Waiting for the Exeter Express

"How long have I been here?"

"Two days, I've been here between classes and lectures. The college has been very good about it. They can't wait to have you back, and some of your students want to come in when you are fit enough."

"Erica?"

"I don't think she even knows. She hasn't called you and she's not at home. I'm not trying to hide it from her but I'm not going looking for her either. In my opinion she is the reason you are in here."

She squeezed my hand and gave me a light kiss on the lips. When she looked at the monitor screen a smile spread across her face.

"You must be getting better. Your pulse went up ten beats a minute when I did that. Now I've got to get back to work for a while. I'll be back this afternoon and we'll find out what the doctors say about you."

Eugenia was back with me when the lead surgeon did his rounds that afternoon and started filling me in about what he'd done.

"You are a very lucky man Mr Johnson. Lucky that someone found you when they did, and lucky that I'd had a particularly heavy day and I was still here when you came in. We did an emergency by-pass operation on you. You are going to be pretty sore for a while but things are looking good. What puzzles me is how it got this bad. Didn't you have any symptoms? You must have been in considerable pain."

"Not really Doc. I've been getting a lot of indigestion lately, you know heartburn, but I thought nothing of it, you sort of expect it at my age. I've been getting a bit breathless and tired all the time but I put that down to my sedentary life style."

The doctor just shook his head. "No problems in the bedroom department at all."

"Well yes, but I was using Viagra for that."

"VIAGRA, are you mad? Who on earth prescribed them for you?"

"No one, my wife got them off the internet."

"Bloody internet pharmacies. I'd close them all down tomorrow if I had my way." He turned to Eugenia. "Well I hope you are satisfied Mrs Johnson. Your husband came very close to death. If he'd only seen a doctor none of this would have happened."

"Now hang on Doc." I yelled back at him. "This lady is not my wife. None of this is her fault. It's my fault and my wife's fault, but Eugenia urged me to go to a doctor. I'm the one who couldn't see the point. I know it's your duty to save me, but to be honest I wish you hadn't bothered."

Eugenia's face immediately showed her anger. "Kevin Johnson, how can you be so selfish. What about your family, don't they matter at all?"

"The boys would be upset for a while but they'd get over it. I've provided for them"

"That's only money Kevin. They don't need money, they need you. What about their children growing up without a grandfather? What about me? We all need you Kevin, don't you dare say he shouldn't have bothered. If you ever say anything like that again it will be the last you ever see of me."

She asked for a private word with the doctor. He looked at me for confirmation.

"Sure doc, go ahead you'll probably get more sense out of her than you will from me right now, and as for my wife, you'd have to find her first."

Eugenia put her hand on his arm and went off down the ward with him. When she came back the look of anger was still in her eyes.

"She's left you, hasn't she? Is that really sufficient reason for wanting to die? I call it a cause for celebration."

"You don't know why she left.--I can't do it any more, not even with Viagra. I can't perform the basic function of a man. I don't blame her for leaving."

"Well I do. She walked out on a sick man. Even if she didn't know about your heart condition she was well aware of the E.D. and what that was doing to you. All she did was pile the pressure on and make it worse. Now she's walked out in order to satisfy her own selfish desires. Don't defend her to me Kevin; I'm not prepared to listen."

"That's as maybe, but the fact remains that I'm not much use to any woman now."

"You can't say that. You might be fine once they've sorted you out. Anyway most women want more than a dick on legs. I like sex as much as the next woman, a lot more than most. I'd go without tomorrow if it meant getting a good man. Besides there are other things you can do without needing an erect penis."

She sat beside the bed and held my hand while telling me about all the things that happened at work. She was still there when the police arrived to talk to me. I made it clear that I wanted her to stay while I talked to them.

They asked why I had stopped on the railway track.

"I didn't know where I stopped officer. Something was drastically wrong so I pulled over before I had an accident."

"I see sir, so can you tell us why you switched off the lights?"

"No I can't really. I suppose it was habit. You know, stop the car, switch of the engine, and switch off the lights."

"You realise of course sir, that we must report this to the licensing authority. You'll need a doctor's certificate before you can drive again."

"I quite understand officer; I guess I am a very lucky man. Please pass my thanks on to the chaps who found me."

"OK sir, we'll do that. Now we'd better let you rest." They turned to leave when I remembered something I needed to know.

"Oh, Officers, can you tell me what happened to my car?"

"It's in the police pound sir. You'll need to pay for the recovery costs and you can have it back. Now if that's all we'll leave you in peace."

I turned to look at Eugenia. Her hands covered her eyes and I could hear her sobbing. She pulled away as I reached out to her.

"You were really going to do it, weren't you? You stupid, stupid man. You were sitting there waiting to be hit by an express train. Why Kevin, why?"

"Because of the boys. If it were an accident, they would get a much bigger insurance payout."

"Don't make it all sound so matter of fact. You were trying to kill yourself. I'm sorry I just can't deal with this."

With tears running down her face she ran from the ward narrowly missing the porters bringing in the supper trolley.

Eugenia never returned that night. In fact she didn't return until the afternoon of the following day. When she did come she gave me a smile that would melt a glacier.

"You needn't think I've forgiven you for getting yourself in that state without talking to me. I thought we were friends."

"I'm sorry Gen, I really wasn't thinking straight at the time. You're the best friend I've got. I should have talked to you."

"Is that all I am Kevin? A friend?"

"Right now Gen, you are the best friend I've got. I can't say more than that, I'm just so confused I am still supposed to be a married man."

"Married? You still consider yourself married to her after she walked out on you? After she made you feel worthless, has she gone to find another cock to ride? I'll tell you this Kevin Johnson, there is a lot more to being a man than having a stiff dick. If she can't see that, she doesn't deserve you."

"How long have you been in here? Four days and she hasn't even called you."

"She probably doesn't even know I'm in here."

"Wake up and smell the coffee Kevin. If she cared about you she'd have called you at home and when there was no reply she'd have called your mobile. If she wasn't a selfish bitch she would know."

"I suppose my flushing her phone down the toilet didn't help."

"You didn't."

"I'm afraid I did. It was the day after she left. It kept ringing and when I found it, under the cushions on the sofa. I flushed it down the toilet. I think she must have comeback looking for it. Someone was in the house and tidying up last Wednesday."

Tears had started to form in her eyes, as she started to laugh they ran down her cheek. "I'm sorry Kevin I just find that so funny. If she's anything like me her whole life will be on that phone. Appointments, birthdays, her phone book, everything, all gone down the toilet. You really are a wicked man."

She stood up and prepared to leave.

"I'm going home now. The college won't tolerate lack of preparation, just because you are in hospital. I'll be back tomorrow. You think about what I've said."

I watched her walk away on her high heels. I admired the movement of her beautiful round bum. As she reached the door I called out to her.

"Gen." She stopped and turned back to me."You've still got by far the nicest arse I've ever seen."

She blushed a little, smiled at me, turned and patted the right cheek before going through the door.

The chap in the bed next to mine looked over at me. "If my wife waggled an arse like that me I'd have had a heart attack too mate. No wonder you're in here."

"She's not my wife, just a friend."

"Pull the other leg, it's got bells on. If she's just a friend, I'm a monkey's uncle. I've seen the way she looks at you. Wish she'd look at me that way. Take it from one who's been around a bit. She wants to be more than friends and if you don't do something about it you're a bigger fool than I took you for."

I thought about Eugenia. I definitely found her sexually attractive, most men would. I liked her as a person. She was fun, a bit of a spitfire at times but always fun. Was I in love with her? I didn't know. We only really knew each other from work. There had been the time that I'd helped her deal with her ex-husband but that was two years ago. That was the nearest I'd come to being part of her private life. Now it looked like she wanted to be a big part of mine

The following day my son Peter came in to see me. He seemed more than a little upset.

"What's going on dad? Where's mum? I got no reply when I rang the house and her mobile goes straight to voicemail"

"I don't know where she is, she didn't say where she was going, just walked out."

"You mean she's left you. What did you do?"

I told him almost the whole story, leaving out the bit about waiting on the track for the Exeter express. He seemed shocked as it all came out.

"Hell dad, I knew you and mum were going at it some in the bedroom I heard you some nights during the summer break. I was proud of you, I thought it was great that you were still into each other in that way."

"Peter, things aren't always what they seem. We'd been drifting apart for a long time. I think you boys were what really held us together. I recent months things had been getting better and it brought us back together. I was looking forward to happy life together. It all went wrong when I started to have problems in the bedroom. Apparently linked to the condition that put me in here. That's when I realised, she didn't want me. She wanted any man who could do the job. All the time I filled the bill it was fine, but as soon as I couldn't, she left."

"I don't believe that dad. Have you tried to talk to her? If she knew you were ill, I'm sure she'd be here."

"I can't talk to her, I don't know where she is. She hasn't been in touch with me. Were not allowed to use mobile phones in here because they reckon they interfere with the monitors. I have switched mine on a couple of times and the only missed calls are from you and David"

I gradually moved the conversation away from Erica. I told him as much as I could about my condition and assured him I would be back to normal in no time. Before he left I made him promise not to tell Erica about my illness.

"No dad, she has a right to be told. You can't expect me to keep it from her."

"OK Son, I'll meet you half way, I won't ask you to lie to her. If she asks you about me, you can tell her, but only if she asks you."

"I suppose that's fair. I get the impression you don't think she will ask."

"No I don't. She can't ask without telling you she's not living with me. I think if she was going to do that she would have done it by now."

Peter stayed with me until the afternoon. When Eugenia came in I introduced her as a work colleague. Peter gave me a questioning look but said nothing until she left us alone for a while.

"Be straight with me dad. This woman, Eugenia, does she have anything to do with mum leaving."

"No."I said emphatically. "She is a friend and colleague, and she's been very supportive to me. It was her who called you and James. When I was admitted here, I wasn't in a fit state to tell them anything. Hers was the only woman's number in my phone. The hospital thought she was my wife and called her. She's handled everything for me since then. She's been a great support but if you're thinking she was coming between me and your mother, you couldn't be more wrong. Now try to behave like the gentleman I brought you up to be."

Peter was a little warmer with Eugenia when she returned. Eugenia seemed pleased with the change in his attitude. He thanked her before he left and she gave him a peck on the cheek. She stayed with me until the evening before leaving to prepare for her next day's classes.

Over the next week I had several tests and eventually all the monitoring equipment was removed. When the surgeon came to see me I was a different man. I thanked him for the superb job he'd done keeping me in the land of the living.

"Feeling a bit more positive now Mr Johnson? Well I have some news that may make you feel even better. Our tests have shown that you have a testosterone deficiency. It's not uncommon in men of your age. The good news is we can treat it very easily. I can't promise anything but that combined with your heart condition would explain your problems in the bedroom."

"Well if you fix that for me I'll be even more grateful."

I told Eugenia when she came in that night. She teased me about whether it was working yet. She kept threatening to lift the covers and have a look. When my morning glory returned I kept it to myself. She still spent a couple of hours a day with me and insisted on talking to the doctors and made friends with all of the nurses.

I was a little surprised to find myself having to solve a problem for the ward manager. Eugenia was so popular with the nursing staff that they told her things they should not tell anyone but a relative.

"You see my problem Mr Johnson? All the staff can see that she has your best interest at heart But they shouldn't tell her the things they do, without your consent. Of course, if you were to give your permission it would solve a lot of problems for me."

"First of all sister, call me Kevin, everyone else does. Now do you need me to sign something, or will my verbal consent be enough?"

"Oh no! There's no need for it to be in writing, as long as you are happy for her to know everything."

"Well sister, I would like you to treat Ms Vanesis as you would my wife. Does that solve your problem?"

"It does indeed, thank you."

I'd been there for ten days and the soreness from the operation was starting to subside. The doctor gave me what should have been good news but left me with a problem. I was apparently fit enough to go home as long as there was someone there to care for me. The problem was, that I had no one. I didn't know whether I should lie, and go home, or tell the truth and be kept in hospital.

When Eugenia came to see me that evening, I discussed it with her.

"The doc says I can go home tomorrow, after I've had the stitches out, The problem is I've got to tell them there is someone there to take care of me. I don't like lying."

"Then don't lie."

"But that means.."

She reached out and put her finger on my lips before she asked the question that many men would give their eye teeth to hear.

"Kevin, how would you feel about me moving in with you for a while?"

"Gen, you do know I'm not supposed to exert myself don't you?"

She slapped my arm. "Of course I do, that's why I asked. The doctor say's you can go home, but only if there's someone there to look after you. I'm want to be that someone, if you'll let me. Can you cope with all that healthy Mediterranean food, and me waiting on you? "

I laughed. "Well if it means getting out of here, I'm sure I can put up with it."

"Good because if everything is alright tomorrow when they remove the stitches and I'm taking you home."

I reached out and took her hand. "Gen the other day you asked if you were just a friend as far as I'm concerned. You are a friend, a very good one, but you mean more than that to me. I'm still a bit mixed up right now. The last two weeks have been rather a lot to take in. I've been a husband too long to be thinking about relationships with other women. If you are willing to accept that this old man might fall in love with his nurse, I'd be more than pleased to have you as my nurse."

She gave me an impish grin. "You are just trying to get me in the uniform. You'll be disappointed I've not got much to burst out of the top. I've been considering a boob job."

"A boob job, why? What makes you think there's anything about you that needs enhancing?"

"But you always laughed off my advances."

"That's because I was a married man. Besides what would a beautiful woman like you want with an old fart like me."

"You see, that's what she has done to you. You can't see yourself as being attractive to women, can you? You're not old, you're forty six, that's no age at all. I've got students who think you're cute, why should I be any different? Erica treated you as if you are unattractive and you believed it."

I was taken completely by surprise. It took some believing. I'd never considered myself as anything more than ordinary looking. My hair was turning grey and I'd put on a bit of weight. What was there to find attractive? I looked into her eyes and realised she was deadly serious.

"You really mean it don't you?"

"Of course I mean it. As I said before, it takes more than a stiff dick to make a man. You are witty, charismatic and brave, but you don't see it and that makes it even more powerful. Pack that up in a package that is really quite good to look at and what girl could resist."

"Erica did."

"She's a stupid selfish bitch. Mark my words, she'll be back but you'll be more of a fool than I take you for if you take her back."

"No Gen, I am not taking her back."

"Good, then I demand the first chance at taking her place. Give me your house keys. If you're going home tomorrow, I've got preparations to make and a nurse's uniform to buy."

She held out her hand while I rummaged through my locker and eventually produced my house keys. Her fingers closed on my keys and her other hand came up to my face. With one finger she traced down the side of my face and across my lips.

"Now you just stay healthy and I'll pick you up tomorrow afternoon."

She brought her head down to mine and kissed me. I could feel the stirrings while her hand was still on my face. By the time our lips parted I knew exactly what was happening. I looked down at the tent that had appeared in the sheets. Her gaze followed mine. She lifted the sheets and looked again.

"Looks like you're both making a good recovery." She smiled that million dollar smile at me again before leaving. As she reached the door she turned and blew me a kiss.

"She's not the wife then?" The voice came from the bed next to mine.

"I'm sorry mate but I couldn't help overhearing you two. You're right; of course, with an arse like that having big tits would just be greedy. I don't know what it is that you've got, but would you mind rubbing some of it off on me before you go?"

"To tell you the truth," I laughed, "I haven't rubbed anything off for some time. However if you want to do one with her in mind, be my guest. I'm sure she'd be flattered."

*****

The following morning I was out of bed and fully dressed before breakfast. I'd shaved and generally tried to make myself as smart and fit as I could. The nurses were impressed and all passed comment. Before the doctor's rounds I was given another Electro-Cardio-Gram which the doctor examined before turning his attention to me. He looked at my scar and listened to my chest before giving me the good news.