Turning of the Stars Ch. 05

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Panthem
Panthem
857 Followers

Grant slowly set the fish food down and turned, folding his arms across his chest and leaning his hip against the table. "Yes," he replied, unapologetically.

Anna swallowed and nodded, clenching her jaw. She stared down at the carpet and hated herself for wondering how often Grant had looked at Celia as if she were the only woman in the room.

"Babe-"

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be dramatic. I know you're busy, we can talk about this later." She turned away and started toward the door.

"No, let's talk about it now. What do you want to know?" he asked, sounding irritated. He waited a moment for her to respond, but when she didn't turn he shrugged and continued. "She'd been trying to get in my pants since I was about sixteen, but the idea of screwing my buddy's mom skeeved me out. A few years out of high school when I wasn't hanging around with Brad anymore I ran into her at a couple of parties and we hooked up a few times. Once she had the excuse of being my business partner she'd come in town every so often to check the place out and we'd fuck. It was never anything more than sex."

Anna turned back to him, shocked. "You slept with her when she was still married?"

"Believe me, I'm not the one that violated the sanctity of that marriage. They were doing a great job of that long before I came along. Don't look at me like that. Listen, I'm sorry she was sprung on you, but I never made a secret of my past. I was honest with you about it from the beginning. I don't understand why you're suddenly acting like I've done something wrong."

"Why did you tell her I was your girlfriend?"

That threw him off. He opened his mouth and then closed it again. "Aren't you?" he asked, hesitantly.

"I don't know," she said quietly, unable to meet his eye. "We hadn't talked about it and I wasn't sure if you just said it for her benefit or..." She trailed off, unsure what her own point was.

Grant pushed himself off the table and walked to her, reaching out to touch her cheek. "I said it because I wanted it to be clear to her who you are to me. And that's...that's who you are to me. But if it makes you uncomfortable I won't say it again."

"It doesn't make me uncomfortable." Anna leaned her cheek into his hand and he moved in a little closer. She looked up into his eyes and the sincere look she saw there both reassured her and reminded her of Celia's words.

"Good, because I really liked saying it. I am sorry you got railroaded into talking to her. I know she can be kind of a bitch. I should have made her come with me or something."

"No, it's not your fault."

"Will you tell me what she said that upset you?"

"It doesn't matter." Anna shook her head, trying to convince herself. She still felt like she was on the verge of tears and it made her mad; she didn't like feeling so emotionally fragile and she especially did not like crying.

Grant bent his head to kiss her briefly. "No, it doesn't matter. She doesn't matter, she never did." He kissed her again and as she melted into him once more she started to believe that it really didn't matter. Then Grant pulled away and whispered something. It took a moment for his words to sink in, but when they did her whole body stiffened.

"What did you just say?"

He looked her in the eyes and said it again. "I love you."

Anna pushed him away and took several steps backward. "Don't do that. Don't use that." She couldn't seem to formulate a complete thought.

"I'm not-"

"You are, and it's not fair. You're just telling me what you think I want to hear. But I don't want to hear that," she said, wiping away the angry tears that finally spilled over onto her cheeks. "I can't believe you can even say it with a straight face." She turned back to the door and yanked it open, but Grant's hand shot over her shoulder and pushed it closed again.

"Anna, stop."

"Let me go," she said angrily, her hand still on the knob.

"No!" His hand was immovable on the door. "Listen to me, please. I'm not bullshitting you or manipulating you or whatever it is you're thinking, I just-" He paused for a moment, groping for the right words to make her understand. "I wanted you to know."

"Just let me go, please," she whispered.

Grant dropped his hand and took a step back. He felt like his heart was in a vice clamp as he watched her walk down the hall without looking back and when she disappeared into the bathroom his frustration broke.

"Goddammit!" He punched the door and it bounced back against the wall before slamming closed.

Anna cringed when she heard him yell and slam the door. She pressed her fingers tightly against her eyes to stop the tears, knowing it wouldn't be long before some drunk woman stumbled in to pee or puke or fix her makeup. She splashed her face with cold water, took a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror. What the hell was wrong with her? This was just not like her to get so emotional.

On one hand she thought she had probably over-reacted and was mostly to blame for the argument, on the other hand she was seriously appalled that he'd tried to say he loved her just to make up to her. Those were not words she threw around lightly and she felt like he'd stolen something from her by using them so cheaply. The tears threatened again just thinking about it, but instead of crying she kicked the metal bathroom stall. It made a satisfyingly loud noise that for some reason made her feel better.

The worst part was that he'd actually looked like he meant it.

Did he mean it? Or, like Celia said, was he just that good at telling people what they wanted to hear and making them believe it? Why did this all have to be so confusing? None of her other relationships had made her feel so unbalanced, why did this one have to be so hard? Well, the truth was it didn't. It didn't have to be this hard because she didn't have to stay here and deal with it; she could walk away at any time. After checking to see how much extra cash she had on her she dug her phone out of her purse and called a cab.

Anna took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. Her heart gave a thump when she saw Grant a few feet away leaning against the doorjamb of his office, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He was staring at the ground, but looked up at the sound of the door and their eyes locked.

"I don't want to do this now." She was glad to hear that her voice only wavered a tiny bit.

"I'm not waiting to pounce or anything, I just didn't want you to leave without telling me. If you can wait I'll be done in an hour and we can go somewhere and talk."

"I'm just going to go home. You're working and I...should just go."

"Can I come by later?"

Part of her, a really big part if she was being honest with herself, wanted to say yes, but she forced herself to hold back. "Not tonight."

"Anna-" The word itself was a plea and he cut off the rest of the words that were trying to pour out; apologies and assurances and all the other things he knew she didn't want to hear right now. He pulled one hand out of his pocket to reach for her, but changed course when he realized what he was doing and ran the hand through his own hair instead.

The confusion and pain was clear in his eyes and her heart clenched in sympathy. She had a fleeting moment of amazement that she could hold such conflicting emotions inside all at once. Before she could think too much about it she walked to him and put a hand on his cheek, leaning in to press her lips to his briefly.

"I'll call you," she whispered then walked away toward the front of the club.

...

Grant let his head fall heavily back against the door frame as he watched her walk away, only slightly mollified by her parting kiss. "Fuck," he muttered to himself, unlocking his phone and hitting a button. He put the phone up to his ear and walked back into his office just as Brody's gravelly voice came on the line.

"Sup?"

"Anna's on her way out, will you make sure she gets a cab?"

"Yep."

"Can you cover it? I'll get you back before you leave tonight."

"Not a problem."

"Thanks."

"She alright?"

He hesitated a split second before answering. "She's pissed at me."

"Not a surprise."

"Fuck you," he said, a hint of a smile touching his lips.

"No thanks. And don't worry; I'll take care of your girl."

"Watch yourself, I don't want to have to come kick your ass."

"Yeah, I know you're scared of me."

"No, I'm scared of Marie."

"True that, I am too."

The Bluetooth picked up Anna's voice faintly telling Brody goodbye. The tightness returned to Grant's chest and he pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers, wondering how the hell he was supposed to fix this. Brody recited Anna's address, presumably to the cab driver, and Anna spoke again, louder this time.

"No Brody, I've got it."

"It's taken care of."

"I don't need it taken care of, I can take care of it myself," she snapped angrily.

"Take it up with my boss," Brody said, sounding amused. "But don't be too hard on him. He's not so much an asshole as he is an idiot."

"Shut the fuck up, man," Grant muttered.

A few seconds later Brody spoke into the receiver again. "That's no way to talk to a man trying to put in a good word for you. Trust me G, I know how to deal with an angry woman. Admit fault, beg for forgiveness. That's all there is to it."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Later."

Grant hung up and sighed. Admit fault? Was he at fault? Probably. He never should have left Anna with Celia. It was like throwing a lamb in with a wolf and crossing your fingers that it wouldn't get eaten. God only knew what she'd said, but he had a pretty good idea of the gist of it. Celia hadn't been too happy with him when he'd cut off their relationship, both the sexual one and the business one. Yet another reason he should have known better than to leave them alone together.

And he knew he'd gotten overly defensive about having slept with her, but the way Anna had looked at him made him feel like a piece of shit. Hell, he was a piece of shit, that whole thing with Celia had been fucked up. He knew it at the time and he knew it now, he really couldn't blame Anna for thinking so as well.

The thing that killed him though, was that he'd finally told her how he felt and she didn't believe him. That wasn't his fault...was it?

Okay, so maybe the aftermath of an argument about him screwing some other woman wasn't the most romantic scenario for a confession of love. He'd just wanted to reassure her that she was important to him, that none of the other women in his past, Celia included, meant anything to him compared to the way he felt about her. But he could see how she might have gotten the impression that he was bullshitting her. The only question now was how to convince her otherwise.

...

The next several days passed in a slow-moving blur. Anna got up, went to work, came home, and spent the majority of her time moping. She didn't even have school to distract her since the semester ended, so she had all the time in the world to go over and over her conversation with Celia and her argument with Grant; alternately congratulating herself and chastising herself.

Sometimes she felt like she'd changed so much in the last couple of months that she didn't know who she was anymore. She'd been doing so many things that were out of character for her; drinking more, hanging out at a club, taking time off school, and she didn't even want to think about the direction she appeared to be heading with her new tastes in sex.

Of course it was way too late to not think about that, the silk scarves, stolen moments on public sidewalks, filthy words whispered in her ear would pop into her head at the most unexpected moments, igniting the fire inside her. But without the prospect of being with Grant in the near future she didn't want to fan the flames.

She missed him so much it hurt and she would catch herself about to call him or thinking about something funny she wanted to tell him later...and then she'd remember. She wasn't sure what she was waiting for. Maybe waiting until she was sure? It seemed like she should know, one way or the other, what to do; like if she was really supposed to be with him she should be certain and the fact that she had doubts was reason enough to think it wasn't meant to be. At some point she knew she had to resolve the situation. It wasn't fair to keep him hanging like this, but she kept hoping something would happen to make up her mind for her.

He'd left her alone that first day, waiting for her to call like she said she would, but when she didn't he started calling her. She felt terrible not answering the phone, picturing him on the other end of the line hoping that this time she would pick up, but she was afraid that if she spoke to him she'd just run right back to him without really thinking it through. It was hard enough just listening to his messages, which grew increasingly despondent the longer she went without answering them.

The last one was the worst. She made the mistake of listening to it in the break room at work, unable to wait until she got home to hear his voice. But this message wasn't him telling her how much he missed her or begging her to call back like the others had been.

"I love you, Anna," he began, his voice sadly resigned. "I probably should have waited until circumstances were different to tell you so, I realize that now and I'm sorry about my shitty timing. But I'm not sorry that I told you and I sure as hell am not sorry about feeling it. Loving you is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know you don't believe me right now, but if you give me the chance I'll prove it to you over and over again. Just...give me the chance, babe. Please."

She'd broken down into tears right there in the break room, burying her head in her arms on the sticky table and sobbing until Claudia came in and wrapped her arms around her.

"I don't know what to do, Claud." She sniffed and blew her nose on a tissue Claudia handed her. "I don't want to hurt him, but I don't want to let him hurt me either. How do I know for sure I can trust him?"

"You can't, honey," Claudia had said, looking at her with sympathy in her eyes. "You can't ever know for sure with anyone. You just have to listen to your gut and have a little faith that the potential for happiness is worth the potential for pain."

"That's really not helpful at all," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Well that's all the sage wisdom I've got," Claudia snapped. "If you just want me to tell you what to do then I'm gonna tell you to stop being such a coward. Grant is a good man and I have no doubt he is in love with you. Anyone looking at him can see it. Even you could see it if you weren't so scared to death to admit that you're in love with him, too."

Anna just stared in shocked silence as her friend ranted away.

"It's not him you don't trust, it's yourself. You know the truth. Stop thinking so hard and listen to your gut. Then get the hell out of here and go apologize to your man."

Claudia stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Anna shell-shocked and gaping at her back. Then she closed her eyes and tried to block out everything except what her conscience was saying to her. No ego, no shades of the past, no fear or worry; just that little voice inside that was being drowned out by the noise of everything else.

When she opened her eyes they were still filled with tears, but she knew what she had to do.

...

Grant sat in his office with his head in his hands trying to massage away a headache. This week just kept getting shittier and shittier and it was only Friday. The weekend rush was just getting started.

He'd just gotten word that the restaurant was going to be audited. Normally this wouldn't be anything more than a nuisance, but given the inventory discrepancies and other problems he'd been having, it was not a good sign. The timing couldn't possibly be a coincidence.

Liquor purchased for resale in bars and restaurants was taxed differently, since the bulk of the tax would come from selling it by the glass. Apparently someone at the IRS was under the impression that he was pulling some kind of scam, using the restaurant as a front to buy liquor at the lower tax rate and then...he didn't even know what they thought he was doing with it. Reselling it maybe?

At any rate it was quickly becoming clear that the whole situation was on the verge of blowing up in his face and he was now under serious time constraints for figuring out what the hell was going on. Fortunately, thanks to Anna's help organizing the purchasing and scheduling records, he already had an idea of who the thief might be and had Eric keeping an eye out. If he could catch them in the act maybe he could convince them to roll on whoever had set up this whole ridiculous scheme. With a deep sigh he stood up and walked over to his fish tank, staring blankly into the water.

And finding out about the audit wasn't even the worst part of his week, not by a long shot. Anna still wasn't returning his calls and he was at a loss for what else to do. He was trying to give her space to work out whatever was going on in her head, but it was driving him crazy. He missed her so much; his need for her so strong it felt like a physical ache in his stomach. The fear that he was going to lose her was overwhelming and everything in him screamed at him to go find her and make her listen, but he was afraid chasing her would just make her run faster.

A tentative knock on the door shook him from his thoughts. His first instinct was to stay quiet and hope whoever it was went away, but he could hear the noise level ramping up out there and knew it was getting crowded. Despite his personal problems he needed to stay available.

"Come in." He heard the door open, but didn't turn around.

"Hey."

He whirled around at the sound of her voice, half suspecting he was imagining it. When he saw her standing in the open doorway he had to stop himself from rushing to her and wrapping his arms around her.

It had been less than a week since he'd seen her, but it seemed like she'd gotten more beautiful. She was wearing a little sleeveless embroidered dress that clung tightly across her chest and flared out to flirt with her thighs, showing significantly more leg than usual. It was clear she'd just showered because her hair lay in damp waves over her bare shoulders. He was willing to bet she had no clue how incredibly sexy she looked right now and fleetingly wondered whether she had walked all the way from her apartment dressed like that, but wisely did not ask.

"Can I come in?"

"What? Oh, yeah of course," he said, suddenly realizing she was just standing in the doorway while he leered at her like a perv. "Come in, sit down. Do you want a drink or anything?"

"No thanks." She closed the door behind her and leaned against the arm of his couch, but didn't sit down.

He swallowed hard and forced his eyes up to her face, trying not to trace the outline of her breasts against the stretchy fabric of her dress or calculate how many inches of bare skin lay between the bottom of her dress and the junction of her thighs. When he met her eyes he noticed that she was chewing at her bottom lip like she was afraid to start talking. It made him nervous.

"I'm really happy to see you." It was a lame line, he knew, but he was fishing for some kind of hint about why she was here. The corners of her mouth came up in a little smile and he started to relax a bit as she walked toward him, stopping just inches from his body.

He could smell her shampoo, a clean fresh scent that always reminded him of summer rain, and when she looked up at him it took every scrap of self-control he possessed to keep from pulling her in for a kiss. The desire was clear in her eyes and he knew that she was feeling the same need he was, but he also knew they needed to talk and he was afraid that if he kissed her the next step would be pulling her to the floor and fucking her like an animal.

Panthem
Panthem
857 Followers