke up about six months later.

I went 'wild' for a time, seeking to get laid as often as I could. Being bisexual, I had various encounters with both men and women. But I had become destructive of relationships, carefully manipulating an eventual break-up. I'd now become extremely jealous if a girlfriend had had previous lovers, but was secretive about this jealousy, trying to deal with it by turning it into a form of sexual masochism. The very pain of hearing details about a previous encounter would sexually excite me. I once broke up a marriage by sleeping with a girl who afterwards remained my partner for two years. The husband's name was Robin. I threw this girl over when I met Ela. Ela was different. No more shit, I decided. I really wanted to start everything afresh with her.

I met her at a New Year's party in a town in Eastern Europe where we were students together. We got married within six months of our first date. She was very tall, with long blonde hair and pale lucid skin. Her hands and feet were long and delicately boned. Her face was handsome rather than 'classically' beautiful - that of a typical Slavic blonde. Two faint curving lines on either side of her full rich lips gave her a somewhat prim, almost severe look at first meeting until you found out they were really the contours of a wide, cheeky smile. It was her eyes above all that hooked me completely. They were a deep crystal blue, fascinating, striking - with a very intense and direct gaze. I always felt that behind those eyes lay something dormant, secret, something powerful waiting to emerge.

We first made love a month after we met, in a remote village on the banks of a tributary of the Danube, deep in the Carpathian Mountains. We planned it this way. We loved these mountains and actually chose the village for its very remoteness - to be alone together, as far away as possible from our sexually-incestuous circle of friends. She was very nervous and tense that night and it took some time to calm her down. I wasn't sure what she was afraid of, and somehow didn't want to ask her if she was still a virgin. I was desperate to have sex with her.

We finally stripped together. She revealed a terrific body - full breasts with large dark nipples, high, slightly broad, curving hips and a prominent pubic arch. Her buttocks were smooth and round and she had long, slender legs. She lay down on the bed looking at me intensely, her lips slightly apart. I eased myself between those long legs and lay on top of her. We kissed deeply, our tongues exploring each other's mouths. She tasted delicious; I felt intoxicated by the smell of her skin, of her breath, by the firm, warm feel of that gorgeous body finally pressing against mine. I guided my cock to her vagina and brushed it against her pubic hair. She was breathing heavily, looking straight into my eyes. Then I gently eased my cock between the lips of her vagina and pressed. She gasped and gripped my back tightly as I entered her. Her eyes widened and her mouth was open as if in surprise. She was very tight inside. I grasped her gracefully curving back firmly in my arms and we began to move gently back and forth together, looking into each other's eyes. I was so excited by the feel of her I just couldn't hold back. I thrust in deeper and came at once, my cock throbbing powerfully, the blood hammering in my head for what seemed ages as I felt myself drown in those gorgeous eyes. Our tongues melted together in a long kiss. I'd never felt anything like it.

This was the beginning. After this first time her nerves seemed to vanish and she responded more and more urgently every time we had sex. We became addicted to each other's bodies. Nevertheless, she always seemed to be holding something back, keeping something in reserve. I longed to bring out whatever it was that lay inside her. I was crazy about her.

She'd never experienced orgasm before she met me, and it was a while before she actually 'came'. The first time was when I stimulated her clit while we were having sex in a hotel room. She went wild and yelled - I think the whole city knew what we were doing. After that she would often come to orgasm, but only if I'd stimulated her clit for some time. I would bring her to climax first, then follow. I always hoped we could 'come' together, but I never seemed to get my timing right. She was always noisy during orgasm - which I liked, since I was the same. We never really got into oral sex. I would often kiss and lick her clit and vagina; she would suck my cock - but never to orgasm. It was always just part of foreplay. So by all standards, our sex life remained rather conservative. We had fantasies of course - but as we shall see, these eventually took us in rather kinky directions. Like me, she had been brought up a strict Catholic. This probably says a great deal about both of us.

I was nervous about asking her if she'd had any previous experiences, but finally screwed up my courage. Yes, she had been to bed with a couple of guys before she'd met me. Needless to say, I felt extremely jealous and pressed her for details about these encounters. She found this a bit weird, but seeing that I seemed to enjoy it, she complied. I sensed she began to enjoy doing this, since she soon got very good at describing sex, always lacing her descriptions with raunchy humor.

We began to develop what we called our 'teasing games' in which we would excite one another by describing our fantasies in detail. Ela had a fantasy of being a street hooker for a night in some big city, of getting laid by a series of complete strangers, preferably older men. She also told me how she was intensely turned on by what she called 'rascals' - studs who seduced loads of women and abandoned them. She said that getting laid by a guy like this somehow bound her with the many unknown women, past and present, whom he'd fucked - and that this excited her. She then revealed that she had deliberately lost her virginity to exactly this type of guy, but it had been an unexpectedly painful and distressing experience. I felt deeply hurt of course, and began to dig for details. Bit by bit, she revealed more. At one point we visited the city where she had been at the time and she actually showed me the window of the room where it happened. That really got to me and for some time after that I didn't press her any more on this issue.

We traveled widely, having sex as often as we could outdoors in the forests and mountains of Central and Eastern Europe. We loved the feeling of leaves and wind caressing our naked skin, of our bare feet sharing the cool, moist earth or smooth floors of stone. We would often take photographs of each other naked. Then once, we copulated beneath the shadow of a ruined castle at twilight. It had a dark, sinister history. When we had finished, I stood up. The ruin somehow drew my gaze. The sun was setting behind it and it looked like a line of black, jagged teeth against the sky. Veiled crimson light poured through a single gaping window. A wolf howled in the distance, and I felt a twinge of unease, for no reason I could think of - I'm not superstitious and I really love wolves. I looked back down at Ela. A large full moon was rising as she lay there, her long pale body stretched out in the black grass, her legs apart. Her nipples stood out black against her white skin, which still glistened with sweat. Her eyes appeared strangely dark and glittered as she looked back at me.

Some time later we made love in a field at night, rolling about together in the long grass. Afterwards, I looked up and saw the shining, crystal tower of a nearby hotel - the Holiday Inn - standing out solitary and alone against the dark night. As I watched it, a sudden, unexpectedly cold gust of wind made my bare skin shiver and I was gripped by a strange, crawling premonition - that one day I would lose her among the glittering towers and endless corridors of some great North American city. Over the next couple of years I forgot about these premonitions entirely.

It was when we returned to the UK that I began fantasizing about watching Ela being fucked by another guy. I don't know if I'm what you'd call a 'fetishist', but I do have a certain 'thing' about bare feet touching during sex. I used to imagine she was having a secret affair, and visualized her getting laid in the front of some guy's car. It was raining heavily, the windows were steamed up and their bare feet rubbed together below the dashboard as his large, hairy, muscular body pounded her pale delicate body against the seat, his heavy buttocks pumping up and down between her white thighs. She cried as he stiffened and thrust his thick, stubby cock deep into her, ejaculating into her womb.

We left Europe and settled in a major North American city. We were both postgraduate students, living in student accommodation - a small apartment in a high-rise near the university. I was 32, she was 28. Our teasing games continued and I began probing for more details about her first sexual experience. She complied this time, and gave me a very graphic account. This hurt me very much, but being the masochist I am (and not bad at illustrating), I tried to 'use' the hurt by drawing a detailed picture of Ela losing her virginity to this guy based on all the details she had told me. The picture was drawn from the foot of the bed, with their four bare feet pointing towards the viewer. Lines drawn above his buttocks to show them pumping up and down. I showed it to her. She found this outrageously funny and laughed, but told me I'd done a pretty good job on the details. We then stripped and lay on the bed while she jerked me off, telling me all about the encounter as we looked at the picture together. The mixture of orgasm and pain was exquisite. I pressed her to develop the hooker fantasy, and from time to time she would slowly jerk me off with her bare feet as she described it to me. Sometimes we would imagine we'd agreed to rent her out for the night to some rich, oversexed millionaire, and that part of the deal would be that their encounter would be filmed on video - for my benefit afterwards.

But as time went on I got an ever stronger desire to see the 'real thing - actually to see her get laid by another guy. I was sure there was something I was missing out on. Would she behave differently with someone else? That hidden part of her - that continued reserve - intrigued me more and more. I was sure the secret lay there. I began talking to her seriously about trying a threesome with another guy. She seemed reluctant at first. The 'teasing' had just been a game, she said, but this was far more serious. But then the idea of having two men together gradually began to turn her on and she finally became excited by the idea. Half in fun, we began hunting. We almost got there with two of my male friends, but Ela always backed out at the last minute. When it finally happened, it was totally unexpected.

It was the last week in November during our second year. At that time Ela was working part-time in the shop down in the street just beside the high-rise we lived in. Here she'd met a guy called Robin, a regular customer at the shop. He was of Native American descent, tall and lean, with a rugged, brown complexion. He had very dark, piercing eyes and straight black hair. He was a year older than I. She introduced me to him and just for a laugh, we went to one of the strip clubs on the High Street. Then we went for a drink. When the conversation turned to sex (as it had to, eventually) he started boasting about his many conquests, some of which he claimed were strippers we'd just seen. I could see he fancied Ela. They were flirting playfully in the pub, paying no attention to me. This excited me - she seemed to have abandoned her reserve for now. The truth was, she fancied him too and when we played our teasing games later that night, she told me about it. Their mutual attraction had started when they'd first met in the shop the previous week. He'd lightly caressed her hand when she was giving him change. Their eyes had met and she'd suddenly felt dizzy just looking at him and feeling him touch her. She told me how his fingers had gently roamed over her hand, and how she'd a sudden surge of lust and a wetness in her crotch. He excited her even more when he boasted of being a 'stud'.

"I like him," she said, snuggling into me in bed and smiling, her voice deep and throaty. "He's such a stud. He turns me on."

"How does he turn you on?" I guided her hand to my cock.

She began massaging it gently. It promptly stiffened.

"Would you like to know something?" she said, grasping it tightly and moving her hand up and down.

"What?"

"I'd like to have him here in bed with us." Her voice was rising steadily and her tempo quickened. "I'd really like him to bang me, to give it to me good and hard while you watch. I bet he has one hell of a cock."

"I want him to impale me on that cock - and I want it to hurt," she declared emphatically.

I told her I could see a lean, brown body between her long, slender legs, a brown chest pressing down on her pale breasts, her bare white feet rubbing against his. He was thrusting deeply and powerfully, and she was crying.

She squeezed my cock even tighter and began a series of slow firm strokes.

"Yes! I am! Oh God - It hurts! He's thrusting into me - like this - like this - and like this," she moaned lasciviously. I gasped and spurted. She burst into a massive fit of giggles. She was completely helpless for several moments.

"Oh you're so funny, darling," she blurted amid tears of laughter. Then seeing my pained expression, she sobered up, raised herself on one elbow and looked straight into my eyes.

"Hey, come on you silly man - I was only joking. It could never happen, you know that. You know I only love you." She rolled over on top of me and pinned me down with a long, deep lingering kiss, her tongue almost down my throat, her golden hair falling over my face.

The next evening, Robin and I went for a drink on our own. As we steadily got more and more drunk, he began asking me about Ela - where we had met, what she was like in bed and so on. Then he suddenly blurted out that Ela was his greatest fantasy. He'd actually never yet screwed a gorgeous East European blonde of Ela's type and told me he'd jerked off thinking about her luscious white body spread naked, pinned down on his bed by his 'thick, pulsing rod'. I was startled.

"I hope you don't mind," he said, fixing me with his eyes of black stone. "I only meant it as a compliment - to both of you."

"That's OK…er…thanks," I replied.

"I just wanted you to know you've got one hell of a sexy wife," he added, clapping me on the back as we parted. "You're a lucky guy."

It was Friday night of that week. As soon as I came back home from the computer lab where I had been working, I sensed that something was up. Ela appeared tense and restless. She was pacing about the room with a drink in her hand and smoking, wearing tight blue jeans, a T-shirt and no bra. Her nipples stood erect through the thin fabric and she was barefoot. She'd let down her hair and her eyes were glistening. She wore mascara and lipstick. She looked terrific, but all this was totally unlike her - she never dressed like this at home. What on earth was going on?

"Hey, guess what?" she said, looking away from me. "I've invited Robin up here for a drink. He'll be here any minute." My bowels, as the saying goes, turned to water. I was quite unprepared for this.

"You mean he's actually coming up here?" I asked, breathless.

"I don't know about 'coming' just yet - take it easy!" she laughed.

That hit me. "What? You mean you've actually mentioned the idea of a threesome with us?"

"Sure," she replied. I was staggered. I'd no idea things had gone this far between them.

"Do you think he might be up for it?" I asked, my heart thumping.

"Hey look, don't push things," she replied, "Let's just see how it goes, OK?"

We had a couple more vodkas to steady our nerves. Robin turned up around 7 p.m. He was wearing a black leather jacket, a crimson, open-necked shirt and blue jeans. He'd brought a couple of bottles.

"Hi guys," he said, "how's it going?"

"Great," Ela replied. "Hey man, come over here and see some fun."

He hung up the jacket and kicked his boots off. We poured him a drink, lit a joint and drew him over to the window. There was another high-rise facing ours, standing close enough for everyone to see into each other's apartments. Many of the neighbors used to leave their curtains wide open on purpose when they were having all kinds of sex. Many in our block did the same thing. It was like an exhibitionist's and voyeur's paradise, a kind of great mutual 'orgy-at-a-distance in which everyone participated. Binoculars and telescopes were everywhere - we had a pair of binoculars and would use them from time to time. The trouble was, you'd often gaze into another window and see another pair of binoculars or a telescope staring right back at you.

Ela hadn't been keen on taking part in this, however. She'd have fun with me watching the others, but she insisted on drawing the curtains when we were having sex.

Ela now sat between Robin and me by the window. We drank cold vodka, ate some snacks Ela had prepared, and shared a joint while watching the various sexy goings-on in the other block. The three of us took turns with the binoculars watching two couples together on a bed having a foursome. We were fascinated. It was pretty hot stuff and we giggled as we fought playfully over whose turn it was next with the binoculars. As we watched the two couples exchange partners, our three bodies drew closer together. After a while the two couples seemed to be taking a break, lying on the bed together and talking, a tangle of eight bare feet facing the window.

"Would you like to see some pictures we took of ourselves?" I asked Robin.

"Sure" he replied.

I went and dug out our homemade erotica from the back room, and showed him our photos, first the ones that had been taken outdoors, mostly of Ela, some of myself, naked in the woods. We showed him the series done in the Transylvanian Alps with Ela naked in various poses, lying or sitting, the soft curves of her slender, pale body standing out against harsh rocky crags or the dark ruins of castles. We also showed him another series taken indoors. He was fascinated by the studies of Ela lying stretched out naked on the bed or on the floor, legs apart, lips open, expectant, her intense eyes challenging the camera.