Trip To Self

AUTHORS NOTE: This story was written while deployed overseas, and prior to the horrible events of Katrina, which is why New Orleans is portrayed the way it is. Keep the people of the Gulf coast in your thoughts, prayers, and givings.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Where are you?"

"Texas."

"That's a bit vague, isn't it?"

"Probably about seventy miles short of San Antonio. Going to see the Alamo."

"You aren't really going to see the Alamo, are you?" Mothers are not very good at hiding concern in their voice. Or maybe they just don't try. She could never really tell with her mother. They were not what one might call close. Which was one of many factors leading to her current situation, or adventure, as she preferred to think of it.

"When am I going to hear from you again?"

"I don't know. If I find anything cool in Antonio, I'll give you a call."

"Ok. Be careful. Don't forget what is going on back here."

"Ok. I won't. Later." She hung up, and stepped out of the small booth, looking down the length of the dinner to the table she had left a couple of minutes ago, finding the man sitting opposite her bag, sipping his coffee.

He was just over six feet, solidly built with firmness and muscle in all the right places, his hair cut just a bit to short, his face constantly caught in a five o'clock shadow that seemed to show ten minutes after he shaved. The hands cradling the coffee mug were massive shovels, and the calluses on them each had their own stories to tell. She wanted to hear them, but he was not telling.

So she just slid into her seat again, flashed him a smile, and dug into the plate that had appeared in her absence.

"Family okay?"

"Yeah. Still worried about me."

"Families tend to do that." He looked out the window, then placed the cup down, and picked up the map again. "Ever been to San Antonio?"

She shook her head, and he laughed. "Me neither. Which is why I wanted to come." He had said the same thing about most of New Mexico and Arizona, the state they had meet up in. "So we have to hit the Alamo, and maybe one or two of these museums."

"And then what?"

"I don't know, what do you want to do?"

"I'm along for the ride."

He looked at his traveling companion for a second, considering her words. They had linked up in Phoenix, during one of the rare rainstorms that occasionally give life to the dust city. She had been standing on the corner, soaked to the bone, considering her next move, the motel she had approached booked solid over some stupid convention. He had approached her, and she had slept in his bed while he rolled around on the floor.

At the time, he had been pretty drunk, and she figured she could fight him off with mace and her taser if he got crazy. But he had no such ambitions. Instead they awoke the next day, and said hi over breakfast. He was surprised to see that the woman who had looked like a drowned rat the night before was actually a blond haired, green-eyed little hottie. Her tanned skin belied her east coast origins, and the nicely formed body told him that she was somebody who was not used to the streets. She had come out here on her own volitions, and was wandering the southwest for her own reasons, reasons he did not ask about. She did not ask his, and so they traveled together in a kind of mutual peace, enjoying each other's company and the beautiful country they both loved.

Over the last ten days things had come out about both of them, but neither had asked anything more then what the other revealed, content to let whatever happened happen. They shared the amount of tension filled moments that were bound to occur, but other then her hugging him tight as they rode his massive hog across the rolling roads, or dancing at night in some dive bar, they never had anything that could be called intimacy.

"I intend to end up down into Florida, the keys."

"Sounds good."

"Ok then." He dropped a twenty on the table, and they rose, heading outside. He watched as she secured the saddlebags on the bike, one of the first things he had taught her, again admiring her beautiful form as she worked. The lack of sexual relations between them was not due to any lack of desire on his part, but more out of a lack of courage. If he made a move, his lovely traveling companion might depart the holding pattern, and he did not think that temporary gratification was worth ruining what they were sharing.

They both slipped on their sunglasses and helmets, and then climbed on, and he fired up the Harley. Minutes later they were on the interstate, blowing into San Antonio, and heading straight downtown for the famous Texan holdout.

They spent the afternoon exploring the historic downtown and the riverfront, looking for the entire world like a traveling couple, wandering around, taking pictures with disposable cameras, laughing, eating at one of the small diners, and finally pointing themselves east, and heading out of town. They almost never stayed in the big cities, they cost too much. Instead they would head out into the wastelands again, and see how far they could push it.

Tonight they made it until about eleven, when he felt the familiar signs of heaviness in his eyes, and pulled over into the parking lot of the first hotel they came to, a Holiday Inn tonight.

"I got this one." Alexis hopped of the back of the bike, and walked inside, trying to shake her legs out. She was a cute little bow legged thing, he thought to himself.

The place had a pool, so they dropped in for a dip to rinse the dust off, then traded turns in the shower, with him going first while she ordered room service. He stepped out just as the waiter dropped of their food, and he watched her dig into the massive sandwich she had ordered for them to split. They shared a lot of food, neither of them big eaters.

Dropping onto one of the two beds in the room, he continued to watch her eat as he dried himself, then dropped the towel and slipped back into his boxers.

"You know, the most modest you are not."

"I almost take that as a compliment from the woman that prances around the room every morning in her thong and bra." Chris smiled at her, and she frowned.

"At least I'm dressed."

"Let's clarify dressed. Underwear that lets your ass hang out, and makes it very clear to me that you spend at least some portion of your time in the bathroom either shaving or plucking down there, is not considered dressed."

"You telling me I need new undies?"

"I'm saying that fair is fair. But if it bothers you, I'll stop."

She smiled at him, wiping the crumbs from her lips. No, it did not bother her. He was a damn good looking specimen of man, with a chiseled body and powerful hands and shoulders, dark eyes that seemed to constantly be surveying the world around him, evaluating, studying, learning.

"Where is Mrs. Chris at?" It was a question she had wanted to ask for a while, and the sudden courage surprised her when the words flew out of her mouth.

"Six feet under." It was apparent that the answer pained him, and he laid down on the bed, food forgotten, eyes closed.

"Where is Mr. Alexis?"

"Hanging out back home, I guess."

He rolled his head towards her, eyes open again. So there was somebody else. Good to know. Wrapping up the rest of the food, she slipped into her own bed, hitting the light and ending the conversation.

When she awoke, he was gone. The second night they had been together, this had disturbed her greatly. But now she was used to it, so she just relaxed, and looked over at the clock. It was eight twenty, he would be back soon. Stretching out, she took the chance to get her thong and bra on, along with pants, before he got back.

The clicking in the door signaled his return, and she looked up from the complimentary USA Today to see his sweat drenched form walk through the door. She did not know how far he ran, or what else he did, but he looked as if he swam a couple of laps in sweat river, his eyes hollow and drained, his face flushed, breathing ragged and shallow.

He looked at her, shook his head with a soft smile, then stepped into the shower. That was not the usual routine. Looking down at her outfit, she wondered what was wrong now. She was wearing jeans, the fashionable kind that hung low on her hips. Maybe he did not approve of the fact that one could see her thong, in keeping with their discussion last night. Or maybe he was just not a fan of hot pink demi cup bras. She shrugged, and separated the business and politics sections of the paper for him, the only parts he ever seemed to read. And comics, but USAT lacked those.

He remerged, already dressed in his boxer this time, a relaxed smile on his face. Walking over to his bags, he cast another glance at her, and shook his head.

"What?"

"You know…you are very beautiful woman."

She stopped for a second, surprised by the words. He had never said anything that might be considered flirty like that to her. She had gotten a haircut last week, and he had mentioned it. A new pair of sneakers two days ago, a mention of her small feet. But nothing that blatant.

"Thank you."

"You are welcome." He picked up the rest of his gear and headed out the door, in search of breakfast.

Shaking her head, she followed, not sure what to make of the comment.

It was not until late that afternoon, outside Houston, that she finally built up the nerve to ask him, as he stared at the menu board at the rest stop trying to decide which low budget hotel chain they would go for today. They would be there two nights, so he was considering splurging on a Hampton Inn. Or maybe a Motel 6 downtown.

"What did you mean earlier?"

"When I said that weed should be legal?"

"No, silly, in the hotel room."

He turned around and looked at her, letting his eyes rest on hers. "Just what I said."

"You've never said that before."

"First time for everything."

"I'm sorry about what you said last night. Was she your wife?"

"Yeah." He turned around again, and she walked up behind him, and after a second of hesitation, wrapped her arms around him, hugging him from behind, before stepping back again.

He turned around all the way now, and looked her in the eyes again. She could see his shoulders, arms, and hands flexing, relaxing, clenching, and it was clear that he was roiled internally, trying to make a decision.

"Why are you out here?" His voice was level, which she took as a good sign.

"Why are you out here?" She smiled back, and he cracked one himself.

"I asked first."

"Where are we staying tonight?"

He shrugged, and walked back to the bike, making a big circle around her. She was not surprised when they pulled into the Motel 6 located downtown, not to far from the Astrodome, one of several things he had expressed interest in seeing. Her attempts at conversation over dinner failed, and she let him stew in silence, killing the lights after he passed into sleep.

The next day everything was back to normal, as they both settled back into their role of traveling companions, touching only when they had to, and joking about the things they each knew the other could laugh about. He had a whole list of things he wanted to see in Houston, and she let him run wild until lunch, when she brought up her one to do thing.

"I need a mall."

"Shopping again?"

"Just a couple of small items."

"Fine. Galleria this afternoon, after we hit Modern Art."

"Fine." She rolled her eyes. For somebody who looked a lot like a wood crawler, he had a lot of interest and appreciation for fine art.

The mall was a massive, three story affair, with a lot of glass and steel. He always seemed uncomfortable in such environments, and today seemed no different. She could tell by the tension in his face, the way his eyes darted from place to place, the way that he seemed to move constantly, look around, and keep his eyes on the crowds that swirled around him.

She took one look at the map of the place, and then headed up the first escalator they came to, and around the bend. He followed behind her, trying to keep his eyes of the shapely ass ascending upwards in front of him. Without hesitation he walked into the Victoria Secrets store, looking at the bin she was digging in.

"I always thought that way they treat women's underwear is undignified."

"Well, since you complained about my thongs, I'm switching." She pulled out a blue pair of the boy short type so popular now, and he rolled his eyes.

"That's even worse. It hint's, but it does not show."

"You are crazy!"

"Listen. What is so wrong with cotton?"

"You want me to wear granny panties?"

He laughed out loud, causing several other customers to look their way. Finally he managed to control himself, wiping the tears from his eyes, and looked back at her. "Alexis, you can wear whatever you want. Just don't use the shower after me."

"That's so gross."

"You'd rather I do it when laying in the bed next to yours?"

"Don't talk about it. I might have you know that I'm not skilled enough to pull it off in the shower, so I haven't gotten off in a while."

"You should do it while I'm in the shower."

"What if I don't finish in time?"

"I'll take my time." He smiled, and took the shorts out of her hand, holding them to her small waist. "These would look good on you."

"Glad you could call." Martins voice sounded a bit strained, and she wondered if he was worried about her. That would be odd. But not totally unexpected.

"How are things back there?"

"Kinda on hold, as you are out gallivanting around."

"Is it my fault you decided to not go on your trip?"

"I didn't think you would go!" He almost raised his voice, an unheard of occurrence in their time together.

Sighing, Alexis looked down the short hallway back to their table, where Chris was doing his best to demolish the Nacho's before she got back. How unfair. "Listen, you knew that when I got done with school I was going to wander for a bit, wanted to see some things. I offered you to come with me, and you said no. I told you to go on your own, and you said no."

"If you told me to sleep with another woman, I would say no, too."

"That is totally different! I'm not sleeping with anybody."

"Kissing?"

"If you don't trust me, you can just say so."

There was a pause, and she waved to him, trying to indicate for him to leave her some. He acted as if he didn't see her, which added to her level of frustration. The waitress dropped off their two margaritas, and she could see him talking to her, then they both laughed. Was he flirting with her?

"Listen, 'lexis." She could hear him sigh, and knew he was trying to be grave. "I want you to come back. Please? Everything is set, all I need is you."

"I'm not ready."

"Please?"

"Why do you want to clip my wings?"

"Why do you want to run?"

"I have to go." She went to hang up, but the frantic tone in his voice gave her pause.

"Please, I'm begging here, please. Come back. I mean, what the fuck are you doing out there?"

"Wandering around, seeing new things. I saw the State Capitol of Louisiana today."

"You are in Baton Rouge?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you went to San Diego!"

"I did. I've put down some miles."

"How are you getting around?"

"I've made friends." That was stretching it a bit. Sure, she had talked to a bunch of people, but really, Chris was the only one. If one called what they had friendship.

"Seriously. What is going on?"

"Nothing. I'm just doing somewhat that I've always dreamed of. Give me my dream before I give you yours."

"Sarah called." He let the woman's name hang out there, floating in the air like an evil specter between them.

"Is that supposed to mean something?" The waitress was back, sitting across from him in the booth, both laughing again. He had to be flirting! Was she jealous? She couldn't be jealous! She was talking to her fiancé on the phone, for god's sake!

"I'm just saying."

"What are you saying?"

"Listen. I'm not going to wait forever."

"You know what? Go to hell!" Slamming the phone into the receiver, she took a second to collect herself, breathing deep, before she walked back out to the booth. As she approached the woman stood, smiled her way, then touched Chris's shoulder, and said something to him in a low voice, and walked off.

"You look mad. Not all quiet on the western front?" He pushed the nacho refill that had been dropped off on the last pass towards her, but she ignored it for a second, taking a strong pull of her Margarita through the straw sticking in the ice.

"I don't want to talk about it. What's up with you and the hired help?"

"Angela and I went to high school together."

"What?" She stared at him across the table, not believe what she was hearing. "You expect me to believe that?"

"I don't really care. She married her high school sweet heart, buddy of mine. Apparently he joined the Air Force, and got stationed down here somewhere, so he got out, and is working as a cop now."

"Where did you go to high school?"

"What happened with your family?"

They stared at each other for a second, then she crunched a chip with her teeth, breaking the spell. "Mr. Alexis is not happy that I'm out here wandering around."

"He's worried somebody else is sticking it in you." He might as well have been talking about the color of the table; his voice was so dispassionate, not a question but a statement.

"Should he be?"

"Well, if I'm not, I don't think anybody else is."

"Do you want to?" Why did I just say that, she asked herself.

Thankfully, he did not answer right away, but took another sip of his drink, then looked down the aisle towards the front door, before looking back at her.

"There are not two men in this place that do not."

"That is not what I asked."

"Yes, I do."

"Why don't you ever do anything about it?"

He didn't answer, just sat there, staring at the table. When the movement came through his body, it was sudden, the kind he got sometimes, propelling him off the bench, down the aisle, and out the door. She cursed under her breath, and then signaled the woman apparently named Angela. "Check please. And can we get our food to go?"

"Sure, honey." She gave the younger woman a weary look, and Alexis reached out, grabbing her arm.

"You knew Chris, didn't you?"

"Yeah…"

"What happened to his wife?"

Angela looked down at the woman, considering her with a level eye. Finally she slipped into the booth across from her, where Chris had been seated seconds ago.

"Chris meet Dora in the army. They got married way too early, but apparently they loved each other. Well, his team went out west to do some mountain training or something, only that the entire western half of the country was on fire with wild fires. So they came back early. And guess what?"

"She was at home with somebody else."

"There were two guys. They basically moved in whenever he left, which was often. They had been making home porn in his place, all kinds of disgusting things. You'd be amazed what goes on aboard some of those bases. Anyways, massive argument. He put one guys through the dry wall. Dora and the other guy leave. They made it six miles down the road."

"What happened?"

"Eighteen wheeler. Driver had been rolling for twenty hours, coming back empty to the cotton fields, fell asleep behind the wheel, woke up when he hit a bump or something. That bump was her Civic."

Alexis sat back. She wondered what that felt like. To find the woman you love in bed with not only one guy, but two. That is super anger, the deepest kind of emotional rage possible. And then that woman dies. Does your love overwhelm your hate? Or does it kill off the entire emotional range?

When she got back to the motel room, he was already asleep. The half empty bottle of Jack told her why, so she made sure that he was breathing, put his food in the small fridge, and cleaned up a bit before slipping into her own bed, and killing the lights.