Unity and Destiny Pt. 08

Esther thought about that. But she had to focus on the bomber again. It was her great failing: too much theory, not enough practice. She was tired and hungry, which meant that soon she would have to attend to her body, and go to sleep. Raj was here with her, keeping her company the way he did for a few hours every day. Mostly he talked mathematics, thinking out loud. Sometimes he'd ask her a question, and a corner of her mind had been turning over the ideas he was presenting her. A brilliant, different way to look at a problem they'd been struggling with for a month or more. In truth, Raj and Anatoly had been struggling with it on their own.

Esther was distracted enough that she almost missed her chance. But she caught it, and this time she saved two different groups again. Only four people, though. And two of them might have survived anyway.

Raj had fallen silent when she'd grunted in effort, and she felt him watching her unhappily. She didn't have much strength left, but she didn't want to do to Raj what she kept doing to Javier: slipping past silently, using the bathroom, eating some food. It wasn't right to do it to Javier, either, but if she talked with Javier she'd probably shatter into a billion pieces.

So she continued her discussion with Father, who'd waited patiently through all of this.

"Circumstances may matter," said Esther, trying to regroup her thoughts. "But only to a certain degree. I'm not going to hurt those pilots. I'm not going to tell Myra Jackson where the Mexican is, so she can send a hundred missiles at his compound, or just one big nuclear weapon the way Yau used on Gupta. I have to keep my focus small, so I don't succumb to my own arrogance again. Individuals."

"Even then, maybe it's not as simple as you think, my little shining star."

Father was pushing her, directing her attention to something she'd ignored, a detail that her subconscious was screaming about. And when she found it, her blood chilled. It was a message, crafted with exquisite precision.

Your motivations are understandable, but you are being foolish. Until now you have hidden yourself impeccably, but there is a pattern to what you are doing in Mexico. If I could find it, others eventually will as well. Hide yourself, young one, and learn to be more subtle if you must act.

The message glimmered in a tight ball within otherspace. It had no voice, no clues about its origin, and it was connected to nothing anymore except her. Perhaps she could have traced it, if she'd been quicker. Or perhaps not.

Slowly Esther fell out of otherspace, though it was more an exhausted slide. She heard Raj calling the others, and then her teacher's hand was on her forehead. She opened her eyes but she was still slipping sideways, and she couldn't see anything.

"It will be all right," Raj said, somewhere in the distance. "Tomorrow, I would be so grateful if you and I could talk of mathematics. I think there is something beautiful waiting, but I need you to help me see, Esther. I think we both need that more than anything right now."

* * *

"Maybe it was Ndaki, in Cameroon," said Javier. "Tanaka didn't remember much about him."

"Or someone else entirely," said Selena. "But you're sure the Mexican didn't feel what you were doing?"

Esther rubbed her head. She didn't want to think about this. She wanted to get back to mathematics with Raj. It was her distraction from all her mistakes, all the wrong she'd done. But then, Father had told her gently not to think like that. She had to trust him, even if the voice had been a figment of her imagination.

"He hasn't changed anything," Esther said. "He's not looking this direction. He's hiding again, but he's busy. I'm pretty sure he's getting personally involved in this war. Can we not talk about him for just one meal?"

Everyone looked contrite, even Raj, who had nothing to be sorry for. So she went on, just to reassure them.

"I don't think this new person is necessarily dangerously gifted—I was just foolish. But it's true the message they sent me is nothing like anything I've seen. I'll have to figure out how that works."

"After we finish our discussion," Raj said sternly, and she nodded, pulling her chair back and standing up.

The morning she'd woken up, he'd begun talking to her as though they were back at Stanford, arguing over something in Anatoly's office. He'd given her no chance to think of anything else, and then he'd assigned her work to do on her own. The assignments were difficult and vague, but that was how research always was, on the far edge of human knowledge, where everyone chased ideas that mostly turned into dead ends. Raj was forcing her along, filling her day with mathematics that she loved, and being a stricter taskmaster than she'd ever experienced. There was hardly any time even to feel guilty, and that was the point. These meals were almost the only time she spent doing anything else. Even at bedtime, she'd forced her mind through the research until she fell into an exhausted sleep.

She loved it. Javier had reminded her so often that she could just devote her life to mathematics, though of course that wasn't realistic. But this pause was necessary. She needed a break from using her abilities the way she had. In any case, there was a secret she hadn't even told Raj: they were groping their way towards a novel connection between topology and geometry, and she was sure it would be vital to her understanding of otherspace.

In time, anyway; this was difficult work. She smiled as Raj began writing in his quick, neat fashion, his pencil never quite keeping up with his mind. And in the meantime she let a corner of her mind soar into the most abstract parts of otherspace, far from bombs or dangerous people, or anything human at all. Hopefully today her mind would find the connections, because she dimly understood this pause couldn't last forever. She needed to be ready for what came next.

* * *

Javier stroked Esther's arm. As usual, she ignored him, her eyes staring off at the ceiling, working on her mathematics as she did every night, until her mind wouldn't work anymore, and she could collapse into sleep. It depressed Javier to remember that all this was a huge improvement from last week. Thank God for Raj and his tireless efforts to keep her busy. But if she wasn't talking, there was something still seriously wrong.

He'd gone to Reno on a shopping trip, and then spent the afternoon talking with Jacob and Tomiko about how to handle Esther. He hoped this direct approach would work.

Javier climbed atop her, resting on his forearms and staring right into her eyes. She blinked with irritation, then focused on him briefly.

"Javier, I know it's not fair, but I've got to keep going, or I'll just fall apart. I'm not ready."

"You don't seem to be getting any more ready."

She frowned. "What do you want from me, Javier?"

"I want you to stop planning how you're going to go after the Mexican," he said.

She started. "Javier, I'm not—"

But Esther didn't finish the sentence, because they never lied to each other. It wasn't like they'd made an agreement or anything, but they couldn't do it. And maybe until now she hadn't really admitted what she was doing.

"Yes, you are," he said. "Maybe even while you're doing math with Raj, you're thinking how helpful all of it will be for how you understand otherspace. That maybe it's what you need to get an edge over him. Who knows, Esther, maybe it is. But you have to stop thinking that way."

Esther turned her head away, eyes reddening.

"Why, Javier? Why do I have to stop? I had to stop saving those people, and every day I think how many more I could have saved, if only I was stronger and smarter. The Mexican has to be stopped, so this war can be over."

"How's that going to work?" Javier asked. "Do you think it'll be like Franklin, where we take out the one guy, and then all the cartels and the corrupt cops and the separatist groups that are springing up will just stop fighting? Is the Mexican controlling all of them the way Franklin was?"

Esther shook her head in frustration. "He's in the middle of all of it, though. I know he's making everything worse. And not just in Mexico. Those skirmishes in Pakistan, and Ukraine, I'm sure he's responsible for some of it. I can feel him reaching out, with so much power. He's so dangerous, Javier."

Javier sighed. "Maybe. But it sounds like you don't really know what he's doing. You have to talk to us, and you have to be patient. All of you are getting stronger, figuring new things out about your skills. You have to reserve some energy to help the others."

"I know," Esther said miserably. "I'm being a terrible friend, and even worse to you. But what you're seeing is all the patience I can manage."

"How patient do you think Abuela was?"

That brought her up short, just as Jacob had said it would.

"She was a different person," Esther said. "And she lived through different times. The world wasn't falling apart like this."

"Of course it was," Javier said. "How do you think she felt during the second world war, anyway? Or the first one, or the Civil War for that matter? She lived through all of those disasters, and she probably hated how little she could do. Ask yourself how Abuela would handle the situation right now. She had abilities you still can't manage, and a century and a half more experience than you. What would she be doing?"

Esther thought about it, and Javier knew he'd gotten through a little.

"She'd find what she could understand," Esther said slowly. "An area, a group of people. And then she'd protect that carefully, and fiercely. Always wishing she could do more."

"Yes," Javier said, kissing her. "That, exactly. She'd be anguished the way you'll always be. But she must have tried a lot of things in her life, and that was what she settled on. Trying never to use her abilities to harm, just as you try. And keeping her focus on what she could manage, so she didn't make mistakes or go crazy trying to fix the whole world."

Esther wrapped her arms around him, pulling his weight on top of her. "I love you, Javier. And I'm so sorry for what I did to you and Nicola. I should have known something was horribly wrong if I was willing to do that. I scare myself sometimes, Javier. I feel like I'm turning into a monster."

"You never will," said Javier, kissing her. "You'll just make mistakes like all of us, except that you'll beat yourself up about it ten times as hard. Abuela chose the best person she could have. I know she would be so proud of you."

* * *

"Javier talked some sense into me last night," Esther said. "He reminded me that Abuela didn't try to act the way I've been acting. She protected all the Changed she could, in the nearest couple states. She could track a lot more people and places at once than me, and she could sense troubles far sooner, so most of the time she could take very subtle actions."

"She had so much time," Mark said. "You will learn to do all that, I'm sure."

Esther nodded. "Maybe, or maybe my abilities are fundamentally different. In any case, I've been acting rashly. One reason Jacob said Abuela was so cautious was that she was never positive of the consequences of her actions, and her core principle was to avoid harming others with her abilities. I need to focus on something smaller, something I know better. And that's my family. I want to take care of all of you, and I've been doing a horrible job of it. I've been arrogant and impatient, wanting to fix big things in the world, and it hasn't turned out the way I've wanted. And instead of keeping you safe, I've dragged you with me into danger. That's going to stop now. I'm going to be here for all of you, and we're going to figure out how we can all be safe. Everything else can wait. But you're all going to have to help me with this."

"Of course we will," Selena said, smiling. "Esther, I can't tell you how much better this makes me feel. If you like, we can stop talking obsessively about the news every morning. Probably better for all of us."

"No," Esther said. "Better that than me spending hours in otherspace to understand what's happening. We'll talk about events like normal people, and then we'll do our work. The mathematics has been wonderful, Raj, but I shouldn't be spending all day on it. It's probably not the most efficient way to work, anyway."

Raj laughed in relief. "No, Esther, of course it isn't. Your rate of progress has been astonishing, but even your mind would be better served with some variety. My colleagues all think I'm an unhealthy workaholic, and it's still been exhausting to be around you. I think we're getting close to that breakthrough, but the mathematics will always be there. That's one of the best things about it."

Raj was right about all that. She took Mark up on his offer to spend the morning out exploring, and she felt a little of something she hadn't for a while: contentment. Mark's steps were quieter and quicker now than she remembered. When she turned her mind to mathematics, she found a different way to approach the problem she'd been struggling with for two days. But it could wait, as Raj said. This was what was important: Mark's joy at being in the woods, his cautious smiles to her, his failed attempts to tell her something she might already understand. She loved Mark, the way she loved all of them. But especially Javier.

She was physically exhausted when she got back, but she gave Mark a firm hug, and he held her longer than she was used to from him. He'd been worried about her, like all of them. And she shouldn't pretend to herself she was all better overnight. Javier would keep her honest about that. Even now he was talking with Nicola about her, and she refused to eavesdrop, because they were only doing what families did: worrying about each other. It was time for her to worry more about all of them, and to start doing something about it.

* * *

The war dragged on, and despite all the optimistic speeches, it was clear things weren't going as well as hoped. The bombings decreased in frequency, maybe because the American and British planes had already struck most of the places they'd originally intended. But there were more ground troops than ever, and the situation was confusing to everyone. Esther voiced her opinion that the Mexican wanted it this way.

"It's like he's doing in Mexico what he helped do around the world," she said one morning. "Those paramilitary forces organizing, the Zapatistas and all the those other separatist movements, all the popular support and the new weapons they suddenly have. It points attention away from him."

Javier was inclined to agree. And while Esther kept a careful distance in otherspace from the Mexican's activities, she said he was becoming increasingly bold in his actions. One day she said he was responsible for an incident where two American planes collided, something the news hadn't reported.

"He did something to one of the pilots," Esther said. "Not like Franklin. Probably more like what he did to Mr. Tanaka, a kind of mental assault. It wasn't exactly subtle, but he had enough control of its effects to cause the crash."

The Mexican was even more dangerous than they'd realized. Thankfully Nicola, Selena, and Mark were making steady progress in their ability to hide from him or anyone else. Selena was becoming so good that Esther said she might one day be better at it than Diana. If she managed that, it would be more than enough to protect herself at a distance from other Changed, unless they approached Esther's sensitivity. And Esther said she was beginning to doubt the Mexican had that skill.

Their friends were making other advances, too. One afternoon Nicola asked Javier to come out to the rough grassy area with her.

"I'd like to do something to you," she said. "I have to admit it'll probably be very unpleasant, but I need to see if it works. I'm nearly sure it won't actually damage you."

Javier squinted at her. "Nearly sure?"

"Oh, all right, I'm about as sure as I can be. Mark said it shouldn't cause any permanent harm, but it also didn't work very well on him."

Javier sighed. "I guess I'll give it a go. So, do you want me to attack you or something? Because the last time we tried this my shoulder took a couple days to stop hurting."

Nicola laughed. "You know I still feel bad about that, especially after the lecture Mark gave me. No, this should be safer. But go ahead and run at me as though you're going to attack me."

He nodded, and then without warning lunged at her.

Suddenly his head was ringing, and he lost his footing. He tried to stand up again, but he felt nauseous, and he only made it to his knees. The dizziness went away after a few seconds, though he still felt nauseous.

Nicola was helping him to his feet. He described as best he could what he'd felt.

"Oh, perfect," Nicola said. "It's just sound. Infrasound mostly, very low frequency vibrations. I heard the military is thinking of using it, so I've been trying to make it work."

"Congratulations," Javier said, rubbing his forehead. "You've got a stun weapon, and I still want to puke. Please don't ask me to be a guinea pig again for, like, and hour at least."

"You're a good sport," she said, pulling him into a full-body hug. And suddenly all he could think about was how good she smelled, and how much he wanted to have sex with her.

The feeling stopped when she pulled away from him. He wondered it was some weird side effect from her abilities. Probably not, though. Javier was just all-around horny today.

Maybe Nicola had noticed, or maybe not. Later that afternoon, after another hour of work on the staircase to the second floor, she looked down at him and smiled.

"I think it's safe enough," she said. "Want to explore the second floor?"

Nicola had already been up there plenty, during the exhausting efforts to replace the rotted beams near the staircase. She hadn't let anyone else up, aside of course from Selena, whose sleeping spot was in the bedroom at the other corner. But even Selena still used her ladder from outside to get there.

He carefully followed her up, the stairs, heart soaring. After all this work, they could finally start using the house properly.

The second floor was a mess, full of sawdust and waste from their construction work. The staircase ended at a small open area, and the rest of the floor was taken up by the three bedrooms. The ceilings were sloped under the eaves, and none of rooms was very large. But he knew they would be wonderful after some work. Right now Selena's was the only one that was clean, though it was devoid of furniture, as Selena liked sleeping on the floor.

"It's marvelous," Javier said. "Cozy, like Esther's farmhouse."

"Yeah," said Nicola. "I think we should invite Kat and Grace back. I know Esther wants to see them, and I won't be a bitch about it. I like them a lot, truthfully. It was just so crammed in here."

"I'd like that, too," said Javier.

Nicola smiled and wiped her brow, grimacing at the dirt streak.

"Ugh, I'm filthy. Time for a nice long shower. Want to join?"

He blinked, taking a second to process it. It hadn't come out quite as casually as she'd probably wanted.

"Christ, yes," he said, and she laughed.

Esther and Mark were off in the woods somewhere. Javier tried to tell himself that wasn't the reason they were doing this, but he was pretty sure it wouldn't have happened otherwise. When Nicola got the water adjusted right, she undressed quickly, stepping into the big tub and soaping up.

The moment Javier got into the tub with her, she gave up all pretense, turning to lean against him and slipping her fingers into her bush. Javier kissed her on the neck, feeling the weight of her perfect tits in his hands, letting his growing erection slide along the soapy crack of her ass. Nicola was shaking against him, and he held her tighter, tasting the sweat behind her ears, the smell of her hair, just like in Oregon—