Used Ch. 05

Eyes that roamed her body freely. There was a stubborn spark of lust in his eyes as he drank her in. The look, however hot was fleeting, the fire doused as quickly as it had ignited.

For the briefest of moments she had envisoned him scooping her up in his strong arms and kissing her hard, telling her that all was forgiven and that he still loved her.

Jamie shook her head, knowing it was a pipe dream. As she slid on a pair of olive green shorts, she cursed violently. "Get the fuck over it, Kincaid. Get over him."

A quiet knock at the door made her heart lurch. Was it really him?

"Jay? It's me."

Jamie sighed. So much for fantasy. "It's open Nora."

Nora stepped into the room. "Are you okay? You ran past everyone."

Jamie shot her a look. "You knew he was coming." It was a declaration, not a question.

"I did, I will admit that."

"Why, Nora? After everything that's happened between me and Nate, why would you invite him?"

Nora folded her slender arms, the 'no duh' look apparent on her pretty face. "You just answered your own question, Jay. Two years is enough time to sulk, isn't it?"

"I haven't been sulking," she said somewhat guiltily.

"Bullshit. I know you've been dying to ask about Nate every time we talked over the years."

Ooh, busted. "So what Nora? What good will it do to drudge up the past?"

"It might make living a whole lot easier Jay." Her eyes softened. "You're right where you want to be in life, and yet you look so sad it makes my heart hurt for you. I'm your friend, Jamie. I want nothing but the best for you."

She felt her throat tightening as the tears started to form. "Nora Masters, you aren't going to make me cry on vacation."

Nora laughed as she dabbed at her own eyes. "Okay, I promise to ease up on you."

"And I promise to be civil for you."

Nora nodded. "Good. Now come to the store with me. I've got to make a beer run."

Jamie smiled. It would be good just to get away from all this tension at least for a bit. Clear her head, and return without thinking about how good it used to feel wrapped in a certain man's arms.

They descended the stairs and walked out down to the driveway. Jamie's good mood vanished as she saw Nate leaning casually against Danny's Lexus SUV.

"Nora," she hissed. "What is he doing here?"

"Nate!" Nora said loudly. "Ready to go?"

Nate shot Nora a semi-irritated look. "Yeah, seein' as I was forced to go."

"That's the spirit!" she replied brightly. Nora handed Jamie the keys. "Well, you guys better get going!"

Jamie glared at Nora. "Wait, you're not coming?"

"Nope," Nora replied. "I have to go help Danny and Matt set up the fire. You'll be fine," she said, blatantly ignoring the angry look now on Jamie's face. "Nate knows where the liquor store is. Now have fun!"

Handing Jamie fifty dollars, she turned away so they wouldn't see the huge triumphant grin on her face. She could barely keep her shoulders from shaking with laughter as she walked back up to the house.

They stood in silence. Jamie shuffled from one sandaled foot to the other. Nate's hands were shoved into the white zip-up hoodie he was now wearing and a slight scowl was on his handsome face.

He sucked his teeth loudly, an action that pissed Jamie off for some reason. She walked around to the driver's side. As she was about to get in she looked back and saw that he had followed her.

"What?" she asked somewhat rudely. Her brown eyes flashed.

"You know where you're goin'?" He stared at her body language. Her fingers clutched the keys and her stance was almost menacing. He couldn't help but notice she looked a little hot when she got mad.

"N..." she realized her mistake. Hurling the keys at him, she marched to the passenger side and got in.

He chuckled softly as he climbed in and started the car. Jamie folded her arms and stared out at the setting sun. The weather was gorgeous and was promising a lovely summer night.

Too bad she had to spend it with someone who wanted nothing to do with her. Sighing, she reached for the knob to turn on the radio.

She found a station that was playing some random pop song when he reached over and switched it to some random country channel.

"What the..." she said.

"Driver picks the station," was all he said.

Jamie sulked and he couldn't help but chuckle again. He heard her mutter something about controlling bastards under her breath. You didn't seem to mind me in control before, he thought.

"What did you just say?" she asked. Nate hadn't realized he'd spoken aloud.

He could smell the beginnings of an argument in the air, so he turned up the volume on the radio. It was a slow country tune, one of his favorites. He hummed along softly as they drove past large beach estates and miles of sand.

Jamie faintly recognized the song, a pretty thing about sharing secrets on a big brass bed. The song was clearly a love song to some girl planning to leave some guy. She sighed; maybe it was just her, but the song was hitting too close to home.

As she stared out at the dusky sky, she realized Nate was singing along to the song. He had such a nice voice; it was deep and melodic, giving her the vision of summer rain. It made her shiver.

The song ended just as they pulled into the small parking lot of the liquor store. Nate turned off the car and stared straight ahead.

Damn you Josh Gracin, he thought.

He was so busy thinking he almost missed the soft whisper of her sentence.

"You have a beautiful voice."

He nodded. "Thanks. You want me to come in with you?"

She shook her head, her dark hair falling into her face in such a way he was tempted to brush back the strands. They were hiding her beautiful face. "No, I'm good." She opened the door. "Back in a bit," she said, shutting the door behind her.

His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, his tanned knuckles turning pale. What's stopping you? Stop being an ass and talk to her.

She was gone only a moment, returning with two cases of Corona. Nate opened his door and jogged over to the passenger side, helping with the beer and holding the door as she climbed in.

He missed the little smile of satisfaction on her face as he got in on his side.

"Thanks," she said as he started up the car.

Nate pulled out the space and started the drive back to the house. "No problem."

The next few minutes were filled with reflective silence. He stole furtive glances at her. She was watching the road, her elbow rested on her bent knee.

He watched her fingers twirl a strand of hair over and over. She was chewing on her bottom lip, something he remembered she did when she was nervous.

Say something, his brain chanted. He could tell there was something on her mind. He might as well recognize the big ass elephant in the car. Before he could stop himself, he spewed out his word vomit.

"You fucking hurt me."

Even he was shocked. Nate didn't dare look over at her. He didn't want to see the 'fuck you' tumble from her lips.

He was surprised at the words that followed.

"I know." A long sigh. "I know. But it was for the best."

Nate swerved off the road into a dusky parking lot. Shutting off the car, he glared angrily at her.

"Two years. Two years Kincaid an' you're still clingin' to that lie?"

The icy blue of his eyes blazed hotly and Jamie almost wished she hadn't opened her mouth. "Harlow, please."

"No, goddammit! You ain't weaseling out of this. You will fuckin' talk to me." He locked the doors for emphasis.

She glared at him. "What the fuck do you want me to say?" Her fingers trembled and she balled them into a fist. Please stop, she thought.

"I want you to stop running from your problems. Own up to things, Jamie."

Jamie let a small scream of frustration. The tears flowed down her cheeks. She didn't even bother to stop them. "What do you want from me, Nate?"

"You, Jamie. I want you. I've always wanted you. Two years ago you walked a way from me, and I hated you for it. But mostly I hated myself because despite you treating me like shit I still wanted to be with you."

"Oh." Jamie was stunned. Things had gotten so far from where she wanted them to go. "Nate, I..."

"But I can't be out on this limb by myself. Tell me what the fuck you want, Jamie. I'm tired of playin' these games."

He looked at her once more and his eyes seemed to have taken on a weary tone. He looked about ready to bawl and suddenly she felt compelled to touch him.

Her fingers reached out tentatively, stroking his cheek. An involuntary sigh followed as her fingertips grazed over his blond stubble.

Nate couldn't stand it. Unbuckling his seat belt, he leaned over, crushing his lips to hers. A small groan sounded deep within him as she kissed him back, the softness of her skin reminding him of better days.

Nate cupped her cheek with his hand as his tongue dove deeper, trying to remember every inch of her. She was still crying softly, wet tears mixing salty between their mouths.

It wasn't a kiss of passion; it was one of desperation and longing, a hunger so deep it scared him to the very core how much his body craved it.

Nate knew she felt the same way, he could feel the same desperation in her touch, they way her body responded to the one thing she had denied it all these years.

And as quickly as it had begun, it was over. The kiss broken, the tension hanging heavy in the air. He watched her for as long as he dared. Her eyes were still shut, lips tender from his assault. The tears streaming slowly down her face.

He knew then he loved her. He had loved her for a long time, when he started it didn't matter. All that mattered was he loved her now.

And he needed to know if she felt the same.

Nate pulled away, fastening his seatbelt once more. As he started up the car and pulled out from the lot, he gripped the wheel even tighter, hoping to mask his quivering body.

********

They arrived back at the beach house in silence. Jamie barely waited for the car to park before she hopped out and yanked one of the cases from the back seat.

She crunched up the driveway and was already in the house before Nate could get the other case of beer from the backseat.

Nora and the others were already set up outside. The evening sky shone bright with stars. The beach was illuminated with the roaring fire already set up.

Danny and Matt were roasting hot dogs on skewers while Nora chatted animatedly with a cute brunette whom Jamie assumed was with Matt. Everyone looked up when she practically flung the Corona at Nora and plopped down on the sand.

"Nice drive?" Nora asked, her amber eyes feigning innocence.

"Should I go check my car for bloodshed?" Danny asked, partly joking.

"No need, we didn't murder each other" Nate said, he stepped down off the deck to join the others.

"Glad to know," Matt said cheerfully. "After all, you guys had the extra beer with you."

They stayed up late into the night, drinking and laughing about days gone by. It was a nice night; the stars were out and he was surrounded by good music and good friends. He watched her through the firelight. Even with the layer of distress underneath, she had a soft glow about her; it was almost impossible to stay away from.

He tried to relax and not think about the incident in the car; how good it felt to be near her once more, her lips on his. Groaning softly, he took another sip of beer and tried to join in on the conversation.

Danny was telling some story about their sophomore year of college. Nate smiled. He had met Danny the same time he met Matt, when they all pledged ATO. He had been just like Nate was in high school, the All-American boy.

Danny's parents were wealthy, owning several hotel chains. He was the middle son and wasn't in line to take over the family business. They clicked instantly. Danny was sharp and bitingly funny but more than that he was a loyal friend.

Nate knew he was completely in love with Nora, and vice versa. He looked at them now, her back resting against his chest, his arms wrapped around her as they snuggled under a fleece blanket. That's how he wanted to be.

With Jamie. His Jamie.

"...so Nate goes up to the stage and when the guy asks him for the cheesiest pick up line he goes 'Is that a keg in your pants, 'cause I'd definitely tap that!"

The group burst out laughing as Nate grinned. "What can I say? That line is classic. Besides, we won fifty bucks for it, didn't we?"

Matt nodded. "Yup. We spent like eight dollars at the bar that night for penny pitchers and then bought the rest in Ramen!"

Danny laughed, wiping tears of mirth from his face. "Dude, I totally remember that! We had this wall of Ramen in the room. It took us fucking months to eat it all!"

"I know man," Nate said. "To this day I can't look at a package of that stuff without getting the heebie-jeebies."

The music, Nora's mp3 player and stereo was on random when suddenly a song came on that made Jamie's heart lurch. "There's nothing like you and I..."

She looked up and found Nate staring right back at her, the firelight dancing madly in his orbs, sending a shiver running down her spine. Why this song, she thought.

Fate. It could only be fate.

Nora saw the uneasiness between the two of them. She quickly changed the song to a more upbeat tune. "Nope, no sad songs tonight" she said, giggling. She tried to stifle the huge yawn creeping up on her.

"You tired, honey?" Danny stared down at her.

Nora shook her head sleepily. "I'm good." She fought off another yawn.

He chuckled. "Liar. Alright guys, we're going to head to bed. Boardwalk tomorrow?"

Matt nodded. "Definitely. You ready for bed, Lila?" he asked his girlfriend.

She nodded, rubbing her blue eyes and stretching. "Yeah. I'm sleepy as hell."

"That's too bad. I wasn't really planning on sleeping." He grinned wickedly at her.

Lila laughed. "You are so bad. Are you coming in, Jamie?"

Jamie stole a glance at Nate, who was busy lying on his back, staring up at the stars.

"Uh, I'll be going to bed in a little while."

Matt nodded knowingly. "Okay. 'Night guys."

It was just the two of them now. Jamie ran her fingers through the sand, listening to the soft rise and fall of the waters, the sand sifting to rest at her feet. She shivered a little, suddenly feeling the chill of the night air. All she had on was the gauzy cover-up and shorts.

Jamie hadn't realized Nate had moved until she felt the warmth of his soft white hoodie around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she said quietly. He sat down next to her, his legs stretched out. Jamie drew her knees closer, wrapping her now warm arms around them.

"You're welcome."

More silence. It seemed to be their new thing. Two years of unsaid words, hurt feelings, and yet nothing but the waves and the lone cry of a gull bedding down for the night.

"I'm sorry."

She said it so softly he had to wonder if he was hearing things. He wanted her to continue on her own terms, so he waited and said nothing.

"I'm so sorry Nate. For everything. I feel like I've been punishing myself as well as you for the past two years. And over what? Leaving you hasn't done anything but make me miserable.

You're right. I run away from things. It's been my past experience dealing with people that I love. In time, they'll leave or I'll get scared and run away, always afraid the other shoe will drop; afraid someday they'll wake up and realize the monumental mistake they've made and leave me.

I was so scared of being alone, so I hid. I pushed those feelings way down and told myself that if I could be like 'screw the world, I'll do what I want' things wouldn't be so scary; things wouldn't hurt.

And then I met you. At first it was just a game. Break you down just because I could. You were game at first, giving back as much as you got. It was thrilling. You were so hot and made me feel sexy. It was then I started to notice the little things: the way you held me after sex, the looks. I tried to run away, to push you away.

After awhile when I realized you weren't going anywhere, I knew it had to end. School was nearing the end and I couldn't bear to have you walk out of my life."

He knew, suddenly he knew. She had cared for him and didn't know how to show it. Instead, she drove him away. His heart felt lighter finally hearing the truth, but it still stung to know she couldn't trust him enough to share her feelings.

Silence again. Jamie clutched his hoodie around her tighter, inhaling the clean scent of his cologne, her body aching with the memory of that smell.

"I love you," he whispered. "Loved you then. I love you still."

She stared at him, her brown eyes wide in amazement. "I..." her sentence was cut short as he pounced on her. He was everywhere, lips pressed hard against hers, his hands pushing aside the hoodie to cup her breasts.

Jamie moaned, spreading her legs wider for him to fit. She wrapped her arms around his neck, clutching him tightly to her. She could hear his heart pounding in his chest as he unzipped his pants and freed his throbbing cock.

Her mouth watered at the sight of it and she reached between them to stroke him. Nate growled softly, unbuttoning her shorts and yanking them down, nearly ripping them in the process. As yanked off her bikini bottoms and tossed them carelessly aside, he stared down into her eyes.

He saw the look in them, the one he knew matched his own. He knew then this was not going to be a slow love-making. It was going to be a hard fuck, one of out of pure need held off for years. Nate reached down and thrust two fingers inside her already wet core.

She moaned, a low guttural sound that make his dick jump. It had been so long. Boyfriends had been an afterthought, and sex? Forget about it.

Nate placed his cock at her entrance and thrust hard into her, making both of them cry out. Jamie kicked off her shorts to wrap her brown legs around his waist. He was breathing hard, his hands braced on either side of her.

He began to move inside her, pushing long, hard strokes. They were silent, the occasional grunt or sigh spilling out. His eyes never left hers. He watched them run the gamut of emotions, from pleasure to slight pain. He could have guessed it had been awhile from the tightness of her pussy.

Nate supposed he wanted to punish her a little, but Jamie seemed to enjoy it. Her fingers grabbed at his back, her nails pressing sharply into his skin, threatening to break it. He would have bruises tomorrow, but he didn't care.

He moved faster now, his cock ramming into her so hard he thought she might break. She was meeting his hips with hers, the gyration of her body letting him know she was nearing her peak.

Her breath was coming harder now, and he noticed the wet spots on her cheeks. As he looked into her eyes, her brown fingers reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes. He had been crying.

"Nate," she whispered. "I love you."

She squeezed him inside her and he came with a loud moan, with her following behind. Nate arched his back before falling on top of her.

Jamie welcomed his weight against her, cradling him in her arms as his body shook; from pleasure or the sobs that now tore through him, he didn't know.

She rubbed his back, his cock now softening inside her but she still couldn't bring herself to let him go. Never again, she thought.

Jamie stroked his hair, whispering the three words over and over. I love you, I love you, I love you...a chant she'd never get tired of.

Nate was soothed into a silence. They stayed like that for some time, wrapped in each other arms, the waves licking at their feet as the tide loomed ever closer.

The fire had died down long ago and they suddenly realized how dark it had become, the moonlight sparkling over the water.