Unexpected Ch. 09

I'm standing here taking it all in. Man I wish this was my life, my family. I can feel the unshed tears appear. It was wonderful spending the day next to Alex. Our hands touched, while we shared popcorn. His knee rested against mine for nearly the entire movie. Lunch and bowling, it felt like we were a family. At the arcade the boys split from us promising to stay together. We kept an eye on them – of course. Alex and I were like giant children playing video games together, smack talking when we were in competition and corroborating when we had played against others. It was a perfect day.

I could feel Ace lean against my leg; I reach down and pat him. Alex appears behind me to my right, I could feel his warmth.

"What is your head overthinking?"

"Huh! Oh! Um! Nothing," I wipe my eyes quickly.

I keep watching the boys. Alex puts his arm round my shoulder and pulls me in for a sideways hug. I can't help but lean into him. God he smells good. Now the tears are coming down my face. I can't help the tears, this is what I want. I feel like I'm never going to have it. Excusing myself to the bathroom, I leave the room. After washing my face I stare at myself in the mirror, willing me to keep it together.

Walking back to Cory and Benny, he has this cute little look on his face as he concentrates.

"Ok boys, you have half an hour. This gets shut off, Cory you have homework and school work to do, as does Uncle Alex. Benny and I need a story and a nap before we go out tonight. Agreed, yes?"

The both nod their heads mumbling 'yes'.

Cory is such a good kid. I didn't even ask, he pause the game after the half hour. He also explains to Benny their time was up and they could pick it up later where it was paused. They toddle off to their rooms. I follow Benny to his, as promised I read him a story. He picks the big caterpillar book. Sleep took over him about half way through. I lay cuddling with him, just thinking back over the day. The dread in the pit of my stomach returns when my memories end.

I untangle from Benny, without waking him. I make coffee for me and Alex, taking his coffee to him in the office. He grumbles thanks when I slide it next to him. As I leave, he grabs my hand and I turn to face him. He has a look in his eyes I can't decipher; it looks like hurt or anger. I'm not sure what to say. Doesn't matter, he beats me to it, breaking the silence.

"What's wrong Tracy? It's killing me watching you withdraw into yourself?"

I look at our hands together; the damn tears are coming – again. I shrug my shoulders and try to let go, but he won't let me.

"Tell me, please?" Now he's holding my hand in both of his, like he's pleading with me.

My shoulders slump and I tell him everything I've been feeling, since I got back. I left nothing out, even that I still love him and how angry I am someone else ruined my happiness and I can't fix it.

Alex pulls me into his lap, taking my face in his hands and kisses me. An honest to God, kiss full of warmth, love and passion. I follow suit, kissing back trying to show him how much love I have for him. I can feel the electricity between us, from my toes through my heart to my head. I ache for him. Now on sensory overload I push back, breaking the kiss and struggling to get up. He is holding me so tight I can barely breathe.

"What are you doing Alex?"

"Fixing something, that should never have been broken. We should never have been separated. I love you Tracy. More than you know. As much as I love Benny and I'm glad I have him. But this has been the most miserable year of my life. I only felt like I was starting to live, when you came back into it. You belong with me and Benny. I love you, that boy worships you. We, us, together; we are a family.

"I should never have shut you out. You deserved the choice to say whether you wanted to raise a child with me. It was stupid. I actually thought it would make a difference. Every time I watch you two together, my heart swells and sinks. We could have been a family from the start. I have no idea how to fix this. I'm so sorry I robbed you of the opportunity. Please forgive me, I love you so much."

I start sobbing into his chest. Alex envelopes me in his big strong arms, whispering how much he loves me in my ear. He rubs my back as I calm down in his lap. I can't believe this is happening, it has to be a dream.

"What about your pilot?"

"I broke up with him that night after hockey. He told me he didn't have time for someone who acted like a child and didn't take things seriously. So I told him, life is too short to take seriously and for the jackass to leave. To tell the truth, I have no idea why I was with him.

"Tracy, we are a forever love. There is no denying it. Nothing comes close to what we have, or what we can and will have. Callen and Jase are about as close to it as I have ever seen. But you and me, there will never be another human being or situation that will separate us again. We don't have a choice because it would break me permanently if we didn't make it."

I cry into his chest harder, telling him how much I love him. I'm fisting his shirt and hanging on for dear life. I cannot lose this man again. I reach up with my lips and kiss his jaw. Alex moves his lips to mine and our mouths meet for the most sensual kiss I have ever felt. God, I really do love this man. Please don't take him away from me, ever. We sit there cuddling for what felt like forever. I see Benny peering around the door.

"Poppy?" I look at him holding my arms open.

"What's the matter munchkin?" I pick him up and sit him across my lap and his head on the other side of his Daddy's chest. Alex put an arm around both of us and kisses the top of our heads.

"I not a chikin, Poppy!"

Alex has his cheek rested on the top of my head while he watches me and Benny. He hugs us tight.

"Ok, gentlemen. I would like to debate the chikin issue further, but.... We have a very special night to get ready for." He lifts us from his lap.

"Benny and I will shower and dress, while you have your shower."

"Ok, I tell Cory to get ready." Benny runs off.

"Can we not say anything yet; this is Callen and Jases night?"

"Damn straight it is! I'm so excited for them and jealous all that the time. I love you Trace, please don't ever doubt that. We are going to have to do better communicating this time. I can't lose you again because we are too afraid of a conversation."

"Mmm..hmm, I love you too. I promise to always talk to you first."

"No more running away from me"

"Not unless you both come with me."

We have a panty dropping kiss, then move off to get ready.