Two Birds with One Stone

Dear readers, all sexual events involve persons above the age of 20. A lot of the dialog is dialectic and its rendition is not necessarily grammatical but does honestly represent the way people talk and think these days.

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TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE

Best friend's girl grabs your cock? Waa-ta-do?

Can't believe it, did I say that. Can't believe, dam I can't believe what's happened. How did I get shoehorned into this? Am I responsible? I don't know? Is this nightmare my doing? I guess it is, I guess I am! I can't believe any of this. Maybe it's just a bad dream? Maybe in the morning it will all be over? But I don't think so.

I can't think, let me slow down, I have to catch my breath. Where is that Vodka bottle? Steady now. Don't drink too much. Ok, that's better. I'm stable. At least I think I am. So, ok, let me start at the beginning. I gotta talk this out. Yeah, the beginning, this all had a kinda' nice beginning, the beginning...

Don't ya know how things are sometimes so nice at the beginning, you'd never expect it to end like this. It's like taking home one of them beautiful groupies, fucking her and then waking up in the morning to find she's not at all as attractive as you thought when you were fucking her last night, in fact she is downright ugly and when she starts talking you realize she's a bitch and a basket case, and she already drunk half a bottle of your best whiskey before you woke up and she's gone through your stuff and she's wearing the sunglasses you mom sent you for christmas, and ya gotta get her out the door and out of your life, and she's yelling,

"Don't you dare push me you dickless fuck"...

But, ok, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Now I got my groove, yeah, let me lay it out for ya. It all started almost two years ago when Kenzo, a Japanese student moved into the apartment across the courtyard from me. I even helped him carry in his stuff up the wide stair case when he moved to our street up here on Franklin in Hollywood. Not that he had that much stuff but there was a steamer trunk that was delivered the next day and it took two of us to carry it up. I think he had all his electronic stuff in there cause it was heavy as hell.

Our's is an old building, only four stories. It's a walk-up, we've got no elevator. I was told It was a hotel back in the 1920s, lush Rocco design, curved white stucco walls at the entrance and an elaborate chandelier in the foyer, even fancy smaller lighting fixtures in each apartments. The original architect knew what he was doing. It's a classy place to bury your Hollywood dreams.

The building was sold and rehabbed ten years back but they kept it true to its origin. There is talk it is going to be a designated historic landmark. It's not cheap but I got in just after the rehab and since it's an old building it comes under rent control so they can't raise the rent more than 3% a year. It's a nice place to hang your hat, that is, if you wear one.

Kenzo liked to say his name was Pete, of course that wasn't really true. He'd adopted the name from Pete Rozelle, his idol. He told me his real name but I never get it right. Something like Kenzo Nakamura, I think he said his dad was a famous Japanese business man. Like a lot of Japanese he was always wearing a baseball cap, usually the Dodgers but sometime a Yankee cap. Sure I'm a baseball fan. Although the World Series seems to arrive all to soon these days.

Anyway, the two of us, we hit it off very quickly. After helping him lug his stuff upstairs we went over to my place, ordered takeout from the Japanese restaurant down the block and drank a few bottles of beer. I taught him a bunch of English swear words that they don't teach in school and he told me how to say, 'bugger' in Japanese which was 'baga,' strangely similar. Maybe the word 'snot' is the origin of all languages? 'Penis' was 'inki,' like Durante used to sing, 'inky dinky doo,' maybe he spoke Japanese? I forget the rest of these drunken party games we played translating stupid and dirty words and drinking beer. God, we laughed so I almost peed in my pants.

As for me, my name is Bobby Dalton, maybe you've heard of me? The guys in the music business call me 'Slim.' I used to play Bass guitar with the 'Tidewaters,' they listed me on the album cover as Guitar Slim, it was a vinyl but we had a CD version we'd sell at concerts. If you've seen the album, all 5 of us are butt naked holding a beer stein over our privates. I've got a bunch of brown wiry facial hair and I'm tall and lanky, does that ring a bell? The band had a brief run, a taste of fame but then the Hip Hop craze swept us off the stage. But I believe Rock and Roll is coming back.

Now days I'm working at the Guitar Store over on Sunset to make ends meet. Nights and in between I manage a band, five young guys from Indianapolis, they call themselves the 'Hobbits,' maybe you've seen them. It's heavy rock but with a melody. We got on Jimmy Kimmel's show once when Martha and the Dreamers were a no-show. We've got a pretty good bass player named Steamroller Woody, who can pop a bass line that would make Rick James pop a smile, provided he could sit up in his coffin. When Woody is too stoned to play, I'll sit in for a session.

Let me be clear, I don't do or procure drugs for the guys. But that hillbilly heroin, oxycontin, does fuck up a lot of bands. I hope that's not what Woody is doing cause if it is I may have to do more sitting in then managing. I've asked him but he denies it, but if a guy is hooked he's gonna lie.

Kenzo was a graduate student at UCLA, said he had business connections through his family. I don't know much about them but he let it slip that they were owners of one of the big electronic firms. He was never short of money. We spent a lot of time that summer before his school term started. I'm ashamed to say he picked up a lot of bar tabs but I tried to be a good friend to him.

Kenzo had no lack of confidence. As for the future, he was confident, "The sky's the limit" was one of his favorite expressions. I guess the whole family were go getters, must be in the blood. His brother came down once to visit and Kenzo brought him over so I could meet him. He was in med school in San Francisco and studying to be a cosmetic surgeon, and Jesus, here in Los Angeles, there is hardly a face that doesn't get a touch up or needs one, provided as Woody Guthrie sang, 'you've gotta have the do-re-mi.' Even a guy as beautiful as Jim Morrison had a nose job. No question about it, the path ahead for these guys was a rosy one. He had a determination I wish I had.

Sure I was determined, determined to keep a month ahead of the bill collectors. Until you make it big in the music business you gotta pay your dues, sometimes that's all you do and then you fade away like an old man's fart in the wind. But you gotta stay optimistic, my new band was great, reviews were good, and we were picking up some paying gigs which is rare in LA where most clubs want you to perform for free. Up until now, the futures looked bright, I guess like it did for 'The Doors' just before Jim choked on his own vomit or whatever it was that laid him low.

That summer Pete and I partied. We got blasted at Korean restaurants at 3 am in the morning in K-Town. In LA the last call is at 2 am, but in Korea town they are on Korean time. The doors are locked and the pour goes on all night. After we finished our meals and drinks, I'd go for my wallet and Kenzo would push me away and flip an Amex card to the waiter who disappeared.

Sure like any guys, we talked about sex. I tried to explain what goes on,

"Here in the Hollywood, just about anything sexual goes. There is no need to rush to get married, there is pussy all over the place and you can dip with or without a condom. Of course it's best to use one but sometimes the old pecker wants to feel something besides vinyl. Sure, once in a while the Chlamydia catches up to you, lots of girls carry it and don't even know it. But you will a few days later when pus starts leaking out of your cock. So you go to the Doc and a week later your cock stops dripping and you're ready to go again."

But I was probably preaching to the choir, Kenzo wasn't the type of guy who was into chasing pussy, you could tell right off the bat. He hardly made eye contact with the pros who hang around the Korean clubs to mooch free food and money out of the married men and no doubt quench a few of their wicked desires in the locked rooms that are always available.

There was only one time Pete got interested in a fem hanger-on at the Korean club. She was a rather diminutive gal. About 5'1'' and dressed in a flaming red skirt with red hair, obviously a wig or maybe the hair was dyed. She had a small boyish ass and just a suggestion of two tits, but real big eyes, red curly hair and a doll face. She looked too cute to be true. When she grabbed him by the arm he introduced himself as Kenzo and they chattered away in some language I didn't understand. He didn't waste a minute. He seemed entranced, that was the first time I ever saw him attracted to woman.

There was an upstairs spiral staircase in the club. I'd noticed Korean guys disappear up the stairs with a girl and I'd noticed they handed what must have been a rolled up bill to the waiter who opened the pass rope. Kenzo disappeared with her before the dinner set up; as the waiter was bringing out raw beef, shrimp, sweet potato pancakes and chunk chicken. The meats were brought to the table in white porcelain bowls and the iron grill was smoking with sesame oil. That was when I realized my buddy was missing as was the girl in the red dress-both gone.

I kept making small talk with the Philippine girl who had taken my arm when we entered the place. Her English was good and her eyes promised a good time. I nudged the waiter when he came close to prepare the dinner and asked, "Where's my friend?" The waiter pointed at the ceiling and in perfect English whispered, "I smell cock."

What the hell did that mean? My 'girlfriend" poked me,

"He say the red dress girl is a tranny, you know, a ladyboy. Very common here."

Oh, so that's what he meant. But no, she looked so fem to me I put it out of my mind. About 20 minutes later they both showed up, Kenzo said they'd gone for a smoke but I never remembered him with a cigarette in his hand. Maybe he meant weed?

Anyway, the food was ready and we ate hearty. We got blasted and somehow I managed to get us home without having an accident. Some politician had crashed on Western Avenue two nights before and died at the scene, I wasn't up for that. The next morning I found the Philippine girl's number written on a napkin that was stuffed into my pocket but I never called her. Romancing these Asians costs big dough and I just couldn't afford it. It was the old right hand on the reins for me or risk an occasional groupie.

When I'd first met Kenzo, he had said he had a girlfriend in Tokyo and she was going to come over in his second year and they were going to get married. Well, that seemed like a good plan, if you are not into whore, trannies, and the blond bitches that are all over most of us guys in the music industry, a little bit of normal might do a body good. In fact, in my case getting hit on frequently, you kinda want to call 'HALT,' how much pussy from dumb bitches can one guy stomach?

Once the University started, if I looked out over the courtyard from my kitchen there he was at his desk. I could see Kenzo studying late into the night. Sometimes I'd go out on my little balcony to have a smoke and from there I could see directly into his place but he never looked up to notice me waving at him.

School was a continual drag on his free time, so we didn't see much of each other for the next 6 months. He'd call once in a while to say hello and I'd do the same. Sometimes we'd pass coming or going from the building and the relationship was alway warm. He'd apologize that he was busy studying. He'd say he was looking forward to the summer when we'd get together. The year was passing quickly, I was busy managing the band most nights when we had bookings or were doing free gigs in places where the publicity was worth the show. A record company was interested in offering us a contract but nothing was finalized yet.

Then it was summer and Kenzo was back on vacation and we were buddies again. He tagged along with me and the band for the next four weeks, helping me pack the gear and unload or load. Of course he wouldn't let me pay him more than an offered coke or a hamburger. For me, an extra pair of eyes was a good thing because thieves follow bands just to steal their equipment, often when unloading into the club.

One night he told me his girlfriend Chloe was arriving and he was going out to the airport to pick up his girlfriend. I offered to drive him, my old Toyota pickup was just tuned up and Wednesday was a free night for the band.

"Hell man, let me drive you. "

"Naw, I'll Uber out there or take a Flybus."

"Kenzo, you're my buddy, getting an Uber or a taxi is a pain in the butt out at the airport.

Say no more, I'm taking you."

"Ok, thanks," he said.

On the way out to LAX airport Pete confided some strange stuff. He said he was going to try a trial marriage and if it worked out they'd get married later in the year. At the same time he admitted to me that he had, as many Asians, a sexual smorgasbord of experiences but mostly with men. He had a long gay relationship with another student but broke it off when he came to the US to please his parents. Had he even had relations with a female? Yes, his Dad had taken him to Geisha house in Tokyo and that is where he lost his cherry.

"Funny," he said, "fucking a boy or fucking a girl is about the same thing."

"Really?"

"You just have to roll the guy over."

We both laughed.

"Yeah that is one way to look at it," I said.

I was surprised when Chloe got off the plane. We met her at the gate and she was not at all what I'd expected. She had a razor punk haircut, short shorts, a tight t-shirt and obviously no bra underneath. Her breasts were not so large but she sure wasn't a boy. She had big eyes, no acanthus fold. I know some Asians have eye surgery to get to those big eyes but I never asked. She was forever putting eye drops in those two saucers, said she suffered from dry eye. She looked like one of those Anime cartoon characters. Her English was very good, maybe better than mine. She has an English/Asian accent she apologized for. And she was into rock and punk music. In any event, she was cute as hell!

She obviously knew all about me, she knew we were friends and she knew that Kenzo had come on 'tour' helping me with the band. Since it was my night off she insisted we visit some clubs that very night. I would have thought she'd be tired from the long flight but she was ready to go. I drove them back to their apartment and an hour and a half later we were all in the front seat of my pickup headed to a round of nightclubs.

We started at 'The Troubadour' on Santa Monica Blvd. Then on to 'Revolver,' my favorite mixed gay club, where in the basement bathrooms there was always the choice of a blow job before or after you pissed. I guess we hit four other clubs until we finished up at the 'Avalon,' a crowded dance club at the top of Vine Street across from that building shaped like a stack of .45 records, you probably know it, the Capital Record building.

We continued our tour of various clubs every Wednesday until Kenzo's second school year started in October and then he was busy studying. Chloe was willing to let him alone to study but she began to come over to visit me when I was home, and at Kenzo's request I took her with the band once in a while and you could see she just loved that.

As I was in my early 30s and she was 20 I looked upon her as a kind of little sister. One night when we were coming home she was sitting very close to me and she surprised me when she reached out and grabbed my cock.

"Hey little sister, we don't do that."

"Why, you don't like me."

"Like you, I'm crazy about you but you are Kenzo's fiancé."

"Who told you that?"

"Kenzo, of course."

"Well, he's a liar, he's gay, don't you know that. He never touches me. I'm so horny I have to masterbate twice a day."

"Aw, come on."

"Cum on where?"

"He may not be super macho but I sure he's doing you."

"Well you are wrong about that." And then she added, "anyway, not the way I'd like it."

She continued, "Our families want us to marry, it would bind the two families together for the next 50 years. I'm not here because I love him, I'm here because I honor my family."

She grabbed my cock again.

"So there is no reason we can't have some fun."

I pushed her away, "Let's wait awhile. I gotta think about this."

"Let me suck your cock a little while you think about it."

"No Chloe, not tonight."

It was a predicament I didn't know how to handle. I couldn't tell Kenzo, I was sure it would destroy our friendship. And I wasn't sure I could believe everything she said.

The band was set to play a small Casino outside Vegas, of course nothing in Vegas is that small. I was packed up to go. I had all the electronic gear in the pick up, covered with a thick tarp as it often rained when you went over the mountain pass of San Bernardino. The band was in a rented minibus and we set out a half hour apart so if they had trouble I could come to their rescue him. We don't like to tailgate each other as that leads to accidents.

The bus took off and I was sitting in the cab watching when Chloe came running out of the apartment house with her wide brimmed baseball cap on backwards, some very short shorts in leopard print, a halter top and tugging an overnight suitcase.

"Kenzo said I could go."

"Hey little sister, you were never invited."

"Come on Slim, we are gonna have a great time."

She tossed the case into the back of the pickup and hopped in smelling of orchids or what ever perfume the Japanese girls use. Why could I do? I was running late, she smiled and laughed and my good sense did not prevaiL. I figured, what the hell, so off we went. We made one pit stop in Baker, where they have the world's tallest thermometer, which wasn't working and arrived at The Whisky Pete Casino in about 4 hours from our departure. Late night there are few cars on the road but it is black as bloody hell.

Of course Chloe was snuggled right up against me the whole time. I hadn't reserved a room for her but she insisted she'd sleep on a couch or the floor so I gave in. These little Asians are so dominant it is frightening. So all of us, that is the band and I and Chloe went to the buffet restaurant and had a steak dinner some ridiculous price, I think it was $10 and it wasn't half bad. We decided to rest up and do our sound checks the next afternoon.

Of course little Miss Tokyo had her own ideas. The floor or the couch, hell no, she was naked and in my bed before I even got out of the bathroom. I tried to keep to my side but she kept inching over and I do sleep in the raw, although I covered myself with a towel for the passage from the bathroom to the bed.

A lot of good it did. I tried to make believe I was asleep, ever making fake snoring sounds but she just laughed and dove under the covers and next thing I knew all seven inches were doing a grandstand in her hands and next in her mouth

"Wow, you'll make me cum, slow down."

Like she was going to listen to me. After I came, and I must say it was a well needed cum shot and a good blow job.

I asked as I lay exhausted, my eyes closed.

"So you and Peter never had sex?"

She had a guilty look on her face when I opened my eyes.

"Ok. Yes. He sticks it in my ass. Do you think that is what I came to America for. And it's only after he gets me drunk, then he ties up my hands and feet and butt fucks me, filling my ass with cum."