Voyages Ch. 03

Wiper Fall: Rewind.

Hoochie fell down planet after leaving wiper space. Still a long way out; a mere speck, against the backdrop of the gulf, taking a safe look before establishing a base of operation. Lieutenant Commander Colton Jones, HMRN Portsmouth Prime, and his panel of experts, armed with a impressive stack of heavily redacted e documents, placed their best estimates somewhere near where the yacht the lost hedonist princess might have entered real space again, or summat.

With these detailed guesses, SALLY, the Self Autonomous Long Lasting Yertsberg(tm), combination of a beleaguered Ford A.I. and the mind of a very special sexbot, piloted them across the gulf between Portsouth Prime and the tip of the nearest arm of the Greater Magellanic spiral. Thirty days or so later a Royal Navy LSV would arrive and discretely leave enough Thorium to fill Hoochies' bunkers once again. Anything else Colton decided a potential outpost of the empire might need would be shuttled down as well. Messages left on a Repeater(tm) would be retrieved before a hasty departure.

SALLY brought the temperature up as 246 travelers recovered from the chill of wiper drive. After 245 conversations, 245 questions and few answers later they were scattered about the ship, Toi to their departments and Interns to wiper fall duties. Time to get Harry out of bed where he still lay under the duvet with Sallybot's heat on low, and send her where the sexbot was needed for heavy lifting.

"Wake up Captain Sweetie. (kiss sound) I'm afraid it's bad news." A groan as Sallybot slipped out.

"It always is." he said, throwing aside the covers and dressing haphazardly. Her voice followed him to the bridge, passing a great deal of information in the short time it took. By ships noon much had been done to answer all but two of those questions. Who were they and what do they want? Her attention focused on his bath-robed figure, still face forward in the command chair. Long nano-moments passed before shifting back to the shallows of the tiny system and the bad news there. Together they searched for answers while the light cannons were changed, unarmed, exposed but forewarned.

Many hours later, Harry tired of drinking the fine coffee-like beverage discovered in the wilds of Prime. All the Toi and their crews were busy preparing for action while he was left alone. Watching the screens while plots of intersection between two ships changed was like waiting for a Vacfiber(tm) bin to dry. He decided to do a walking tour of the ship, starting with a late breakfast after visiting the bridge loo.

He left down a Lightpaint(tm) graffiti covered passageway that ran straight into the service lane of the galley; it ended under a large screen that displayed crew bulletin boards down one side; a large real time image of their destination covering most of it looked like a window into space.

The dining room was filled with exuberant Interns, fresh from a much deserved holiday, milling at tables and the commons areas adjoining; they were still wide eyed from the cryptic announcement that preceded severing the connection from the naval station, then moving out planet at speed, toroids howling their way to gray wiper threshold while they raced to more comfortable wiper fall awakenings.

Pleasant conversations ended as he walked in; quick, quiet remarks were exchanged as he met their faces with a smile and wave. Now was as good a time as any to explain their hasty departure and the unprecedented silence of the Toi after leaving wiper drive. The omission of an arrivals play list was puzzling. Harry mimed his order to an Intern on duty and took a seat on a empty aisle table top facing the loyal assembly gathered.

General Quarters:

"Folks, I'm sure you are all wondering what all the whispering and commotion has been about. It's good to see you all sharing. This is the main reason for our urgency in getting here. We've been asked to outfit a search party for an overdue vessel."

"And a lost princess!" Blynd shouted out of the crowd. Harry spoke quickly to quell the rumble of wondering interest, turning to address his fellow owner.

"Yes Toi Blynd, that's right; and also it's possible I have a relative on that ship; who is not important right now. Why are you in the galley instead of the weapons suites?

"Umm, coffee run, Toi. Nonny was dry." He was right; non-caffeinated Nonny's were fearful. This was an emergency.

Harry searched the back of the crowd and saw Bridget looking out of the galley. He made a series of hand gestures then pointed to Blynd and made more. She made some gestures of her own, saluted flippantly, thrusting breasts out far enough to escape the cooks apron worn as a single piece of clothing, then marched away, butt bare. He turned back to find the amused Interns following the silent conversation. He adjusted robe and expression to one more fitting the occasion then ran a stern eye over the bright faces of the eager rescuers.

"We've been in some tough scrapes, those of you who have served on the Hoochie for some time, but those circumstances were forced on us, not something we would willingly endure. I believe, as do the rest of the Toi, that we are heading into danger above that of planetary colonization. Most probably it will be a long time before crossing the gulf again. We're in it for the long run, that's why you were given the chance to stay at Portsmouth Prime; it's also the reason each of you will be offered the opportunity of establishing a station on the planet we're set to orbit. We may never find Littopia but perhaps the first step is ours. It might not be the sybarite refuge envisioned in Cinnabomb(tm) dreams late at night with the vape light on and the Autotender(tm) open. This planet will be home for some unforeseeable time for most of you, but first we have a small problem to suss out before we begin."

He turned to point at the magnified image on the galley screen; the welcome blues, greens, and whites of a hospitable planet waited for an exploring foot. One of the Interns mused that it looked a lot like Prime, setting Harry's mind to wander over Coltons possible duplicity in engineering all those educated guesses to lead SALLY in picking this particular spot. He spoke above the murmur of interest.

"Put the bridge intersect plot on the galley screen please, SALLY. We most likely will be involved in a fight with this ship, which is not the one we are looking for unfortunately. Debrief the troops." The billboard sized view of the planet zoomed out to show the red dot of a vessel still developing a stable orbit; a paragraph of statistical information changed incrementally beside it as the A.I. began

"Good Day, Interns. (kiss sound) The subject of our concern was just entering the influence of the planets gravity well at the time we left wiper drive. Since then it has adjusted repeatedly to come up astern when we enter orbit. There is no doubt intentions are hostile. Our weapons suites are not operable at the moment but I am told they will be dreadnought grade when they come back online, far superior to anything commercially available; unfortunately, we will not get the chance for a field test before entering firing range. There's still plenty of time left before we need them given our new peek-a-boo tactic." The screen zoomed out again until the planet was all but lost in the cluster of suns behind.

"Doo, Toi, um really, no test?" Blynd spoke into the stunned silence. Thoughts raced behind his eyes then a potential reason burst from his lips. "Dum, ah, are we setting a trap?"

"Damn right it's a trap you nit! Where's the coffee? Nonny has gone on strike until her demands are filled." Thaycher griped out of a screen opening nearby them showing a view of the torn apart number two weapons suite and his irritated face. "Oh!"He registered the assembly in the background as the view became real time and opened all of the one above the galley.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your cruise director." Harry waved upward at the W.O. then slipped onto the bench seat of a table. (cheers) Above on the big screen, Thaycher quickly rearranged his scowl to a toothy smile; all grave bearings turned cheerful as the man who engineered three legged nude conga line races during the multi-day party at Cuddles' estate on Prime, reviewed the conversation before his impatient bark and began a spirited informal discussion with devoted fans. While all were excited at the prospect of a rescue mission, they were most interested concerning the activities peripheral to the first Standard(tm) shuttle setting down on the as yet unnamed planet. A contest was organized to remedy that.

The conclave was loud and boisterous when Bridget delivered Blynd's express coffee order and Harry's breakfast. He tucked in, speaking to Blynd while shoveling real scrambled eggs. She took a seat at the table, watching him while he talked around mouthfuls to his fellow Toi.

"You need to stay where the work is. I'll set something else up here. Let SALLY know if you need anything and for gods sake don't leave Nonny alone again until her babies are fixed; now go." He bent again to breakfast. A burst of laughter brought his head up to see Blynd hurrying away and Bridget looking at him with a cheeky 'I finally nailed you' smile. Harry sighed, a faint expression of remembrance preceded his returning gaze.

"I need you to organize things here, Bridget. There's a lot of work going on and those people shouldn't stop to get food or drink. Please step up and handle things in the commons because all the Toi are really busy. Can you handle it?"

"No hello? No kiss?" Bridget pouted. Harry looked away to the commons where the Interns still engaged with Thaycher. Mixed expressions ran over his face for some moments before he spoke.

"I thought Prime was goodbye, that there was too much uncertainty here for you, that mess at the planet of Assholes. Hell I thought that was Sallybot's mouth on my cock when I jammed it down your throat, and well; it all got out of hand after that." He leaned across the table and kissed her. "Hello Bridget." Her eyes danced with mischief.

"Hello Harry." He blinked. "I'll take care of all you need me to do. Will there be anything else?" He nodded, marking her well earned familiarity with his own cheeky grin.

"SALLY put Bridget on the command circuit."

"Should I give the standard indoctrination speech now Captain?"

"She can catch up with all that later; its not that difficult to learn how it works."

"Done Captain, sweetie. (kiss sound) All Toi and Mr. Thaycher advised as to her addition. Will there be a title for the post?"

"Galley slut comes to mind." Harry mused.

"Hey!"

"Purser? Housekeeping? Hostess?" Harry continued as if she hadn't spoken

"Who cares!" Maestro spoke out of the ether. "Feed me sis." Startled, she opened her mouth to reply.

"Back in your hole ya Fay git." Thaycher barked from the command channel. Harry caught his wink from the galley screen above and set his jaw. Time for the hubbub to turn again to the serious business at hand, preparing for conflict.

"Are you going to be finished with your cruise director act soon so we can get back to work Ustis?" Harry asked tiredly, muting Maestro's fusillade of retorts. Thaycher made a gesture of 'as you will ' or 'there you go' as if in response to the Interns still throwing bull shit sessions.

"Just winding up Captain; give me the word. I'll trade you." He began replying back to Maestro and he got muted too. Then Chyna, Blynd and Nonny began chattering. Harry muted them also, turning to where she sat beside him, one teat hanging out of the apron; face aghast against the din.

Bridget:

She tried desperately to make sense of all the voices. Looking aside where Harry watched with a crow footed smile at her initiation into the joys of his world A slow anger began to grow and arched brows descended as she realized just how important that delayed indoctrination speech was and why he had SALLY skip it; the bastard!

Above them on the large screen, Thaycher put on a wild expression; a shush finger to his lips, then he pointed down to where her face grew devilishly put upon for the Captains amusement. He spoke silently aside and the screen changed to a close up of them; one smiling, the other a volcano ready to spew. Closed captions revealed her not so silent eruption spilling out over the commons.

"Oh really Harry!?" Her voice joined the babble unheard by him. His grin became instant shock when she lunged across the table. The struggle was relatively short, ending with him flat on the deck between her legs. There were cheers for the timely pin, jeers as she sat astride the ambushed Captain, then wild laughter when she ripped open his bathrobe, bent and blew blubbery kisses on his ample middle, farting them out in a long rude sound. His arms and legs windmilled for a purchase beside the table.

Of course by now all had abandoned the big screen to form a semi circle around the embroiled couple as Harry screamed wild laughter, wiggled free and began a dash for the lounge booths scattered around the flat adjoining the dining room. He might have made it save for the cheeky grasping hands of Interns; greeting, goosing, and grab-assing the man who watched over all. The two ended up, skimpy clothing in disarray, nothing between them but the heat of the chase and pin. He saw no mercy in her eyes and no advantage to be gained against the well placed limbs holding him against the cool sweat sucking vacfiber(tm) carpet beside a booth.

In the end he squealed like a girl when Bridget blew more fart-y lip kisses on his ball sack, then groaned as a tongue slid down followed by her mouth. SALLY muted the command circuit of the busy new Toi, then gave instructions in its use as well as things that a galley slut and the mind of a sexbot could share although Bridget's replies were unintelligible.

The vapelight was lit after that, Autotender(tm) opened for single servings. Thaycher proclaimed this ships date to be forever Ball Fart Day and to be celebrated henceforth in perpetuity. A replay began above while the Interns laughed and ad-lib'd the action. SALLY began speaking with Harry.

"Mr. Thaycher would like to know if you would unmute him." Beside him Bridget's head tilted toward her own unheard requests that she begin her duties. Their eyes met, shared a satisfied moment before a easy kiss of truce and he was away to coffee down back where this foolishness began.

A quiet instruction to SALLY en route opened a screen showing the W.O., Blynd, Maestro, Nonny and Crewman Stubbs, all silently speaking at the same time with the exception of Stubbs low yowls. He let them talk. The weapons suite looked different, somethings were gone, some new but it looked shipshape and somehow more ballsy. He called the one Toi not running their mouth at the moment.

"Chyna, where are you?" A smaller screen opened; busy hangar bay, Chyna's face, up close, talking fast and gesturing at the clutter behind. Harry held up a finger, halting him. "Listen up Toi." He began addressing the others. "People wait a moment, one at a time. Lets make this fast" Only Nonny continued silently. "Ustis, you have the floor; make it brief please."

"My squad are finished with our side of the hardware installations." Beside him Nonny still ran her mouth silently to the unheard laughter and wisecracks of Blynd and gunny's squad behind her. "She's all yours." Sallybot sat cross legged on the deck depleted from hours of intense use.

"Excellent, you can assist Chyna with that mess in the hangar unless Nonny needs further assistance."

'"Proceeding to the hangar bay as fast as possible to help finish sorting that clutter out then; unless you find more pressing needs elsewhere, Captain, ta." Thaycher walked out of the screen with his squad and Blynd. Sallybot headed for her drawer under Harry's bed for a recharge. Nonny still ranted in the empty suite but slowed down to intermittent blasts followed by tooth gnashing glares as she put together another string of invective's professing her ire at the situation and Harry in general.

"Toi Nonny, stop talking and answer yes or no or I'll send Bridget down to blow fart kisses on you."

"Standing by at your order Toi." Bridget said walking up to place a fresh coffee before him where he sat once again at the table nearest the galley. She smiled over his shoulder, trying hard not to laugh while listening to the hangar crew Harry had muted, watching and wisecracking. The expression on Nonny's face had them howling as she waited silently for a question.

"Are the weapons suites ready?" Her lip began to tremble because she couldn't say yes without a test fire and she wouldn't say no because they should fire. Crewman Stubbs vocalized concern for her anguish.

"I can't say without a test Toi!" The lip quivered dangerously. Stubbs became worried at that time and began insinuating herself close as possible, yowling in distress. "No, no Stubbie; it's okay. I'm talking to the Captain." She pointed to Harry looking out of her screen. "Him, the Captain."

Stubbs looked at the screen, pointed, looked back, giving Nonny a questing noise. "Yes, yes him." The creature stood and saluted then returned to all fours and endured her proud rescuers affectionate conformation.

"Carry on crewman. Well done." Harry returned a serious salute for Stubbs timely interruption that stopped tears that were certain to fall when that lip started dancing. "See here Nonny, the best you can tell me is maybe yes, maybe no? " Chyna walked out of the hangar screen as the gun crew arrived.

"We've never used this military stuff, Toi. There's a chance with any unknown equipment." She sat on the floor and played with Stubbs ears. Behind her the main weapons screen showed all green across. Harry was silent, watching, waiting, surmising, supposing. In the end he said little, looked long at the decaying times displayed on the galley screen. Even Bridget walked away as the prospects of farty kisses faded with the captain's distracted thoughts. He closed the busy hangar screen, glanced back.

"Carry on then." He closed Nonny's screen as well and went down passage to his cabin for a shower and attire more fitting the events unfolding than a robe. She saw his screen drop and closed hers as well. A look of stubborn determination grew and she began checking and rechecking, running diagnostics with SALLY, tweaking, refining, calibrating, They found many things to finesse, but not a damn thing wrong as Hoochie neared wiper resonance between the two ships, where one of the phenomena associated with the effect was the ability to hear sound at unheard of distances.

Aboard the stalking ship a 6 man raiding party prepared for a shuttle between the two vessels when it was in grasp. The constant blink and flash made it impossible for the commander to identify, although the engineer said it moved like a Ford torroid winding down as it plodded toward a sloppy orbit.

Prime Libation:

Leaving his cabin loo area, followed closely by freshly recharged Sallybot, vacfiber(tm) towel sucking drops away in each busy little hand, he stopped in front of the wall-butler normally hidden within the bulkhead of his cabin. Harry began the chore of reviewing every item of apparel stored within while all water on his skin was sucked away and SALLY amused herself by providing sound effects for the stupid machinery of the silent device.

Among the things displayed by the appendages was a pink tutu that he had tossed in the losts bin countless times somehow returned once again faithfully. He chose his blue number two uniform and a pair of wellies. He had SALLY open a screen to the engineering spaces where Maestro's icon placed him while Sallybot dressed him slowly on her #2 setting; something not to be missed as well as the sight of the sexbot slipping on the discarded tutu and pirouetting at speed out the door with a full recharge for other maintenance elsewhere after he was dressed.