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Then she felt Dave press himself against her and she stopped everything she was doing as she felt him pushing against her and she let Ivan slip from her mouth and screwed her eyes tight shut as she gasped as she felt Dave push into her ass. Dave pushed more, she felt hands grabbing her hips and Dave pushing even more, her eyes shut her mouth wide open she had forgotten about the dare and as she opened her eyes blinking, breathing hard, "Fuck!" she gasped as she felt both Dave and John deep inside of her.
"You got to make him cum remember," Dave reminded her.
Once again Jayne started to suck and stroke more vigorously only for her to stop once more as Dave moved causing Jayne to stop still, arch up and moan with her mouth full of Ivan and when she started to bob her head up and down once again Dave pushed in a little more causing her to once again stop and utter out a groan and a cry while this time her hand continued to stroke. John sat still under her, Dave's movements causing Jayne to grind against him and as she moaned and cried out she carried on sucking and licking at Ivan, occasional moans filled the room, some were just muffled and her hand stroked hard and fast. She could feeling Ivan reacting and hear his own moans mixed with hers as she felt both Dave and John deep inside of her.
Reaching back Jayne put a hand on Dave to stop him moving, trembling a little she sucked harder and harder and started to feel Ivan thrusting back and forward in time with the own movements of her hand and mouth pushing her back onto Dave and making her grind against John in the process. Feeling them both inside of her Jayne occasionally squeezed her muscles and clenched her cheeks as her hand started to work faster and faster, each time she felt Dave or John twitch inside of her she would let out a higher muffled cry. Harder and harder she sucked and Jayne almost felt some relief as all of a sudden she felt a hand on the back of her head and realizing it was Ivan's she sucked and stroked faster and faster and felt him trembling and heard his moans getting louder and louder and then Jayne felt him pushing forward and then she heard a 'Yesss!' from above her and got her first taste of Ivan's cum.
As Ivan pulled back Jayne sat forward over John, at the table Mariel and Verity cheered and clapped and Jayne groaned, wiping her mouth with her hand, as she felt Dave pull back and slip out of her and after Jayne had groaned at the sudden emptiness in her ass she had pushed herself up and then John too had slipped out of her and she rolled over to the side of him and laid on the couch, curling up and still breathing hard as she felt suddenly so empty to what she had felt merely one minute earlier. Dave leaned over and kissed her shoulder and as the others went back to retrieve their clothes Jayne finally sat up and then stood up heading to the bathroom stopping at the recliner to pick up her clothes that were there she threw them on the bed as she walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. Her face was flushed, all traces of her lip gloss seem to have gone and her hair was a mess and as she turned on the shower she heard shouts and cheers coming from the other room as she stepped into the shower and felt the hot water hitting her body and she closed her eyes recalling what had just happened to her in front of everyone.
- COMMENTS
MikeLowreyover 5 years agoFirst off, welcome to Lit! It takes a lot of time and courage really to write and submit stories. I am a long time reader and hopefully going to be a first time author here soon. Read your story and would like to offer some constructive opinionated criticism.
I love the idea of this story. There are so many ways this can go and ways to tie in fantasy and real life into it. This is legit something that 80% or more of people reading here could/would do with their friends. Hell, any time we get together to play the card game Kings we border line get to this point.
Some ideas. Slow down! I feel like I was reading an outline here. The lack of punctuation throughout and excessive use of “and” & “and as” I got the feeling like you were just burning through a list of ideas before your time ran out.
Also, develop some of the characters a little more. We went from dinner to drinks with friends to essentially DP & oral and we only know names. Hardly know what they look like, what hey are wearing or what they like.
Again, I want to stress that I’m not here to shoot you down like you see some anons do just cause they can. I think there is a good story line here, just needs some massaging ;) Look forward to checking out chapter two.
