Under Sufferance

"What good authority is this?" I asked.

"Later Barry, can't you feel that I'm a little busy at the moment!"

It was with more than a small quantity of self-control that I pushed Brenda away from her ministrations and pulled her to her feet.

"Brenda, you just told me that a little birdie told you what has transpired this evening. Now, which of the guys is ringing round and letting the cat out of the bag. Some of the guys were well out of order tonight and if their significant others get to hear about it, there will be hell to pay!"

"Oh don't be so bloody silly Barry. I doubt any of the other guys will say a word."

The word "other" was the one word I picked up on as Brenda was speaking, but she went on.

"The little birdie who told me. Was the same little birdie who called to inform me that you were on your way home, a bloody hour ago!"

"You've lost me now Bren!"

"Okay, the same little birdie who showed us girls your little spy-hole in the pool changing rooms wall at Bill's parents place. Oh, and the same little birdie we had to have in there with us, before us girls could use it to spy on you guys. Such a gentleman weren't you? Not spying on your best mate's little sister in the nude.

"Er"

"Yeah er, all right! You informed Min, what went down at the stag do this evening and she called me and told me what you told her. So you are the guy whose been letting the cat out of the bag."

"I'm sort of lost here Brenda. How do you know that I told Min the truth, I could have been spinning her a line of shit for all you know?"

A strange expression came over Brenda's face, then she lent forwards and kissed me gently on the lips.

"Barry Fuller. I swear that if I weren't in love with Bill, I'd fall hopelessly in love with you. You have one great failing in life Barry; you are the perfect gentleman. I know that if you told Gretchen that you kept Bill away from that slut because you feared he might catch something nasty; then you kept him away from her. And besides you ain't quite daft enough to risk losing what you got here, just yet. In a week or so's time maybe, but at the moment you aren't likely to do anything that stupid. Now can I get back to work please, I'm in need of a little satisfaction myself."

"Bitch, I'll show you satisfaction!" I said pushing Brenda gently backwards until the back of her legs hit the arm of the sofa. She of course tumbled onto the seat with her butt resting on the arm, then I dropped to my knees and got on with it.

Brenda laid there and whispered encouragement as she usually did when I gave her oral pleasure. But then she suddenly said.

"Oh my god, what am I going to do when I haven't got you to do this for me anymore?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked stopping my ministrations for a moment.

But Brenda didn't answer; she somehow launched herself up form the sofa and we ended up in a tangled heap on the floor with her lips firmly affixed around my very rampant member.

I tried to repeat the question but I didn't get it all out because with a deft move of her body she quite literally stuffed her clit into my mouth. Yeah well, I kinda lost the plot after that.

God alone knows when and how we got to the bedroom and into bed. You know I believe we managed it without ever rising to our feet. We kind of just kept changing positions until I found that my head was bashing against the bed frame. Then I hoisted Brenda up and dropped her into the middle of the bed.

Needless to say it was well into Sunday afternoon before I awoke.

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What followed was one of the oddest weeks of my life. I'll be honest I worked out that something was going down, but I had no idea what.

Several times I found, or rather caught, Brenda having clandestine telephone conversations with someone.

Look you'll often read about husbands becoming suspicious of what their wives are getting up to when he notices her quickly ending telephone calls when he enters the room. Those to my mind, are clandestine telephone conversations.

What's more when I asked who'd been on the phone, Brenda would say something stupid like "Wrong number!" and then set about trying to shag me to death again. Something wasn't kosher, that was for sure. But I really didn't think I was in a position to complain.

Well, Brenda and I knew exactly where we stood in our relationship. When either wanted out all they had to do was tell the other.

Then one day as I got home after my shift -- Brenda was nearly always home before me -- I caught sight of Bill's mother's car pulling out of the car park. For a moment I was surprised but then I realised that it was Gretchen behind the steering wheel.

Min drives like a bleeding maniac at the best of times, when she spotted my car coming down the road ... shit, she took off like a bloody drag racer, leaving a cloud of smoke behind.

Of course I challenged Brenda about Min being at the flat, but in a casual way.

You know, for an instant I thought Brenda was going to deny Min had even been there. But then she suddenly changed her tack and came out with some crap about Min just happening to be passing and wondering whether I'd got home all right on the previous Sunday morning.

Brenda neglected to explain how Min knew where my flat was. I had moved into it after she'd gone off to university.

I knew Brenda well enough by then to know that she was making it up as she went along. I kinda let it slide after that though, because almost before she'd finished speaking, Brenda resplendent in that short skirt and cut off t-shirt again, couldn't answer any more questions, her mouth was full.

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The wedding rehearsal went off fine on the Friday evening. Brenda hadn't come with me for obvious reasons. Actually, I really did wonder how she was going to make it through the Saturday.

Oddly Bill had asked me where she was. I kinda fluffed around the question and didn't really answer it. "Surely you can't be that fucking thick Bill!" was how I had been tempted at answer him.

Stephanie did say hello to me later, but I was constantly aware of her eyes boring into my back all the time it was turned towards her. Was I pleased that I'd chosen not to join them all for the meal they were going onto after the rehearsal.

Instead I went back to the flat, with the intentions of taking Brenda out for a meal, but she wasn't there. Eventually I found Gretchen and her in the pub on the corner. I bought both girls a drink and went over to join them, they'd been so into their conversation that they hadn't noticed my arrival in the bar.

"Hi girls, and pray tell me, what are you two little minxes quietly cooking up between you?" I asked as I put their drinks on the table.

I know that the description a rabbit caught in a car's headlights is an oft over used one. But staring up at me with shocked expressions on their faces I had myself two rabbits with eyes as big as saucers.

"How long have you been standing there?" Demanded Brenda.

"Just arrived sexy, why, what have I missed?" I replied then returned to the bar to collect my own drink.

When I got back, both girls were completely relaxed again and they gave me a line of crap about keeping each other company because they thought I was going for a meal with the rest of the wedding party.

Gretchen kept giving me strange looks though, and she would blush profusely when I stared at her. Which I did a lot, even with Brenda kicking my leg under the table. Mind you, that was a game I'd been played with Gretchen many times over the years. Min had always been a shy kid, and I'd discovered that I could embarrass her very easily by staring at her when we'd been very young.

Min only had that one drink (that I bought) with us and then she made her excuses and left. Brenda and I had another then she suggested I got a bottle of wine from the bar and we took the evening somewhere a little more relaxing.

Yeah well, the wine didn't get drunk and I definitely never got much in the way of relaxing done.

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So there you have it. I was sitting in the first pew with Bill, his parents and Gretchen. Brenda was off down the other end of the pew and I would join her after my sad duty was done.

God knows how long we sat there until the organ struck up the wedding march, it seemed like an absolute age to me. Made worse I think, by the way Bill kept on fidgeting. "Christ Bill" I was thinking, "I know that you're getting married, but it ain't the end of the bleeding world." He didn't look as happy as I thought a groom should look either.

We had stood and stepped into position as the first bars of the wedding march rang out.

Look, I'm sure that most of you have sat through more than one wedding service, so let's cut to the chase.

We will fast-forward directly to the part where the minister looks up and says to the congregation

"I am required to ask if there is anyone present who knows a reason why these persons may not lawfully marry, to declare it now!"

Now usually there's what is quite often referred to as, "a pregnant pause" at this point, where the minister looks around a sea of vacant and silent faces.

What no one expects is for a female voice off to my right to suddenly announce very loudly and clearly.

"I do!"

All faces, turned to see Gretchen on her feet. For some strange reason staring right back into my eyes. Mind you, that might have been just the impression I got, I was almost directly in line between her and the minister.

"Stephanie does not love my brother, and my brother does not love her! This marriage, should it go ahead, would be an abomination of lies."

At this point one would expect shocked silence. Well that didn't happen. Pandemonium broke out, with just about everybody in the church speaking at the top of their voices at same time. The echo with the building made it almost impossible to sort out who was saying what.

Whether they train ministers for something like Gretchen's unexpected outburst to happen, I don't know. But the guy didn't even flinch; he certainly wasn't taken by surprise, perhaps it had happened to him before sometime.

He just quietly, but firmly, invited the bride and groom, their respective parents, the legal witnesses and of course Gretchen, to follow him into the vestry. Being one of the assigned witnesses as well as Bill's best man, I followed along.

"Young lady, I don't believe that you have a valid legal objection to this marriage, but you appear to believe that there is a moral one. Would you be so kind as to be a little more specific?" The minister said after he'd closed the door.

"Sure, Stephanie doesn't love my brother!"

"That's a lie!" Stephanie instantly retaliated.

"Is it? Then if you do love Bill, why do you go off with that guy every time you pop home to visit your parents? And what exactly do you do in the back seat of his car until three in the morning."

"How dare you accuse me of doing something like that? I'll have you know that I'm a virgin!"

"Your bloody fanny might be, but your filthy mouth quite definitely isn't, that's for sure! And Stephanie, it is your arse, not your dirty little hole. Blimey, does she get vocal when he sticks it up there!" Gretchen informed the rest of the room.

At this particular moment I kinda lost some of Min's diatribe, because Bill's mother had fainted. Guess who got the points for being chief unconscious mother catcher and first aid administerer.

Plus, of course, almost as much, if not more, pandemonium had broken out in the vestry as there had been in the church outside. But I kinda picked up on Gretchen going on about Stephanie being after their father's money, or at least the financial security that would bestow on her in the long term.

Yeah well, Bill was in line to inherit their father's company along with Gretchen.

If things weren't bad enough at that point in the proceedings, Min decided that it was time to put the icing on the cake by producing some very big and graphic photographs from the inordinately large handbag she'd inexplicably been lugging around.

I'll admit, that I only got a good look at a few of them. But I was surprised that two people could get up to so much, in the back seat of such a small car.

The point I just couldn't understand, was why Stephanie had insisted on staying a virgin? Although maybe ... well look, I've been told, that some women enjoy it more in the back door. I've never been er ... curious enough to find out what it feels like myself, to be on the receiving end that is. And I'm not a woman either so I can't really comment can I?

Anyway after a lot of shouting by everyone involved -- except for Bill and Min's mother and myself, who was by then sitting on the floor cradling the woman in my arms, whilst I fanned her with a copy of Church Weekly or some other such publication -- I kinda gathered that the wedding was off.

Later it became apparent that Stephanie's parents were well aware of her liaisons with this other guy and they knew, as Min had made clear, that he was a bit of a wastrel.

Whether they were conversant with what Min assured everyone was their daughter's long-term intentions. i.e. get married to Bill, get pregnant, have at least one kid and then most probably file for divorce so she could live on her alimony payments, I have no idea. Min appeared convinced that Stephanie would keep shagging the guy with the old mini as well whatever happened.

The next thing I really was aware of, was that just Min, her mother (still out cold and lying in my lap) and myself were in the room.

"It had to be you didn't it?" Min grinned at me.

"What the hell did I do?" I asked.

"Caught mother of course. It was obvious to me that mother would faint the second I mentioned oral or anal sex. Took her a couple of moments to put two and two together though, didn't it. Then she went out like a light!"

"You are a very wicked little girl, Gretchen. Why on earth did you not tell anyone that you knew about what Stephanie had been getting up to before today?"

"Well I had planned to, but then I realised that her parents watched her drive off with that guy every time she visited them, and they knew that they stayed out until four in the morning. What's more they covered for her if Bill happened to call."

"So?"

"Well I kinda had it figured that laying out for a reception that weren't going to happen, was their just desert."

"Vicious little minx. I'm glad I've never found myself on the wrong side of you."

At this time two paramedics arrived and they extracted me from under my burden. I'm not saying that Gretchen's mother is overweight or anything. But maybe she's carrying a few pounds she could do without.

As we left the vestry Gretchen and I passed her father, who gave her a look that should have turned her to stone.

"I think I might need somewhere to bed down for a couple of nights Barry, any chance I can use your spare room?"

"We'd better talk to Brenda first."

"Nope I don't think so Barry, I do believe you might have a vacancy for a bed partner." Gretchen said gesturing towards the churches entrance, where Bill and Brenda were in each other's arms.

"He's been talking about her more and more over the last few weeks. Sorry Barry there would have been no way I would have been able to let the wedding go forward even if I hadn't been able to dig up all that dirt on Stephanie."

"Do you think that's a good idea Min? After all, Bill's got to be on the ruddy rebound.

"My arse! Look Barry, who is a guy supposed to be having wet dreams about on his stag night? I sat up with the bugger all night because he was so bloody drunk I feared he might vomit and choke. Well, the dirty little sod laid there tossing and turning, and I mean literally on occasions, and calling out for Brenda. Not once did he mention Stephanie. She might have had his conscious mind bewitched, but she didn't have his unconscious heart."

"Is that philosophy?"

"No it's commons sense, the same as you've always known that Brenda was in love with my brother and that's why you are not the slightest bit surprised to see her consoling him."

"Okay you are right, I knew that it could happen one day."

"And that's why you never let yourself fall in love with her?"

"Oh I can see you're going far. Perhaps you should have studied psychology?"

"Yeah, might help solve a couple of other problems I've got."

"And they are? I'm at your service young lady!"

"You said it. The first is where am I going to sleep until I got back to Uni. My dad's going to be really pissed with me for a few days."

"And the second?"

"Oh I think, given enough time and a little bit of luck, I'll be able to solve that one myself; thank you. Now let's go and get the happy couple out of here!"

It was very strange, watching the woman who'd climbed out of my bed that morning being all over another man. I could certainly understand how some guys lose it and go over the top when they find that their life partner has moved on. Not that Brenda and I could be called life partners; we had been, as Min had so graphically explained it, fuck buddies for about a year.

Min and I took Bill and Brenda back to the flat. Then tried as best we could to stay out of the way and let them get on with all the plain speaking that needed to be done. Well I did, Gretchen stuck her oar in a few times I believe.

Whatever by five o'clock, Brenda was dashing around frantically packing and looking for her passport. There was a honeymoon all bought and paid for, and she and Bill were off for three weeks in the sun together. Bill kindly went through the departure doors ahead of Brenda so she could give me one last final snog. God alone knows where Min had disappeared too.

"Thanks Barry, you're my best friend in the world!"

"I think Bill should fill that vacancy, Bren."

"No he's going to be my husband before very long. You and Min will always be my best friends.

Min and I stood and watched as their plane whisked them off to the sun.

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Min did use the spare bed in my flat for the rest of her short break from her studies. I had to play peacemaker with her parents, who were not so much furious over what she'd done; more with the way she'd done it. Her mother showed signs of fainting again when the words anal or oral sex were brought up. I do believe her mother became a little delicate when the word arse was mentioned as well.

"You'd better remember that matie. My mother is a prude and squeamish about certain subjects!" Min said with a grin as we drove back to the flat after the big peace council.

The following day I dropped her at the station and she went off back to her studies.

Three weeks after they had left, Bill and Brenda returned, sun burnt and battle weary. Well Bill was, he'd obviously become a little unfit during his abstinence and was showing all the signs of a man who couldn't quite keep up.

"I'll soon have him as fit as a fiddle Barry, don't you worry. How'd things go between you and Min?" Brenda asked whilst we walked to my car. Bill had stopped to make a phone call to his father and struggled along behind with the cases. It was the first chance she had of speaking to me alone.

"Oh fine, she stayed a couple of days and then went back to Uni!"

"And?"

"And what?"

"Well, did you ring her bells for her as you used to ring mine?"

"Brenda, this is little Gretchen we're talking about! What the hell do you take me for?"

"You might not have noticed Barry, but everyone else in the world bloody-well has. Gretchen ain't so little any more and she's all woman. What's more, she's a woman who has designs on a particular man. I'll say better than that, she's been in love with the guy almost as long as I have been in love with Bill."