tagReviews & EssaysTrolling For Sexy Talkers Ch. 02

Trolling For Sexy Talkers Ch. 02

byCaptain Midnight©

Things can change a lot in three months.

As those of you who have read my bio know, I gave up on chat sites (and other adult sites) in early June 2004, following an incident which I don’t want to discuss. What I can discuss is what had happened a couple weeks before the incident, when the home computer literally wheezed its last. It took two weeks and a lot of money to get a new machine and get things copied to it, and then I was unable to transfer all my favorites and all the stored e-mail messages. (I recovered some of them.)

When I finally went back to the sites in July, it seemed everything had changed. Only two women whom I knew from sexxxychat (the main source material for the first article) were left, and only one of the two was appearing regularly (she’s the most popular woman there). (Later, another woman I knew started showing up on a very occasional basis.) What happened to the others? Presumably they got burned out and quit. What are they doing now? Search me. I liked them personally and really wanted to keep in touch with them through regular e-mail (I did have some of their addresses, acquired through barter). No luck.

Why should I write an article like this? Mainly to tell you – mostly males, maybe some women as well – that the recreational-sex industry is notoriously transient. Before you reply “Duh!” or its equivalents, ask yourselves why. Please. And then ask what can we, as fans of recreational sex, can do to make it less difficult and troublesome for the people who let us have our fun.

One big issue is money. As I’ve pointed out, sexxxychat sells “private show time” to customers in 5-minute blocks, measured at five tokens per minute. You pay $1.19 for each token, with a slight discount for bigger blocks of time (200 tokens at $1.04 is the maximum purchase). Since you could walk into some of Our Finer Houses of Ill Repute and purchase blocks of time with a real woman (and, presumably, real sex with that real woman) for roughly the same rate, most of the customers choose not to put down such an outlay.

Sexxxychat will give 25 tokens, or 5 minutes, free for each new customer who signs up and gets a “handle,” instead of the Internet registration number on their computers. Well, of course they would! Numbers crowd every room, hoping to get sex shows for free. Sometimes a lady will give a peek of various parts of her anatomy, especially if a watcher is contracting for a private show during that time, but those occasions are relatively rare and, oddly, unsatisfying. To the old rhetorical question, “Why would you buy the cow when you could get the milk for free?” comes my retort: “Why would you get free milk in the first place – is it spoiled?”

Yes. Sometimes a woman looks better with her clothes on, and sometimes the tease will send horny guys into an agony of frustration. The latter is relatively rare, but believe me, it can happen. A few sips of free milk aren’t nearly enough, and they may also distract from the woman herself. What if you genuinely like her? What if she is happy to see you? Wouldn’t you want her to yourself? In some cases, darn tooting you would. Even if you couldn’t possibly marry her (most guys know that), you’d still like her as a friend and just maybe care for her. The proprietors of the site know that. When you get those 25 tokens, you are biting at the fish hook.

That was a long paragraph when I wrote it (I broke it down later). The second portion of the question involves: “How much of that money goes to the lady herself, and how much goes into someone else’s pocket?” That’s a general question, applicable pretty much everywhere. Except for the lucky few independent contractors with good reputations, a substantial chunk of the money goes to someone else. With the independents, they have to take care of their own advertising, maintenance costs, yada yada yada.

And with all the women, no exceptions, they have to be online and be taken private in some form or fashion before they see one thin dime. The most popular woman online has estimated she has to be in private for two hours out of every eight – 600 tokens, around seven hundred dollars a night – before she pockets enough to make a living. And it’s no surprise that, after a fling with Sheri’s Ranch in a town near Las Vegas (where the girls did sexxxychat on the side while working in their rooms), Sexxxychat outsources to a wide variety of countries far away from the United States.

Because Brazilian cruzeiros, Czech zloty and Russian rubles are hard to come by in those countries, a large majority of sexxxychat women come from those three locations, where they can be paid off in what we Americans would call pocket change. (A few women worked out of a studio in Vegas, but it seems to have closed down; a few others worked from home and bought spaces on the system. All of those women are gone now.)

I’m not trying to pick on sexxxychat to the exclusion of other places. If you want to find places where women don’t make a lot of money and are charged for the privilege of working there in the first place, walk into your neighborhood sexual-dance club or house of ill repute and strike up a conversation with a dancer (it’s almost a guarantee she’ll tell you). If you want to see customers being rude to providers (and vice versa), stay in that same club for a while.

It would be very nice to say that the providers were genuinely nice women who liked men (and, sometimes, women) for who they are rather than what was in their wallets. It would be very nice to say the customers genuinely admired the women for their difficult work (I’ve tried to dance for 30 minutes straight, or longer, on a stage for fun or as part of a role – it’s hard labor to say the least). It would be nice to say that I was the one who finally beat Ken Jennings on "Jeopardy!" and started a run even longer than his. To all three, I can answer, “Yes, it’s possible but extremely unlikely.”

In their own way, the women – and the men who patronize them – are similar. None of them trusts anyone else and will be quick to believe any rumor about anyone, so long as the rumor is bad. If this seems beside the point, I’d just like to note that you can hear similar rumors most anywhere if you listen long enough and to enough people. But, perhaps because this is an election year, everyone seems to be very hypersensitive and quick to take offense.

During preparation for this article, I shoved my foot right down my throat, and alienated one of the three remaining ladies I liked, by making some comment about her. Never mind what it was. It was based on a misunderstanding, I can tell you that much. This happens a lot. Another time, quite recently, a man brought out some things which the woman would prefer not to have made public. What were those things? I don’t know. I was off playing an online game anyway, and I wouldn’t have understood it even if I did.

Most men who patronize sites like that one (and some other chat sites which have escaped this article) are looking to get their rocks off, looking at a sexy woman. Okay. It seems terribly empty to me, but I’m different from other men (and not always in a good way). For many years, I’ve been trying to push my sexual attraction to women under the rug. The answer to the obvious question is no, it’s just that I respect women a lot and want them to respect me.

These days, it is extremely hard to find someone you know, like, and above all trust. The “you” is across the board. Most women I know have husbands or boyfriends, so there will always be that undercurrent of suspicion on the woman’s side (Why is he being so nice to me? Is he trying to get into my pants? Doesn’t he know I’m happy with my guy?) After watching some of those reality shows on TV, with various members of one gender trying someone of the other gender like he/she is the flavor of the month, it’s easy to understand why people are suspicious.

If you have read some of patricia51’s stories, you will find at least two which deal with, respectively, a tomcat male human and a woman who likes to kick up her heels and rub hubby’s nose in it. The man got the living CRAP beat out of him by a policewoman whom he tried to hit on. The woman’s husband threw her out of the house, and two police officers (the married couple in “To Serve and Protect,” although this is not explicitly stated) were wholly unsympathetic. Several other stories deal with cheating spouses (usually her) who wind up in a whole lot of trouble. Thus Patricia’s unstated but evident reaction to flavor-of-the-month relationships, and I must say I agree with her. Although none of the three primary characters in “To Serve and Protect” are virgins, each one has very carefully considered his or her potential mates and has put a lot of emotional commitment into the relationships.

Have you ever wondered why the book “Forever” is still a best seller, nearly 30 years after first publication (and, in recent editions, a sheepish note from the author about the danger of STD’s?). It’s because it deals with a close relationship. The sex is mighty steamy, but the characters grow to care for and enjoy each other – for a while. Then she finds another guy and he can’t handle it, and she dumps him like a hot potato. To me, it’s an extreme cautionary tale, and a case for why the cut-off age of 18 for having sex in books and magazines is arbitrary at best.

This sort of thing, where the sexual and emotional commitment leads to disaster, happens to people in their early teens as well, but also to people in their twenties, thirties and forties. Quite often, these young people who aren’t finished growing up become moms and dads (you see them at low-end jobs a lot, and some of them are on the sites). Moms can be incredibly sexy, but in the back of my mind I wonder what life is like for them after they get off work and go home. How do they handle being sex objects and being adults at the same time?

This brings up another point. As noted, many women on online chat sites (and almost all the women on other sites) are married or have live-in boyfriends. Many of the women have sex with other women. Some of them may be bisexual by nature, but some of them do it because it’s “safe.” They can go to bed with other women and their guys don’t feel threatened (maybe he himself will sleep with the other woman?). But rarely do you find a woman on a site having sex with a man who’s not her guy. Whether or not it’s because of hubby’s jealousy or because she truly loves him and doesn’t want another guy, that’s for her to say. But guys should think about that when they are making propositions to the sexy talkers. Although guys say they tom cat around with lots of women, I think it’s still rare for women to puss cat around with a bunch of men unless hubby specifically wants one to. Double standard? You make the call again.

IMHO, most women like men. They want to befriend men. They want to chat about their interests, show pictures of their kids, exchange jokes and little notes. But I truly believe most women are monogamous, although they may try a few guys out when they are single. In that case, they are looking for the “right” sort of guy, one who will be a friend first, a lover second, and other things depending on their needs.

So, please, take this into consideration when you men (and some women) deal with women. They are wonderful people and I love them. But I have to treat them right. So should you.

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byCaptain Midnight© 1 comments/ 10816 views/ 0 favorites

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