Uncomfortable

"Let's get dressed, Bert," she said.

She put the knife on a chair in front of her as she dressed and talked to Margie.

"You've had your fun today, Margie," she said, "but I never agreed to the rough stuff, so the videos are mine. You might see them one time in your life. If Bert gets that promotion, I promise I'll invite you over for our celebration, and you can watch the videos from each camera.

"You better hope Bert gets the job, because if he doesn't, I might show them to some people at the office and explain what happened. You've mortified me so completely tonight that I have no shame left. I don't care who sees them if it helps destroy you."

When she and Bert were dressed, she grabbed his hand and pulled him through the door, slamming it behind them.

Bert did get the promotion a month later, and he began leading his own teams, so he never saw Margie at work again except at larger group meetings. They didn't exchange many words.

Margie came over to their house the day his promotion was announced and all three of them watched every minute of every video on their large flat screen. As she stared at the screen, she wept. When it was over, she asked Winnie if she could say something.

"Make it fast," said Winnie.

"I'm sorry that I didn't understand you, Winnie," she said as she wiped her eyes and sniffed. "It's because I never met someone like you.

"I've always been the dominant wolf in the pack, so I didn't understand at first that you are queen of all packs, and I must submit to you.

"I'm sure you've been thinking of how many girls you're going to mark and what they will do for you, but none of them can give you the satisfaction that I can because dominating weakness is nothing like dominating strength.

"Can you imagine how exciting it will be to degrade and humiliate me -- alone or in front of Bert or in front of others. There's no exhilaration like it. I can tell you that from experience. And it makes the sex even more amazing.

"I know you understand what I'm saying, because you're just like me, except on a higher level. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life in your service."

Bert's jaw was hanging almost to the floor as he listened to Margie. When she stopped talking, the room was silent. He looked at his wife. Her eyes had a strange glow as she looked at Margie for a few moments. Then she shook herself, and her face was twisted in anger.

"Are you finished?" she finally asked.

"Yes, I'm ready to do whatever my queen wants," said Margie.

"I want you to get out."

Margie started to say something.

"Now!" Winnie shouted.

Margie shuffled to the door and looked back forlornly as she opened it. Then she left.

A few months later, she resigned. Bert told Winnie that a woman working under her had complained about Margie speaking inappropriately to her. Margie chose not to fight the allegations, but to take the generous severance package that was offered to her instead. She left town, and later they heard that she had joined a successful competitor whose partners were all women.

For a week after the night at Margie's, Winnie spent each night in a hot bath, and she couldn't take a step without grimacing. It hurt Bert to watch her, and he felt overwhelmed by guilt.

He tried a few times to bring up what happened and how sorry he was and how it was all his fault and would she ever forgive him, but he only got a few words out before she would shush him. "Not yet," she would say in a steely voice.

The second week, Bert noticed that Winnie was starting to walk less tentatively, and she grimaced less often. One night after dinner, she said, "Bert, I'm thinking some strange thoughts, and I need time to sort them out. I think it will take a few weeks. I'm still too sore for sex, but I can satisfy you orally if you want."

"What about you?" he asked.

"I don't know," she answered. "You can try, but very gently."

After the third week, they were both enjoying each other again. She finally listened to him as he groveled and apologized but didn't reply. He was worried and tried again a few days later, but she stopped him after a couple of words.

"Bert," she said, "I'd appreciate it if you dropped this for now. I've done a lot of thinking about what happened, but I still need to do more. When I'm ready to talk, I'll let you know."

That scared Bert, and as the weeks went by without her saying anything, he became increasingly concerned that she was going to leave him.

It was more than two months later when she said to him one morning, "Tonight we can talk if it's OK with you." He didn't get much work done that day, and several colleagues asked him if he was feeling well.

She was at the kitchen table when he got home. "Take off your jacket and sit down," she said as she put a piece of pizza on a plate and handed it to him. While he ate mechanically, she talked.

"Bert, you need to forget about apologizing to me, because it makes me sick," she began. "I hated you for getting off on watching Margie and me, but what happened was not your fault. You never tried to talk me into it, and I made the decision without consulting you. Every time you bring up how sorry you are, it reminds me of my humiliation, and my stomach starts turning somersaults.

"I can't stop you from feeling guilty, and I know you're used to blurting out whatever's on your mind. But in this case, I would really appreciate it if you would just shut up."

"I will, Winnie," he said. "I just ..."

"Let me finish, Bert. My brain has been hurting for weeks while I tried to figure out what to tell you now. You may not even want to be in the same room with me when I finish."

Bert was startled. He started to say something as he watched tears begin to flow from Winnie's eyes, but he thought better of it.

"Do you remember what Margie told me that night, Bert? At the time, I dismissed it as her attempt to provoke me for her excitement. I'm sorry to tell you she was partially right. I've been tormented and confused, and I've done a lot of research.

"I'm not a real lesbian. I'm what they call a bisexual. Just saying that makes me nauseous, because there's only one person in the world I love, and that's you. I never want to lose you, but I can't deny what she brought out in me, and not just when she was pleasuring me.

"When I went down on her, at first, I hated it, but in a few minutes, I found myself doing things that I couldn't believe. It seemed to come from inside me. I knew what to do, and my body wanted to do it.

"You wouldn't believe the things that have been going around in my mind. Margie was right. I've been thinking about other women, but not for marking or dominating. I'm not into her evil power trips.

"I have something special to offer other women, and once the word gets out, I think they would line up for a chance to be with me. It sounds conceited, but I feel confident about my capabilities.

"I had fantasies of you being a part of this, and not just watching. They would have to agree to a threesome, and they would have to allow you to use their bodies as well as mine. That would be your compensation, and I think you wouldn't mind that kind of thing -- at least for a while.

"But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that we would be having sex like animals, without love, and maybe you don't need the love, but I do."

"How can you say that, Winnie?" Bert said in a pained voice.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Bert. You're right. That was unfair. I take that back. I'm trying to blame what I feel on you, but you don't deserve that. I know you love me the way I love you, and sex is only part of it."

She got up from her chair and leaned over and kissed his eyelids and then his mouth. Then she went back to her chair, sat down and wiped away her tears with a tissue."

"I'm so stupid, Bert," she said. "I'll try to finish without insulting you again.

"Anyway, I realized that while I desired woman love, I didn't want any other lover in my life except you. Therefore, another solution would be to suppress all the thoughts going through my mind and pretending nothing ever happened.

"I may be strong enough to do that, but I'm also worried that these strange new feelings could get shaken up like a warm bottle of soda and explode some day and destroy us. I thought of Margie and how her lack of control affected her career, but she just went to another job. If I lose you, there is no other Bert for me to go to.

"I thought of one more thing, but it's completely unfair and bizarre and humiliating for you. I must be the biggest pervert in the world to even think of it. I don't expect you to go for it, but I've got this feeling that if you did, it would work. So I'm frustrated.

"I thought of it a few weeks ago, but it's taken me all this time to gather the courage to tell you. I'm so scared that you'll recoil from me and think I'm totally depraved."

"I would never..." Bert began.

"Don't say anything yet, please, until you hear. My third solution would be to not deny my lesbian side, but also to never go outside our marriage. You're thinking, how is that possible? Let me take a breath. OK. What I'm suggesting is that I make you my lipstick lesbian lover.

"I'm not talking about surgery or hormone injections or anything like that. My heterosexual side wants you to be just the type of lusty male you are right now. You think of me as your equal, but I've told you before that even though we argue, I look on you as my rock of security and comfort, so you're the one in charge. I love to be your girly as much as you love to pamper me.

"I don't want to change that, but I want to add something else to it. Sometimes I want to be the butch and I want you to be my femme. If you let me, I think I can make you into the hottest lesbian on the planet.

"I'm not sure yet how far I want to go with how you look. We'll only do stuff that can be concealed when you're outside the house. Nobody but me will ever know. That's important. I would die before I ever did anything that would embarrass you.

"I was thinking that when swimming season is over this summer, maybe you'll let me remove every hair from your body -- except of course that big bush around your giant clitoris. I want to shave you. I want to rub creams on you. I want to wax you.

"I'll be gentle as possible, but if some of it hurts, I'll comfort you in special way with my tongue and mouth. I want to turn the pain into such pleasure that you squirt your juices wildly into my mouth as you come.

"I would love for you to wear elegant, sexy women's lingerie. I'll find special makeup and become your beautician. I think I can turn my he-man into a woman who would arouse any man who saw her -- as well as any lesbian.

Of course, no one ever will see you. As we do this, I will teach you to assume a totally different personality, and our role play will take us to places that I can't even imagine.

"I can't promise you anything equal to the raptures that I will enjoy, because you can only come a few times on your best nights. But I will try my best to give you almost as much pleasure as you give me.

"I promise that for every time you are a lesbian for me, I will offer my ass to you. I will even enthusiastically make love to your ass with my mouth and my tongue and my fingers. You can't hurt me or humiliate me more than Margie did, and it will make me feel better about what I'm asking you to do.

"So there it is. I want you as my private super hero, or actually super heroine. When you're at work or anyplace else, you'll be the same old Bert. But, when you're home and it's an emergency, my hero will transform into my super heroine to rescue me from the tortures of lesbian lust."

Bert stared at her with his mouth open. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Winnie seemed to be waiting for him to say something, but he had no idea what to say.

With tears in her eyes, she finally broke the silence.

"I think maybe you're too disgusted to say anything. Please think about the three choices and give me an answer whenever you're ready. Whatever you decide, I'll love you for the rest of my life."

That night, she jumped through hoops for him, and when they were done, he was lying in a lifeless pile on the bed. She was also exhausted and taking deep breaths.

She struggled to speak. Finally, she said in a soft voice, "Bert, that was my greatest hits, at least so far. As long as we're together, I'm going to give you that, maybe not all in one night, because I don't want to kill you. I promise you, that if you can find a way to accept my crazy plan, this is just the beginning."

For the next three days, they didn't talk about sex and didn't do anything either. The fourth morning at breakfast, Bert smiled at Winnie.

"I get off early tonight, so we can go shopping at Victoria's Secret," he said, "I wonder what size I am. I'm really excited about screwing your ass this weekend."

"Oh Bert," she said with a laugh, "You're so romantic."