Truth Or Dare Clusterfuck

"Thanks for coming along for this party as my date, seriously. You're a lifesaver," I told Emily, as I was torn over being my ex-girlfriend Anastassia's guest at the place that she shared with her new boyfriend Tony.

"Hey, it was nothing! I like you. I know that you don't go on dates, so this is very flattering for you to invite me to come along for whatever. Who knows, if it goes well, maybe you and I could have a future. Maybe," the sandy-haired cutie who was my favorite cashier at the local supermarket blushed as she winked at me, her dimples showing and the smile definitely reaching her eyes.

"Well, you don't know me that well, so I'm very flattered that you would trust me this much," I smiled back at Emily as she put her hand in mine at the front door.

I thought that I was prepared to see Anastassia again two years after our breakup, but I was terribly wrong. She was every bit as breathtaking in her classic Tejana looks as ever, with the only real change being some baby weight from her little one. Yes, she put the "mama" in mamacita for sure there. It was actually quite charming in my view, but then again, I always thought that her light peach fuzz above her lip was adorable instead of a revolting mustache or anything like that. Anastassia was always very self-conscious about her looks, which was what led to the cheating incident where she got pregnant and left me for Tony. She was always so hungry for compliments and so insecure about her beauty that she was putty in the hands of a man who gave her praise and booze in a one-two punch as he did.

"Hey, stranger!" I told her, "you're now officially a hot mama, I heard. Congratulations!"

"Hey, papi!" Anastassia blurted, which I thought was strange, given my impression that Latinas saved that pet name for lovers.

That Tony didn't act jealous or correct his girlfriend also surprised me, but I let it go as I now welcomed Anastassia's warm hug and the one that she gave Emily as well. It was telling that Tony appraised Emily with more interest than his own girlfriend. I couldn't judge him, because I admired both women and made no attempt to hide the fact, but it was his disinterest in the mother of his child that jarred me a bit. The way that my ex clung to me more than I expected made me wonder if she was perhaps a bit lonely or simply missed her daughter, who was apparently with her grandmother for the night.

Tony had been a very jealous lover back then, insisting that Anastassia leave me for him. Now he acted so nonchalantly that I wondered if he was just free from his jealousy or lost interest in his girlfriend after all. It was a very stark contrast that was difficult to ignore. Some people certainly could learn to let their jealousy go, that was true and very healthy for a relationship, but Tony always seemed like the sort of man who would never do that. I naturally wondered about the radical change in his behavior, given that he struck me as an insanely jealous and fiercely possessive type of guy.

"Anastassia, this is Emily, my date for tonight," I introduced them now, putting such worries out of my mind ... it was between those two, none of my business, "Emily, this is Anastassia, my ex-girlfriend."

"And this is my boyfriend, Tony, the father of my little Marisol," Anastassia told us with pride that didn't seem all that mutual from the expression on Tony's face, "who is with her grandma tonight while we host this little dinner party. Thanks for accepting. We have four other guests who are hopefully coming, but they are bowling buddies of Tony's and their wives. We ladies wanted to try something different this time. We'll see how it goes, spending time together as friends away from the lanes for one evening."

"Well, thank you for thinking of me, babe," I replied automatically before realizing how inappropriate that might sound to Tony and Emily.

Strangely, Emily perked up when she heard me use such an endearment for my ex, her hands wandering a bit closer to my tush. Was it jealousy or something else? Tony completely ignored my token of affection for his girlfriend, continuing the pattern of extreme and bizarre indifference, showing neither pride in his lover nor jealousy nor even compersion. Emily seemed to notice that, too, her body language shifting further in a show of surprising empathy for the crestfallen Anastassia, who also caught onto the difference between how I treated her and her beau did.

Emily's hand instinctively reached for my ex's shoulder as if to reassure her that everything would be good, a gesture that finally brought some attention from Tony, in the form of an instant boner in his bulge. I don't mind telling you that this was awkward as hell right then, just before Tony closed the front door at last behind us. I sensed that Tony thought that Emily found his lady attractive and maybe she did, but it struck me as a ridiculous misreading of non-verbal cues and this came from me, the worst reader of ladies' body language who ever lived!

Well, the night was still young, but Anastassia seemed eager to get things set up for the supper and Emily invited herself into the kitchen for some reason that was beyond me. This left me alone in a very tense silence with Tony, the tension being so proverbially thick that one really could cut it with a knife. There were so many elephants in the room and so many potential issues that could lead to blows, yet how to avoid them, I wondered. I also noticed that he was disappointed that his other guests were late, preferring them to me for reasons that I only thought that I understood.

"So, um ... this bowling thing, that's how you met these other couples, you know, hanging out constantly? That's all that you folks have done together in the past?" I inquired, trying to get a better sense of the man aside from what I knew of him during our train wreck of a love triangle.

"Um, yeah, pretty much. Look, Frank, for the record, I know that things didn't go so well ... when I was screwing Ana behind your back like that. I was a bit confused as to how you took it as well as you did. Did you just not love her anymore or what was really going on there? She was a bit hurt, I think, at how well you moved on from her, as strange as that might seem to hear, let alone from the man who stole her away from you. I think that she's ... somewhat happy at least. She could be happier to be sure. I, on the other hand... , " Tony let that statement hang in the air, no doubt grateful when the cavalry in the form of the other two couples arrived at last.

Wendy Coleman and Mary Tolliver were sisters, but each married a radically different man at least. Stewart Coleman was a short, balding, goateed man with a lot of hair on his arms and a very dry wit that reflected what was obviously a very high IQ. How he ended up in such jockish company I had no idea, other than the way that Wendy adored him and he felt the same way about her. He was the classic nerd who somehow ended up with the cheerleader from high school, and they both seemed deliriously happy with each other. It was clear to me that they were the sort of couple that Anastassia would especially envy and admire right now at this point of her troubled romance.

Andrew Tolliver was about how I pictured him ahead of time, hardly a surprise like Stewart. He was big, brash, tanned, cocky, and ... stupid. I have never been one to simplify someone to that extent, but Andrew was just dumb as a brick. He was absolutely clueless about humor, wit, current events, or anything else requiring a brain. He scarcely hid from me his contempt for men like Stewart, not to mention taking an instant dislike to me. If their wives weren't sisters, Andrew would never have been caught dead with the guy. The feeling was apparently mutual for them, particularly given his poor taste in jokes. These were two men trapped in a quasi-friendship due to marrying sisters, but they had practically little save bowling, wives, and Tony in common.

I caught Mary stealing glances at Stewart and me once or twice, even at Tony, her face flushed with embarrassment as she heard her hubby's stupid comments or jests for about the two millionth time. Clearly, none of these were new jokes, and Wendy in particular groaned under her breath at what had to be rough for her sister. Mary seemed to make a point in asking me about myself, only to have Andrew or Tony both try to steer the conversation elsewhere. The way that Tony behaved, it was clear that he got along with Andrew the dumbass more than Stewart the brain. Poor Stewart was simply caught up in a social circle that his wife had never quite left.

This was about the time that Anastassia and Emily finally returned to the living room and announced that, "Dinner's served, y'all."

Yeah, that part was Emily. Apparently, she had a sense of humor about growing up in the Arkansas backwoods, which was a good thing, of course. Anastassia giggled like a schoolgirl at that part, while Emily blushed a little bit again, once more showing off her lovely dimples. She also braved a kiss to my lips as if to make it clear to everyone that she was my date. Was that from jealousy, I wondered yet again, still not sure of the answer to that question.

The ladies had gone all out, impressing me at least. It was also quite clear that Anastassia had a new girlfriend to boot. Emily and she had hit it off almost instantly, especially with my date making a point of being so helpful to a tired, if still young, working mom. It was also evident that Emily knew her way around a kitchen, much as Anastassia did, so they had that much in common at least. The meal was mostly classic Tex-Mex, but with some special touches that proved some extra care for authenticity and flavor. The girls used shredded beef instead of ground, and had employed no small portion of cilantro for the right seasoning.

"So, it's just the grown-ups here. Does that mean any adult games?" Stewart teased everyone, daring to flirt with Anastassia even as he did with Emily.

Wendy rolled her eyes for a second and then burst out into laughter, "Oh, Stew, you're charming as ever. My man!"

The tone in Mrs. Coleman's voice was obviously somewhat amused and proud that she, at least, had married someone with a sharp wit and a bawdy sense of humor that didn't slip into gross or repulsive toilet jokes. That was a delicate line to cross and, unfortunately, Andrew didn't know any better even if Stewart did. I wasn't the most squeamish man in the world, never have been, but I would never repeat some of the stuff that he said, which nearly put a few of us off our appetites. Even Emily made a disgusted face, and that was saying something, because she grew up a tomboy in a trailer with four brothers.

That was a point where I nearly stormed off to puke, but Tony held his hand up and had enough of his own friend's crassness.

"Andrew, we're trying to eat here, okay? Seriously, man, what's wrong with you?" my ex's beau finally put his foot down, making each of us squirm a bit.

"Great use of cilantro, by the way, ladies. You both did very well tonight," I praised them both, knowing that it was a team effort.

Anastassia and Emily both showed their dimples as Emily blushed and Anastassia looked down a bit, evidently somewhat unused to such specific compliments. My opinion seemed to be a popular one, too, drawing even Tony into actually complimenting the duo, which definitely helped their self-esteem a bit. It was also quite accurate, as the use of the cilantro in the fajitas really was among the best that I had tasted in my life, to say nothing of the rice, frijoles, and pico de gallo. Tony was one lucky bastard when it came to having at least one good cook in the house, if not other ways (and I was fairly sure that Anastassia could really let her hair down when she was inspired to do so).

"So, Frank, what do you do for a living?" Mary hastened to lighten the mood with all of the tension in the air and her husband suddenly sulking like a spoiled brat.

"I chair the Haddad Foundation. We're a non-profit organization that deals with a wide variety of projects," I kept rather vague, not wishing to go into details about my work, which admittedly did a lot of good, but also ran afoul of many companies and governments.

"How many members of this group? How large of a budget?" Stewart's ears perked up, even as Andrew now coughed and did a cock-sucking gesture to imply that one or more of us were suck-ups.

"Oh, that's really very mature of you, Andy," Anastassia cut him down to size right then, making him turn beet-red.

"I'm ANDREW, not Andy!" Andrew snapped, "I don't recall anyone asking you, little beaner pig. Maybe you should get your fucking baby weight down and stop shoving burritos in your mouth, so Tony will want to touch you again."

"That was uncalled for, Andrew, and if you ever speak that way to my girlfriend again, I will... , " Tony grew a bit crimson himself, especially as the comments hit a little too close to home for him.

"I don't think that I can sit here while Ana gets insulted like this. Apologies, folks. I need a timeout. If I sit here any longer, I'll have to kick his ass, and I'm normally a very calm and collected guy. If these are your friends, Tony, well, I don't think that we can bury the hatchet after all," I grit my teeth very angrily, my blood up and a strong desire welling up in me to deck the sonofabitch.

"Please, don't judge me for this! Andrew, I've told you that running your trap like this will cost ya in time, and now it has! I never fucking kick you out of bed or lock you out of the bedroom, but expect to find your stuff on the front lawn tonight unless you apologize to Anastassia and Tony right now!" Mary turned furiously on her husband, making it clear that her past acquiescence was long gone.

"Mary, please... , " Andrew turned very pathetic suddenly, much to my shock and everyone's.

"Don't 'Mary, please' me, Andrew! APOLOGIES, NOW, OR TAKE YOUR FUCKING RING BACK! I was gonna make later tonight the special night to try for a baby again, but if this is what you think and feel about our lovely, gracious hostess, I'd rather use Norplant or throw myself off a cliff than let a rude, racist, sexist prick like you breed me! If that's how you feel, I want a divorce!" Mary rounded on him with even more venom.

"Well, I wasn't gonna kick you out, just him, but thanks for taking that stand, Mary. It's really good to know who your friends are," Anastassia cleared her throat, tears pouring down her face as I subconsciously reached over to wipe them away.

"Wait, you're all siding with her on this? Really, after she insulted me to begin with, even my own wife? I'm sorry that I went too far with the racist talk, but she ... did so, too! Are you really gonna take her side, why, because I called her fat and ugly. She's gone all fat with that baby weight and won't lose it!" Andrew didn't know when to quit.

I got up about two seconds before Simon and Tony, but the former had the edge of proximity, and really laid into him. Simon Coleman might be a short, pudgy, balding man, but he could land a right hook for sure. Well, there ended that pretense of a friendship, I thought, not being fooled. I was very pleased, to say the least, when Emily kicked the guy, too, leaning over to fart directly in his face, and Wendy spat on him.

"Get your sorry ass out of here! I might not be the host or hostess, but I think that I speak for everyone here on that point. Go, just go! You're not welcome at any place where I am and if I see you again, I will personally cross the street to sucker punch you in the gut," I warned the man, completely enraged by how the man had treated such a sweet lady as Anastassia.

"Go, just ... go! Andrew, I changed my mind. I don't feel like sleeping in a bed tonight that has any part of you in it! Go home, get your things, or lock me out, or whatever, but just know that I'm so gonna divorce you so fast that it's not funny! I don't want to grow old with you anymore or have babies with you or anything! I'm not in love with you anymore, and I don't think that I have been for a while now, it's just taken tonight to make me face facts. I feel nothing but disgust and scorn for you! From now on, we talk through or with lawyers, not alone! Never alone again!" Mary chased Andrew away as he tried to stay long enough to kiss her.

"Leave ... now! You're not wanted in this house, so never come back! If I see you back here again, I'm calling the cops on you for trespassing!" Tony shouted at the man, even as he got behind the wheel of his fancy sports car.

"Oh, he did not, did he?" I groaned, "we can't let him drive as buzzed as he is. Other people don't deserve to die on the road."

"I can take care of that," Mary said as she did one last favor for her spouse, ordering an Uber for her estranged spouse, since she wasn't quite ready to drive, either.

"I hope that he doesn't get false hope and that you don't cave. It would be a damn shame to see my sister end up staying with a loser like Andrew now that you see him for what he is. It's bad enough that you're high school sweethearts. I haven't had the heart to tell you that he confessed to getting a vasectomy done after Samantha's birth, because he doesn't want any more kids and he wants to know if you're cheating on him. I slapped him for that and I never slap men, because that was a disgusting thing to say and do, especially bragging to me. He also hit on me, telling me that he'd leave you for me in a heartbeat.

"I told him, and I quote verbatim here, 'Go to hell, you stupid jock has-been,' which really struck a nerve with him, especially after he had just insulted Simon and asserted that there was no way that he could satisfy me. Well, I'll have you know, and I told him this, but Simon's dick is perfectly fine for both my twat and my butt, and when he comes in one, I usually work hard to get him ready for the other. I'm quite happy in the bedroom, thank you very much," Wendy's bright red eyebrows sparked with her wanton wickedness.

"He did what? That bastard! Oh, I am so fucking over and when I get a chance to fuck around on before the divorce, I'll grab with both hands! He wants to call me an adulteress, he'll see a fucking adulteress! All these times, no more kids, just the one, all those hot, sweaty nights of fucking him and putting up with his selfish, piggy ways, just to try to have another baby, all because he didn't want any more fatherhood and responsibility! He wanted to leave when she turned eighteen, didn't he? Oh, he's gone now! Forget waiting for that! I don't want her raised by a selfish, racist, sexist pig!" Mary told us after hearing this.

"You weren't named after the burger chain, were you?" I broke the ice, making everyone laugh a bit more and lightening the dark, angry mood of Anastassia and the rest.

"Yes, and if you want that kind of burger, you'll have to come through Simon, do as he says," Wendy teased us more than a little.

"Cute. And on that note, with the appetite tabled for now and the beer flowing freely through our veins, how about we retire to the living room for some evening entertainment?" Tony urged us, getting applause for that no doubt.

"Yes, that sounds good. And for sticking up for me, maybe we should let them all stay over tonight, sleep off the booze until morning? Marisol is spending the whole night with her grandmother, after all," Anastassia proposed.

"I agree, dear. We don't want any DUIs. Besides, a grown-up sleepover ... sounds nice, right? If you have to work in the morning, you can shower and use some Febreze for your clothes so that they smell fresh on a second day," Tony decided that his girlfriend had a good plan there.

Perhaps it was just the vicious attack on the mother of his child, but Tony seemed to soften a little toward Anastassia afterward, acting warmer with his affections, including the use of endearments. She definitely picked up on that, just as she did on my own protective response, which was clearly sincere. The result was that Tony found himself with a rather mushy girlfriend, kissing and holding hands with him as they sat together. She also rushed to do little things for him ... and for me, though also for the others.