Voyage of Discovery

'Here we go again.' I thought, then keeping my voice down I said "Look Paul, let's not argue OK? I've had enough for one day."

He shook his head. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded. What I meant is you look nice."

I smiled, as much with relief as with pleasure. "Thank you, so do you."

When the meal was finished we stood up, and I linked my arm through his. "Let's go and sit by the pool for a while and enjoy the sun." He looked at my dress again, and I added "Just like this OK?"

After a moment he nodded, albeit reluctantly. "OK, if that's what you want."

We managed to find a couple of vacant chairs and we sat in relatively peaceful silence for a while. The warm sun felt so nice on my thinly covered boobs that I began to wonder why I had never thought to go braless before today. After all provided I wore a loose top nobody would be any the wiser.

Paul started to grow fidgety, and then he stood up. "I'm sorry, I can't do this."

I chased after him and turned him to face me. "What's wrong now? What can't you do?"

He shrugged and shook his head. "I can't tell you, you wouldn't understand."

"Look Paul, I'm your wife. We've known each other all our lives. What wouldn't I understand?" I'd never seen him look so miserable, on the verge of tears. "Tell me Paul, what is it?"

He waved his arm. "All this, you, me, everything."

"Tell me." I whispered gently.

He tried to meet my eye but instead he turned away. "I can't deal with it. I can't handle any of it, not even you."

"What's so scary about me?"

"It's not you as a person. It's all this... this... nakedness. And women. I'm not comfortable around women... Especially nude women... and I'm even less comfortable with it."

"It? You mean sex? You're scared of nude women and sex?"

He nodded "I knew you wouldn't understand. You think I'm crazy don't you?"

I hugged him tight and kissed him. "My poor sweet baby, why should I think you're crazy? I admit it's odd, but I don't think you're crazy. Everyone has irrational fears but it doesn't mean they're nuts, just different." A sudden thought struck me. "If you're scared of sex how come you do it?"

For the first time he looked at me. "Because I love you. Because you need it. Because I'm your husband and I'm supposed to. Just because I don't feel right about it, it doesn't mean I don't get hard sometimes, and when it happens I do it because it's what you want."

Holding both of his hands I smiled sadly. "That's sweet, but you need to understand that if it's not good for both of us it's not good for either of us." Even as I said it I knew it was the truth. He didn't like doing it and whenever he did do it he never failed to leave me almost screaming with frustration. Now I knew about his hang up it was impossible for me to be angry with him. "If you don't like doing it then you don't have to. In fact I'd prefer that you didn't, because knowing that you don't really want to will only make me feel bad. We can still love each other just as much without it."

He nodded and squeezed my hand. "OK, let's take it slowly and see how it goes. But if ever you want to do it with somebody else I'll understand. I won't stand in your way, just as long as I don't lose you."

I shook my head in dismissal. "I don't want anyone else, and you'll never lose me. Promise."

We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the ship, and as we became distracted by other things, Paul began to relax. However, I couldn't entirely get my mind off what had prompted the confrontation. Choosing my words carefully, I put a questioning tone in my voice. "It looks like I wasted my money buying a swimsuit hey?" I knew I was manipulating him, but since I had made a concession to him I reasoned that it was only fair that I have my way in this. As I had hoped, he shook his head.

"I don't see why. I won't go to the pool, but there's no reason you shouldn't. I can find something else to do and we can catch up afterwards."

Now that everything was in the open, he seemed more at ease than at any time since the onset of puberty. Because it had always been there, I had never noticed a certain tension when we were physically close, and now I was conscious of a barely perceptible change. I had been so accustomed to Paul not touching me, other than those times he performed his 'duty' that I felt a pleasant tingle when he hesitantly put his arm around my shoulders. It was only a small step, but it was definitely progress and although I was tempted to press my body against him, instinct told me it might be too much, too soon. Habits acquired over years could take years to reverse, but we were young so there was no need to rush things.

After dinner we went on deck and stood at the rail watching the sunset. As the sun sank further my attention was attracted by the flare of a cigarette lighter a little further along the rail, and I drew in a sharp breath as I peered into the gloom. The huge busted redhead I had seen beside the pool was leaning with her ample chest resting on the rail as she chatted to one of her earlier admirers.

As my eyes adjusted to the fading light they half turned to face each other, and although I couldn't see anything, I was sure from the way she was giggling that he was fondling her massive breasts. After all, why would something like that bother someone who happily paraded herself almost naked? I felt a brief surge of anger, until I realised that what I was really annoyed about was not the fact that the redhead was seemingly being groped, but that it was her and not me. The fact that I thought she was being blatantly felt up bothered me less than how much she appeared to be enjoying the attention. It didn't seem fair that she knew what it was like to have a man feeling her boobs and I didn't. As I watched she laughed and pushed him away, thrusting her bottom back as though avoiding a more intimate advance. I felt a sharp pang of resentment, unable to believe she had seemingly rejected what for five years I had only dreamed of experiencing.

Unable to bear to watch any more I seized Paul's arm, and following the noise of music playing, I dragged him in the direction of the lounge. We managed to find a vacant table near the small dance floor, and Paul went to the bar for some refreshment. At the adjacent table, the second of the pair who had been with the redhead at the pool was sipping a beer, and staring at a couple of girls gyrating to the music. About twenty minutes later he was joined by the other two. It looked to me that his friend had met with a little more success because they both looked like the cat that had the cream. The trio sat laughing and joking for a while, and then the guy who had been at the table when we arrived leaned over and whispered to the redhead. Picking up her smokes she grinned and nodded, and taking her arm he steered her towards the door. It didn't take much to convince myself what they had in mind, and I told myself my suspicions seemed confirmed when they returned half an hour or so later. Her hair and wrap around skirt looked dishevelled, and I was sure that the top buttons of her blouse had been fastened before they had left the lounge.

For the rest of the evening I was unable to take my mind off what, without the slightest shred of real evidence, I had convinced myself the buxom redhead had done first with one of her friends, and then almost immediately after had repeated with the other. When Paul and I finally retired to our cabin I lay in the dark, tossing and turning over the images my mind conjured up, until at last my fingers brought me enough relaxation to drift into a fitful sleep.

I felt like a zombie when Paul woke me next morning, and I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and under the shower. Adjusting the spray to cold I stood shivering until my head cleared, and then gradually turned up the warm water. Lathering my hands I closed my eyes and stroked my palm across my smooth pubes, wondering if the two guys really had done the same with their flame haired companion. In the cold light of morning I told myself I was being unfair to her. In all probability they had only gone on deck for a cigarette, but I had believed otherwise for no better reason other than that I had wanted to believe it. When all was said and done, boobs like hers deserved to be appreciated, and if anything else followed on as a natural consequence then so much the better. Just because I was condemned to years of celibacy it didn't mean everyone else should be denied. My finger slipped into my slit, but no sooner had I touched my bud when Paul called through the door to warn me we would be late for breakfast. Heaving a sigh of frustration, I dried myself and donned my new bikini, covering it with a light summer dress.

After breakfast we returned to the cabin where I collected a towel and Paul started tuning his guitar. Kissing him on the cheek I left to go to the pool, and literally bumped into Karl as he came out of the cabin he shared with Steve. He raised his hands defensively, and before either of us could avoid it his palms were pressed against my breasts. He backed away apologising profusely, but I could tell from his expression that he wasn't the slightest bit regretful, and to be honest nor was I. The contact had only been for a fraction of a second, but it was the first time anyone had ever touched my boobs, and I found myself wishing it had lasted longer.

I took the lift to the pool deck and was pleasantly surprised to discover I had a choice of seats, so I stripped off my dress and stretched out on a sun lounge. It wasn't long before others started arriving, and I was more than pleased to find I was the object of several appreciative glances. I was even more pleased an hour later when Karl and Steve turned up.

Steve's rather ostentatious wolf whistle made me smile, but Karl simply stared for a moment before sitting on the deck in front of me. I could feel his gaze on my breasts, just I could still feel his hands. My heart raced at the realisation that the two friends were undressing me with their eyes, and without forming the conscious intention, I used the pretext of making myself more comfortable to part my knees, so that when their eyes moved down to my crotch they had a clear view of the narrow strip of cloth covering my slit. It was such a new experience for me to have someone who actually wanted to look at me that I was too exhilarated to feel any embarrassment. In fact the more they looked the more I found myself enjoying the experience, and I amused myself by imagining the looks on their faces if I dared pull the crotch of my briefs aside.

After a couple of minutes Steve grinned at his mate. "I don't know about you, but I think I'll take a dip." As he stood up I caught a momentary glimpse of the prominent bulge in his trunks, before he crossed the few steps towards the pool and jumped into the water, quickly followed by Karl. Nor were they the only ones who needed to cool down, and I lowered myself into the pool, keeping my distance for fear that if they came too close I might let them do what I dearly wanted them to do. Letting them look at me in a bikini was one thing, but I was a married woman, so regardless of how much I wanted it, allowing them to touch what technically belonged to my husband would be wrong, despite the fact that he wasn't interested. When the cool water had calmed me I lay in the sun to dry off before slipping my dress on and returning to the cabin to prepare for lunch.

Over the next few days it became routine for me to relax poolside whilst Paul practiced on his guitar. Although Karl and Steve weren't always there, there was no shortage of admiring glances cast my way, and I became more and more pleased at the attention. I had discovered that most evenings there was dancing in the main lounge. The music was provided by a fairly competent seven piece band, and Paul and I became frequent attendees. Neither of us was very good at dancing, but because there was always a crowd and everyone was fully dressed, he was more relaxed and could hold me without feeling that I expected more. One evening the lead singer announced an upcoming talent competition, and after much cajoling I convinced Paul to enter. Three nights later he took his place on stage with his guitar, and after a nervous start his natural talent took over and he became lost in his music. The applause he received surprised him and delighted me, and although he didn't win, he impressed the band enough for them to suggest that he fill in for them between sets. This proved to be the catalyst, and he finally started to enjoy himself doing something he loved.

It was after one of his performances that he was approached by the female member of a trio who had also been competitors in the competition. Aged around twenty five and far from striking, she introduced herself as Jane, and explained that their guitarist had quit before the cruise, and suggested that Paul might care to join them to make up a quartet in the afternoons in one of the smaller lounges. The alacrity with which he agreed surprised me, but if it helped him loosen up a little everyone would be a winner. It would mean that we could spend less time together, but I was too pleased to see how happy he was to feel any resentment. After all I was enjoying my personal time at the pool, so why should I object to how he spent his afternoons? In our own ways each of us was taking pleasure from being the centre of attention.

Into the second week of the cruise I was in my customary spot on the pool deck when Steve and Karl showed up. They kept up the usual banter, but although my legs were parted they barely glanced there, and irrationally I felt almost as though they had rejected me. Barely hearing what they were saying I gazed despondently at other girls there, wondering what there was about them that held guys' attention. By the following morning I thought I had it figured, and as soon as I arrived at the pool I draped my dress across the sun lounge and slipped into the water. Fortunately I didn't have long to wait, and when I saw the guys coming I climbed from the pool and stretched out. Shielded by the wall of the pool I had pulled my briefs higher, and they gawked at the thin fabric clinging wetly and faintly hinting at the contours of my pussy. This was exactly the reaction I had hoped for, and a few moments later I was even more gratified when simultaneously they turned away and jumped awkwardly into the pool.

The rest of the morning passed in a blissful haze. I certainly seemed to have discovered the formula for holding the attention of my admirers, and it was with obvious reluctance that they left to dress for lunch. During the meal I steered the conversation around to Paul and his music. The quartet was quickly gaining an increasing following with its laid back style, and Paul invited our table companions to see them perform. I had wanted to suggest this myself, but was reluctant in case Paul got the wrong impression. Although I enjoyed hearing him play it could be a little lonely sitting on my own, so it would be nice to have some company, and now that he had mentioned it I was quick to add my encouragement. Neither of the guys had seemed very enthusiastic, and even though they didn't openly refuse, I didn't hold out much hope, so I was pleasantly surprised when they joined me as Paul took his place on stage.

The group opened with a couple of lively numbers, and as the tempo slowed Steve pulled me on to the tiny dance floor. His hands felt warm on my waist as we shuffled around the floor, and gradually I allowed him to pull me closer. A shiver ran through me when he slid one hand round and rested it lightly on my rump. Although he made no further move, the music seemed to fade as my thoughts became centred on the hand on my bottom. I had no awareness of the tune coming to an end, only that Steve was guiding me back to our table.

Karl was grinning as I resumed my seat. "If I didn't know better I'd think you enjoyed that."

Choosing to take it as referring to the dance I nodded. "Yes, it was nice."

"Good, in that case it's my turn." Reaching for my hands he tugged me to my feet and into the throng of dancers. He was much more direct than his friend, and as soon as we were surrounded by other people he grasped my bottom firmly and pulled me against him. I gasped in shock and tried to ignore the conflicting thoughts flashing through my mind. This shouldn't be happening but it was. I didn't want him to squeeze my buttocks but it felt nice. I didn't want the tingly feelings I was experiencing but they felt even better. Confused and a little embarrassed, but not wanting to cause a scene I stepped back, lifting his hands to my waist. When the music stopped I spoke to Paul, and pleading a slight headache I fled to our cabin.

After dinner I considered staying in the cabin but then decided that might make the guys think I was ignoring them, so I showered and changed into a blouse and skirt. They were already seated at a table near the dance floor when we entered the main lounge, and Steve waved us to join them. I felt a little nervous at first, not sure how I would react if Karl asked me to dance again. As it happened I needn't have worried, because although during the first band set Steve asked me to dance, and as he had earlier he rested his hand lightly on my bottom, despite being his usual ebullient self Karl did and said nothing even remotely out of place.

Paul took the stage for his usual fill in spot, and just as he started playing a minor scuffle broke out on the edge of the dance floor. One of the would be combatants barged into a passing waiter, and he and his tray of drinks went flying, most of it over myself and Karl. I looked at Karl, and seeing his soaked tee shirt sticking to his chest I realised that my blouse must be much the same. Hastily crossing my arms across my chest, I mumbled something about getting changed and beat a hurried retreat.

When the lift arrived I breathed a sigh of relief to see it was empty, and I dropped my arms and stepped inside, but turning to face the doors I was horrified to see that Karl had followed me. His eyes were fixed firmly on my chest, and despite my embarrassment my nipples stiffened and strained against the clinging wet fabric of my blouse. I moved to cover myself with my hands but he shook his head with a reassuring smile.

"No need to hide from friends." He said softly as he stepped toward me. I knew what was about to happen, but I also knew I wanted it to happen, that I had wanted it to happen ever since the time the beach ball had struck my chest. "I've wanted to do this for so long" he whispered as he cupped my breasts in his strong hands. I stood immobile as he flicked my nipples with his thumbs, lowering his face to mine, and for the first time I knew how it felt to be kissed. Properly kissed. A long lingering probing kiss. I was jerked back to reality as the lift jolted to a halt, and Karl led the way along the passageway. He held on to my hand as he unlocked the door to the cabin he shared with Steve, and I offered no protest as he steered me inside.

'This is it' I told myself. 'A man is finally going to look at my bare tits. And maybe look at even more if I let him.' My nervousness was replaced by excitement as he unbuttoned my blouse and slipped it from my shoulders. Of course I would let him look at more if he wanted to. It was what I had been dreaming of since he first saw me in my bikini. I knew full well what might happen if I allowed it to go that far, but I would not permit him to do 'it'. All I wanted was to know how it felt to have a man play with my tits, to look at and maybe touch my pussy, and then I would call a halt. A shudder passed through me when he took a nipple between his lips and my skirt fell unnoticed to the deck. Very slowly his hand began to explore further, easing under the waistband of my panties, and we both drew in sharp breaths as he brushed his fingers lightly across my shaven mound.