Uh Huh

"Just lie back on the bed and relax," Buddy said. Keith was pretty sure he could handle the first part, at least, but he wasn't sure even hypnosis could help him with the rest. He kept whipsawing back and forth between electric anticipation that made him so wet he was practically soaking his boxers and utter bugshit panic at the thought of taking those same boxers off. He kept telling himself that Buddy knew he was trans, that Buddy accepted him and loved him for who he was, and that they'd had every possible conversation two people could have about a planned sex act short of storyboarding the damn thing. But it did not. Fucking. Help.

Which was why Buddy was going to hypnotize him. "It's okay," he said, gently brushing Keith's hair back from his forehead. "You don't need to take your clothes off, you don't need to do anything except lie down, watch the pendant, and listen to my voice. I've got you, and I'll take good care of you, I promise. You just relax and listen. You can handle that, can't you?" He cupped Keith's chin in his hand, favoring him with that same warm smile that had drawn Keith to him in the first place.

"Uh huh," Keith said, not trusting his voice with anything more. He was so wound up right now that he was sure the excitement would make it crack, and if he said something in a high register right in the middle of his very first time having sex, he was pretty sure he would have to give up on all human interaction and live in a mountain cave in Tibet somewhere. It had taken him months to get this comfortable with Buddy, and years to get this comfortable with himself-Keith spent most of his adolescence so at odds with his own body that he couldn't even begin to sort out his orientation. He shoved 'sex' down into a little tiny box with a label on it that read, 'FUCK IT I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO THINK ABOUT', and he thought that it might stay there forever. Until he met Buddy, and realized that he knew exactly who he was attracted to. And it was Buddy.

"Good," Buddy purred, his voice warm and just a tiny bit hoarse with arousal. He guided Keith back into a supine position, lying next to him with his chin propped on one hand and the other holding a silver locket in the shape of a heart. "Now, I want you to just keep your eyes on the pendant for me-if you find yourself getting distracted at first, that's okay, that's normal. As you keep listening to my voice, you'll find your eyes naturally drifting back to the pendant, until it becomes too much like work to look away from it anymore. That's going to be a very good sign that you're drifting into trance for me. Do you understand?"

"Uh huh," Keith said, distracted from the pendant by the sight of Buddy's face just inches away. Right there in kissing distance. He'd been daydreaming about this for almost a week now, ever since they made plans to go ahead with (oh God don't think about that you'll freak out if you think about that and you're trying to relax enough to actually do it) to go ahead and date. Even before then, if he was to be honest-ever since that first day volunteering at the animal shelter, when he saw the older man with the bushy beard and the muscles just barely hidden under a layer of softness, he'd been thinking about what it would be like if that same tender warmth that Buddy directed at the animals he took care of was directed at Keith. And now it was really happening. Keith couldn't quite wrap his head around that, which was why he was really glad he could look at the pendant instead.

"That's very good, Keith," Buddy replied, his body close enough that Keith could feel the warmth of his breath with every word. "Remember, hypnosis isn't magic and it isn't going to make you do anything you don't feel safe and comfortable doing. Hypnosis is just a state of relaxation and focus, and so everything you focus on helps you to relax more and go deeper into trance for me." The locket swung loosely in his hand, and Keith let his eyes follow the motion from side to side as he listened to Buddy's voice. Keith felt a swell of excitement as he realized that everything was happening the way Buddy told him it would, but the sway of the pendant helped to steady him.

Buddy shifted slightly, freeing his hand to stroke Keith's forehead as he spoke. "And if there's anything that isn't going the way you want it to, or just anything you need to communicate to me at all, you're going to find that you can say it without any hesitation, any effort. It's going to be every bit as automatic as breathing to you, because you know that I want you to have the best possible experience with me whatever that is. Anything you tell me that makes this better for you is what I need to hear, and so you're going to find yourself easily and effortlessly letting me know. Can you do that for me, Keith?"

"Uh huh," Keith responded, aware of the irony in his barely-verbal answer but not really caring. He had bigger things on his mind, like the way Buddy's fingers made him feel when they lightly caressed his forehead. Keith felt like his nerves were practically incandescing with excitement at that touch, like Buddy was writing on his skin with pure electric desire and he was glowing everywhere those fingers made contact. He'd never felt like this before, he barely even had anything to compare it to. But oh sweet merciful GOD did it feel good. He leaned into Buddy's touch like a drowsy kitten.

"That's it," Buddy said, his hand moving to stroke Keith's slightly chubby cheek. "It's okay to relax now, just keep watching the pendant and feeling those thoughts float away into peace and pleasure. Your eyes are focused on the locket, your ears are centered on my voice, and everything else can simply happen all on its own. Your body will decide when you're ready to do more. You don't need to rush it, you don't need to hold it back. All you need to do is listen and enjoy. It's the easiest thing in the world, isn't it, Keith?"

"Uh huh," Keith sighed, already feeling himself squirm lightly on the bed. It felt weirdly distant, but at the same time incredibly vivid and intense-it was like the part of him that narrated his thoughts was standing a long way away from him and his body, just watching the two of them enjoying themselves without all that panicky yammering in the way. Which meant that it was working just the way they'd hoped, back when Buddy first suggested using hypnosis to help Keith get through his anxieties about his first time with another man. Buddy said it would help him get outside of his head and stop worrying, and oh wow, was it doing that well. Keith had never felt so good.

"Good," Buddy said, his voice warm and husky in a way that sent shivers down Keith's spine. It felt like the word was breaking an almost religious hush in the room-increasingly, the pauses between their sentences seemed to stretch like taffy, melting into long, sticky moments of pure pleasure as Keith watched the locket sway at the end of the chain. Buddy had said something about that, about how time would start acting funny as he relaxed into trance, but Keith found that the memory didn't stick. It drifted away into blissful irrelevance as his eyes followed the shining silver pendant back and forth and back and forth. Keith almost looked over to ask Buddy if this was normal, but it felt too much like work to stop watching the locket.

"Now, Keith, I'm going to begin exploring your body." Buddy's fingers matched his words, stroking down Keith's neck to caress his collarbone. "You know that if there's anywhere you want me to touch more, or anywhere you want me to avoid, it's going to be very easy to let me know even when you go very deep into trance. Your deep self is listening to every word I say, and your deep self will prompt you to speak or to act when you need to." His hands brushed at Keith's chest, rubbing through the thin material of the shirt and the somewhat thicker binder underneath it. "And since you know that, you also know that my touch is going to keep soothing away all those thoughts and all those distractions and keep you focused on the pleasure. You understand, don't you, Keith?"

"uh huh..." Keith hoped he wasn't boring Buddy; it was just that it felt so much easier and so much better to pay attention to the way Buddy's fingers felt on his body. Talking, making words with his mouth, that all put him in touch with the part of his mind that kept receding further and further away as Keith watched the locket, and Keith didn't really want it to come back. He liked the quiet, he liked the peace, he liked the pleasure of being wonderfully passive and yielding to Buddy's attentions. He didn't want to think. He wanted to drift in trance and enjoy being touched...right like that. Right there. Keith found himself fumbling with his shirt before he even realized he was doing it.

Buddy helped him out of his clothes, purring out endearments the entire time. Keith felt a sharp spike of panic when he pulled the binder off, but Buddy was right there with the pendant, purring out, "That's it, that's right, just keep watching." And he touched Keith. He touched Keith's chest with his whole hand, rubbing and petting and stroking all over like he really loved Keith's body and wanted to feel more of it. All of the parts of Keith's mind that wanted to go over the moment and break it down into finer and finer granulations of emotion and sensation until he could find the one for his anxiety to seize on and convince him that this was a mistake-they were so far away. So far he couldn't even hear them over the sound of his heart beating. His heart was beating so fast. He felt like he was breathing too fast. His body was an engine, and Buddy kept revving him up faster and faster with every touch.

"That's my good boy," Buddy cooed in Keith's ear, and Keith let out a strangled whimper as the praise shot right down his spine and flared like fire between his legs. He didn't realize how hot it would be to hear himself called that, but suddenly all those times when Buddy was working with the shelter dogs and Keith tried very hard to listen to him without looking like he was listening to him took on a new meaning in Keith's increasingly foggy head. Hearing that soft, honeyed voice filled with unconditional love and affection made Keith's thoughts swim with sudden, intense arousal, and he couldn't stop it from showing on his face.

Another stab of anxiety tried to get through his glassy, hypnotized calm, but Buddy banished it with a kiss. "You liked that, didn't you?" he asked, his hand running down Keith's belly to play at the waistband of his shorts. "You liked being called my good boy. It's okay. That's okay. You can always tell me what you want and what you need. Do you want to be my good boy right now, Keith?"

Even before Keith murmured out, "uh huh!", his hands were already answering the question for him. They shoved his shorts and his boxers down around his ankles, so that he could kick them off and spread his legs for Buddy to play with his body. The anxiety voice was almost muted now, as Buddy's fingers slid further and further down through the warm nest of Keith's pubic hair to find his swollen, engorged cocklet. He teased it out from under its hood, stroking it until it stood stiff and erect in his hand. "Unh, uh huh, uh huh," he whimpered, unable to find the words for what he wanted and letting his voice do all the begging.

"That's my good boy," Buddy whispered, stroking up and down the length of Keith's clit. "Such a good boy with such a cute little cock. Does my good boy want me to suck it? Does my good boy want to feel my lips on his cock?" The image felt so real, so solid that Keith almost felt like he could see it, and it was only then that he realized his eyes were tightly shut and he couldn't open them anymore. He didn't care. He didn't need to see, he only needed to feel, and he wanted to feel this. Right now.

"Uh huh!" he gasped out, wriggling with excitement as he felt Buddy's scratchy beard kissing down Keith's chest and belly to settle around Keith's stiff, aching cocklet. He moaned as he felt Buddy take it into his mouth-it had gotten so sensitive ever since he'd started on testosterone, and now having Buddy lavish attention on it like this was almost more than he could take. His hands curled reflexively around the back of Buddy's head, pressing Buddy tighter and tighter to him as his moans became throaty yowls of pure pleasure.

Buddy didn't say anything, but Keith didn't need him to-he could hear those words, 'good boy', looping in his head like an endless echo as Buddy's tongue flicked away at his little cock. They got stronger and stronger, more and more real, like the hypnosis made them every bit as solid in his mind as the sound of his own breathing getting faster and faster. He tried to hold back, he really did, but there was nothing in his head to tell him how or why anymore. All of the fear was gone, all of the anxiety was gone, all of the thought was gone and all that was left was pleasure and the pleasure was right there with him inside him and all around him and everywhere and he couldn't stop-

"Unhhhhhuhhhhh!" Keith growled, his breath coming out in a whoosh as his hips strained upward into Buddy with orgasmic bliss. It didn't feel like anything he imagined it would, back when he read stories about sex and tried to push away the dysphoria long enough to masturbate himself to climax. It felt like the rest of the world went away, like everything else in the whole universe stopped except for Buddy's tongue so that he could keep cumming and cumming and never ever ever stop. Keith didn't know if that was the hypnosis, or if that was just what every orgasm felt like, but whatever it was he wanted more.

Buddy kept sucking him, his lips and tongue working away until climax stopped being a moment and became a place that Keith came back to again and again. He lost track of time, he lost track of everything but the bliss that came with pure mental overload, and it was only when he heard the hoarseness in his voice as he said, "e-enough, please, please..." that he realized he'd been screaming all this time. He was glad Buddy had his own place-if they had sex at Keith's apartment, the neighbors would be calling the landlord by now. Or possibly the police.

"That's my good boy," Buddy said, cupping Keith's head in his strong hands and kissing him gently. "That's my very good boy. That was just perfect, Keith. Everything you did was so good. So good." Keith shivered again, leaning his body into Buddy's and whimpering. He wasn't sure when Buddy had started holding him; all he knew was that he was shaking and sobbing and happy and vulnerable and he didn't even know how to handle being loved like this. But Buddy seemed to know. He just held Keith until the storm passed, petting him and murmuring, "That's it, let it out," over and over until Keith's emotions exhausted themselves. He didn't even know what he was feeling, he just knew that it was better gone. "Feeling better?" Buddy asked, when Keith finally quieted down.

"Uh-uh huh," Keith whimpered, his voice still a little shaky and his mind still a little foggy. It suddenly hit him that he was nude on the bed with his lover, and his head swam with the giddy pleasure of it all.

"Good." Buddy kissed his neck, still holding him from behind. "Now, would my good boy like to try exploring me for a little while?" Something about the way he said it made Keith suddenly aroused all over again in a way that words couldn't even describe.

So he didn't try. "Uh huh!" he said eagerly, rolling over to help his new lover take off all of his clothes. He didn't know if he'd be as good at bringing Buddy pleasure as Buddy was at getting him off, but Keith couldn't think of anything else in the world he wanted to try more.

THE END