Voyages Ch. 01

Harry's notes: I didn't mean to write this but IR2R pmed me in the middle of collecting Thorium for my BFG and I foolishly promised to get a chapter out for the next book of the Chosen Mate series titled 'Johnny Fay' before xmas. Well, as it turned out, I found something else salvaged from a thread started years ago and put a tweek here and there and a hellova lot of thought into what follows, and technically it is a part of the story but set long after those events. This one's for you butters. :kiss:

*****

Preflight:

This is not the story of four sentient races embroiled in millennia long conflict, nor good versus evil, right or wrong; it is the tale of long after that when commerce turned away from advertising to creating a superior product, when a lost race was found and another destroyed, and the last of them looked to the stars where this all started so very long ago and said, I want to go there too; and they did. The dreamers followed.

Voyages:

A white nimbus forms against the black star scattered depths of space; the large round craft gliding into view from the eerie mist of the disturbance has four muzzles protruding from misshaped bumps placed equidistant around the circumference of the vessel, unmarked by flag or registry, showing hard service since it's manufacture. Some transparent material covers a large portion of the leading side that reflects light briefly from a yellow sun and becomes transparent; within, lights flicker on, monitors scroll with information. The sound of a woman humming a mindless tune is heard as the ship powers up on entering the now of real time.

Welcome to the starship 'Hoochie Mama' A small band of misfits has pooled all their resources to purchase and outfit a 4th hand D class Ford Space Explorer to search, rather haphazardly, for the fabled civilization of Littopia.

Armed only with a glitchy outdated galactic atlas, 4 light minute cannon, a sweetly subservient AI, and dwindling supply of beer, dried toads and frozen pizza, they drop out of wiper drive near an Earth like planet.

Sexy computer voice:

"Captain to the bridge, come. Lit date 1221. "Wake up sleepy head. (kiss sound) Orbiting a planet of angry women, initiating survey. Survey completion in 23:59:59, 23:59:58, 23:59:57, 23:59:56..."

Harry opened his eyes to the soft voice and immediately reached for the coffee and the capsule that deployed from the seamless wainscoted wall with mechanical whines and clicks that were not produced by the smooth operation of the device but by SALLY, the Self Autonomous Long Loving Yetzberg(tm), that ran the ship ever since the core memory had been removed from the sexbot and been hard wired into the damaged computer systems as an emergency repair after a nasty bit of business, too many jumps ago to count.

He sat up with a wince, placing bare feet on the VacFiber(tm) floor and downing the capsule that counteracted the worst of wiper drive effects, except for a headache that would continue intermittently for the next 24 hours. The countdown continued, each seeming to match the aching pulse within his head, no matter how pleasant the synthetic voice.

"Mute countdown, scan, give me something to wear." Again the faux sounds accompanied operations that placed a faded pink frock, urgently jijjled by the appendage that held it, a blue #1 naval officer's uniform with heavy gold braiding and pips, and a worn pair of flannel PJ's. Harry frowned at the frock, shook his head no, then pressed a palm to his temple, frowning deeper. The frock retreated into the wall and the uniform twitched next as SALLY began reporting the result of the scan.

"No military or commercial traffic detected within sensor range, no hails from the planet, we are undetected." SALLY went on to describe the planetary system of the sun and the geological properties of all the orbiting objects within 100 AU.

Harry put on the PJ's. Crocks appeared beside his feet from more storage under the floor along with the physical housing, where SALLY's artificial intelligence had once resided, now controlled remotely by the ship. The simulacrum knelt beside him, placed the shoes on his feet, then stood, looking at him from the human appearing face.

Harry noticed a glisten of fluid on the cunt and upper thighs of the sexbot and reached to check. His hand was soon covered with the slick substance as his fingers probed into the clasping orifice that tried to suck them into the warm depths of the machine.

"SALLY, send your bot to the AutoMech(tm) for an oil change and an o ring replacement, but first," he pressed it down into a kneeling position, eager hands freed him from his PJ's and a soft voice whispered.

"Yes Captain, long storage always makes me leak." then began to perform one of the primary functions that the genius Yetzberg had originally designed the AI for. Harry was amused that SALLY had added gagging to her program. He took a fist full of hair and pushed its mouth deep onto his cock.

He spent the rest of the ships day and most of the night on the bridge, snoozing, drinking coffee, and trying to ignore the green digits placed prominently on the upper right of the view screen, inexorably crawling toward zero.

Waking in his recliner command chair as SALLY'S voice began to call out the last few seconds of the survey countdown, he returned the chair to upright and went to the small head at the side of the bridge with the voice following there and back. A mug of steaming coffee rose from the wide arms of the chair. Harry sipped and looked sleepily out the viewport at the planet above.

"00:00:05,00:00:04,00:00:03,00:00:02,00:00:01. ...Analysis complete.

Population 55% female, 45% male. ...classifying relationships, computing...

category female, 98.00% angry/dissatisfied, 1.50% content,

.50% unable to classify

category male, 99.45% content, .50% angry/dissatisfied,

.05% fishing. No analysis possible at this time, recommendation, proceed to next destination."

The nearest systems coordinates and a staticy recording of the only habitable planet showed on a screen along with more germane information that deepened the frown on the bearded ship masters face.

"Well crap, call the gang SALLY. The smoking light is lit; vape 'em if you've got 'em. The bar is open. I'll meet them there." he began walking down the curved PlasSteel(tm) corridor covered in graffiti from when the ship sat so long in storage; the neon green Lightpaint(tm) one in six foot letters spelling out fuck you signaled the beginning of the common areas where most of all shipboard life centered.

Blynd was sitting in a soft wide chair that slowly changed colors in somber tones. An old movie on the four meter screen before him displayed the image of Lauren Bacall playing in a scene that looped continuously as he blubbered and sobbed with a half eaten dried toad in one hand and an empty container of beer in the other. Harry raised a chin in greeting to Maestro leaving the galley area and walked toward the long limbed, distraught shipmate, crying as if his best friend had died.

Harry stopped beside him, watching as he took a shuddering breath and drew a sleeve across the white eyes that dripped so copiously.

"What's wrong Blynd?", he asked, settling into something that resembled a barbers chair on steroids. Coffee came up from the arm; he shook his head no and it was replaced with a frosted mug of beer. "Sallybot to the crews lounge, bring a hanky," Harry said in a low voice while Blynd gestured at the screen with the dried toad.

"Oh Toi Harry," a sob, "it's that, I just, um, you know," a gasp of in taken breath, "I miss her so much." Harry blinked; the Sallybot walked up with the handkerchief, wearing the pink frock offered on the previous day. He issued a few more sub-vocal instructions and it moved away to settle in the chair with the wildly emotional crewmember, feeding him a capsule that rose from the chair and handing him a fresh mug of beer in exchange for the empty that had been dropped on the floor at the sight of fresh libation. The VacFiber(tm) carpet sucked it out of sight as well as the spillage from his wildly gesturing arm as they sobbed in each others embrace.

"What's up with him," Maestro asked, taking a seat next to Harry and beginning to eat from a bowl of chili with a large table spoon, dripping brown gravy onto the soiled grey coveralls with 'ENGINEER' embroidered over the pocket in red. "Mmmh!," he uttered with a slight jerk of the head toward the left. Harry's eyes rolled, searching, and saw the tell tale glimpse of stealthy pink Mossy Oak(tm) camo that Nonny wore as her uniform.

"Ah, he's still wiped out, or he could be channeling Bogie for all I know." Harry replied, smiling as SALLY dabbed at both their eyes while the cry fest continued; she offered him a vape stick and soon the sunset bright haze of Cinbomb(tm) wafted about them and tears became giggles. "How are you feeling Toi Maestro, and why is it so quiet?"

Maestro chewed and swallowed, spoke quietly for moment issuing a play list to SALLY. He made a movement with head and shoulders like he was reluctant or unsure of how to answer the question as soft music began in the background. Harry examined the diminutive Fay member of the crew, the jovial face that could turn hard and mean in one second and lackadaisical in the next.

He claimed he was a son of Silias the Drunken that played such a prominent role in The Liberation and also a distant relation to the garden gnomes he had mimicked during the infiltration of the last enclaves of the race that had once ruled Earth, and further back, a direct descendant of Cheech Wizard. Privately Harry thought that was all bullshit, but you never know.

The opening notes of Jaws played and a snarky grin spread over Maestro's face.

"She's behind me isn't she?" His eyes flickered to a point over Harry's right shoulder and Nonny's battle cry sounded as she pounced.

"Hai Yaa!" An arm went around his neck and another with a gleaming eight inch VibeKnife(tm) waved in front of his eyes, Harry grasped the arm holding the knife, twisted and bent forward, propelling her through the air to crash atop the sleeping Chyna sprawled on a couch. He came up with a SmithBlaster(tm) in each hand, dumping Nonny on the floor at his feet as he sprung up. The knife jittered across the carpet and vanished with a hiss of VacFiber(tm).

Chyna searched for something to shoot, gasping for the breath knocked from him. Nonny frowned at the spot where her knife had left the room, anticipating a long search in cramped dust bins located the bowels of the vessel. Maestro rocked with laughter and the rustle of taffeta ceased where Blynd and Sallybot grappled.

"Doy, hee, he, he, he. Missed again there Nonny girl." She glared.

"Fuck You Blynd." Each word was emitted in stilted enunciation that brought more howls of laughter and the start of a long story about a girl on Rigon Five who had done exactly that to him.

The altercation drew the rest of extended crew to the large sunken recreation area. They were designated Intern's for no other reason except for it was what Blynd began calling them as the revolving roster of hang on's and hitchhiker's accumulated and diminished from planet fall to planet fall. Only one had been spaced so far, and was not mourned or missed by any.

"Ship wide com SALLY," Harry said, rising to lend a hand to Nonny and pulling her to a standing position, a pat on the shoulder for the beefy six foot six Chyna, that was still trying to focus on any threat near. A bosons whistle sounded.

"All hands, the Captain will address the crew." Harry waited while the murmur of voices died down and the brief scuffle as Chyna punched Nonny on the shoulder and a flurry of retaliatory fists ended.

"Good morning shipmates." There were calls of greeting that quieted as he continued. "Once again our search has failed; we stand off from a planet that has not mastered the finer methods of alcohol production and is primitive in all other endeavors. We will move on at ships midnight to this wretched corner of the universe. SALLY, begin."

"Yes Captain." Lauren Bacall dissolved to the flickering image of a planet rotating at an increased speed to allow for detailed inspection. Her dulcet words began to brief the crew on the vile planet displayed in a wavering, line jumping recording.

"This is the planet of Assholes in the Rectum nebula. You will notice only two continents, Assholea in the northern hemisphere and Crapola in the southern. The vast brown clouds seen moving over the planet are shit storms, and although there are many theories about this phenomena, in my opinion, Assholes create shit storms. The reason the water is brown is because they treat the ocean like a gigantic sewer."

Harry looked at the somber faces watching, intent on the warnings and precautions involved on landing that precluded even bare skin exposure to the toxic atmosphere. The briefing ended and loud voices began. Once more he spoke.

"There will be an eighteen hour liberty before we jump at ships midnight for all hands with the exception of the replenishment crew who will split the liberty, nine and nine. See Toi Blynd for your duty assignments. Enjoy the few entertainments of this planet as you will. Last shuttle will return no later than 2330 hours, dismissed."

The ship moved closer to the planet; shuttles began descending from the craft that now had 'Bright Star Cruise lines' displayed prominently on the sides as it settled into orbit. Soon a chain of orbit reaching planetary craft began returning with seafood, sour wine, and weak beer from the planet of widely scattered archipelago's, all acquired for a pittance on their Galactic(tm) credit card and a crate of Manhattan Trading Company Inc. geegaws kept for some of the more primitive planets found.

Maestro began distilling the inferior wine into a more palatable brand of pop skull, leaving the piss water beer to the deprivations of the onboard interns.

Harry watched movies on the lounge screen while Sallybot circulated the room performing the primary function installed in her remaining software and soon a mass of bodies undulated over the lounge floor, increasing as each shuttle load of sunburned interns returned. None of the replenishment crew went planet side when the duty watch changed. Harry turned off the movie long, long hours before midnight and the underway announcement.

"Aligning for drive. All hands, prepare for wiper drive in 00:9:59, 00:9:58... Heavy Metal gassing expected at reentry to real space. Initialize anti-caustic vapor shields."

The impromptu orgy broke up. Interns hurried away to get ready for the transition from real space as the ship moved outside the solar system's shell of planets. A hum increased in volume as the toroid's in the wiper generator began to spin ever faster; it's vibrations hurried them to their beds as it crept into every molecule of their bodies.

"00:00:13, 00:00:12..."

The opening strains of Steppenwolf's, 'Magic Carpet Ride' started to play. The remaining command members, lingering over drinks, began to fade, loosing color and substance as the wiper effect turned flesh into nebulous grey matter, slowly becoming semi-transparent as the chalkboard screech of wiper acceleration built to a crescendo of tooth shattering sound that suddenly ceased into the dead silence of wiper space where no sound waves existed. Five grey ghosts fled down corridors toward their staterooms.

On the bridge words scrolled across the screen where the ships log was displayed. Lit date 1223, ships time 00:00:15. Underway, arrival in 71:59:46,71:59:45, 71:59:44...

In the lounge, hoses deployed from the wall spraying a mild detergent mixed with an anti-bacterial foam over the site of the fuck fest that was siphoned away to the bilge. Sallybot picked up the few pieces of lost clothing left in the rush before the jump and put them in the dunnage locker until they were reclaimed. She slipped on a particularly nice pair of pink panties and returned to her normal underway station in the storage under Harry's bed.

A pale white nimbus... yada, yada, yada. Hoochie Mama entered real space with the thunder/concussion of near misses rattling the ship. SALLY shunted power back to the wiper toroid's, waiting for the short period between winding down once again became the push against wiper thresholds then Nano jumped spin wise toward the planets shadow until normal real space propulsion and armament came online.

WARNING!

LANDING FORBIDDEN! scrolled across screens a moment later.

YEAH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT BEFORE YOU STARTED SHOOTING ASSHOLE, SALLY typed back, sending a LogicBomb(tm) back down the channel and jumped again in a series of short hops with the last of the toroid's inertia.

SALLY watched the power levels crawl toward toward minimal, tracked the pursuing vessels bearing the flag of Crapola and Assholea, communicated with each member of the command crew and directed 107 (+3/-1 from last ship fall) supernumeraries to their individual battle stations.

"General Quarters, General Quarters, Captain to the bridge. Initiating survey, survey completion in 23:59:59, 23:59:58, 23:59:57..." The klaxon sounded, lights flashed along with the red gleam of battle lanterns coming on and off as power flowed or was disrupted.

Blynd bounced off his bedroom bulkhead.

"SALLY?" He blundered out the door, falling across the threshold, scrambled to his feet and ran for the starboard side gunners station, screaming to keep the flow of adrenaline going that was the only thing keeping his wiped out body moving.

Maestro managed to miss the mahogany mantle only by a miracle and the catlike reflexes of the Fay. He took a blue capsule out of his pocket and dry swallowed while racing toward engineering access, down deck, just aft of the lounge.

"SALLY?" They exchanged some rapid conversation, information inbound, instructions outbound, and 'Ride of the Valkyries' began overplaying klaxon's blare and survey countdown.

Chyna woke in a tangle of limbs supplied by two of the interns that were found asleep there when his wiper wasted body returned just before the last few seconds of real space came to an end. He started to wiggle himself clear and the first concussion hit; all were thrown about the room; it was his turn for a soft landing. He vowed to apologize to the vomiting pair sometime when they could hear; it was a truly sad initiation into the pleasantries of wiper travel. He sprinted into the aural and visual hell of the corridors toward the landing bay and armory, just forward of engineering.

Nonny returned to real space, face pressed to the VacFiber(tm) carpet just inside her door and sat up, Her face proved that no matter how soft and absorbent it's manufacturers claimed, it still left a hellova mark when you fell asleep on it.

"SALLY?" She checked the weapons in the pockets and holsters of the pink Mossy Oak(tm) camo, reached in the room to get her compound bow and quiver of BoomPac(tm) arrows then rushed toward her combat station, being shoved aside as first Maestro and then Chyna shouldered past her.

"Fuckers," she screamed at their backs, rebounding off the wall and charging after.

Harry awoke with Sallybot holding him securely against the bed as stuttering concussions shook his stateroom. She took a capsule from the wall, pressing it in his mouth then extended a tube from her mouth that enabled him to sip water from reservoirs within that noticeably decreased her cup size.

"What's going on?" he shouted into the increasing din as Sallybot took 3 more capsules in her hand, picked Harry up, and began running toward the bridge to the strains of Wagner. He greyed out missing the first part of her reply, before returning to real space and the wild noise.

"... across our bow before even issuing a warni..." the rest was lost in the statico chatter of short wiper jumps producing aural and visually disorientating flashes of real space; faces went from grey to flesh to red demon glow, sound wah wahed as the bodies of those crossing the space that provided the most convenient access between all portions of the ship was suddenly filled by rushing ship members that seemed to skip from spot to spot as Sallybot carried him toward the control room. Somewhere in all that was a scream that sounded like someone playing with a balance meter as it hopped across his hearing. The lights suddenly returned to normal and a warning came.