Want B, Take B, Have B

I want Faith, but Faith isn't the relationship type. She's the get some, get gone type.

Knowing her she's moments away from asking me to leave, and I don't want to leave. I really, really don't want to leave.

I'm not confused about my feelings, but I'm still confused about what happens next.

Where do we go from here?

So I guess I'm still confused. I'm not sexually confused, but I'm still confused.

"I.......... I don't know." I said finally, not really sure what to say.

"Mm that sounds like a yes to me." Faith said, turning to look at me and I look at her, "But you enjoyed it."

She then says which makes me smile as I feel myself also blush a little.

"Yes." I told her, glad I'm at the very least able to tell her that if nothing else.

We then both return to being quiet and it is a very uncomfortable silence at least for me it is because even though I know I can't say what I want to I can't help but feel the desire too.

However I manage to stop myself.

"So." Faith said finally breaking the silence, "How about making this a regular thing?"

"What?" I breathed, completely taken by surprise by what Faith has just said.

"Think about it. You're still feeling a little confused but you like what I did to you so why not go with it for a little while?" Faith said. "You're not dating anyone and if you want later you can just think of this as a little experimental phase."

I think about Faith's 'offer' and as much as I want to take her up on it there is a part of me that doesn't because experimental makes it seem as though this thing between me and Faith won't be serious and I want it to be.

"I don't know." I told her honestly, biting my bottom lip wondering weather or not I could handle pretending that this thing between me and Faith is just an experimental thing.

"Oh come on B I'm not asking for a commitment here or anything." Faith said, which hurts me because it confirms my fears, "Hell I'm not even suggesting it be just you and me."

Faith then adds.

"What?" I exclaimed, even more surprised than before.

"Think about it you liked it with me and with C so why don't the three of us have some fun together?" Faith asked, "I know C is leaving Sunny D when she finishes up school so it won't be permanent and when she's gone well then we can just see what happens. Maybe you decide you want to be strictly dickly and we can end things which would be cool if that's what you want or maybe if you're still into it it could be just you and me."

I know before tonight had Faith or anybody for that matter suggested what Faith just has I would have jumped on them not in a good way but as if they where a vampire.

However everything has changed now.

The main thing that has changed is me and my outlook.

I can't deny that it would be interesting to be with both Cordy and Faith at the same time and as far as the future is conserned I think I know which sex I prefer to have sex with now........... but that doesn't mean my preference won't change.......... I mean before tonight I thought I was just experimenting but now I think I know that this is no longer an experiment this is what I want.

God I'm really confused.

"Couldn't."

I stop and think about weather I should say this or rather ask it.

"Couldn't it just be you and me now?" I asked her, swallowing hard feeling as though I have just put my heart on the table and Faith is either going to pick it up and hold it or she is going to get a knife and stab it to death.

Maybe this is what I need.

I need to know where I stand as far as me and Faith are conserned and then maybe once I know that I will be able to decide about her 'offer' and the future.

"B," Faith said, taking a deep breath while I swallow hard knowing that this is it make or break, "I've.......... I've never been a one person girl."

"Oh." I said, feeling the knife go into my heart, "That's ok I understand."

I then quickly try to turn over and away from her.

"No you don't." Faith said, "I've never been a one person girl.......... but I would be for you."

I slowly turn back over and look at her.

Don't play with me Faith.

"I've never been a one person girl. I want to be for you but I've never done that before and I think I need a little help to..........transition." Faith explained.

"So.......... you want to only have sex with me and Cordelia to help transition into a relationship between us?" I asked her, finding that a little hard to understand.

"Yes." Faith said.

"That's stupid." I said without really thinking.

"Why?" Faith said, "I've never really done the whole commitment thing and you've never dated a girl before. You gonna tell me you ain't a little nervous about suddenly switching to chicks or are you ready to come out to everyone?"

I think about her idea of how she can go from being a 'love them and leave them' type of girl to a 'love one and stay with one' type of girl.

Part of me wants to say yes in answer to Faith's question but both she and I know that it would be a lie.

I'm nervous about me and Faith dating or trying to date and I'm nervous about coming out to people.

Maybe Faith is right maybe in a.......... crazy way............ maybe this will help us both prepare for it being just me and her.

"Then why do we have to jump head first into this?" Faith asked, "Why can't we just have some fun this year with Cordy and then when she leaves if it's what you still want I swear it'll be just you and me. 100% commitment city."

I know this is what I want.

In my heart I know it.

I feel it.

But that doesn't stop me being scared.

I'm more scared of this than anything the Hellmouth could ever possibly throw at me.

"One condition." I told her, "We try and find some time to talk just you and me."

I feeling as though if this is going to be some kind of weird trial run for me and Faith then it shouldn't be just about sex, at least not for the two of us.

I mean I've never taken the time to really get to know her, and if I do maybe it will bring us closer together, make it part of our 'transition' from weird three-way relationship into a more normal relationship.

"Ideally while fully clothed." I added, not sure if I could keep my hands off a nude or even partly nude Faith not after tonight at least.

Faith smiles back at me.

"Do we have to be fully clothed?" She asked.

"Well." I said, pretending to think about it, "I guess that part could be optional. But I'm serious. I don't want this to be just sex not for us."

"It won't be. I promise." Faith said as she kisses me on the forehead and then pulls me into her arms.

The moment I'm in Faith's arms I know I never want to leave them. I can feel Faith's nervousness, evidently this is also new territory for her, holding somebody after having sex with them.

I simply rest my head on her right breast and move my right arm over her stomach and move one of my legs over her's in an attempt to try and comfort her and help her to relax.

"So what now?" I asked after a few minutes of us being quiet.

"Now you sleep B." Faith said, "You're going to need all the energy you can get for tomorrow."

This causes me to smile.

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise." Faith said.

With that we're both quiet until we both eventually fall fast asleep in each other's arms.

Faith's POV

We stay quiet for a while until finally I said without looking at her, "So B, still feeling confused?"

There was a long silence and then B said, "I... I don't know."

"Mm, that sounds like a yes to me." I said, turning to look at her, "But you enjoyed it."

It was a statement, not a question, but B answered it anyway as a little smile crept across her blushing face, "Yes."

Silence falls between us and I think about leaving the conversation I want to have with her until tomorrow so I don't ruin the night but I figure all those orgasms would have put B in such a weakened state I probably have a better chance of getting her to say yes so I decided to go for it.

"So," I said, "How about making this a regular thing?"

"What?" B replied weakly, obviously a little taken by surprise.

"Think about it, you're still feeling a little confused, but you like what I did to you so why not go with it for a little while? You're not dating anyone, and if you want later you can just think of this as a little experimental phase." I told her.

"I don't know." B said, biting her bottom lip.

"Oh come on B, I'm not asking for a commitment here or anything." I said, "Hell, I'm not even suggesting it be just you and me."

"What?" B said.

"Think about it, you liked it with me, and with C, so why don't the three of us have some fun together?" I asked, "I know C is leaving Sunny D when she finishes up school so it won't be permanent, and when she's gone, well then we can just see what happens. Maybe you decide you want to be strictly dickly and we can end things, which would be cool if that's what you want, or maybe, if you're still into it, it could be just you and me."

I expect B to get all angry and defensive for me even suggesting some three-way fuck buddy fun, but instead to my amazement she actually thinks about it for a while and then replies with a soft, "Couldn't... couldn't it just be you and me now?"

That's pretty much the last thing I expected her to say. I really wasn't prepared for it.

I had prepared and planned months of activities which would make her want it to be just her and me, and deep down I know that's what I want, but the problem here is it's too early. I'm not ready for it. How the hell do I tell her this without coming off as a complete bitch and/or hurting her?

"B," I began with a deep breath, "I've... I've never been a one person girl..."

"Oh, that's ok, I understand." B said quickly, trying to turn over and away from me.

"No, you don't. I've never been a one person girl... but I would be for you." I said quickly.

There's a pause and then B turns back to look at me.

"I've never been a one person girl. I want to be for you, but I've never done that before and I think I need a little help to... transition." I explained.

There was another pause and then B said, "So... you want to only have sex with me and Cordelia to help transition into a relationship between us?"

"Yes." I confirmed.

"That's stupid." B said, looking at me like I'm crazy.

"Why? I've never really done the whole commitment thing and you've never dated a girl before. You gonna tell me you ain't a little nervous about suddenly switching to chicks, or are you ready to come out to everyone?" I asked, a little harshly.

B didn't reply, she didn't have too.

"Then why do we have to jump head first into this? Why can't we just have some fun this year with Cordy, and then when she leaves if it's what you still want I swear it'll be just you and me. 100% commitment city." I promised her.

B seems to think about this for a little while and then finally said, "One condition, we try and find some time to talk, just you and me, ideally while fully clothed."

She smiles while saying the last bit and I smile back.

"Do we have to be fully clothed?" I asked with a grin.

"Well, I guess that part could be optional." B said, still smiling, "But I'm serious, I don't want this to be just sex, not for us."

"It won't be. I promise." I told her, kissing her on the forehead before pulling her into my arms.

I've never held anyone before, at least not like this in the post sex game, so I'm a little unsure how to do it but B fits her body on mine like a glove. Her head rests on my right tit while one of her arms slides over my stomach and one of her legs slides over mine. With my arm additionally wrapped around her it feels like a perfect fit.

There was silence between us and then B asked, "So what now?"

"Now you sleep B." I said, a smile creeping across my face, "You're going to need all the energy you can get for tomorrow."

"Promise?" She asked.

I smiled again, "Promise."