Valerie Ch. 01

"More than you might think. It might help if you don't beat about the bush. Which parts did you like? What did you not like? Is there anything you would like to experience again at some time?"

Valerie took a deep breath, "I'm not used to talking about sex so plainly and openly. I loved the orgasms."

He laughed at that. "I loved giving you them, too."

"While I am loathe to admit it, being tied up was an exhilarating feeling. It felt like I could concentrate on feeling all the pleasure. Damn! That makes me sound like a slut."

"If by slut you mean someone who revels in the enjoyment of sex, that's not a bad thing. If you mean a low class woman with no morals, that is unrelated to sex and is most definitely not you. Never let anyone shame you for enjoying one of God's greatest gifts to men and women."

"I'm not so sure about that. I found myself doing, and letting be done to me, things that I have always believed were wrong."

"What things?"

She blushed again. "Anal sex. I've always considered it gross and inhuman. Yet, I chose sodomy when you gave me a choice, and I'm not sure why, exactly."

"Go ahead and talk it through. I saw you considering it then. What was going through your mind?"

"Well, I…I…I had committed myself to having no say last night. It seemed like a good idea at the time to not take that control back. I had the impression that you wanted to sodomize me and this was a chance to see if there was yet another thing that I detested that I would end up enjoying."

"You have good instincts. I did want your ass last night. You might want to explore why you didn't want to take back any of the control. I'm curious, though. You said another thing. What else had you experienced that you had detested but ended up enjoying."

"Actually, it wasn't something that happened, it was something Sally talked about that I found erotic and revolting at the same time."

"What exactly did Sally mention?"

"She mentioned that you did not allow others to participate in a first timer's submission. Lesbian sex has always bothered me, to the point of disgust. But when I thought about it last night, the disgust was mixed with arousal. God! There must be something wrong with me."

"No, there is nothing wrong with you. It's not uncommon for people to find taboo acts erotic even while they're revolted. Submissives are especially sensitive to this feeling. Partly it's the knowledge that, 'it's not their fault;' if they experience the taboos, since they are just, 'following orders.' Some even go so far as to request that they be, 'forced,' to engage in acts they find offensive or morally objectionable."

"That is so weird. Can you explain why I…why the pain…I'm not even sure how to put it. I did not like the pain. Pain sucks. Yet, the pain from last night seemed to enhance the pleasure in some way. How can that not be something wrong?"

"First, ask yourself, truly, did you enjoy the pain itself?"

"No, absolutely not. It hurt and I can't stand being hurt. Yet I did not try to stop it and I don't understand why."

"I'm glad you didn't enjoy the pain itself. That is true masochism. I would have to see you get help in that case. I've heard submissives give two different reasons for wanting the pain, or at least accepting it. One is that for some, the pain seems to open up the nerves for enhanced feelings of all sorts. It's like pain primes the feelings pump. Others find not the pain erotic, but the giving up of control that allows it to be inflicted. For them, the taking of the pain that they dislike is erotic because it is the biggest loss of control they have to give and that giving up control is what turns them on."

"It might be a little of both for me. I'm not sure."

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"I'm not sure what, though I feel the need to talk about something. Last night still confuses me and frightens me."

"What is frightening?"

"I don't know what I would be willing to do next. Can I trust myself? Can I trust you? I know I have, but in the light of day, I'm sorry, it seems like foolishness. I've known you for two days and I came to your house and let you tie me up and have your way with me. What was I thinking?"

"That's a healthy fear. That fear and the concern it breeds is a good thing and I don't want you to ever lose it. That's why I have not asked you back as of yet. Until you answer those questions, you shouldn't meet with me again. Some have never come back after their first time. Others have come to terms with the questions and answered them in their own way. You need to find those answers for yourself. I hope you find the answers and return for more and deeper experiences. But you need to be sure of your safety. Not everyone who plays in this lifestyle is healthy and safe."

"I think I need to leave. I have a desire to come again, but I'm not ready yet. I need the next time to not be a stupid decision."

"Very good, let me call you a cab to take you home. Here is my card so you can call if and when you're ready."

On the way home, Valerie pondered this weekend. She had certainly found the relaxation and unwinding that she was looking for. She would need to figure out how to be sure of Charles and his staff. But that was a task for another day. Today, she needed to get home, break out a couple of toys, and deal with the growing horniness building inside.

*

Thanks to Dani for the wonderful proofreading that this story was long in need of.