Unity and Destiny Pt. 01

"Food smells good," she said. "OK if I crash dinner?"

"You can stay as long as you want, Kat," he said. "It's nice to see you."

Inside, Kat greeted Nicola and Esther, and was introduced to Selena. With six people they were pushing the limits of their table, but Javier liked the noise and the company. Still, he wasn't surprised when Selena excused herself early.

Kat got up to help with cleaning, but Esther stopped her.

"You should catch up with Javier," she said. "It's nice to see you, Kat."

Javier took Kat to his cabin, and she flopped on the edge of the bed.

"Grace broke up with me," she said. "You probably guessed. This one hurt so much, Javier. And it was all my fault, but I can't see how I'm going to do better next time. And I don't have anyone to talk to."

"OK," he said, sitting next to her. "Well, I'm here."

"Yeah," said Kat. "Right here. I miss you so much, Javier. Ugh, where do I start. So, Samuel came to visit last weekend. He had a great time, and Grace liked him, and you know what? He already somehow knew I was gay. Smart kiddo. He said he wouldn't tell our parents, and I was so relieved. But he brought up Esther all on his own, probably because she made such an impression on him. And then Grace was chatting with him about her, and afterwards she asked me some more questions, and I realized I hadn't kept my story straight. Just little things, but I was frozen, and she got suspicious, because I'm already evasive all the time about hacking stuff. And then we had the whole 'trust' discussion, and the truth is I didn't trust her, did I? Or else I would have been able to tell her everything. But it's such a crazy story, and I don't even know if I have the right to tell anyone else about it. And I didn't see it coming, but this was the last straw for Grace. And I'm never going to find anyone like her again."

Javier leaned against her, until she finally rested her head on his shoulder. Just breathing. He didn't tell her she'd find someone like Grace again, though it might be true. And for a while, he felt almost content. He didn't know how to help Esther, or even what was wrong with her. But he could be there for Kat.

Eventually she stood up.

"Can I beg a bunk bed? I can't face heading home for a while."

"Of course," said Javier. "Just realize that Mark and Nicola may be going at it like bunnies tonight. Selena couldn't take it, and she's sleeping in a lean-to platform that Nicola built."

Kat laughed. "So I get built-in entertainment to remind me of what I'm not getting. Still better than lying alone in my fucking apartment. You know, I think I've judged trees too harshly. It's peaceful out here. I might even just sit outside for a while. Thanks for being you, Javier."

* * *

Esther joined Javier some time after Kat had left. She was glad Kat was here, if only for Javier's sake. The two of them liked each other, and now with Kat single—

No, that didn't make sense. The timing would be all wrong, wouldn't it? What was the matter with her? For a moment, she could almost understand how she must seem to Javier. She needed to set aside real time for him. Give him her full attention. It was so obvious.

"Javier," she said slowly. "I know everything's all crazy now. But I really want to make it work with you tonight. You're always worrying about whether I'm enjoying myself, and it's true, it hasn't been as good lately. So I'm going to go monopolize the bath for an hour or so, to be sure I'm in the right mood. See you soon?"

Javier looked so relieved that she felt terrible. She would do better by him, starting tonight.

When she settled into the bath, she cleared her mind of everything. All but the Watch, of course.

Back to the beginning. She'd had her first orgasm right here. She still remembered the raw sense of wonder as her pleasure built, and exactly what she'd done to make it happen.

Esther got the sprayer adjusted just right, and then rubbed her back on the tub, preparing to match to the pulsing rhythm of her visions, but—it was gone. Was it really there so often? When had she started expecting her own sex to match that beat?

It was all right. She could think about that later. For now, she needed to recapture the mood she'd had. Nervous excitement, as if it was the first time she'd done it. Memories of Nicola's tongue between her legs. Fantasies of a reunion with Javier, of Mark's penis in her mouth. All the dreams and worries of her younger self, which seemed so simple in retrospect.

Her body responded as she knew it would. The walls faded away, the bright sounds and smells and tastes of the others filling her mind. Trees bending ever so slightly in the breeze. Bark and needle singing a lullaby to gentle earth, stone creaking and shivering with the weight of ages. And inside her, the steady thrumming of a beat that was all her own, her heart rushing to fill her toes and her nipples and her fingertips and all her skin with primal fire. She opened her mouth and her orgasm bloomed as the noonday sun, spreading from her to everyone she loved. And then she was gone, floating in her lost world of glowing connections. It was all here, if she could just find it. Her powers, the visions, everything was touching her. She followed a familiar strand and there it was, a portion of the vision from the sculpture, frozen between beats. Trees, a babbling brook, horribly familiar—

With a shatter everything disappeared. Esther was drowning in darkness, but no, it was just the bath, and her senses were gone. Everything was black. Through the roaring in her ears she faintly heard sounds from the others. But her Watch was gone.

She gasped for air, scrambling for her concentration, but this felt different. Worse than last time, even. And she was shying away from the terrible fact.

The woods in the vision from the sculpture were those in her own backyard, back in Virginia. It was exactly the place she had appeared with no memory and no explanation. The place where the first Esther had died.

* * *

Javier looked up in surprise at the voice outside the door. Nicola? Quickly he slipped under the covers. Maybe it made no difference to Nicola, but it did to him. He was incredibly horny. Whatever Esther had been doing in the bath, it felt as though she'd reached right inside to grip his libido with a warm, firm hand.

"Come in," he called.

Nicola came, leading Esther. Esther was in her bathrobe, and she was shaking her head.

"I'm all right," Esther said, though it was pretty obvious she wasn't. She'd been crying, for one.

"Javier," Nicola said. "Something happened to Esther. I think she briefly lost control somehow. Did you feel it?"

"Yeah," he said. "Esther, what happened?"

"I don't know," Esther said dully. "I had an orgasm, and then everything went haywire. Oh, Javier, I'm all screwed up. I'm so sorry for ruining the night. Nicola, you really didn't have to. I just need sleep."

Nicola gave Esther one more long look, and then she left them alone.

Esther dropped her robe and turned off the light. With a groan, she eased into bed next to him. Oddly, she was shivering with cold, and she snuggled happily against him.

"It was like a big reset," she said softly. "It's taking me time to get my head together. Everything's hard right now."

"It's all right, Esther. You'll feel better in the morning. Just let me hold you."

"I had it all planned," Esther said. "I wanted—"

"There will be other nights, sweetie. The rest of our lives, right?"

Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. Esther would probably long outlive him. But she just sighed and kissed him on the neck.

"I love you, Javier, so much it hurts."

He waited until her breath slowed, and finally he relaxed enough to sleep himself.

* * *

Esther blinked. How long had she been sitting here with the sculpture? She remembered a fitful night. Nightmares, more vivid than ever. And then the calming familiarity of the twisted root under her hands.

The Watch was still gone, and when she reached for it she felt—nothing. She hadn't meant for any of this to happen.

But the quiet pulsing was back, and at least her ordinary senses were recovering. She could feel Selena and Mark, heading out before dawn as they'd planned. Everyone else was asleep.

There was something wrong with her mind. She was sick, in a way no one here understood, and she was of no use to anyone until she fixed it. The only clues she had were the visions. And she finally felt where she had to go. It wasn't so very far.

She dressed and slipped out of the cabin. Each step gave her greater reassurance. There were answers waiting for her.

She paused briefly at the door of Javier's car. They would be worried, wouldn't they? There was no need. She moved to the dining cabin, her body resisting every step back. Just a quick note.

Then she was back in the car. The engine would be noisy, but she knew how to dampen that. Let everyone else keep sleeping. No need to worry them.

The miles passed, and her mind felt curiously calm. The sun was rising in front of her when she crested the Sierras, and she found herself crying softly. Everything was fresh and bright, and she would finally understand the mystery of her origin.

The landscape turned more severe, dry flat basins interspersed with scrubby mountain ranges. Miles and miles, and always the pull in front of her. It wasn't as close as she'd thought, but she would be there soon enough.

A sleepy town came in sight, and she realized she was nearly out of fuel again. Her stomach growled, but that could wait. Not long now.

The sun was low behind her when she turned off the state highway onto a gravel road. All around her the landscape stretched, layered rock bluffs cut by water and time, the top layers glowing red with the fading sun. She knew the direction, but for the first time she worried if this was the right path. The road was getting bumpier. She should have taken the truck, but no—the others needed it. She would walk when she had to. There had never been any vehicle sounds in her vision. Just the rocks stretching above her. The warmth of sun-baked stone, and human bodies.

The broad wash she was following narrowed, and finally she could drive no farther. The air was cool, but still warmer than it had been at the camp that morning. Stars emerged from the deep purple sky overhead, and she could feel the pulsing. Miles ahead, but she could get there on her own.

The path rose steeply, and then she was crossing a broad plateau. The Milky Way stretched brilliantly across the sky, without even a hint of light pollution. No signs of humans at all. This was a timeless place, one that belonged to people like her.

She reached the end of the plateau, and more rock walls rose in front of her. There was a pattern within the rocks, a kind of spiraling that drew her inexorably forward. Water burbled softly, as it had in her visions. The walls narrowed, and then she had a shock of recognition.

It was a wide shelf, partly overhung by the wall above it. Every stone was part of the pattern in her head. Every piece fit, an intricate key in her mind.

It was utterly deserted.

Esther collapsed, staring ahead. The pulsing visions overlay her ordinary senses, promising insights she'd waited her entire life to find.

A distant part of her mind was screaming, telling her something was terribly wrong. She struggled to her feet and turned around, willing herself to move back down the canyon. But the pulsing was overwhelming, and somehow the rocks themselves resisted her. Crying, exhausted, she sank to her knees again, and finally she lay on the warm rock, staring at the towering walls and black sky. The murmur of voices swept over her and she surrendered to them.

*****