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Bree didn't answer, but looked at Grimbriar with her big brown eyes swelling with tears.
- COMMENTS
waffleninjaalmost 12 years agoI have some thoughts on your story. First off, for writing fantasy on an erotic stories website, you can write a damn good story. Your world is fascinating and it's the small creative details that bring to it to life. They give it that sense of magic and wonder while still leaving it open enough to feel like characters could actually ilive there. The best writing skills I feel you have are: + Writing solid characters, simply put, by showing us (not telling us) who they are. + Executing creative sexual scenarios that just fit right in with this site and the world you've thought up. + Dialogue is also well-written. Lastly, + you nail it with the small details.
On this particular website, I love when someone submits a fantasy story because alot of writers do not know how to incorporate sex and erotica into a fantasy world. Always curious to see what they do with it. They have their fantasy or sci-fi world but a good writer knows how to convey sexuality through the rules and themes he/she established for the world to begin with. Too many tell the same sexual predicament over and over again, just disguised behind a different world, characters, or setting.
I like how you got creative with your protagonist, and his servants who are unique and have good chemistry between themselves and Bree. Maddy and her tentacles... I love it. It feels like something sexual that would exist in your world. One piece of feedback is to maybe reinforce or remind the reader of certain core details of characters. Repeating character traits, the physical details of the women once or twice helps the reader maintain a visual lock on your characters. I would also like to say you write incredibly well. Smart is the word. But don't be afraid to get more descriptive and detailed with sexual language, body fluids, perverse language.
I wrote this comment tonight because I am a writer and was impressed with your story so far (Chapter 1 & 2). I can't wait to read future chapters. Escaping into a world that is atmospheric and well-realized is like sex for the creative side of the brain. Keep up the great storytelling and creative sexual scenarios you've been cooking up for your characters. I do not write erotic stories. I write fiction but will keep my idenity secret on this website. I'm just here to entertain myself with these homegrown stories (sex is a powerful motivator) as well as provide feedback to young writers here. It's always a delight to see good work being done on the amateur level. Or public level, if you prefer. I wish you luck. You do good work.
-- Writer D
Queen_Vickiover 12 years agonice story there darling, it's very hard to pull off a ffm story and make it believable, or in fact enjoyable but you did a pretty good job.
