Two Souls Online

James clicked the Sign On, settling back in his black leather chair, staring at the monitor on his iMac as the internal noise and sound of the telephone connecting to the Internet played through his speakers, James all the while thinking about who he was to be this evening. He had been using the Internet for nearly 6 years now, and had a pretty good understanding as to who people really were when he talked to them.

Fit, young, single blond cheerleaders usually meant teenage boy or married men, not that he criticised them, hey, he had been his fair share of blond single cheerleaders lusting after a 'normal' man to satisfy 'her' desires. He tended to avoid the School Girl rooms as that just lead to trouble, and usually just sat in the chat rooms watching the world pass by, reading profiles, occasionally sending a message out but rarely getting a message from anyone he cared to talk to.

A sad fact was, he thought watching the connection finish and the welcome screen come up, was that he tended to spend 70% of his time talking to single guys, probably a good 20% talking to single 'girls' and if he was as smart as he thought he was, that last part talking to actual women. And more than once he had thought if all that time talking to men was making him a bit odd; He smiled, he was odd anyway.

James saw known of his friends were online and shook his head, another night alone for him, he thought. He clicked on the chat room key and followed his way through to the private chat rooms, basically, an area for people to talk about their sexual kinks and desires. It always brought a smile to his face seeing the amount of guys who wanted to be dominated and led around by women, peed on by women, treated like shit generally. If the feminists groups could only spend more time in here, they would know they had won. Still, AOL was a place to escape reality, he felt like being a school girl tonight, see if he could tease some bloke into revealing himself to her, then maybe report him or just wind him up.

The BBW room, he saw scrolling up the room names, single unhappy people, he thought. He had never visited this particular room; Neither Big, not considerably beautiful and certainly not a woman, well, not tonight anyway. He clicked on it anyway, bored and desperate for a chat and entered, staring at the names scrolling down the screen. It took him by surprise the colour and first, and general atmosphere of the room, all these women so happy and greeting, sending those xxx kisses and hugs, so accepting of others.

James usually split those on AOL into two groups, perverted men and others. Despite trying to be part of the others, he was a male and had been called perverted on here more than once but never tried to be that way, to him, he couldn't see the point on lying on here if he was ever to meet them. He wasn't a good liar and felt this reflected when he talked to people. Most called him a decent guy they'd like to meet. But the sad fact was that all his life, he had only had one long-term relationship, and that had ended badly.

James, to coin a phrase, wore his heart on his sleeve, he went into all relationships with the intention of them being the one, not content or satisfied with short term flings or casual sex. He knew it sounded clichŽd, and had been told that when he had said that to people online, that the idea of casual sex was a turn off to him. And that was partly true, he did have needs he had to satisfy, sadly relying on his hand now to please him, but despite the possibility for several one night stands and flings, he couldn't bring himself to go through with it.

Fear, perhaps, fear of the consequences, that they would consider him a let down. But in his heart and soul, he knew there was more to it than fear. To James, sex was special, despite peer pressure from those around him to just do it, get more sex, he didn't want to. He wanted to be with someone special, some one who meant something in his heart he could share himself with that person.

Which was why he had only been in one long-term relationship, he thought to himself, his head leaning on his hand, watching the numerous conversations going on in the chat room. He looked at those entering and leaving quickly, and those that stayed for a while before leaving. Most were male screen names like, BIGDAVEBIGCOCK or STUDSTEVE, typical names but ones that probably had met and slept with a lot of girls off here. Would that help him? LARGEONEJAMES perhaps, did women really like that.

He reached for the glass of water on his desk and stopped, his eyes looking at the screen name that had just entered, XXXLINDA44XXX. A woman, he thought, ok, but why had that caught his attention. He moved the mouse and clicked on her name, bringing up a message box and typing in hello, hoping she wouldn't be turned off by his rather colourful? Youthful? Profile, one he had created through boredom.

The lady replied a moment later, 'Hello to you'.

James read over her profile. Like those in the room, she was a BBW that declared you either liked her or not but asked not to be offended because of her size. James understood that, as a kid he had been a bit on the larger size but thankfully had grown upwards, his body shaping out nicely. He wasn't thin, but wasn't large, what he considered medium size, sadly, not one that attracted girls when he went out.

She loved cats, had a daughter and was single. A single, older mother, in 6 years of Internet talking, he had never spoken to single mothers, well, not honest ones anyway. Most single 'mothers' desperate for an affair turned out to be married fathers in search of porn. But for some reason, she seemed genuine, he considered for a moment that large woman normally didn't lie; he shook his head. One thing he had always been taught was to be tolerant of others, show them respect if you expected to be shown it. She was a large lady, but she was honest, loved cats, which he himself did, and seemed like a nice person.

James began to speak to her, not as his usual flirty self, the one that he guessed most girls on the Internet had seen and read before, and from guys much better at this than him. She asked his age, he gave it and she was hesitant at first, there was a sizable age gap between them, she told him she was 44, he was 20, and normally he might have walked away then but something was drawing him to this woman, her honesty, her personality.

He considered these his best qualities, his honesty and, not charm, but he knew in general he had a decent personality, one which people felt they could trust. When he saw this in others, he was drawn to that, he connected to those qualities in a person. And despite being a BBW, a married mum who was twice his age, he felt himself being drawn to her, a connection developing he had only felt once with Kelly his former girl friend.

When he glanced at the clock at the top of the computer screen, he realised he had been talking for over 3 hours, and it was now 1.16 am. But when she continued to ask him questions about his past, he couldn't help but notice, finding out facts about this woman. Aspects about her he couldn't help but find cute or alluring. If it was possible, he felt he was falling in love with this single mother, despite his pre-conceptions at the start of the evening about her size and personality, she was a decent, ordinary woman, he was a decent, ordinary woman, and then the big question came.

DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE she asked. Ordinarily, James sent out a fake picture unless he felt he could trust them. He felt he could trust her, and for only the third time in 6 years, sent his picture to her, the one taken a month earlier, one he felt showed the best side of himself. She would now either walk away or like it, but for the first time, it was out of his hands. A few second later, he received an email with a picture of her.

She was a BBW he thought smiling to himself, she was indeed larger than him but she had a radiating beauty he was drawn to, it was a picture yes, but one showing a confident, happy lady who was satisfied with who she was. He looked at her, and his feelings grew, thinking of that woman sitting at a desk somewhere speaking to him, accepting him, accepting his strange kinks and feelings.

There was a pause in their conversation as the two strangers looked at each others real image, both having the same feelings and questions, were they accepting each other, was this perhaps more than just a one night conversation. James reached for his keyboard.

YOUR BEAUTIFUL he typed, pressing the return key and waiting.

Linda had heard those words before, 'Your Beautiful', usually followed by do you want to meet me and go to bed; although she hadn't spoken to a guy on here before for such a long time. He was younger than her, considerably younger, but seemed to be genuine in how he talked and felt, and the sudden realisation began to hit her that perhaps she was starting to feel something for this younger man in London, this very cute guy. That's when the doubt hit in, he was cute, more so than usual. It was hard for her to accept that he had only been with one girl, and that he wanted to talk to her, maybe he did want more, she was certain of that, but would he turn around after and laugh at her, hurt her.

YOUR CUTE TOO she typed, realising she hadn't replied in a few minutes.

James was relieved, he had spoken to a couple of what considered, real women before, and when they saw his picture, most turned around telling him to go somewhere. He didn't think he was ugly, but if women didn't find him attractive, there was little he could do. He wasn't vain, didn't spend a lot of time in front of mirrors preening his looks, but he did like to think he had a certain rough charm going for him.

Linda said she had to go to bed now otherwise she wouldn't be up for her daughter in the morning. He said goodbye and signed off, thinking of what had just happened, leaning back in his chair as the computer signed off and shut down. He had just met a beautiful lady who considered him cute, her beauty between her looks and personality, one he found himself being drawn to. He was going in with his whole heart, he realised, was this really a wise course.

He held her body in his arms, the two lovers of distant ages staring into each others eyes, the sound of thunder and rain falling around the hotel, the curtains open, the pale moonlight reflecting off their two bodies. He lent in, his lips meeting hers, their hands connected.

His body was now on top of her, pressed closely to her body giving her soft kisses on her lips, his penis penetrating her body, moving slowly, the two lovers in unison. Both hungry for the moment, shared in the desire they both felt. To her, he was the first man inside her body for a while, to him, she was his first after his only, moving slowly, deliberately and gently, holding her hands in his as he moved back and forth.

The orgasm he felt was greater he had felt in a long time, staring into her brown eyes as his sperm moved up her body, the woman, impassive, cold, still. Releasing his hands and her mouth opening, laughing at him. The figure shook his head, standing and walking away from the bed, the large woman now laughing at him with such intensity, pointing at him. The figure turned and saw a mirror, a roll of lightning illuminating the room briefly, James seeing himself in the mirror.

He was no longer in the bedroom with the naked woman, finding himself standing before her on bank of a lake, once more looking into those eyes he had seen, somewhere, but he couldn't remember where. She was smiling now, looking at him, speaking but the words not reaching his ears. He held her hands once more in his, clasped in front of him.

"I love you" he said quietly.

She smiled, falling backwards into the white light forming around them, James no longer holding her in his arms, the woman falling backwards, moving away from him, her clothes gone but no longer naked, no longer any type of person, just a white light that phased outwards.

James woke, his eyes watery, the morning sunshine pouring through the window, unusual for a May morning. He felt the sheets sticking to his body, realising now how damp he was, the blue cover sticking to his naked body. He peeled them off, staring down at himself, reaching down and touching his penis, realising how damp he was, realising that some point during the night, he had ejaculated in his sleep.

Memories from his dream flooded his mind, that woman, Linda, he remembered, her hands holding his, her body heat warming the two lovers up. It was the most erotic dream he had had in a while, his mind creating her body for him, dreaming about the first time they had, may, he corrected himself, the first time they may make love. Would it be like that? Why had she been laughing after him after he had cum?

James spent the rest of the day looking at the computer on his desk, stroking his cat who now slept on his bed, scratching one of the animals ear or rubbing his belly with his fingers as the cat rolled onto its back, stretching its four legs, purring contently. He could bring comfort to at least one being.

It had always been a fear of his, of any guy, he guessed, that moment after orgasm, of that sense of bliss to have the recipient laughing at him, at them. The act that brought such joy to the male of the species rejected, not enough for the woman, not enough for Linda. In reality, Linda didn't know of course, hadn't been laughing at him, but she was experienced in the world, if they did meet, if they did make love, would he be enough for this woman.

It struck him then how bothered he was about how he felt for her, if he was enough for her, if he could provide both emotionally and physically to this woman he hadn't known for more than 12 hours, but was rapidly developing feelings for, willing at this moment to give her his heart and soul. He couldn't resist it any longer and started up his computer, the agonising moments it took for it to start up a life time, time Linda might be online waiting for him, deciding he had just been another 'man' wasting her time.

He ignored the usual stuff that opened up and kicked on AOL, urging the program to start up and pressing the Sign On key, the computer beginning its Internet connection. What was he going to say to her, hello, I had an erotic dream about you last night, our first time together that would work wouldn't it. She would go right off him there.

The welcome screen came on, and she wasn't online. His heart dropped for a moment, he sat waiting for five minutes, ten, and still no sign of Linda. He shook his head, the sudden realisation that maybe his feelings had been very one-sided striking home. He moved up to sign off when he saw her screen name come up, waiting, hoping he wouldn't have to make the first move. He didn't.

HELLO CUTEY she said.

James smiled, replying in kind and all those negative feelings washing away, feelings of passion.

WHEN WE SPOKE LAST NIGHT, I WAS STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE, WELL, IT GOT ME GOING Linda said in a message. James sat staring at that screen, got her going? Hope, desire and passion burned within him at that moment as he considered the stark reality that maybe his feelings were shared, that what he felt for Linda was the same as what she felt for him.

I'M SORRY IF I WAS TO FORWARD;I DIDN'T NO WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU he typed, pressing return then silently wishing he hadn't, his heart and soul exposed to her, his feelings suddenly there before him, in love, in love with this single older mother, this large and very beautiful woman. He was in love with her, a passion burning in him to be with her, to hold her close to him like in his dreams, to kiss those soft lips, run his hand through his hair, hold her close, that physical contact he missed.

WHAT? She asked, that one word on the screen, open to numerous possible meanings that ran through his mind.

I'M SORRY, CAN I TAKE THAT BACK. AS I'VE SAID BEFORE, I HAVE THE TENDENCY TO BE WAY TO FORWARD James tried to joke off replying, his mind like a roller coaster of thoughts, doubt she loved him, hope she did. This was crazy, he had known her for such a short time but was quickly growing into feelings he had only felt once in his life. He loved this woman, he wanted to hold her, but was this just a crush to her? A come on from a desperate fool, he thought wishing she would reply.

DO YOU WANT TO? She asked back.

I WANT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, AS I SAID BEFORE, ABOVE ALL THINGS IM JUST AN HONEST GUY. WE'VE ONLY TALKED FOR A SHORT WHILE BUT IN THAT TIME,I THINK YOU NO ME NOW, AND I NO YOU. I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH YOU he replied, staring at the text then pressing return, the message sent along the phone line to Linda.

She looked at the screen, the cursor flashing, those words typed by a young man, a man in love with her. Did he really no what he was saying? She knew she wasn't beautiful as he kept proclaiming, wasn't a model but was comfortable with who she was, her strong minded daughter with her mum and her size, but no man had said she was beautiful in a long time.

But James was right, they had talked now for a short time, and she considered herself a good judge of character, he seemed the genuine deal, a normal, fairly level headed guy who had strong feelings towards her. Did she feel the same? She opened his picture up, staring at that face frozen in time staring at the camera, his cute smile, his normal, healthy sized face and body. He was physically thinner than her but just a normal sized, one, which ordinarily she might have looked twice at, did he really love her.

DO YOU WANT TO TALK ON THE PHONE? She typed, if they were to ever meet she would like to hear his voice, on the very remote chance he wasn't a married man just leading her on, or a kid winding her up. It was easy to be a rich doctor or a stunning super model on AOL, harder to carry that illusion forward on the phone.

OK, HERES MY NUMBER James typed sending his mobile phone number a moment later, the ball once more in her court. His eyes were fixed on the Motorola phone on his desk, the sound of a signal echoing through his speakers until the small phone began to vibrate. He picked it up, his arm almost shaking, as he opened the cover of the V.66, staring at the unknown number flashing, and answered it.

"Hello James it's Linda" she said to him, her voice carrying a northern accent, he hadn't spoken to and didn't no any northern women, a curious fact that popped into his head as he spoke to her.

They talked for nearly half an hour on the phone, both at their computers, both starting to open up more, sharing their fears of how this might develop, the fear of the unknown, of broken hearts and dreams. But both began to realise this wasn't just an Internet conversation, a brief thing they could say do from time to time, but emotions and feelings both shared and had a desire to see through, to meet, to go beyond the Internet world to the physical one.

Hence the next move was agreed upon, a meet in a public hotel halfway between Linda and James, a small restaurant beside a mainline station in Ipswich, the easiest place James could reach and not to far from Linda by car. James agreed he was looking forward to the meeting and said goodbye, storing the phone number in his phone book, they would meet in two days time, a meeting that would perhaps change his life.

James was noticeably distracted as he sat on the train up from London, staring out at the rolling country side of the UK, the brief conversation between a loving couple in the seat behind him echoing through his head, James eventually plugging his iPod in and selecting a song from the film Donnie Darko, the music suiting his mood as he sat still.