Voyages Ch. 03

A complex series of pipes and tubing somewhere in the maze of engineering spaces held the captains eye when turning to view his long opened screen. The old Fay's complete attention was centered on filling a clear container of plassteel(tm) under a valve he began to open as Harry spoke.

"Toi Maestro, it's just about time." Harry prodded. "We need to begin our misinformation diversion soon. What in the wiperverse are you doing?" Hoochie's chief engineer and brewmeister drained a pint of dark animated liquid, peered closely and took an exploratory sip. An expression of pleasure drew over his face.

"Eh? Just putting the final test to my new creation. I'm not sure what it is exactly but it's 80 proof smooth, and the taste." He made a series of wild gestures, then took a more substantial sample, followed by another then held the container closer to examine the contents. "I've never seen or tasted anything like it."

"What's that? SALLY, zoom;" the liquid was dark with no transparency, roiling as Maestro swirled the mix resembling a chocolate vinaigrette. He grinned at his captains puzzled interest. A cheeky glint danced in his eyes before taking another drink and smacking lips in appreciation. He put his bemused face in the magnified area of Harry's screen before speaking.

"Remember that bin of Prime beans you had that was shipped up from Cuddles ranch? The one that took up what little cargo space we had left?" His smile widened.

"Yeah, I went a little crazy with that. Wait, had? All of it? " The screen zoomed out with his thoughts of going back to Standard(tm) shipboard coffee after being spoiled by its decadent replacement. Harry's panic was not evident on his face as he examined the zen-like demeanor of the unusually happy soul meditating on the rich brown fluid.

"It's okay there's plenty more in the hanger bay; most of the Interns and all of the Toi had the same idea as you. We're going to get wizard smart finding enough space to store it all even after refilling the bin." Sallybot was on the way to the hangar bay with a quick errand to secure an emergency supply. Harry opened command screens to all Toi in time for them to hear, "I like this stuff. I want to chew vacfiber(tm)." Laughter brought Maestros head up to his own command screens and he smiled back genially.

"How many tests did you do?" Harry winked for all those joining the conversation. A curt operations briefing began as laughter and catcalls died away.

"Toi Chyna, I have more help coming soon. Sallybot is on the way down there to assist cleaning out those beans; me also to get a better look at all the things that came with us from Portsmouth Prime. Sorry I didn't know it was that bad Toi. Our diversion is beginning soon. Stick with the plan. Watch your timers. Ustis you may schmooze the troops as we clear away for action; keep them engaged."

"What about my squad?" The view showed W.O. Thaycher, Blynd, squadies, and hanger crew trudging down a corridor carrying vacbins of Prime beans.

"They can schmooze themselves as long as it's done." The other Toi cackled out of their individual views; even Nonny grinned, seated in front of her green board console. "Maestro, give SALLY that vacfiber(tm) chewing playlist you've been assembling. Ustis, get your mark from her. Blynd stop shagging cargo and round up the Five Dicks. Sound check soonist on the commons stage. Toi Bridget, send one of your Interns to Engineering for my sample, then the rest, except galley staff, to the hanger bay where they will transport cargo to storage. Have the kitchen prepare enough nibbles and snacks for high tea then put on your best dress. Are you ready troops? It's party time on the Hoochie Mamma. SALLY, post the banner."

Each screen across the ship became a pulsating placard , OPERATION PLANET-FALL, in the center, red on black background; underneath a timer counted down to 10 decimal points. To either side, white cocktail glasses flipped back and forth in an imitation of the neon signs of legend, ticking and tocking in time with the first digit following the point.

Wiper Waves: Surf's up.

(ships whistle) "All hands, attention to orders. (kiss sound) Operation Planet-fall will be held in the commons, uniform of the day will be party formal and the password is laughter. Autotender(tm)'s will not be available prior to zero time but will dispense Toi Maestro's latest fermented creation that will be subject to rewards for best names for the new brew. Working parties are subject to fines and punishment for late arrivals 30 minutes before muster and inspection. That is all sweeties."

Screens changed again showing Thaycher jogging as before, vacbin in hand; he turns to face the point of view, mugging his best game show face.

"I'm doing my part to square the Hoochie away, are you?" He hands the bin off to one of the continuing line of porters and stops to let them pass by. "Well you lot, I'll see you at the stage in a very short time, but first there's a bit of mess for you to help me sort. Now, give me the password!" Delighted laughter was the countersign echoing about the ship. Screens changed again to the red operation placard. His voice screamed out behind it. "Give us a beat, Maaestrooooooo!"

The opening sounds of 'Itchy' filled the air, then the scratchy back beat began. The glut of vacbin'd Prime beans left the hangar in time with fairy music; the, kkkkk, kkkk, kk, kk, kkk refrains between segments echoed as Interns arrived to join snaking lines of hangar crew heading deeper into the ship.

Many vacbins were cleared by the time Harry arrived for inspection; the normally half empty hangar was still a mass of binned materials, some stacked on the bulky old weapon nodes placed across the back. An Intern danced up with a latched plass labeled, shake well before use saluted and kkkkk'd her fine ass away to join the porters dance cargo to storage. He followed the instructions then uncapped for a tasting. Chyna came out of the passing cargo movers to nick the booze away and drink.

"Wow, that's not coffee. He took another drink and relinquished the plass. Turning away to look at the crowded hangar floor in front of the large shutters that would open to space when the Hoochie arrived to orbit the planet. "Well, what do you think? After the small bins are cleared it looks like we will have 6 Standard(tm)'s out of 15 and the truck ready for deployment; everything else is blocked in."

"I keep telling you, it's a Captains gig. That should be plenty with Ustis and his squad at the point." He took his first drink then held the plass at arms length to examine the amber brown liquid. "It tastes like... It feels like." A lost ability to describe the sensation experienced in his mouth escaped him as did the plass when Chyna swiped it again, drank heavily without shaking then nodded, smiling.

"Yeah I know, but better than that, Maestro said he made plenty." Harry retrieved the plass and examined the separating liquid before another shake and appreciating drink, passing it back for what would undoubtedly be the end of the liter container.

"Maestro are you moving yet? I need a refill, and are you going to tell me just how you made this crazy hooch?"

"What, already? It was looking like The beans would never ferment until I pressed all the oil out and used the pulp and some other things to create the alcohol part; the trick was combining the two again. Heading down passage, I'll be there before you, kkkk, kkkkk." Itchy still played on a loop.

"I had help." He said to the closing screen. "Let's go Chyna. I believe it's time to gather the crew." Up the central shaft stopping at the new weapons deck to inspect fire control where Nonny still hovered at the ready screens and asking tentatively.

"Toi Nonny are you coming with us peacefully or will there be other inducements?" She nodded yes, following them out of the door with one glance back to where sheer mayhem waited behind her green lit triggers, and began negotiations with the big hangar master for other inducements. He had a few of his own and pulled her along to dance, singing in paraphrase with the song.

"Come on Nonny, shake that thing, kkk kk, kkk, kk, dance baby, itchy lady, kk, kk, kk!"

Interns kkk'd around as they walked about the central shaft, waiting for it to cycle; a few more arrived with Maestro who was transporting large kegs affixed with wheels and some pulsating device thrumming on top.

He took the empty plass from Chyna's hand and filled it with perfectly mixed hooch from a tap on one, handed it to Nonny; filling three more as they were given to him by his number one, Goob. He passed them out; when all Toi had one in their hand, he raised his. He marked every one of the dozens of gyrating Interns with a personal glance before looking back at the Toi who were giving full respect to the creator of this alcoholic perfection.

Toast:

"A toast, full glasses and warm asses, far horizons and pristine visions, friends to see it all with us. Cheers!" He turned his plass up, only taking a sip, watching as the others took healthy slugs and quaffs from theirs. Harry and Chyna should be feeling the effects soon and Nonny not long after considering the way hers was fast disappearing. They stood around taking drinks and kk'ing while the central shaft hummed away in operation but did not open. Thaycher opened a screen from somewhere in the bowels of the Hoochie, a wall of vacbins behind him.

"What, you lot drinking without me?" He glared at the Toi standing at the shaft door in a loose group exercising elbows steadily; it was lost on the groups contemplation of the as yet unnamed brew. "The last of it is in our hands and we need a spot to store it, suggestions Captain?"

"Get creative, Mr Thaycher. We're only making damn sure this new hooch is suitable for Intern consumption." It sounded like mutiny at his back. "Bring your W. O. ass up here and give us your recommendation, Ustis." The lift changed pitch even before the enthusiastic reply.

"On the way!" Thaycher's screen dropped, leaving Harry watching the time running it's way toward zero to ten writhing decimal points.

Thaycher was instantly mobbed after the lift door opened moments later where the Toi waited, Maestro for signs of inebriation, Chyna dancing in with the music, shaking his plass and drinking between kkkkkk's, Nonny sipping steadily, eyes down passageway where the weapons board waited now that negotiations had been delayed. Dancing Interns from both directions and Toi pressed Thaycher to the back; it filled with all that would fit. He got a full plass for the ride up and all watched as he examined it, then the Toi with theirs. Maestro's eyes were still on him when the first sip passed his lips then sighed. The doors finally closed on all that would fit and the very full room began to rise.

Planet-Fall: Resonance + 58.6194290319

The lift cycled, one deck up to the Lido deck, stopping to spill its packed cargo of Interns, Toi and strange push carts, leaving a delighted W.O. Ustis Thaycher in the suddenly empty lift, open and idle behind the galley. Maestro was first out with Grom's crew following in high gear to set up beside the stage; they created a wave that pushed down corridor and slowly closed behind them.

Thaycher moved toward the door, sipping from his plass, still marveling at the sensations playing in his mouth. "Mercy that's prime. The old boy got it right this time." Interns greeted him by touch or word, eventually pulling him out of his ruminations and the door with an empty plass, kkking and trying to keep up as a new bop filtered in. He was soon surrounded by hangers on, blocking his direct route to a refill, until he was able to turn down passage by a circular route and slip in the Ward room door.

The constant movement of Interns gyrating about the ship, some still carrying bins, most not, made Harry wonder as he danced along with them if they were trying to scratch the itchy parts of Hoochie. A kkkk'd snicker escaped from his lips with the sudden thought, smothered by his hand that hid a smile, sending him slip striding toward the stage, feeling thick but not inebriated.

Tiffin:

"Harry?" a screen opened with Bridget's intense look searching for his eyes where he jived in the repeating moves of the dance, making good time, only getting out of step as a new permutation rippled by from participants in other areas that were now joined in a single mass draining through the dining area toward the stage open to the lounge.

"Yes?" He moved against a wall, letting the itch scratch by. His eyes met hers before she spoke.

"You haven't muted me yet?" Her beatific expression gave him pause and a smile with his reply.

"It's only the first day Toi Bridget, be patient." She stuck a tongue out.

"Tea is ready to be served. Toi Maestro is handing out shots. I got a whole plass of the stuff. It's scrummy. The W.O. Is here just sitting at the table looking very strange."

"Spongecake always affects him like that; he'll be okay. SALLY, call tea. I'm headed to the Wardroom; meet you there Toi."

(bosuns whistle) "All hands, tea is being served in the galley. Tuck in sweeties." (kiss sound)

Chyna and Nonny when pushed out of the lift by those further in, drifted by intent or instinct until the two were deposited in a quiet eddy of the itchy stream. Still embroiled in a heated negotiations of favors, they loitered by a wall where a Autotender(tm) usually occupied a spot by the open lift. He leaned on beefy arms, listening patiently to her entreaties but not being moved by tea or treat while she talked a mile a minute for the last wiper hour.

"No Nonny, I will not kiss you 'cause you bite." she ran her hands over the bib of his MKVII coverall, looking innocent and all, which if anyone knew Nonny was an act because she was always in some business.

Lies:

"Oh please, please, I promise not to bite this time and it's always your fault." He cocked his head at a far off sound that grew in intensity, picked her up and KKKK'd down the empty corridor to the galley in a dead run as the countdown kick off to muster was echoed by all voices on the ship. They just made it, bursting in the ward room in front of the wild hurrahs for the official start of the mission; others were not as lucky and were marked for the ceremony linked to Operation Planetfall and given their first taste of the new liquor.

The long full room looked up as Chyna thundered through the door and set Nonny down and smiled into the surprised laughter following a short silence after their sudden arrival.

"Safe! And no thanks from you, Nonny." She was still beating on him from his mad dash for ready stations. Saved but outraged at the way his debt was repaid. "I'll kiss you if quit that Nonny."

"Ahhhhhhh! What?" She stopped long enough to actually see the location and formality of the setting; yelled, "Teaaaaaaaaa! No one told me." And then taking a spot across table from Thaycher and his squadies, all intent on tiffin, the W.O.'s thoughts on Boxing day a long time ago and far far away.

Maestro sat at the end, refilling frequently, watching down table where all his mates were seated enjoying the moments remaining. Everyone wearing MKVII overalls left in unison and missed the last refill. Nonny looked at her own time and left, waving goodbye to the emptying room; he followed as far as the passageway and ducked through a hatch, party on wheels close behind.

Harry strode to the front of the stage as the sound of the looped song was reduced to almost subliminal. Itchy twitchings a whisper still running about the faces looking up to where he smiled his own. He bent down for a shot, stood and raised it high.

"Toi Maestroooo!" Cheers as he waved from lounge floor. "Toi Blynd!" Blynd came forward, playing bass guitar while the band adlib'd a scratchy walking beat. "The Five Dicks!" Cheers for the well loved group of musicians and "Kee k he" jive drifted between the beat as all hands prepared to maneuver.

"Are you having fun?" Wild cheers of appreciation, "Did you get enough tiffin?" Groans from those that found there was too much good stuff prepared. "Say thank you to our new Toi Bridget!" She came out from behind the band; lace and not more else, pleased be part of the crew blowing farty kisses her way, then counted out the last 5 seconds of unheard space then things became very loud as hours of intense partying began.

Harry was half buried in a pile of bodies, twitching and kkkk'ing when SALLY spoke.

"Captain, a hail from the hostile craft. What are your orders sweetie?" (kiss sound)

"Pick your best POV and open a screen."

Aboard the attacking ship, screens blared out sound with the unexpected view of a man in in rumpled captains uniform crawling out of a naked mound of bodies, zipping up and fussing with the fit of his uniform. Behind him strings of dancers moved between similar piles. The mad glitter of the outside of the ship was much the same on the inside walls; through it all a fucking Yertsberg(tm) spun wearing only a pink tutu. He smiled at the unexpected prize. Finding Harry's eyes on him, out of focus, friendly.

"This is the Bon Voyage, Captain Hill, do you require assistance? An Intern placed a fresh shot in the hand trying to brush away Bridget's at his zipper, kkkk'd, then danced away. It was Harry's turn to examine the amused and calculating eyes following the ass boogie away. Lust ran over it as he imagined the things he would do to such an ass like that, then Bridget peeked around Harry's leg and smiled into the raiders eyes. A decision was made then and there that he would fuck her first, then the Yertsbeg(tm), and if he could still manage an erection, go find that ass.

Puka:

The commander was so tired of it all, the waiting, the lights, even on the inside of the puka thing now; the noise of what sounded like hundreds of people all running their puka mouths at once, and that crazy music that rubbed his ears raw. His face turned hard as he spat at the soft old captain face that went from drunk to Oh Shit with the never defied ultimatum.

"Do not attempt to escape or you will be fired on. Open your doors and turn off those puka lights and music or we will fire on you!" His last confused thoughts, as the lights of his gawdy prize dimmed and an exact identification could finally be made, as extinguishing lights ran in patterns, melting into the stark black and white undulating and stylized 'Jolly Rodger' of a pissed off Hoochie Mama, looking like some poor fisherman's nightmare, as the no longer soft faced captain returned his ultimatum with a bit of disappointed indifference, as Bridget's eyes left his for her clever Harry's wry grin turned up to face one more blundering asshole, was how alike those deadly things in nature that swam or crawled, some unassuming, some bright; fragile, to be avoided at all costs.

"Fire Nonny." The crush of Hoochies new weapons far exceeded any the old ones were capable of, toppling dancers and sending a loose vacbin skittering across the deck. Vacfiber(tm) hissed in all direction as tea joined all else on the floor. Nonny's cheers for the successful shot was the only sound as Itchy died with a final scratch. The open screen showing the cruel confident face of the commander winked out. Above on the galley screen the view opened of the enemy vessel was dire.

Now, the way their careful plan had been laid out went all to hell, as 6 Standard(tm) shuttles full of well liquored combat armored troops rushed from behind the Hoochie to force an entry into the stunned Nissan Star-tripper, most likely rebooting after the effects of a near miss shot.

It was stopped dead; a scorched husk dwindling behind them, inertia less as Hoochie continued entering orbit, while it succumbed to the planets gravity, open to space; a dead hulk.