Unrequited Love

He let out a really deep breath and said, "Chris I was just mourning over what could never be. We wouldn't have worked out and last night is when we realized it. I wanted it to work, but it wasn't meant to be."

"Yeah, ok, but what am I missing? I mean it seems like you still like him or you wouldn't have pulled me off him today, so why can't you two be together? Dude, you shouldn't be this sad over something that you had a hand in creating."

"Chris it's not that it's just that I can't give everything to Rob the way he deserves and he understands that."

"Well what the hell is it; I really thought you liked him."

"I do it's just so complicated."

"What the hell are you talking about? It doesn't sound complicated to me. If you like the guy or love him, then why not go for it?"

"It's just not that simple"

"Yes it is. Bro, don't make this hard on yourself. I know you've probably never been in love before so maybe you're scared."

"It's not that. I just can't..."

"You can't what bro, spit it out!"

"I CAN'T love Rob; I'm already in love with someone else!"

"Goddammit! Why didn't you say so? All this beating around the bush, you could have said that from the beginning. And who is this guy? Do I know him? I thought you were only dating Rob. Wow, so you went ahead and fell. Well congrats. But wait, that doesn't explain the look on your face. I need to know for sure that Rob didn't deserve the hit. So why the look?"

By now I was shaking him because it was like he had fucking peanut butter in his throat, he wouldn't say anything of substance. It had to be big for him to be so adamant about not telling me. It was driving me crazy. The last thing I expected was for him to blurt out, "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

He began sobbing uncontrollably and I needed to pick my jaw up of the floor and get my hearing checked. The next thing I knew was that he was walking out the door and slamming it behind him.

DERECK

Of all the reckless, stupid, crazy, and wonderful things that Chris could have done, why did he have to hit Rob? Damn I wanted to kiss him so bad because he thought he was coming to my rescue. I woke up and wanted to talk to Rob, seeing as he was the only one who knew how I felt about Chris. I knew where he would be and decided to go there. Imagine my surprise when I saw Chris deck him. I raced down the block and got there just in time before Chris hit him again. When I hauled Chris away from Rob, I was not ready for the sensations that assaulted me with him under me on the ground. His hair, soap, and just his scent were intoxicating. I never really allowed myself to get too close to him for this very reason. He was driving me crazy. When he said I could let him up, I had to use sheer willpower not to tighten my arms around him and never let him go. Reluctantly I let him go.

When we got up, it was time for explanations; I knew that he would no longer associate my behavior last night to Rob once he found out that we were still friends. Rob suggested we find somewhere private to talk. On the way back to the dorms, I had resigned to myself that I would just have to lie. I had to keep at least that part of me secret because I didn't want to hurt anymore than I already did.

He started asking me more questions and I just couldn't make myself outright lie. He kept pushing until I blurted out the truth. The horror of the situation fell on me right after and I couldn't stop the tears. I didn't even look at his face because I was terrified of what i'd find there. So I ran, and ran, and ran. By the time I stopped, I had no idea where I was. I saw a nearby park and just sat. For how long I don't know. It started to rain and I felt it was fitting for how I felt.

I was empty. I had lost my best friend because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. At least when he didn't know I still had him as a friend. There's no way in hell we'd be friends now that he knew. I probably freaked him out. He's gonna think that I wanna turn him gay. All these thoughts were going through my head. When I saw dawn creeping up and washing away the night, I decided it was time to go and face the music once again. I walked until I saw a payphone and then called a cab.

When I arrived back at my dorm room, before I even got in the door good, I was met with a fist. I didn't even try to stop it. I knew this would be a possibility and I was prepared to suffer through a beating. Nothing could be worse than the emotional pain i'd already been through.

Oddly, there was only one punch.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"..." Oh my God are you alright?! You're shivering. You fucking idiot!"

At this point, I had no idea what was going on. Chris was yelling at me and just starring. The next thing I knew he's dragging me down the hall and throwing me into the shower clothes and all.

It wasn't until the hot water hit me that I realized how cold I was. Belatedly I knew that I was gonna be sick. Oh well.

"Take those wet clothes off and when I get back i'll bring you some pajamas."

He walked away muttering under his breath and I collapsed in a heap on the floor. My stare was vacant. I didn't even care what happened to me next. Chris came in and started yelling all over again. I didn't catch all of it but there was a handbag of curse words and some 'idiots' and even a 'douche bag'. Damn, I hadn't heard that one since we were kids. It made me smile a little. He stood me back up and eventually I got undressed and into some pajamas. He helped me back to the room, although it felt more like he was dragging me. I fell into bed and was asleep almost instantly.

CHRIS

The slamming door snapped me out of my stupor and I wasn't sure what to do. Did he really say he loved me? This was crazy. No one has ever been in love with me. This was scary and so confusing because what was I supposed to do now? I mean if this were a girl then i'd definitely make a go of it. But this wasn't and to top it off, this is my best friend here. I needed to know what to do, but seeing as I wasn't gay, I had no idea of where to start. I didn't want to see him hurt but I guessed it was a little late for that. No, I guess now I didn't want to consciously hurt him. It struck me that he must have been hurt over me getting with um... what's her name? Oh, yeah, Mary. Damn I couldn't even remember her name. Anyway, i'm hurt that he couldn't come to me but I guess I understood it.

It was getting late so I figured he'd be back in a little while so we could at least talk about it. When he didn't come back, I admit I went a little crazy. I imagined all sorts of things. Him hurting himself, or getting hurt. I called Rob and we went out looking for him. During the course of our investigation, Rob told me everything he knew which was a helluva lot more than I knew. I was stunned more than once as each secret that my best friend kept from me came to life. By the end of the story, shit I was damn near heart-broken myself. My friend was hurting for so long and I never knew. I damn near wished that I were gay so that maybe i'd feel I deserved such emotions but I was just me. I swear at the time I just felt like the dumb blockhead that never got a subtlety in their life.

It stunned me that for almost five years Der had had feelings for me and I never knew it. We couldn't find him so we just went home. I knew he'd have to turn up. If only to get his clothes. I had a feeling that he didn't want to be around me. I hoped he was somewhere warm because of the rain, but I just didn't know.

At almost eight o'clock in the morning, I heard his key. He opened the door and I was so relieved that I almost couldn't stand. Then I thought of how stupid he'd been to just run off like that. I thought of how worried I was about him and I just reacted to it. I punched him square in the jaw. He went down and didn't even speak. It was like he expected me to beat him up. He was soaked to the skin and that's when I realized that he didn't look so good.

I'd explain to him later that I wasn't gay bashing but for now he needed warmth so I threw him into a hot shower. Only then did he show some signs of life. I swear he looked like a part of him died. I hated that look and I needed it to be gone but for the moment I focused on getting him warm. Once we got back to the room, he got under the covers and was out instantly.

I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. I still had no idea what to do. I mean yeah I loved the guy, he was my best friend but I wasn't in love with him. He's a he and i'm not gay. Sure, i've never had a bond like this with anyone, but that's because it's just not that common. Most girls think i'm all looks or that i'm a sex addict, and most guys are cool to hang out with but we never really clicked like me and Der did. All of these years of friendship will just go down the tube if I don't do something. This was the most nerve-wracking problem i'd ever dealt with. What was I going to do?

DERECK

When I finally woke up, I felt like I had been hit with a sledgehammer. My head was spinning and I felt like I was on fire. When I was finally able to sit up, I saw that there was some soup, water, and aspirin on my desk. There was a note with specific instructions not to get out of bed. If I weren't so sick, I would have cried at how Chris was taking care of me. I lay back down after eating the soup and thought about how to deal with my situation. I was really just trying to resign myself to the fact that my friendship was over. There was no way that we could still be friends with him knowing that I loved him. I called Rob and asked if I could stay with him until the end of the school year. There was less than two months left and I figured that I could make it until then.

I watched TV until I fell back asleep. When I woke up again Chris was there giving me more aspirin and soup. I even had a cool towel on my forehead. Damn I loved this man. He didn't say anything and for once I was glad that he wasn't talking. It was an almost comfortable silence since there was just nothing left to say at the moment. He laid down on his bed and draped his arm over his face. I turned over and went back to sleep.

We continued like this until I was well enough to go back to class. Chris had called my friends so that I wouldn't miss any notes or assignments from my classes. I really appreciated all that he'd done for me, but I was still resigned to moving to Rob's and letting our friendship go. I thought that he at least deserved to know so before I started packing I sat down and made sure that I was looking straight into his eyes. I let all of the love I had for him show in my eyes. I figured that i'd never see him again or that I would at least try to avoid him for a while.

"Chris thank you so much for taking care of me, you didn't really have to but i'm glad you did."

"No problem, what are friends for?"

"Well about the friends part, I don't think we should be friends anymore... or at least we should just not be around each other for a while. I hope you understand."

"No Chris I don't understand, how can you say something that no one has ever told me a week ago and now not want to be my friend?"

"It's precisely why I can't be around you right now. I never expected you to find out. It was one thing to let you know that I was gay, but it's another reality when you know the reason that i've never been in a real relationship. I thought that I had something with Rob but I couldn't get you out of my system, even on a subconscious level. I didn't know that rooming with you after I came out would make it so hard. I'm moving out until the end of the school year. I think I need to just cut myself off from you for a while. It is driving me crazy that I can't have you and I can't move on. I need to unstick myself from this situation. I need a life and my feelings for you are keeping me from that." So until I can get you out of my system, we can't be friends. I hope you understand.

With that long explanation, I let out a long breath and started packing. I told him that i'd come back later for the rest of my stuff. He still hadn't said anything. I packed as much as I could into two large duffel bag and stuffed my backpack with my books. With that, I was out of the door.

CHRIS

After Dereck left I thought of all the things that I had wanted to say that seemed to stick in my throat. This was absurd, my life was falling apart and it wasn't even my fault. I seriously wished for a few moments that I was gay. I had never thought about guys like that, a hard dick did nothing for me. No girl had ever played with my ass so I couldn't even imagine what gay sex was like.

I wanted Der in my life; he was my best friend dammit. I've never been in love, but if it feels anything like how I was feeling, I didn't wish it on anyone. This made me think of how Der must be feeling. Damn, he loved me. It was still something that I had a hard time coming to grips with. I didn't think I deserved to be loved like that, especially since there wasn't a way for that love to be fulfilled. I guess you couldn't choose who you loved. The thing that weirded me out was that him loving me didn't gross me out, it just made me feel unworthy. I saw the way he looked at me when he told me he was going to move out. It was incredible; I don't think he's ever looked at me like that. I felt small and helpless. As much as I still wanted his friendship, I understood on some level the need to purge me from his system, but did our friendship have to go along with it?

I thought about it some more and the more I thought, I became increasingly angry. I needed my friend back and just because he had some emotional problems right now didn't mean that we couldn't be friends. Maybe if I made him mad at me, then he wouldn't love me anymore and we could have it out the old-fashioned way- with a good brawl. Otherwise, who knew when i'd get my friend back with him doing things his way. Yeah, as the plan formulated in my mind I began to smile.

In the last weeks of school, I started being sort of a stalker. I just couldn't give up on our friendship. At first Der would just blush beet red and act as if us spotting each other was a coincidence. It made me smile even more knowing that I was getting to him. With each new 'coincidence', he stopped blushing and his eyes became hooded. He would scowl now and just ignore me. I knew I was making him angry, but I just couldn't help it.

Finally, I got him to speak to me. I had bumped into him at the local hangout and he finally spoke up.

"Chris please leave me alone. I've got finals coming up and I need to concentrate."

"Oh please dude, you know we hang out with the same crowd, we just happen to keep bumping into each other."

"That's bullshit Chris, you know how hard this is for me and I thought you understood this so why are you baiting me?"

He really did look bad, and I had a moment of doubt that my plan wouldn't work, but i'd come this far so I just continued.

"Man you really need to get your head checked, i'm not doing anything to you, it's all in your head."

"Just leave me alone Chris, please."

"If I were messing with you, why should I stop? You looovve me, remember, all you'll do is run away like you did before, maybe i'm doing you a favor by forcing you to face yourself."

I couldn't believe that i'd just said that to him, but I needed him to let off the pressure. He was wound so tight that he was gonna crash in a little while. I realized that all this time I was really trying to help him. That made me feel better about baiting him like that.

"Just stop Chris, I can't do this."

"Sure you can, just talk to me, say whatever you want, you look like shit anyway so what ever the hell you're doing isn't working anyway. I'm still your friend, so let it out."

By now, I was poking him and he just kept stumbling backwards. His throat was working and his eyes kept closing. I knew he was close to tears and if I didn't get him to blow soon I didn't know what i'd do.

DERECK

I couldn't believe it, Chris really had been stalking me. Truth be told, I had begun to expect him to pop up at inopportune times. Once I realized that it was more than just by mistake, I started wondering at his motives. The only thing that I could think about was that he was angry with me for not being his friend and he was punishing me. It began to wear on me that he would do something like that and me moving out didn't seem to be helping the matter any. Why would he do this?

I finally had had enough. I tried to talk to him, but he was pushing me harder and harder. He started saying words that were like knives to my heart. Finally, I decided that I had to do something so that he would leave me alone. I closed my eyes so that I could get myself together as much as possible. I couldn't believe what I was about to do but there was no other way.

"You want me to let it out!?" I started shouting at him and pushing him back. I didn't even care that he looked a little shocked. I've never been one for violence, but when I finally get angry, it takes me a while to calm down. I needed to simulate that now.

I grabbed him by his shirt collar and threw him onto the ground. By now, we had moved to a somewhat secluded spot, but for what I needed to do, I hoped there was at least a few people around to add to the effect.

I leaned down and started shaking him and yelling, "Why are you doing this to me, you know that I love you!!" I punched him and winced as my fist connected with his face. "Is this what you want? For me to get angry and let it out!?"

By now, I was so close to his face that I could feel his breath on my face as I looked at him. I pulled back and peered down on him. "Do you know why I stay away? It's because every time i'm around you I want to do this."

With that, I bent down and plastered my lips to his in a bruising kiss. I pulled back to catch my breath and immediately went back into the kiss. I didn't care that he wasn't responding, I think he was in shock that I would kiss him.

"Every time I see you I want to run my tongue down every inch of your body, and I do mean every inch."

I was still holding onto his shirt and I knew my eyes were filled with lust. I popped a boner because most of what I was saying wasn't acting. I made sure that I rubbed it against his thigh. I'm sure that by now you know that my plan was to get him good and disgusted so that he'd leave me alone. I looked into his eyes and he looked a little scared. That was good. I bent my head down and licked at his neck before lightly kissing the same spot. When I was sure he wouldn't move I bit down on his neck and felt him tense up. Oh yeah, he'd be good and pissed when he saw that. I jerked him back, got up, and left him lying on the ground.

I walked away feeling a bit better, knowing that there was no way he'd be bothering me from now on. I was a little sad that it was finally over, but at least i'd get a chance to live my life.

CHRIS

OH MY FUCKING GOD!! I can't believe how that fucking backfired. I walked back to the dorm still in shock. I should have been repulsed by something like that but oddly, I wasn't. What could this mean? Was I gay now or something? I mean he kissed me and I had a hard time not moaning. Then he starts licking my neck and I felt it all in my balls and down into the tips of my toes. I was so fucking hard that I couldn't believe it! When he bit me, my god I almost creamed in my pants.

I had a feeling that he was only doing that to gross me out or something but oh my it hadn't worked. Now I was the one tripping out. I sat down on my bed and started to really think about what happened and where to go from there.

The thought that he popped a boner and ground it into me was just such a turn on? Was it really a turn on? Yeah, I guess it was. I needed to find out what was going on with me.