Waiter, There's a Lump in My Breast

Breast lumps can be a terrifying thing for a woman to deal with. The big C word hovers in the mind and everyone knows someone who has had to confront breast cancer. Of course, I had to find my first lump during October, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Everywhere I went there was a radio, print or television message about breast cancer. I'm not here to tell you how to deal with a breast lump. That's between you, your doctor and whatever higher power you ascribe to. I'm just here to give you a little info. on how it can go by sharing my own experiences.

Breast self-exams. Ugh. I wasn't good about doing them. They can be frustrating. What the hell am I feeling? (I actually found my lumps while masturbating. Good reason for it, huh?) My lumps were all very fast growing, undetectable when my doctor did my yearly exam, but ten months later they felt huge. (Take heart, fast growing and round is actually usually a sign that they are benign.) I'm still not great about doing self-exams monthly but I have a pretty good idea about my body and I watch for changes. I try to remember to do a breast self-exam about a week after my period starts. (The *Mayo Clinic has an excellent guide with everything you need to know about doing breast self-exams on their web site.)

When I found my first lump, I called my Obgyn's office. I was basically told how soon can you be here? They don't fool around with these. My doctor checked what I was feeling and made a referral for me to the local hospital's breast care center. I don't think I needed a referral for the center but I know I needed one for my insurance one of the two times I found lumps. Both hospitals I have been to also have a pledge that if you find a breast lump you will be seen within twenty-four hours.

I wasn't too good about handling the insurance aspects. I was a little confused. Did I need to get a referral for something, from my doctor or from my insurance company? I ended up calling for a referral while I was in the doctor's office waiting to be seen. Just added stress to what I was already going through. No I try to always know what my insurance company requires for referrals.

So, I saw my doctor, then went to the breast care center and they ordered an ultrasound on my first lump. The first time they just did an ultrasound on my breasts because I was young and the tissue was dense. The second time they added a mammogram. Mammograms are not that bad, truly. They are easier for women who have more breast tissue, but what's a couple minutes of discomfort for each breast when you have such an important diagnostic tool? I've come to believe the people who say avoiding caffeine for twenty-four hours before your exam can greatly help reduce any discomfort. It seems to work for me.

Both times, the doctor reviewed the results with me right away. The doctor said mine were probably fibroadenomas, a non-cancerous lump that can usually be left alone. Unfortunately, some of mine caused me pain so I've had two removed. I also had a needle biopsy on one of the later ones. The needle biopsy caused me greater discomfort for a longer period of time than the actual lumpectomy. I don't know if that's normal but there it is. I also have concerns about needle biopsies and don't think I'd opt for one at this point. I worry about the possibility that a needle stuck into a cancerous lump then drawn out might encourage the migration of a cancerous cell elsewhere. I'd prefer to have it removed intact.

The day I went in for my first lumpectomy, the nurse took my blood pressure and said it was 190 over 110. Eek! She said that was perfectly normal for someone coming in for that procedure. That little C word can really do it to you. The second time I went in, my blood pressure was perfect. I'd used some visualization because I figured the better my blood pressure and everything else, the easier I would recover.

Ah, the fear the whole thing can inspire. Only someone who has dealt with what you are can truly know the full depth of your feelings and empathize totally. When I first found a lump in my left breast, many kind and well meaning people told me "it's probably nothing" and "everything will be fine." Trying to maintain a brave facade during the day, I agreed and smiled but I also had terrible nightmares at night. It wasn't until a woman at work who had dealt with breast cancer came to me and said, "you must be so scared," that the nightmares stopped. It was as if I had been given permission to be afraid.

Besides, the whole C word deal, there was the fear of having my breasts cut into. You may say, big deal... get over it, but this was my breasts we're talking about! I felt like they were one of my few good features and having them cut into was no small thing. What can I say? I dealt with it. I didn't let the fear change what I knew I needed to do.

Scars. Scary word. I've had two lumps removed. One has no scar to speak of, the other has a faint pink and white co-centric circle scar. I'm considering a floral tattoo to cover it but it looks kind of pretty on it's own, quite frankly. Actually, at this point you almost can't see it anymore.

My doctor recommended something called Nu-skin from Johnson & Johnson to reduce the scarring. In a patch form, it went over the incision, allowing it to breathe and stayed there for several days, keeping the site clean. You wouldn't think it would stay there, but it does, very comfortably too.

After the incision had healed a bit, I used a pure stick of cocoa butter. It's kind of hard but breathing hot air on it warms it up enough to apply. I found that anything with lanolin made me break out and pure vitamin E did as well.

One of the mistakes I made was in not talking to my doctor ahead of time about a round of preventative antibiotics for after the surgery. I'm very much against taking unnecessary antibiotics but I've ended up in the emergency room twice with a skin infection surrounding my incision. Not fun to sit in the emergency room with a hot, itching infection for several hours in the middle of the night when you're already feeling crappy. I'm prone to infections so if I had it to do all over again, I'd ask for the antibiotics.

I still have one lump in there but it doesn't bother me so I'll just let it be. It's not going anywhere and neither am I.