Wanting Erica

1.

Have you ever met someone and at that moment you have the feeling that someday, somewhere and somehow in time you two would be together? When your gazes lock, time seems to standstill. You can't think or blink. You can't tear your gaze away from that person. You know it isn't lust. You know you are not infatuated. All you want is to be with that person. Then the question is, "what are you willing to give up being with them?" Sometimes, life doesn't always go the way we plan it. Sometimes we need to meet that special person in order to understand some things about ourselves. Sometimes we are scared to go beyond where we are because of our fears.

Yvonne turned in bed and looked at Ian her fiancé. They had been engaged for 3 months. She knew she loved him. He was all the man she ever wanted to meet. She was thankful that he was in her life. He seemed to understand her. Although they had their differences, they got along just well. She was convinced beyond doubt that he was the one. She had dated different dudes in the past. It happened that she couldn't feel something intense for them. They were not all jerks. At a point she thought something was wrong with her. She didn't connect to them the way she did with Ian.

It was a bright Saturday. She didn't want to wake him. He needed his sleep. She walked to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. She wasn't a coffee person. She tried liking coffee but it wasn't her thing. This was one of her idiosyncrasies. She used to think she was weird until she met her office colleague Erica. Erica was reclusive. She had spoken with her once during an office workshop. Erica sat a row ahead of her that day. She was surprised when she got to know Erica worked there. They had locked gazes when Erica turned to look at the exit door in the room. Yvonne didn't know why she couldn't tear her gaze away from the pair of gray eyes that seemed to pierce her soul. After few seconds, she muttered a quiet "hi" to the young lady. Erica nodded and turned to look ahead of her. After the workshop, Yvonne tapped the young lady's shoulders. Erica turned.

"Do you work here? I haven't seen you before" said Yvonne.

"Yeah right. Now you have seen me." The lady nodded.

"I am Yvonne. And you?"

"Erica. Erica Summers." That was when Yvonne's phone rang. She excused herself. When she was done, she turned to talk to Erica. Erica had already gone. She shrugged. "How polite!" she mused to herself.

That was the first time she spoke with Erica. Ever since that day, she hadn't seen much of her. That was 8months ago. It baffled her how she could work with someone in the same office and you never get to see them. She conjectured that Erica was haughty and snobbish. She didn't even bother going to check up on her. She had asked around and she was told that Erica was a new employee at the firm. Maybe she wasn't a snob. Maybe she was shy. But, how can one be so remote? She thought she was introverted until she met Erica.

As it turned out to be, the boss's birthday was coming up. The workers had decided to throw a party for him. He was a good man. And it was unanimously agreed that a party would be thrown in his honour. Then it happened that Erica was appointed the chairman of the party committee. This was because she worked in the personnel department. Yvonne was appointed her assistant. Yvonne was indifferent towards this new development. She had grown cold towards Erica. After the meeting that day, Erica had left the room. She wasn't surprised. The ice queen had deemed herself too lofty to be in their society. The meeting held a month before the party. A week had passed before Erica had condescended to call her up.

Erica informed her that she had spoken to others in the committee aside her. She also told her that since her, Yvonne was her assistant and also in charge of finance, they had lots to talk about. It was quite surprising when Erica asked if they could meet outside the office the next day. Yvonne was wee sceptical about this. They agreed to meet in the restaurant at the other side of town. New Port was a big place and lots of firms thrived there.

Now, Yvonne sat in the kitchen sipping her tea. She was to meet Erica at 4 O'clock that evening. She didn't know if she was happy to see her. She was curious about her. She asked herself again, "how could someone be so remote and withdrawn?" well, she was going to find out in 9 hours. She had a feeling she was going to be bored. Erica was barely acquainted with a few people. Maybe she lacked social skills. Ostensibly, she was smart. The firm only employed individuals who were very good. Erica might have been a beauty queen in college. They were almost the same height only that Erica was an inch shorter than she. Erica seemed to have it all. Or maybe she didn't. Maybe that was her reason for being reclusive. There had to be something wrong with Erica. At this point, Yvonne sighed. She had spent close to an hour seated in one spot thinking of her enigmatic colleague. This was the first time she had given the girl any thought at all. She smiled to herself, there was always a first time.

Yvonne seemed to get carried away. As Ian kissed her earlobe, she laughed. His arms were wrapped around her. She didn't even know when he walked in. "Penny for your thoughts? You didn't even notice when I walked in." Yvonne smiled at him. She rubbed his chin. "What would I be thinking about?" Ian chuckled and walked to the fridge to get himself a bottle of water. She dropped the cup on the table.

"Baby, I have this person from my office I want to see this evening. At 4. Kinda pertaining to the party I told you about"

Ian nodded. "So, when would you be home?"

"Dunno" she shrugged. "But i would be here ASAP"

The rest of the day seemed to linger. She knew she was excited that she was about to meet Erica again. She made sure she made a good first impression on the other girl. From the look of it, Yvonne guessed she was only couple of years older than the other girl. She might be 2 or 3 years older. Erica looked young. .

She finally got into the restaurant. She looked at her wrist watch; it was 3 minutes after 4 O'clock. Then her cell phone beeped. She picked it. "On the right side of the aisle," the person hung up. She knew it was Erica. She had been spotted by the lady. She was holding her phone. She didn't know how she felt walking up to the table. She wondered when Erica got to the restaurant. This woman never seemed to stop flummoxing her. She was mysterious. People like her didn't like people getting close to them. She wondered if she had friends at all. That wasn't her business. She thought she would have to wait for Erica. Maybe she was going to make a "royal entrance". Then, it dawned on her. She had been coming up with different conjectures about this lady. She felt it was high time she stopped it and get to know the lady one on one.

"Hello," Erica smiled at her.

She was taken aback. So she could smile. And it was a dazzling smile at that. She was going to learn a lot about this young lady.

"Good afternoon. Sorry, I am a little late."

"That is no bother. You are here. That is all that matters."

"When did you get here?"

"I got here at the appointed time. 4 exactly."

"Hmmmm... that is nice."

They talked about the committee. They talked about the boss. They even talked about their co-workers. Yvonne was surprised that she knew everyone in the office by their names. When she asked how it was possible that she did, Erica shrugged and told her, "I have my ways". This heightened Yvonne's curiosity. It turned out to be that Erica knew more than she thought she knew. She was very intelligent. That was when it dawned on her that Erica was probably a genius. She studied psychology in an Ivy League university. People like her rarely showed off.

"Erica, how come you are reclusive?"

"I knew you were going to ask me that." Erica smirked. She took a sip from the bottle of water before her. "Why do you say I am reclusive>"

"Because you are reclusive. I never got to talk with you after that day. And you didn't wait for me to be done with my call too"

"Oh, that day? I was in a hurry. I had someone waiting for me. I just had to-do what I did."

"And the next day? You didn't say anything."

"Yes. I didn't think you would have anything to say to me."

"You work with people without interacting with them. Hmm... You are something else. You know that, right?"

"You are the first person telling me that"

"Seriously?" Yvonne looked at her with askance.

Erica laughed and said, "I know I am eccentric. I can't possibly do what is expected of me if it doesn't suit me." Yvonne was silent. Then Erica spoke again, "tell me something different about you. You know your foibles."

"Why should I be telling you that," she eyed her suspiciously. "I barely know you"

"You are in the process of knowing me. Okay, I will go first. I prefer tea to coffee."

Yvonne smiled at her; "really?" Erica nodded. "I prefer tea to coffee too. My fiancé calls me an English lady."

"You see? We are getting to know each other"

They continued chatting about everything and anything. Yvonne seemed relaxed in the other lady's company. She didn't expect to have so much fun just sitting down and talking with someone. She hadn't had this much fun from just talking. It seemed Erica knew just what to say. Then she wondered why Erica was reclusive. She just couldn't think of a reason. Maybe... she stopped her thought. She had told herself she wasn't going to make guesses about this lady anymore.

Time flies when you are having fun! It was 6 in the evening. Yvonne hated saying goodbye to her new found friend. She made Erica promise that she would be more outgoing. She told Erica she had social skills contrary to what she thought. Then, Erica told her, "You don't know me until you know me." They exchanged numbers too. Erica was nice and sweet as opposed to what she always thought. She had walked Erica to her car. It was a nice convertible. Erica had told her it was her dad's gift to her on her 22nd birthday which was the previous year. Erica's dad was rich. He just didn't know what to do with his money. They agreed they would see in the office the next week on Monday. Yvonne closed the door of her car and watched the pretty lady drive away. She walked to her car and wondered if she could wait till it was Monday to see the funny, witty, charming and pretty new friend she just made. She smiled to herself as she opened her car door.

2.

She had seen Erica on Monday. They had their idle chatter. Yvonne had asked her if she didn't mind having her lunch break with her. Erica had declined saying she was on a diet. Yvonne was bemused when she heard this. Erica was sexy. She guessed her waist line would be about 24 inches. She didn't know what to think. Then she thought of a way to pull her legs. "You don't want those puny mortals seeing you eat, right? You can at least deign to grace us with your presence, your highness" Yvonne gave a false bow.

"Lame attempt at sarcasm. You should try harder."

"Oh yeah?" Erica nodded in response to her.

"I just wanted to have lunch with you" Yvonne shrugged.

"Why don't you take me out to lunch?"

Yvonne gave her a quizzical look. She had not taken anyone out before. She smiled. "Really?"

"Exactly as I said it. Take me out."

"Where is it done that you ask someone to take you out?"

"I guess it is never done. But i can be the first. You and I could be the first to start it. Considering we are both eccentric. So, re you gonna take me out?"

"Umm... not that it is a bad idea. Let's say Friday? After work we hang out somewhere."

"Okay... my Friday is less occupied."

"And today?"

"Not happening today. I don't eat lunch. It is just my biological make up."

They talked about trivial things. After few minutes of talking, Yvonne went back to her office.

Lately, she seemed to enjoy Erica's company. She looked forward to lunch breaks. She found out that she began to feel light. It seemed she was losing weight. She had Erica to thank for that. Erica had become more outgoing too. She seemed to be friendlier with others in the office. The party committee seemed to like Erica. She seemed to know how to utilize everyone's potential. That was why she was appointed to lead the committee, she was good with people. It baffled Yvonne more. Why would someone as charming and witty as Erica be reclusive? Erica wasn't shy. Erica had told her there was a huge difference between being modest and diffident. She hadn't even heard of the word diffident before. Erica was a voracious reader and it showed in the way she spoke and used words.

She talked of Erica a lot. It seemed that Ian too was interested in meeting the so-called Erica. She knew she liked her friend a great deal. She didn't mind if she spent less time with her other friends. Not that she saw them often. But, Erica worked in same place with her. She seemed to see her everyday nowadays. She just loved being around Erica lately. She learnt different things from Erica. Erica didn't act her age most of the time.

Their lunch date had gone well. They went to another restaurant out of town. Yvonne drove them there. They ordered the same thing. Then Erica came up with the idea that they drove into the country. Yvonne protested against this. Then an idea came to Yvonne, "why don't you take me out next week in your car and you'd drive around the country side. Then, we could have a picnic. You know? I would bring the eatables? Or we bring the eatables? What do you think? Don't say nay"

Erica moved forward to her. They were reclining on Yvonne's car outside the restaurant." This is the best idea I have heard in a long time."

"Seriously?"

"I am" she held her friends hand. "So when do you want us to do that?"

"Anytime... it could be tomorrow. You know it is a Saturday."

"Ok. Tomorrow it is. Let's say 3 o'clock?"

"No objection here."

They giggled. Erica looked at Yvonne for a long time. Yvonne blue eyes looked into her. They didn't say anything. It seemed like holding each other's gazes was enough conversation. Yvonne didn't understand why she didn't want to look away from the gray eyes that held hers. She could feel Erica's thumb caress her palm. She was caught up in the moment. She didn't understand what she was feeling. But whatever it was, she didn't want it to stop. She seemed caught up in her friend. It dawned on her they were few inches apart. It also became clear to her it was a warm evening. Reality was gradually crashing around her. She had to drop Erica at her apartment. She sighed and gently removed her hand from her friend's hand.

Erica laughed at her friend. "What is it? You looked flushed."

"Me?" Yvonne could have sworn that she saw The Look in Erica's eyes. She smiled. They both got into the car. The rest of the drive to Erica's place was quiet. Erica lived alone. Her house was close to a lake. She pulled up her car at the entrance. "So, this is where I live. Very serene. My dad got it for me. He dotes on me and my brother. I get all the solitude I need here. And I am never lonely. I tend to love being all by myself."

Yvonne was still breathless. Her hands were still on the steering. She wished she could spend the night with Erica. She didn't want to leave. She consoled herself she was seeing her the next day. Then she suggested, "why not 11 tomorrow morning. I would have things doing in the evening." Erica acquiesced to this without thinking it over.

Erica leaned in to kiss Yvonne on her right cheek, "thanks for lunch". Yvonne gasped. Erica looked at her puzzled. "Like you don't kiss people on the cheeks" she got down. "Tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, tomorrow." With this Yvonne drove down the lane. After work, Erica had driven her car home. Yvonne had tagged behind in her car. She loved the country view. She found it nice that there was a lake close by. She had suggested that they see at 11 in the morning because she couldn't wait too long. The drive home was smooth only that she couldn't take her mind off Erica.

Ian was in the sitting room watching TV. She gave him a perfunctory kiss and walked to the bedroom. She didn't have the enthusiasm, not appetite, for food. She went to the bathroom and had a long shower. She got into bed and she forced herself to sleep. It was 8 in the evening. She just couldn't sleep. She decided to try what kids do to induce sleep. Her phone beeped. She picked it. It was a strange number. It turned out the person wanted to speak to a Jamie. Obviously, it was the wrong number. She thought of calling her friend but she felt there was no reason to call her. She just felt empty and lonely. She didn't want to talk with Ian.

She thought about the incident at the restaurant. She had looked into Erica's eyes. She didn't want the moment to stop. She had not felt this strange kind of thing before. This was intense. What she felt for Ian paled in comparison to this. She stopped her thoughts. She wasn't attracted to women. She had never wanted to date a woman in her life. She was not a lesbian. Erica was just a good friend she enjoyed being with. There was nothing more to it. Erica simply affected her the right way. That was what she thought.

A voice in her mind asked her, "You have never dated a girl before. Fixing dates with Erica is what? Taking each other out is what? Don't lie to yourself. To thyself be true." She chuckled to herself. She had never found herself being drawn to another woman. There was Ian, the best thing to ever happen to her. Then the voice asked her again, "are you sure he is the best thing to ever happen to you? Are you sure you are not lying to yourself? You know the lies we tell ourselves are the worst because we believe them".

She pushed those thoughts from her mind. Yet, they still came to her. She sighed to herself, "seems I am falling in love with her." she didn't even know where that thought came from. She laughed to herself. "I can't be in love with another woman." She didn't know when she slept off.

3.

The beep of her phone woke her. It was Erica. She had called to be sure Yvonne was coming over. Erica also told her not to bring anything. "If only she knew I am dying to see her." Erica had sounded cold and impassioned on the phone. She looked at the time, it was 8 AM. Ian was preparing breakfast. She walked into the kitchen. She didn't seem to care about his efforts, she was thinking about her friend. She couldn't wait for time to fly. She had often wondered why time seemed to drag when she wanted it to fly and vice-versa. She found it annoying. She walked over to Ian who was sitting down and pecked his forehead. She told him she was going out to see Erica. He didn't seem to pay her any attention and she in turn didn't mind. All she wanted to do was leave the house.

Lately, Ian had begun to get her pissed. Almost everything he did got her angry. She didn't tell him that he got her angry. She walked into the bedroom and hissed. Ian left his toothbrush on her dressing mirror. She wondered what his toothbrush was doing on her dresser. She picked it and dropped it on the bed. This was sure to get him miffed. One thing that dawned on her was that, Ian hardly got angry at her or anybody. He had the patience of a saint. Then, it became clear that she was looking for an excuse to pick an argument with him. She began asking herself if she really loved him. She wondered what was happening to her and her sweetheart.

She guessed it was a phase in every relationship for people to get tired of each other. She had known Ian for about 2 years. She felt she needed space. She tried to take her mind off Erica, she just couldn't. The more she tried not thinking of her, the more she thought of her. She wondered why Erica sounded cold. She had come to understand she (Erica) was a moody person. Maybe, she had a nightmare. She chuckled at this. Considering she lived alone, she was bound to have nightmares. An image crossed her mind: she was holding Erica after a nightmare. "What on earth is wrong with me?" she was shocked at what she imagined. She didn't like the way things were going between she and Erica. "This has to stop", she shook her head slowly.