Valerie Ch. 05

"Master, I yelled at you, spoke disrespectfully and used your name without permission."

"Nothing you said was disrespectful. You helped me to become a better dominant than I was. Yelling is hardly uncalled for during service. Using my name, on the other hand was wrong. You shall be punished for that. You can be punished by either pain or humiliation. Which would you prefer?"

"Master, I prefer to not have the choice. I am your submissive, please choose my punishment yourself."

"Very well. Stand up and turn around."

When she did, he cuffed her hands behind her back and tied her hair in a ponytail. He unclipped the leash and instructed her, "Take your place. I expect you to eat a full breakfast, but you may not use your hands, nor may you be assisted by any of my other submissives."

Valerie walked to her seat and sat down. Lilly walked over and asked, "Lady Valerie, what would you like on your waffles. We have strawberries, blueberries, apples and cherries."

"I'd like the strawberries please, Lilly. Is there whipped cream as well?" She asked, not wanting to skimp on one of her favorite breakfasts simply because it would get messy.

"Yes, Lady. We also have sausage or bacon, and orange or apple juice."

"I'll take the sausage and the orange juice. Could you put the juice in a shallow bowl please?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Lilly quickly prepared Valerie's meal and left the room, unable to watch what was to come. She thought to herself, "I have to get out of here. I can't bear to watch these things. I know she said it was okay, but I can't stand it."

Back in the dining room, breakfast was eaten quickly, and in Valerie's case, very messily. By the time she was done, she had strawberries, whipped cream and orange juice stains all over her face and running down onto her chest and belly. Her eyes were covered in goo, making it impossible for her to open them without getting food in her eyes. She found herself wishing that someone would wipe her face off and feed her the rest (she really liked Belgian waffles). She listened carefully as Charles began to speak while the dishes were carried off.

"Last night, our new submissive had the temerity to confront me over my treatment of someone else, accusing me of abusing her. In that accusation, she was absolutely correct. I had begun to view my employees as tools to be used to accomplish what I wanted done. After leaving you last night, I talked with the staff and found that most of them are extremely uncomfortable around our play. With three exceptions, they all voiced a desire to leave my employ or to be excused from the house during times when we engage in scenes outside the basement. That means that on our weekend gatherings, we will have no staff to speak of, requiring us to deal with the routine chores ourselves. I see no problem with this, since, as Valerie has learned, mundane chores are simply another area of submission.

"Now, Debbie, you'll take Valerie up and clean her off. Bring her down to the lounge when you're done and we'll conclude the exploration portion of her initiation."

Debbie took Val upstairs and washed her face off. She said nothing the whole time and led Val back downstairs to be sat in the chair again with her wrists and ankles tied in place. While she looked at all seven of them, a smile on her face, Charles started speaking again.

"We've explored your reasons for submitting and for submitting to me in particular, but there are other questions that need to be asked, both by us and by yourself. Each of us will be asking you one question that you need to answer, no matter how embarrassing or humiliating it might be. The ability to be honest with yourself and your partners is a vital component of our lifestyle. I'll start. Of all the things that we have had you do or have done to you that didn't provoke a red light safe word, which brought you closest and why didn't you safe word at it?"

Valerie thought back over the last day and a half, recalling how she felt during each session. "I would have to say that it was last night's dinner. I was close to using my safe word then. It's strange though, I didn't want to use it for myself, but for Lilly. The idea of drinking food that way was revolting, but I knew I could make myself do it. But I couldn't stand watching her in pain because of me. It felt much like when I was ordered to punish Sally. Causing pain like that, it was just too much. I didn't because I didn't know whether it was okay to use your safe word for someone else. So I tried to reassure her instead that it was okay."

"I see. I suspect that you'd be uncomfortable in any dominant setting. How about the closest you've come to using it on your own behalf."

"I don't think it has happened. Every time I was close, I safe worded. The only thing that comes close to what you're asking was Friday night when Sally was punishing me. I wanted to give her something special and I asked if she could finish the last 45 minutes by denying me orgasm the whole time. I was so terrified. I came close to safe wording within a few minutes of her starting, the horror of being taken by a woman crashing down on me. I don't know if bisexuals can understand that level of terror. I ended up not using my safe word because I saw how much Sally was enjoying herself. I wanted to please her so much, that I chose to suffer the terror rather than make her stop. By the time I did use my red word, 40 minutes later, it was because my tolerance level, which had gone up, by the way, had drastically changed and pulled back, leaving me hanging over a pit of fear with no support."

Sally piped up, "Val, I had no idea you were so close so fast. I was impressed that you asked for the thing I could do that would cause you the most distress. I'm glad you did and that it worked out. But promise me that you'll be very careful, no, extremely careful of letting your desire to please override a safe word moment."

"I promise, Mistress."

Charles turned to Marcia, "What would you like to ask Valerie."

"Dear, what have you not experienced this weekend that you would like to?"

"Oh, that's an easy one. I haven't been fucked for over two weeks. I want to be fucked, hard, fast and brutal, by everyone who can pull it off, as many times as they can keep it up."

That answer brought a chorus of laughter from everyone. Marcia leered at her, "Be careful of what you ask for, you might get it."

"Robert, you're next."

"Valerie. Do you think you have a good idea of where your limits are? And if so, can you describe them?"

"I think I know kind of where they are, but not exactly. If Friday night is any indication, I'm not sure I can know for sure. It seems like they change, in both directions. It's kind of like being a jigsaw puzzle on a table. I know I can't go off the edge of the table, but I'm not sure where my edge pieces will go, and as the person putting me together moves me around the table, that'll change. What I do know are the things I've put down as no way in the contract. I've also figured out that I can't handle giving pain and I can't stand being tied down on a medical table. The rest is either fluid or unknown."

Surmi fielded the next question. "Have you changed in any way this weekend?"

Valerie met Sally's eyes and they exchanged a smile. "Yes, probably in more ways than I can imagine. But the one that sticks out is…sex with Sally doesn't bother me any more. I think I've come to love her very deeply, so deeply that I want to express it physically. She made passionate love with me last night and I wasn't scared. I so hope that I can feel the same strength of feelings for all of you in time."

Surmi smiled, "I'm sure it will come. Sally does have that effect on people. She's extraordinarily passionate."

"Debbie, you're next."

"Have you thought of submitting 24/7 for any length of time, possibly even permanently?"

From the looks on the faces of the others, this was an unexpected question, one that upset the others. Valerie looked hard at Debbie, trying to pin a motive on her. None came, so she answered, "Yes, I have thought about long-term submission. When my night submitting to Francine ended, it was a letdown. I was so into it, I didn't want it to end. I think I'll feel the same way tonight when I'm in the cab heading home. It also frightens me. It would be such a drastic change in my life. Francine warned me that it's too soon to make, or even think about such a decision. So I've kept it on the back burner."

"As well you should." Charles replied. To Debbie, he said, "I want to see you in my office, alone, once we're finished here." The look on his face left no doubt that Debbie had some hard explaining to do.

Steven had the next question. "What part of submitting do you think holds the most danger for you?"

"Ignoring or not recognizing my limits. I so desperately want to please all of you that I've pushed past what felt like a limit. In each case, I felt like I was stretched, made more capable. I think it would be too easy to misjudge my ability to stretch. There have been a couple of times when I was so caught up that I don't think I would've noticed the limit approaching. And once, I was unable to physically get the words out when I wanted to. I'm glad you all were paying attention."

"That's a fine line that every submissive must deal with. It's part of what a good training program teaches you. We don't want you to be afraid of stretching, but we don't want you hurt by going farther than is wise."

"I guess I have the last question," Sally said. Her face turned serious as she asked, "What would you do if we asked you to never come back?"

Valerie's mouth hung open, her heart wrenching at the thought. She had no preparation for such a thought; let alone answering such a question. She knew from last night that it would devastate her to be turned away. "Are you turning me away?"

"You need to answer the question, not ask one yourself. If you could never come back here, what would you do?"

They all watched with poker faces as she wrestled with the horrifying thought. What would she do, bereft of these new friends and lovers and a new lifestyle she had come to embrace? She felt an empty hole open up in her soul, sucking in trust, stealing it away from her forever. She looked at each one with pleading eyes, desperate for some reassurance that this was only hypothetical. None was to be found.

"I don't know. I think if I was turned away for no reason, I…I…I would never be able to trust again. I would miss the sensual experiences and excitement, but without trust, I could never truly play again. Maybe with Francine, but I just don't know. It would devastate me, tear me apart. The thought frightens me. I could see myself playing, seeking the intense feelings without trust, just accepting whatever, to lose my hurt inside in the hurts outside. Please don't send me away! If I've done something wrong, punish me and let me make it up, but don't send me away."

Valerie was sobbing uncontrollably by now, the tears growing steadily with her answer. The seven came up and surrounded her, holding some part of her as Sally reassured her, "Dear slave, we're not sending you away. You just need to realize the depths to which you have changed in the last 48 hours. I asked this question because you needed the hardest slap in the face we could give you to make you truly look at yourself. There was no wrong answer, only a truthful one. Now you know how much of a submissive you really are. The very thought of having your gift rejected hurts you on a level that only a child who has been turned away by their parents can understand. If you ever leave us, it'll be because you wish to, or need to, for whatever reason. It'll be a sad day, as it was when Francine did, but it will not be a harsh day, full of regret."

"I was so…so…scared. I thought last night was the end; that Master decided he couldn't have such an insolent sub in his service. It hurt so bad. Please don't hurt me that way again."

Charles pulled her face up, "I've only expelled a submissive unwillingly once. That man ignored a safe word and was unrepentant, claiming that the submissive was lying about her limits. I don't think that's going to be an issue with you now, is it?"

"No, Master."

"Okay, we've had our questions, I'm sure that you have some as well. Ask away."

She gave them time to reach their seats again and asked what she had been thinking about since Sally wouldn't answer it last night. "I'm sure I'll think of others in time, but only one comes to mind. How do you go back to your mundane lives after the intensity of a weekend of submission and domination? My job seems so blasé in comparison to what we have here. That's why thoughts of 24/7 have crept into my mind. How do you do it?"

Robert answered first, "My solution is simple, I don't. Even in the midst of my mundane life I am in submission to someone. My arrangement with Master is that I submit to him on the weekends only. My employer is also a dominant and I submit to him during the weekdays. So I literally live in submission to someone everyday. In effect, I submit 24/7, just not to the same person each day. So I'm afraid I can't help you much. Sorry."

Steven followed, "My method sounds too simple to be true, and I'll admit I've heard of very few female submissives claim to be able to pull it off. I simply compartmentalize my life. I can turn off my submission with very little effort. It might be a guy thing, or it may simply mean that I'm not into my submission as deeply as others. I don't know many female submissives outside of scenes, so I may simply have not encountered those able to turn it off so to speak."

"Did it take you any time to learn how to turn off your submission?"

"No, I've always been able to. Some people have accused me of being a bottom instead of a submissive. It's not true, but they're among those who can't do it, so they don't understand how someone else can."

"Bottom? What's that?"

"Many people use bottom and submissive interchangeably," Charles said, "but technically, a bottom is not giving up power or control, they are simply on the receiving end of intense stimulation of whatever sort, be it painful or sexual. Submissives willingly give up control, or power, making their play as much mental as it is physical. Typically, bottoms don't accept anything they don't agree to in advance or ask for explicitly."

"I'm not sure I see the difference, but I'll take your word that there is a difference."

"Sometimes, in some people's perceptions. Let's get back to your question. Debbie?"

"One thing that helps me is to seek some of what I get out of submitting and dominating in my mundane life. I have a wonderful husband who, while he has no interest in the lifestyle, lets me submit and dominate on the weekends. His only insistence is that there is no fucking. So that's one of my stipulations, no one fucks me. But at home, I submit to him as much as he will accept. I defer to his judgment and desires in all the aspects of our household. Basically, he gets his wet dream of a wife, one who will serve him in all his desires. His just aren't as radical as Master's. In my job, I let my dominant impulses have some freedom. I'm a bit of a bitch to work for, but those who do well under me are well rewarded. And I pursue my work goals with an intensity that rivals some of the intensity here."

Surmi followed quick on her heels, "What helps me is that I allow Master to dominate me outside of the house at any time he wishes, subject to my ability to obey. So, while I'm doing ordinary stuff, I know that a phone call or E-mail may come at any time with orders that I must obey. Being on call as it were keeps the excitement of the weekends bubbling under the surface. And don't think that orders from afar are easier to obey. You have to do things in almost public areas with no safety net. For example, last Thursday, I received an E-mail from Master just as I was heading to lunch. I was ordered to have hotdogs for lunch and I could eat each one only after I had thoroughly coated it with my cunt juices. Do you know how humiliating it is to stick hotdogs up your twat before you eat them, knowing that someone may catch you at it? I practically came while I was eating. Of course I was forbidden to cum. The beast."

"Master, is that a possibility for me?"

"Yes, in fact, I was planning on it, if you'll recall your contract."

"That might help, I'm not sure how easy it'll be to obey at the office though."

"That's what makes it so exciting, you silly sub!" Surmi laughed.

Sally waited for the laughter to die down. "I'm not sure you'll want to do what I do, not just yet. I will, when things seem to get too boring, do something that I know will get me punished. For example, until this weekend, I had not had an orgasm in four weeks. That was punishment for wearing a butterfly vibrator over my clit and a dildo vibrator in my cunt to work, and having seven orgasms, in public, while at work. Not only did I have to hide my orgasms from my superiors and clients, but I was expressly disobeying Master. So the rest of the week (this was on a Monday) I had to anticipate my punishment. Master can be very strict over intentional disobedience. My pussy has been without orgasm ever since. Last night was the first orgasm since then. It's been a very frustrating, and exciting, month."

Marcia finished the answers, "In my case, there is no problem to begin with. I'm a teacher, second grade teacher to be exact. There's no way that I could describe my weekday life as mundane. I love teaching! It's exciting to get up every morning and enter that classroom ready to show 30 excited kids something new. The rush you get when you see a child read successfully with joy in his eyes, or solve a math problem for the first time, or the excitement they have when doing their own little science experiments is as great or greater than what we get on the weekends. And if you look on faculty meetings as punishment, it's all good."

"Oh, Marcia, that's so wonderful. I remember having teachers that were excited like you are. They were so cool."

"So, Valerie, have we been of any help?"

"I think so. I think the thought of unplanned and unexpected play during the week will help. And I am doing something that I really enjoy, for the most part. I have thought of another question though."

"Shoot."

"Is there anything you'd like to do with me that you've held back on for any reason?"

Several of the others laughed lightly at that. Steven turned to Marcia and said, "I told you so, pay up."

Blushing, she answered, "Downstairs."

Charles raised an eyebrow at the exchange. "This should be interesting. I assume you two had a bet of some sort?" After they nodded, he turned back towards Valerie, "I've avoided truly public play. I try to gauge your tolerance for sexual activity in public, your capacity for exhibitionism, before we go that far. I'm not talking about clubs. Think about being made to walk about the park in revealing clothes with a vibrator or two driving you towards orgasm in front of people who have no idea, theoretically, what's happening."

"Oh, God! That's sounds horrifying."

"Then why is your pussy suddenly wet when it wasn't five minutes ago?"

"Because it's also sounds incredibly exciting," she answered, head bowed and blushing.

"I think I know what we'll do for part of next weekend. Marcia?"

"Fire and ice. I want to torture you with hot and cold sensations in quick succession, like maybe waxing you on skin that has been chilled with ice. The screams that brings out of me are glorious. I want to hear yours."

"Why haven't you so far? It sounds exquisitely torturous."

"It's a ramping up thing. I don't know if you've ever been waxed before. If you can't handle waxing, waxing after ice would be out of the question."