Turq Ch. 01

I stared at the screen for a long time, wondering if I should call you. Fantasy filled my head as I daydreamed...memories of you flashed into mind, your back touching my knees in the park, the scent of your hair, the feel of you jacket beneath my fingers. I dreamed of taking you clothes off, fantasizing about your breasts and nipples. I stopped. "God, this is getting bad now" I thought. "What is there about this girl that causes me, an adult man to lose such control over my thoughts?" I wondered. Warmth filled my chest and I felt a stirring between my legs...not for the first time of course.

"I don't care what happens," I thought and clicked your name in Yahoo. A few seconds later, a smiley face popped up. I fumbled thru hello and how are you greetings, the chilly weather, and the seafood I bought downtown, everything unimportant that kept us online for a while. Finally, I ventured something personal.

"I still haven't recovered from this morning," I typed.

"Me neither," you replied, with another smiley face.

"I keep thinking about you."

"I hope so."

"Omg Turq...chills down my back now."

"Lol, you're in a bad way, Boss"

"Yea, I am and you did it to me."

A smiley face from you.

"Well, you did!" I typed.

Another smiley face

"You can smile all you want," I replied.

"Sorry, I can't help it."

We were on Yahoo that night for over an hour...talking about nothing in particular but with double meanings in some of our words and lots of smiley faces. You charmed me. You made me silly and at one point, I even asked you what you were wearing

"Short shorts," you answered

"In the fall? It's chilly outside," I asked

"Yea, my usual stuff is in the dryer at the moment," you replied

"Hmm...Never saw you in shorts before," I remarked.

"Hold on ...brb," you said.

About a minute later I was opening a picture of you. You were lying on a lounge chair, wearing white shorts, a red sleeveless top and a look of surprise on your face. I felt my stomach drop. It was just a simple candid camera type shot, slightly off center as if the taker was in a hurry to catch you before you moved. I just stared at it. "Are you still there, Boss?" finally tore me away. "Thank you, Sweetie...love it!" I finally typed.

Sometime in the future I would barely hesitate to tell you my thoughts, but that evening I could not. I would not have dared. I would not have risked offending you at that point. I just would not have let you into my thoughts the way I would later. I could hold you. I could kiss you, as I did in the conference room. I could massage your shoulders and caress your neck as I did on the park bench earlier that day.

But to tell you what I was really thinking...to describe the images in my mind was an intimacy I was not prepared to reveal. Only later would I lose this inhibition as we learned together the unimaginable eroticism of sharing out innermost thoughts. I already knew that sex could start with a glance held a couple seconds too long, double meanings to written or spoken words or gentle teasing that said you were in someone's thought and made you wonder how. I knew these things already (as you probably did too) but we had not touched each other deep inside yet. You'll remember how we came to do that, as I do to this day.

It was late when we noticed the time, almost simultaneously saying "Wow...look at the clock," and we both logged off. I took one final look at your picture, the boyish hair style, the nerdy glasses, and your mouth partly open in surprise. Your breasts made clear outlines on your shirt, and I wondered if those were outlines of your nipples I saw or an illusion of light and shadow. I gazed at your white shorts the curve of your hips and the V shape between your legs, stretched tight and your bare belly. I became aroused one more and put my hand between my legs, feeling for the head beneath my pants.

What miracles does nature work so that a picture can arouse me so much? Finally, I shut the computer off and undressing down to boxers and t-shirt I slid into bed beside my wife, Annie. Almost at once, I felt her stir as she moved closer, pushing her bottom against me in an unmistakable signal of need. Wrapping my arm around her, I pulled her nightgown up to her waist and felt her moist slit beneath her panties. How often had we done this and how easy and natural it had become. Our love-making was varied but that night words were not necessary and we finally collapsed against each other and slid into sleep.

She was Annie to me, dressed in blue jeans, Ann to her friends and Annette in a Ball Gown. She was my love and had been since college ended and I started to work. Her smile would light a room and she was mine. I could no longer imagine a life without her, although I had lived some kind of life before we met. And, no, I did not think of you while we made love. Afterwards, I may have and may have felt guilty, but I was too tired for internal battles that night.

In the future I would try to come to terms with my conflicts but not then Sunday brought an unseasonable sunshine and warm temperature and Annie and I spent the day together, first in a slow breakfast down town and that afternoon playing golf...almost certainly the last time that year. I thought of you from time to time, but I thought of her too. That night we made love again, the shared companionship making it more urgent and I finally slept with visions of her wonderful pussy in my mind.

In these letters I sometimes digress and talk about Annie and you have never complained. We don't often speak of her when we are together, but sometimes you ask about her in our chat sessions. Your acceptance of her made our time together only about us and without the drama I would have expected from someone else. For my part, I expected you to have other lovers and never asked about them. Without jealousy and possessiveness we enjoyed our time spent together and became more than just lovers. We became friends.

By some miracle the warm, sunny weather continued into the following week and took advantage of it to take photographs of the town. East Witch is an old whaling own, long abandoned by the whaling ships. Most resident have never even seen one of these old ships, or a whale either. I started near the docks, looking for scenes worth capturing. The seasonal changes in light and shadow and the variety of sail boats made this my favorite part of town for photography. I had been accumulating photos of the local area since inheriting the realty business from my father.

This morning the smell of the salt water and rotting wood was particularly strong and I sat at a sidewalk cafe drinking coffee and reflecting on my past. Annie and I had a first date attending the annual boat show here and remembered the cool blustery day we walked up and down the piers ogling the big expensive sailboats. Pretty girls and sailboats just seemed to go together and thoughts of her quickly turned to thoughts of you once more. Pulling out my cell phone I called you and asked you to meet me for lunch right down the street. I took at table at The Warf and waited for you.

I caught your eye as soon as you swung the door open and your quick smile gave me butterflies.

"Thank you for coming."

"I'm glad you asked me."

I slid my foot forward to touch yours and felt more butterflies.

"Did you pick this restaurant because the tables are small?" you asked with a smile.

"Noooo, but they are small, I guess, finally getting your point, I moved my foot up to your ankle. "You're quick today, Turq."

"I have to be, working around you", you said with a quick smile.

I slopped some coffee out of my cup as you slid your foot up and down my ankle.

You were quick with a napkin. "Messy you, Boss!"

And so our lunch went. Our feet played together under the table, safe from view by other people. I felt your foot without a shoe and my arousal jumped. Once, I felt your ankles close around mine in a secret embrace. Another time I found your legs together and inserted my foot between your ankles dragging it back and forth slowly and your eyes closed for just a moment as you took a deep breath. There was one moment when my arousal took total control of my helpless body and I could not speak or even hear evidently.

"You ok, Boss?"

"Oh...Yea," as I began to focus.

"It's kinda warm today," you said.

"Whew. I think it's getting hot in here."

I think I saw your face flush a little. I know we smiled together before you looked away.

"I better go back to work. You're paying my salary, you know. I want you to get your money's worth."

"Yahoo tonight?"

"I think so, Boss."

"Will you stop calling me Boss? Call me Fein or Rich."

"I will when we're not in the office."

I watched you leave with your characteristic banging into the door with you hip. You turned briefly and I caught a smile and a wink thru the plate glass window and you were gone. Half a toasted tuna fish sandwich remained on your plate and I ate it. Leaving a more than adequate tip, I left The Warf and went outside to find more subjects for my camera.

The arousal that had built up in the restaurant remained and I was either erect or partially so most of the afternoon. I worked slower than normally, daydreaming occasionally about you, the feel of your feet thru your socks as we played under the table, your quick smile and the way our eyes met and held contact. Finally, I finished taking pictures late that afternoon and returning to the office, I saw an empty spot where your jeep was normally parked. "Where's Turq?" I asked Dottie as I entered.

"She took a couple hours off," she replied.

For the rest of the day, I busied myself with office chores, returned phone calls and inserted a couple of new residential home photographs into the internet listing service. That evening Yahoo had a message from you when I logged the computer on and I opened it immediately.

"I won't be online tonight. I have to meet an old friend. See ya tomorrow."

I felt a quick stab of disappointment.

"No problem..."I typed, "smiling at you anyway," knowing you wouldn't get the message until later.

"See you tomorrow."

For a few minutes, I sat in front of the computer pondering this new feeling. She has her own life, of course, I argued with myself. She is young, attractive and has to have boyfriends, I thought. Finally it was "Give her space to live, for Heaven's sake or lose her" and I felt better balanced again. Annie complained of sore muscles from swinging her golf club the day before and heated French Bread Pizzas in the toaster oven and we ate those with a small salad and Moscato for dinner.

Eventually, we would talk about our relationships with other people and you would realize that I had no jealousy of your other friends but at that time, I could not understand why. Wouldn't it be more natural to be jealous, at least a little bit? Could it be that I didn't really care about you enough? No I didn't think that was it at all. But the question persisted in my mind. I brought your picture up on the screen and gazed at it. "God, I want you." came again and again into my mind. I imagined you walking fully clothed across the room to lie on the bed, a prelude to taking your clothes off one by one. I imagined what could have followed too.

Chapter 2

Several days after our lunch at The Warf, you sent me a picture of a young, brown woman lying on the beach in a bikini. "This is Allie, or Al as I call her," said the email, with nothing else in the way of explanation. Was she just your friend? I wondered, or was she perhaps a lover? The picture was too carefully staged to be a casual snapshot of a friend. The photographer (I assumed you) had carefully centered the woman in the viewfinder. The background was white sand and blue water with no distracting objects usually found in quick snapshots. This was a carefully crafted swimsuit picture of a beautiful girl... taken with admiring hand. It took me a few minutes to realize why you had sent it.

I was not neither disappointed nor put off. In fact, it was so easy for me to admire your friend's body. Why not you? I reasoned. But then I began to wonder more about your sexual preferences. You seemed to be attracted by men also. We were not yet lovers. Would we ever be? Despite all the excitement you caused me, I was still happily married and still faithful in body if not completely in spirit. I felt it was still not too late to just call it off.

We spent most of Thursday in the Office. I remember you in light-blue jeans and a white top and our eyes meeting in a prolonged gaze. Finally, I drew a smiley face on a yellow sticky note and left it on your desk. My reward was its return with "Me too" written at the bottom. I'm sure my heart skipped a beat. Now, the Office has a small storage room in the rear and a door to the parking lot in the back of the building. Shortly before lunch, I went there, passing your desk as I did. We looked at each other as I entered, closing the door. And I waited...but not for long. As I saw the door knob turn, I moved toward the door and grabbed you as you came in.

Our kiss made me dizzy and it did not stop...could not stop. Our hands roamed over each other's body in a hungry embrace. I pressed a leg between yours until there was no spaces between us at all... like trying to pull you inside myself. You felt my arousal, I know, because the press of your hips told me so.

I don't even remember finding a box to sit on, but I must have, because I found myself sitting with your legs wrapped around me. I have little idea how long we were there, but I kissed you over and over again until finally I had to stop just to breathe, your head tight against mine, your lips on my neck. We breathed in unison then, our hearts racing. You felt my throbbing and I felt your breasts pushing against my chest. Not a word passed between us but I heard a quick gasp and felt you shudder. Motionless for a few seconds, I let my own desire slacken and move away from the very edge. Never had I felt so close before without falling off the edge...our bodies separated by layers of clothing but still fitting together. Somehow we managed to return to work or at least some imitation of work.

Dottie finally asked me if I felt all right and her voice had a faraway sound, like I was hearing her from the bottom of a barrel. I didn't actually possess you that day but I could not have come any closer.

I returned home to find Annie raking leaves in the front yard. The fall had been slow coming this year and the trees had lost their leaves at different times. This was maple leaf week and Annie had a pile of yellow-red leaves ready for mulching. The cool air had brought color to her cheeks and I saw her quick smile.

"Hi," she said. "Did you get the milk?"

"I did. Don't I always?"

"No, you don't."

"Well, I did today. You coming in? It's chilly out here."

"I'll be there in a minute." She was re-raking the same ground with quick stabs of the rake. She kept a clean house...not compulsively neat but clean. I left books around the house like giant fingerprints and she had stacked them here and there, up off the floor and somewhat safe from the dog which had a taste for the glue in the bindings. I poured a cup of coffee and began a second look at the morning newspaper.

I didn't even hear the door open or close before she was sliding into a chair opposite me. I lowered the newspaper until I could see her face and she looked up. "What?" she asked.

"Oh nothing," I replied.

I should have known something was bothering her but I let that moment pass as I had let many others slip away. I could have just talked to her, filling the silence with nothing important but showing her I enjoyed her company. It was always in hindsight that I saw these missed moments. We never fought, never argued and I remember only one time in our entire marriage, when I raised my voice to her. That was while we were trying to hang a heavy door on its hinges and couldn't get coordinated. Marriage to her was the easiest, most natural life I could imagine. Not for a second have I ever regretted it. The easiness of it just lulled me into inattention and a natural tendency to be self-absorbed and quiet did the rest. By the time I met you, I was older, but you've noticed similar behavior...I know.

I thought about marrying her the first time I saw her. She was slim, attractive with a girlish ponytail, a quick bright smile that could make my heart skip. She was a people-person and in her enthusiasm she had a habit of leaning towards people while talking. While not classically beautiful, she was very pretty, fresh, cute, and warm and I adored her. We spent some time together almost every evening, often necking in my car parked down the street from her apartment, her place usually not available due to her roommate. My first attempt to possess my sweetheart ended suddenly when I noticed her tears and I pulled her blue jeans back up, kissing away her tears. "I'm afraid you won't respect me," she said.

And so I waited for her to come to me and she did one night when her roommate was out of town. Coming out of the bathroom, wearing only a see-thru nightgown, she made our bed from a fold-out sofa while I sat speechless. Later, with arms and legs intertwined, I rolled over onto my back and she said "Please don't turn away." I don't think I ever did again ...at least in bed anyway...and never wanted to at any time.

Annie was not my first love. That distinction belongs to Danielle or Dannie. She was a small girl with long dark hair, a perfect f1gure and a teasing, flirting demeanor. I had known her for a couple years as a young teenager when she visited her aunt one summer three houses down the road and walked to the Bay to swim. It was no coincidence that I was often mowing our yard when she appeared, our eyes met and she passed by with a giggle to her girlfriend. I watched her graceful walk with its little wiggle until she was out of sight and was caught in the act once when she unexpectedly turned her head and rewarded my gaze with a smile. She told me years later that both she and her girlfriend had crushes on me and would sometimes wait for the sound of the lawn mower to begin their leisurely trip to the water... because I usually mowed in shorts and no shirt. I was too shy and inexperienced to even join them in a swim and I often wondered years later what opportunities I missed with her that early.

But they weren't all missed. One hot Saturday we spent all afternoon fishing in the bay from enormous rocks which the State Park had deliberately dumped to form a 200 foot pier breakwater jutting into the Bay. Balancing fishing poles and tackle boxes we stumbled and slipped our way to the end of the rock pile and sat there for a couple hours fishing. Actually, she fished, I pretended to fish and ogled her every chance I got as we moved so carefully among the rocks. Finally, tired of fishing, with fading daylight and smelling of seaweed and fish and with a few scrapes and bruises from slipping on the rocks, I spread a blanket, lit a camper's candle in a tin can and we slipped arms and legs together for our first kiss.

My passion ignited hers, long smoldering from watching her that afternoon and in just a while, we managed to roll ourselves into virtually every possible position so that we learned the feel of each other's body, despite being fully clothed. But when I unsnapped her shorts, she stopped me with her hand, saying, "No, let's do it this way, instead" and moved my hand over between my own legs.

I watched while she pulled her zipper down and thrust her hand quickly beneath her panties. I followed suite without a thought, now so aroused I could hardly have stopped. I was familiar with my own orgasms, of course, but had no clue whether a girl could do the same thing or would even want to. Never before had I wanted to stop time itself, as if willing it would make it so. Finally, turning to me, I felt her body tense and become still and her breathing told me she had climaxed. I quickly followed her and we collapsed together.