tagFirst TimeWanted: One Night Stand

Wanted: One Night Stand

bydarvon86©

Wednesday, February 4

"This is just fucking nuts."

"You starting to talk to yourself Dave?" my roommate Jon laughed.

"It's already February. Two thirds of my Freshman year here at Michigan is history. Everyone knows that Freshman year is 'the mating season'. I am wasting it. I still have my V card. Fuck."

"Dave, you still have your 'Haven't been on a date' card. I am telling you just go to a mixer and keep asking girls until one says yes."

"I've been to two mixers, you dragged me there, remember?"

"And you watched the dance floor from the sidelines. I brought a girl back to introduce to you and you were already gone. Out the door. You can't be this shy and have a life. You're not bad looking. Just jump in the middle of the lake. You are a smart guy, you will figure out how to swim. I gotta go man. I have econ. Just jump bro'."

With that Jon picked up his backpack and shut the door.

It's easy for Jon to say that. Jon Williams is 6'1", was swim team at his high school last year and looks like a Greek god. John is my BCF, Best College Friend, as we first met when we were assigned to share a room in Baits dorm. Jon is from Chicago.

But back to his way with girls. First semester he had so many girls back in our room that I didn't know what color the doorknob was. There was always a sock on it. Plenty of different girls. It seemed effortless for Jon.

But he is really a nice guy. Even the girls that fell out of his rotation still said nice things about him. I had classes with a few and they said they always had a great time, that Jon was a great guy. A few of them told me he was also great in the sack. TMI.

But back to my problem. I, David Gordon, want what everyone else has. But how? I was so shy I didn't even date in high school. Everyone at my school , even the AP Math geeks, dated, went to the prom, and got laid. Why don't I date? I don't look too bad and I am not fat. I got my looks from my mom's side of the family (thank god), although they were diluted from her Icelandic/Irish mix heritage by my dad's family which seemed to have come from under a bridge. My dad was the best looking guy in his family and he still made Sheldon Cooper look like Thor. But Dad is a brilliant man and a gentle soul. He and Mom were high school sweethearts and married in college. I, their only child, was born just after graduation. Mom got a job in pharmaceutical sales and put Dad through medical school here at Michigan. He is now the leading dermatologist in Ann Arbor.

Why can't I start dating? I am never going to get laid. I am never going to have a One Night Stand.

The fabled One Night Stand. What would that even feel like? I just meet a girl, take her to bed and walk away? No date, just a night of raw sex and never look back. How in the world would I find a girl that would join me in a One Night Stand?

Just take out an ad? As if.

Wait...OK... If I am going to jump in the middle of the lake, let's do a cannonball.

There is an alternative weekly published online in our college town of Ann Arbor, The Omega. It has stories for the huge Michigan college crowd - music concerts, hot fashions, sex tips, anything and everything a twenty year old college student would want to read about. It also has a Classified section. It's 'No Holds Barred' and the ads get really wild. The Omega is out on Friday at noon, so everyone can find out what to do on the weekend.

I pulled up the site on my laptop. Twenty dollars per issue for a 350 character ad. Submissions need to be in by midnight, Wednesday night. That was today, and it's only two o'clock. Plus Saturday after next is Valentine's Day so this is the the week before Valentines edition. Everyone will be trying to figure out what to do for V-Day and reading the Omega. I am so going to do this.

First off, the security. The Omega acts as an anonymity barrier, like with Craigslist. But I created a new email just for this. That way I can put a different ringtone on the Omega-Ad email inbox, so I know to respond quickly.

That done, I need an ad. I worked for two hours and finally had it.

Wanted One Night Stand.

VSM, 18, 5'11" BMI 22.5 average or better looks, is looking for Female, 18-45, BMI 22.5 or less, average or better looks. Object, a One Night Stand. Just one casual night out with casual fun, casual sex and then just memories. If interested please respond and I can give you more details.

- Hopeful Dave

I submitted the ad and paid the twenty bucks. I couldn't wait until Friday.

Friday, February 6 - 12:15 p.m.

This is GREAT. I am so excited. I wanted to look at my ad, but I thought I would jinx it, so I stayed away.

Friday, February 6 - 10:00 p.m.

This SUCKS. Jon was out at a party with one his current babes, Brandi. I was sitting out in the cold on a concrete bench in the Quad. I waited and waited for an email in my room. Nothing. Not one. I hadn't told Jon about the ad. That was a good thing. I would have been humiliated. I finally got tired of waiting and ventured out in the snow walking blindly.

Saturday, February 7 - 10 p.m.

This is EMBARRASING. Everyone is out for Saturday Night and I am in the library, trying to study to pass the time.

Sunday, February 8 - 10 p.m.

This is DEPRESSING. How lame can I possibly be? Not one response. I need to do something different in my life. I don't want to go back to my dorm. I don't want to go to class tomorrow. I am down in the basement of the English Bldg, next to the boilers, sitting on the concrete floor. It's warm and cozy. I am just going to stay here tonight.

Monday, February 9 - 9:37 a.m.

This is EXCITING. My special alert went off on my phone. I have an email. I quickly open it up and read.

Dear Mr. Gordon,

The Omega staff is very sorry, but your ad placed last week did not get inserted into our Classified section for last Friday's issue. Your submission was not in fault, it was a clerical error on our side.

To make up for our error, we are refunding your twenty dollars and placing your ad first in next Friday's Classifieds.

Again, we sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Asst. Editor,

Stacey Hildebrandt

Fuck. Well last weekend was painful, but at least it was an error. I hope I don't do it again this weekend.

Friday, February 13 - 11:57 a.m.

This is NERVE WRACKING. I am so nervous. Much more so than last week. I am going over to Commons to get lunch, just to take my mind off things. I am not sure I can eat.

Friday, February 13 - 12:24 p.m.

This is AMAZING. I was getting dinner in Commons and my phone just chirped the special alert while I was in line with my tray. I can't wait to get to a table and check the email. This fucking line needs to MOVE.

I got to a table and read the email.

Dear Delightful Dave,

I am surprised and pleased by your ad. I have always fantasized about a One Night Stand, but I was out of the dating pool early and never did it . How creative to simply advertise. Life is sales. I assume VSM means virgin straight male. I have a little more experience than you, but everyone starts at zero. No problem.

My data is:

Straight Female, late 30s, BMI 19.8, 5'9", Redhead, better than average looks (you can decide how much better). In town. Not University employee.

What's next?

Excitedly yours,

Gigi

I couldn't wait to get back to my room and send her an email. BMI of 19.8? Wow. That's Kate Upton's BMI.

I banged out an email.

Hello Adventurous Gigi,

As you may have guessed I am a Michigan student. I am intrigued. You supply the experience and I will supply the energy, although it might be nervous energy. When can we hookup?

Delighted Dave

Just then Jon came back from lunch.

"So how is your ad doing, Dave?" (I had told him when I had to explain why I didn't come home last Sunday night).

"I got a hit Jon. She's late 30s but 5'9" and BMI 19.8. And my lack of experience doesn't seem to bother her."

"She's probably a dog. But a 5'9" 19.8 isn't bad. You could always put a bag over her head. I gotta run. I don't have any more classes today, so I am going to hit the pool and then the bars. There's a pussy out there with my name on it. And you know how I love a girl with tattoos."

"See if you can go to her place this time. I haven't had a Friday sleeping in my own bed in weeks."

"Hey. Go sleep in someone else's bed. Ciao bro'."

"Fuck one for me, Jon."

Jon hadn't been gone 5 minutes before my phone rang the special chime again. Gigi had written back.

Hey Delicious Dave,

If you don't have a date for Valentine's Day, why don't we make V-Day your V-Gone-Day?

Since you are under 21, how about BLAST at eight o'clock? I will wear green(my fave color) and pearls. You wear a vest. Meet you at the bar.

I am really getting wet just thinking about this. Looking forward to your energy all night long.

I have to go buy a new club dress and book a room.

Giddy Gigi

BLAST was an Under-21 dance club. I could hardly type my response fast enough

Hello Gorgeous Gigi,

BLAST is great. See you at eight. My energy is ready to burst out for you. I gotta go buy a vest!!

Delirious Dave

I didn't sleep a wink and Jon didn't come back until Saturday morning. I told Jon all about Gigi and showed him the emails.

"BLAST at eight? What are you going to do if she is a total woofer, Dave?"

"Close my eyes and fuck her?"

"Not a bad idea, but let's plan a bit. She is going to be there at eight o'clock, so why don't you get there at seven thirty with your vest in your pocket and get a table in the corner? You can see the whole bar from there and decide if you want to put on your vest and go meet up or just sit tight."

"She's not going to be a dog, Jon."

"Better safe than waking up with fleas, Dave."

I eventually agreed with Jon, but hoped he was wrong.

I went out and bought a second hand vest to go over my blue button down shirt and black jeans. I was going to buy some "dating underwear". All I had was my tightie whities. I found some barely-there briefs in leopard. I took a tube of them and went to pay. The cashier was a cute blonde girl about my age. I got so embarrassed as I got in line that I turned around and put them back.

Saturday, February 14 - 6:44 p.m.

It was getting late. I had tried on all of my dress shirts. Some twice. Nothing looked good to me.

"Relax, Dave," Jon tried to calm me down. "Just wear the first one, it looked best."

I quickly changed. Jon was right. When it came to girls Jon was always right.

"Do you need me to be gone so you can bring Gigi back to the room?"

"No. We talked about that. She is getting us a room. Aren't you going out for Valentine's Day anyways??"

"Nope. Valentine's Day is for girlfriends, not girls. I don't do girlfriends and I don't want any one girl to get the wrong idea. So I am staying in tonight and playing Halo Online with all the nerds who couldn't get a date, like you would've been if not for ...Gigi. God, that's a hot name. Now get out of here while I order a pizza and see how the other half lives."

I got there thirty minutes early and got the last booth back in the corner. The waitress brought me a coke. I didn't spot Gigi at the bar. My vest was folded and not on yet. For the evening meet I put on a dress shirt, open collar and black jeans. She said she would wear pearls and something green. Seven-thirty was still way early for BLAST but this was V-Day, already the dance floor was packed and the music blaring. And the crowd trying to shout pickup lines just added to the din.

I kept watching the bar, drinking cokes. By ten after eight my patience was dwindling and my bladder swelling. I checked the bar one last time but nothing. So I hopped up and went to the men's room. I wasn't there 2 minutes but as I came back to my booth I could see a green dress at the far end of the bar looking away. Her hair was up and yes, I could see the pearl choker around the back of her neck. She was looking away, at the door. Gigi looked good from the back in her backless metallic green mini dress and red hair. I always loved redheads. Actually she looked hot. I quickly put the vest on and went to meet her before I could chicken out.

"Hello, is your name Gigi?"

She turned around, gorgeous face, trim body, long legs and great tits. I was stunned speechless. She spoke first.

"David???"

"Mom??"

-

"Mom, I can't believe you are fooling around on Dad!" I shouted over the din starting to get angry.

Dad was a nice guy like me and we all know where nice guys finish. My mom's name was Gayle Gordon, hence the G.G. or the sexier Gigi.

"We need to talk David," she almost had to shout in my ear. "Let's go somewhere else."

She leaned over to get close to my ear and her dress barely held her tits in. Fuck, this was my Mom!

I stomped out of the club, not looking back. I got my coat from coat check and she did as well. Out on the street I turned.

"I know a coffee shop," I said angrily and walked away. If she followed, she followed. I was not looking forward to this conversation.

We walked the three blocks without a word. I went in to Grounds Zero. It wasn't very crowded. Coffee shops don't make good Valentine's Day hotspots, I guess. I went straight to the counter and got my mocha. She got her latte and we found a table in the back, way back.

I sat down, trying to keep myself under control.

"Why are you cheating on Dad?" I asked brusquely.

"David, calm down. Dad knows that I am doing this."

She showed me her phone and the last text from Dad.

Is he there yet? Good luck. See you at home tomorrow. Don't tell me if he is bigger.

I couldn't believe it.

"What the fuck??"

"David. Language," mom chided. "It's complicated, but I will tell you everything if you want to know. Do you, David? You can't unhear it once I tell it."

"I want the whole truth, Mom. Why were you in slutware at BLAST waiting for your one night stand?" I was trying not to scream.

"David, your father was cheating on me. Mrs. McDonald called me. Do you remember Evangeline?"

Evangeline was the new receptionist at my dad's practice that he shared with Dr. McDonald. She replaced Mrs. Goodie last spring. Evangeline was 24. Actually she was 36-24-36. Beach bunny blond and sort of a tease, at least she was to me before I left for college.

"I remember."

"Mrs McDonald told me that her husband and Wesley were taking turns fucking her every Tuesday and Thursday nights. They used the two days that the office stayed open until nine o'clock to cover their tracks. Evangeline, who answered the phones and handled appointments only took appointments to seven for those nights. All the patients were usually done by seven-thirty and all the employees, except Evangeline went home. Then one husband went to a bar for ninety minutes or went home early and said he didn't have any appointments after seven that night. The other fucked Evangeline in the office."

"I can't believe that. Dad wouldn't do that. And why would Evangeline? Dad is no hunk and Dr McDonald makes Dad look like Bradley Cooper."

"Mrs. McDonald was suspicious. She is so techie that she put some wifi webcams in the heating vents. She sent me videos."

Mom hit some more buttons on her phone and pointed it at me.

Holy Shit. Evangeline was naked and bent over the reception desk, taking it from Dad up the ass.

"So are you breaking up? Is that why you were at BLAST?"

"No David. I was at BLAST because your father and I are not breaking up."

She must have seen the confusion in my face.

"Your father and I had several long talks. Eventually we came to a decision. He promises that he had not done this before. And would not stray again. I believe him so I decided not to leave him."

"Why would he cheat on you, Mom?"

That was a good question because as hot as Evangeline was, even at thity-nine Mom had her beat. Mom's Icelandic/Irish heritage gave her a beautiful face, fiery red hair, and a body that all my friends in high school lusted after. She needed to look good for her sales work. She exercised like a demon and it showed. In her little green slutware dress, I could clearly see her tight ass and long legs that any college coed would die for. Add that to her 34D tits which in that dress were jiggling back and forth, hypnotically. Evangeline just wasn't in Mom's league. Why indeed?

"Strange, David. You know how your father like things which are new and different. Strange is a powerful aphrodisiac to all men and especially to him."

She was right. Dad always wanted to go to the new restaurant, visit the trendiest new locales on vacation. Always had to have the new phone or electronics.

"I believe your father had a one girl lapse, David. That's why I am staying with him."

"But why did you go to BLAST looking for a one night stand?"

"I asked your father and he went over his time sheets. He fucked Evangeline 37 times. So he can be faithful from now till forever and he will still be 37 ahead of me. I am not leaving on the condition that he never does this again and I get to fuck to even the score."

"You are going to fuck thirty-seven guys?"

"Thirty-eight times not guys, David. The extra one is to put me ahead. Forever. Thirty-eight times with as many guys as I need."

"So how many guys have you fucked so far, Mom?" That was a sentence I never thought I would say.

"Delirious Dave was to be my first man other than your father. And now look how that went." Mom wasn't teary-eyed, but she was frustrated. She opened her clutch and got out a little plastic card and threw it on the table.

"Room 241 at the Belmont. What a waste! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

I have never seen Mom this upset. Even back in eleventh grade, when I hit the telephone pole after she told me not to drive in the ice storm. Getting even was crazy, but if that is what would keep my parents together...

"Put that card back in your purse. You are going to need it."

My Mom's eyes got real big.

"Don't go there, Mom. Not me, but you are going to get your one night stand."

I dug out my phone and dialed.

"Jon, I am going to text you a room number at the Belmont. In it you will find Gigi, a gorgeous red head waiting to be fucked like there's no tomorrow and you are just the man to do it."

I explained that Gigi was my old babysitter (that's almost not a lie) and even though she was hotter than a SI swimsuit model and horny as hell, it just felt weird to us. So I was calling for my backup to come in off the bench and score. Jon couldn't believe my bad luck, but he was on his way.

We both hit the restroom and then headed out into the night. I walked my Mom the five blocks to the Belmont. The wind was blowing hard and it was freezing. She leaned into me for heat and I wrapped my arm around her. She was shaking, but I don't think it was only the cold.

We got to the Belmont lobby, went inside and she turned to me.

"I am sorry you didn't lose your virginity, David."

Shit. I forgot I told my mom about my V-Card.

"You are a handsome man and you will find a girl. You just have to ask. You asked me and I totally would have done you."

With that she gave me a big motherly hug. Then she gave me a not so motherly kiss on the lips. She quickly turned, taking off her coat and walked to the elevator, with sexy hip-sway. I was now painfully hard. I went out into the cold wind to walk back to my dorm. I went the long way to avoid bumping into Jon coming the other way, but I was getting really cold. I shoved my hands into my pockets. There was something weird in my left pocket. I brought it out to look. Holy Shit. I was a pair of tiny lace panties. Green ones. Fuck...

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