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She looked at the clock in the kitchen, 9:15, and smiled at how Paula didn't get her way, as without Trudy's suggestion, they would've been under her sway well past midnight, and both Trudy and Robb had things to do Monday morning. However, as that taste lingered in her mouth, and her half-memories and imagination cycled through thoughts and images of them together, Trudy could tell something was done to her, something that for all her carefulness and defense against Paula's overzealous hypnotic control, then and there she didn't feel the need to check or correct whatever was done. Trudy closed her eyes and took more of that liquid in her mouth, and felt Paula's love for them both, something stronger than even the most expertly-crafted command given. She felt it, all the good times, all the times that were indeed improved by Paula being there.
It didn't take much for Trudy to construct the puzzle fully - Paula wanted to stay, in either vague or specific terms. She felt Paula's need, and how it complimented Trudy's want, destined to become a need. The butterscotch-skinned hypnotist wondered if she would ever come to this conclusion on her own; the fact that she didn't out-right dismiss the idea told her she was for it.
Warm hands reached up to grasp Paula's slack face. Blurry eyes opened wider to see the woman she was made to awaken before she fell into trance. She smiled down at her controller, closing her eyes as their lips embraced, tasting something sweet in both their mouths, knowing she was destined for happiness in the long-term for some inexplicable reason.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoWho’s in charge? Paula? Trudy? Robb? This story is all over the place and mysterious. It has no focus and no direction for a purpose. Was Paula really leading this at the beginning? Why did it end with Paula looking down into the eyes of her controller? Did Robb set all this up for himself? Since the author is only allowing us to see the moment and locking us within the event, she has blinded us to the staging, setup. She has provided us nothing to help us see why and how this is all occurring. And I believe the author is being intentional vague, just like a hypnotic suggestion, and denying us the ability or or need to see the truth beyond what the author wants us to see. It’s a perfect mode of writing for this story group. Just enjoy the story for what it is and like the hypnotized characters inside the story just enjoy the ride. It’ll all be better when you wake up.
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoUnlike the previous commenter I find the writing and words give a wonderful impression of how the participants feel. The impressions of control, submission, confusion, peace etc come through to me more strongly because of the words and (lack of) structure. Different strokes for different folks.
Anonymousalmost 6 years agoIt’s as if your are intentionally overdoing it, or trying to show off. But you lose the focus of your constructed thoughts. This makes the story wander and your readers (or just me) lose the context at hand. And in a story where the context changes rapidly like this one, it’s a problem. Keep it simple, tell a story and let it make sense. Example...Why thirty plus words in your last sentence? Or the hundreds more wasted in earlier ones. It’s way too much...try this...Smiling down at her controller, her eyes closing, their lips embracing, she tasted the knowledge that she was destined for happiness.
