Walk the Dog, Dump the WIfe

I had stalled as long as I could, I had to make a decision, attack, flee, or hide and follow them.

What really decided it was that Wifey's back was to me, so I could approach un-recognized. I put the dog in the heel position, and walked up to them, keeping my eyes on the folks at the table next to them, so Studley wouldn't connect my approach with them. As I closed in I saw Wifey had her shoe off, and was rubbing his leg with her foot, which sported red nail polish. As I came abreast of the table, I picked up an empty chair, and sat down at their table, clearly startling the two of them.

"Karen, I was just walking by, and saw you here! Who's the new man?"

She visibly jumped, and yanked her hand out of his, with a look of panic in her eyes. While the dog was pestering her with his exuberant, doggy greeting, I nudged her shoe out of reach, and stuck out my hand to Studly.

"Hi, I'm Chris Harlow...?"

The habits of courtesy carry us through all embarrassment.

"Archibald Morgan'", and with no prompting, "I help out at the party office with Karen."

"Archie, this is my husband, Chris, and our dog Hubris. What are you doing here?"

"Gee, I asked you first. What you two are doing here. You tell me."

Her foot with 'Fuck Me red' painted toenails was scrambling around under the table trying to find her shoe. "Oh, just having lunch."

"...and your plans for afterwards?"

"We're going back to work. Of course!"

"Oh, of course!...Well good. That relieves my mind. When I saw you holding hands, and you playing footsie under the table with your slut red toes, I thought that this might be a local Democratic sequel to Bill and Monica. You're not a cigar smoker, are you Archibald?"

I heard a guffaw from the table behind me, but Studley smirked, and shook his head.

"Afraid not."

"Planning to put something else in then, I suppose. Well you folks get along with your afternoon. It's a long cab ride back to your office from here. Karen, I assume you'll be home at the regular time? I'll have supper ready and a dessert, so please don't bother bringing home a cream pie."

I don't think she knew what a cream pie is because she looked befuddled. The guys behind me did. Another chuckle and a slightly embarrassed grin came from Studley.

"Chris, I resent your insinuations. This is nothing more than a lunch."

I stood up, and returned the chair to the table where I found it, and glanced directly at the two guys, probably gay, behind me who had been hanging on every word, so I asked them:

"Well jury of two, since you are unknown to the principles here gathered I ask you, can this woman be believed?"

"Hell no, buddy! They were talking about how to communicate with each other when they're away from the office, without you finding out. Archie, as she calls him, arrived with two throwaway cell phones, and gave her one. It's in her purse. They were planning to go to his house this afternoon."

"Sorry dear, the jury has voted for conviction. The judge will now retire and consider the sentence. By the way, keep the phone, Karen, you may need it soon. Come Hubris, let's go." To the guys,

"She named the dog!"

They laughed

"It figures!"

When I resumed to my walk, I felt bad. Awful actually! But I thought I had made the right decision. I felt bad because I really loved Karen, but I rather thought she was now out of my life. In fact, I had lost my appetite for both her and for lunch. You can only loose someone's trust once. After that, you may say 'of course I trust you', but it's not like before.

I wondered who exactly Archibald was to her. The obvious options were fuck friend, male shoulder to cry on during the divorce she was planning, or the long-awaited love of her life and her new husband.

I called my younger sister, who is also self-employed, and a 'Fact Checker' for assorted media. In essence, if a news source claims so and so divorced in 1978, my sister checks the fact. She's very good at digging information out of the internet.

"Hey Sis, you on line at the moment?"

"Yea! Why? You and big Hubie get lost again?"

"Nope. Big secrete, though. It's completely legal, but very confidential. You can't tell anyone in the family about what I need you to do."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. Go on line and look up Archibald Morgan. He's about 60 years old, and lives in the Philly. I want to know all the dirt about him. Credit rating, marriage, money, etc. If you have to pay to get into data bases I'll pay you back. Call me on my cell phone when you get some good stuff. The deadline is 5PM."

"I can do it, Chris, but why the secrecy? What's happening?"

"I think Karen may be getting interested in him. I need your help now."

"You got it. Off the top of my head, I recall Morgan is from old money, but has none himself. Bit of a rotter...married to Elizabeth Waldrup Morgan, who has beaucoup bucks, and's a society maven. Archibald is a man about town, who does nothing, but is accepted socially because of his wife of many years. Don't loan him money, and regard anything he says with suspicion. That's the nut shell biography. I'll get some specifics by 5PM"

"I especially wanted to know how much money he has. How the hell do you know all that off the top of your head?"

"Well, like I say, he gets around and is in the papers quite a bit. That and I did the fact checks on a book about his father a few years ago. I'm drawing a blank on the author's name, but it felt like I wrote half of the book!"

"Great, look forward to hearing from you later, and thank you."

Well, well, well! Knowing the enemy is the key to winning the battle! As I was walking by anyway, I rummaged in the two or three trash cans nearest to our house, but didn't find what I now suspected I might find sooner or later.

Obviously the next step was Karen's. She could have skipped work and beat me home, or keep me waiting while she fucked Archie dry and try to come up with a good story. I guessed the former if Arch was a passing fancy, and the latter if our marriage was over.

Happily it was the former, she was home and perhaps Archie was a passing fancy. She greeted me earnestly.

"Chris, I'm sorry, it wasn't what you think! Arch is going through a divorce, and needed someone to talk with, that was all."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Look, I want you to tell me what, in detail, with dates and places what's been going on, especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

"And I'm telling you, Chris, nothing's been going on! I love you."

"Hmmmm. So this was the first time you dressed especially for him, and hid the nail polish from me. You know that was wrong. The two of you hid across town to have an intimate lunch followed by an afternoon fucking a sucking in the house of the guy you wanted to help, where you could offer consolation for his marital worries in private...make dear Archie feel...what, less unloved? Out of kindness, but overcoming great personal disgust, hold his hand, and give him a hard on as you reassured his masculine vanity."

"You make it sound so shabby! It wasn't like that!"

"So tell me how it was then, 'cause surely it's not true that nothing happened between you."

"But nothing did happen..." My cell phone rang.

As I reached for my cell phone Karen said "Leave it Chris, they'll call back."

Grabbing the phone I responded "Ah! This conversation isn't going anywhere anyway; you're still in damage control mode... Hello...no I'm not...OK...What was the outcome of that? It would seem so. OK, let me know. Bye."

It was my sister, announcing that Archie and his wife just celebrated their 30^th wedding anniversary. And there was an allegation against Archie of rape and related pictures of at least two naked women posted on the internet. He allegedly got them into his study, fucked 'em and what not in front of hidden cameras. He was OK up to that point, but then they showed up on an internet porn site he is suspected to have a part ownership in. It was hushed up, partly because it was all he said/she said, and there was no proof who posted the pictures. One of the women did get a good chunk of money out of Archie or his wife. No one knows. He owns no property, no business partnerships. His net worth is about $300,000 and falling. Mine is about $300,000 and rising.

"Archie is a nice guy, and his wife doesn't understand him! Right! Listen Karen. I'd love to hear the fairy tale you've concocted, but I've not the patience. I'm going out for a while to lower my blood pressure..."

I walked back to the door, "I'll be back in an hour or two, and then we'll decide what to do."

She followed me to the door repeating her claim of innocence, and got the door shut her face. I continued walking in the direction Hubey and I had been taking to get to our house, checking the trash cans as I went. In the bin on the corner, I hit pay dirt under some papers and such.

I had a nice coffee in the D&D coffee shop, and even indulged in a real cream puff that Donna makes herself. She keeps the shells in the pastry case, but fills them with egg custard to order so that the crust doesn't get soggy. Absolutely delicious. I read the paper there, to soak up the hour I figured Wifey needed come to her senses, or to cook up a better story.

I strolled back to the house, took a pee in the hall toilet, poured myself a glass of wine, and sat down with my red eyed wife.

"So, where were we! I believe you had floated the fiction that nothing happened, you were loyal and true, helping the lovelorn, which is a group you may soon be joining if you don't tell me exactly what's been going on."

"But I told you, nothing happened. Nothing's been going on!"

"Look you silly cow. Vague denials are not convincing. Stuff has been going on for a month or more, so tell me what's happening. I really don't know if you have anything to gain by doing so, but I assure you, you have nothing to loose. As things stand, you're on your way out the door. I know more than you give me credit for, and your story better align with what I do know."

All right. I swear nothing happened! I began working with Archie back in May, and I was drawn to him. He has human magnetism. At the time, our marriage was going stale, boring sex, same old story, and I was feeling old. Archie's well off, from old money, and is connected to everybody who is anybody in this city. He has his problems too and he began confiding in me. We started going out to lunch on Tuesdays so that we could talk. Certainly he didn't want his personal troubles to be office gossip. I think I did him some good. He was really broken up...his wife was sleeping around with unsuitable people."

"Oh, indeed. It's much better when they sleep around with suitable people, preferably their betters. Much less painful for the wronged spouse"

"That's not what I mean."

"Possibly, but it's what it sounded like. So old father figure Archie began to woo you with the 'my wife doesn't understand me' line? Where did he take you to dinner, and what did he give you for gifts?"

"He never gave me anything of consequence!"

"So what little token things did he give you?"

"Some perfume. Took me to a department store the second or third week to help him find a gift for his wife, and wanted my advice. We went into the perfume department. He wanted something she might think was sexy to inspire her, and wanted my advice on what scents might do that. I gave him my opinion. I tried half a dozen, and finely picked one...But I only said I thought it was very nice for his wife, of course. The next time I saw him, he gave me a bottle of it. It was quite innocent."

"Right. He suggested perfume for someone you never met, you picked it out. One you thought was erotic. He bought it for you, and asked you to wear it, to connect your body to his face! It was all so innocent that you never mentioned him, your shopping expedition or the perfume to me. Ah I take that back, you mentioned seeing him greeting Anne, your boss. Hug, kiss, and hand grabbing the cheek of her ass. You said she laughed, and kissed him, as though they were once lovers. Your words, not mine. So where is this perfume that your other man gave you. The one that makes you feel like having sex? I'd like to see it. Try it out actually."

"...I left it at work."

"So you wore it for just for him when ever he took you out, because he bought it just for you, and he thought it got your cunt wet knowing why you were putting it on. Mustn't bring it home, though, lest hubby find it. Our little secret. I get the picture. Where did he tell you to apply the perfume?"

"I know it must look that way, but I wasn't thinking. I was being kind. I didn't want to hurt him by rejecting him, and he's an older gentleman, so he's not so...so politically correct as people our age."

"Again, where did he tell you to apply the stuff?"

"As you know, I don't wear perfume, but I do know where to put it. He told me the usual places, on the wrists, the neck, between the bres...I checked on line. He told me correctly."

"Yes, certainly. Between your tits, where he was planning to have his nose at some point. By the way, how much did this bottle cost?"

""Why I don't..."

I slammed my hand flat on the table with a smack, and she jumped.

"Cut the shit. Of course you know. He bought it right in front of you, and had to have mentioned it to you. He wanted to impress you. So how much?"

Karen's lip quivered

"It was outrageous, $275 for a small bottle."

"Now we're starting to see the bigger picture in context Karen. In guys, what you've been doing is called letting the small head do the thinking. In your case your cunt lips were whispering to you. But do continue. This was still in August, wasn't it? When did he get on to you about your clothing?"

"My god, how..."

"Just go on. Also, you need to tell me when and where you went with him."

"Well, the first two times it was just to a little Italian restaurant in South Philly. After that, mostly in the neighborhood were you saw us. It was the end of August. He said it was where it was happening. He and a number of others had been buying properties there, and the area was taking off. I met him at the Blue Squash; it's a Mexican fusion place. He gave me the perfume at lunch, I dabbed some on, and later the waitress asked what the scent was that I was wearing, that it had her a bit aroused!..."

"Did he get there first?"

She nodded yes

"So he primed the waitress to say that when she, what, picked up the plates?"

"She was clearing the table. No. He wouldn't have done that, I mean how could he? Maybe he did? I mean, now that you mention it, I really can't imagine a waitress coming out with a comment like that, right out of the blue. He did tell me a lot of bullshit about how I stirred him and such. I paid no attention to his flattery."

"And about your choice of clothing?"

"Geez, that was nothing. Shortly after I first met him in the office. I think we had lunch right around the corner from work. Part of his patter of flattery, and good advice. You know, I had such nice legs and all, but I would benefit from a more professional look. I should wear dresses and skirts but bare legged with sandals. And button down blouses with a bit of jewelry.

Any way, the lunches were nothing much. We sort of commiserated with one another about life..."

"Be specific, what did he lead you into bitching about?"

"Well where my career was going. I mean, Chris, Archie's a talent spotter in this city. He got my boss her job, and he's helped lots of other people get ahead. He connects talented people in one organization with an opportunity in other organizations. He was telling be about a job with the Art Museum, that would be perfect for me. It was gossip, of course, but real inside stuff. They don't advertise the good jobs on Monster, you know. And, as he had confided in me about his marital troubles, I mentioned what you had said about our marriage and what not."

"What not?"

"Well, you know, us having a chilly sex life right now, and difficulties talking about important stuff, not seeing eye to eye. That sort of thing."

"Excellent conversation. He told you in effect 'stick with me babe, and I'll get you a better job with more money, and you responded by telling him that you hadn't had a good fucking in ages. I bet his ears and cock picked up when he hear that!"

Her eyes watered up a bit.

"Chris, you turn everything into something...sordid. It wasn't like that at all. He was thoughtful and kind!"

"He is a master, Karen. Everything he said had two sides. On one side he was kind, and protective, but on the other hand it was demanding and controlling. We are both seeing the truth, like a coin having two sides. Anyway, go on, the first lunch date across town..."

"The Blue Squash was so-so. Well after lunch we took a cab back across town, when we were a couple of blocks from the office, the driver damn near took a corner on two wheels, and I flew across the seat and landed in a jumble on Archie. I was embarrassed to fall all over him like that, you know. Archie had the driver stop the cab, right there, and we got out and walked around the block to the office. "

I can read her like a book

"You skipped something just now didn't you? When you were thrown on top of Archie?"

"Ho...w...It's not important, but...well he did kiss me. But look! It wasn't premeditated, or anything, just, you know, be being tossed into him. Almost a reflex, a thing of the moment. That's all."

I stood up.

"Well, I'll see you after supper. I'm going out to eat by myself. There's no point in continuing this conversation, if you keep trying to hide what you were doing. If your still here when I get back, we can try for the last time, for complete honesty."

"What do you mean, Chris?"

I called the dog and put his collar on. Good day for the dogs, all that walking. Bad day for me. "I'll tell you what happened, you silly cow, yes you slid on top of him. You ever have a cab swerve like that for no reason. I never have. As he got in, he slipped the cabby $20 and a note telling him to take a hard left turn towards the end of the ride. It was planned. You skidded across the seat on to him. He kissed you quite firmly and deliberately, and after a shocked pause, you kissed back with tongue work. The next thing you knew, he had his hands on your tits, among other places, Right?"

She was horrified. I mean pole axed. My educated guess was right on the mark.

"My god, Chris. Why am I talking? You know it like you were their! I'm genuinely weirded out over this."

"Come on Hubris, let's take a walk. This house is more than full enough of hubris, half truths, and outright lies, with Karen here."

Hubris had a nice dump for himself, and sniffed up three dogs. All in all, a successful walk for him. Sis called me to say Elizabeth Morgan had been in France for the last three weeks, and wouldn't be back for another month. Plus, Archie's been named in three divorces, although the records were sealed on two of them. The last tidbit, Archie's 66 years old. I thanked her, and told her that was probably enough for my purposes.

I stopped at a small diner where the floor was clean enough for the dog to lay down, not that he cared. They had a delicious veal shank with fresh fava beans on special.

When I got back, I poured another small glass of wine for myself and one for Wifey, while giving the dog the shank bone. I sprawled out in the chair opposite her.

"So, where were we. Oh yes, you were trying to hold back the knowledge of your first wet/tongue kiss with Archie, and his first grope of your tits and what not. Plus how sexually excited you were, no doubt due to the perfume. Now I mentioned before that you were to tell me everything, and you're not doing that. I'm serious, I want the bald truth, or you can get your ass out the door right now. You can spend the next few weeks at Archie's house; Elizabeth is in France for the next few weeks. Or, you can live there as a maid with benefits, for all I care. Am I clear on that?!"