Warmth of a Mid Autumn Night Ch. 19-21

"What makes you stay around for her?"

"As much as she is a pain to anyone's ears, I know that she is the one that cares for my health. Nobody else would care for it as much as she does. I sure would not be this careful about my diet. It is her way of showing her affection to me.

I really could not leave her to support herself. She was 40 when all this had happened and she would not be attractive to any man. Not with her mouth yapping how important it is to stay healthy. Maybe if she was in her 20's then it would be different."

"Your idea of her well being is keeping a roof over her head so that she would not be struggling to pay the bills. Her way is to keep you healthy."

"Yes. There is not much intimacy between us. I can not look at her the same way as I did when we had first married. Believe me, I have thought of running off with someone younger. But I know that will not last and the younger ones would only want the security of someone to take care of them. They would not care about my health as much. I do not have many options for someone of my age and neither does she."

"I see your point. Is there much room for compromise?"

"Compromise? HA!

There is little to compromise on. What ever I do is not enough to keep her from nagging at me all the time. All I want is to come home to some peace and quiet with a drink in my hand, but that is too much to ask for. I am tired of trying to compromise with someone who is not willing to do the same."

"I guess having a housekeeper around the house would not make a difference."

"Not much. She would probably be on the housekeeper's case about how she wants everything to be and drive that one out of the house. I do not think that having someone to help her around the house more will have her nag less at me when it seems that she is only focusing on what I do wrong."

"It is obvious that she is not happy with her life and she feels a need to point the finger else where. You on the other hand would be content with what you have if she would nag less. Did you ever ask what she is unhappy about in life?"

"No, I have not. I do not think that I could do much to change our situation either. There is not anything I could do about my hand or my health. I will blame it on bad genes. Even if I am eating healthier, I still have to be cautious not to tip the scale over. Then you have some who can eat any way they want and show little signs of reaching a heart attack or any other serious illness."

"I can understand that even if you two do discuss the issues, it does not mean there will be any changes or a better outcome. But I would suggest you at least try to ask what makes her this way. It really could not be your bad habits alone. There has to be something else that is deeper and she needs to acknowledge what it is. Think of it as a chance to have more quiet time if she does realize what she is doing is not good for either one of you."

"I will try that, young man. You have a special lady in your life eh?"

"How do you know?"

"If you did not then you would not be asking me about my marriage. I will tell you that if she feels right for you then go for it. If she is not the same after a few years then run. Run as far as you can because nothing will be the same ever again. Some of them are tricky. They play the role to get your attention and then after tying the knot, they show you their other side and it can be ugly."

"I will keep that in mind, Sir. Well I must leave now. It was nice talking to you. Do have a good day and I hope something will turn out well in your favor soon."

"Thank you, young man. You have a good day too."

After my last sip of tea, I was on the road again. I should be able to get home before the sun is out of sight. Humbly would be glad to see me home safe and I would look forward to a warm place with a fresh, hot meal verses being in a cold carriage eating cold cheese and meat.

In some way, talking to the older gentleman has helped ease some of my nerves. It is not exactly easy to digest the idea of Gracie and I arguing in such a manner, but at least I know that neither of us would have that much of a change in life style before and after we tie the knot. I know what topics to discuss with her before hand that the older couple did not.

Nobody expects drastic changes in their lives. It is difficult enough to handle the matter on an individual basis. When one is married then it becomes the well being of both parties. Where the arguments come in has a great deal to do with how each one handles the situation and much of the time the individual is thinking more about him or herself than about both. It becomes a selfish matter.

Not every couple will discuss what they will do or how they will handle a future scenario. Part of it has to do with them being comfortable with where they are. They are not expecting much to change because they do not want any major changes. The idea of not wanting something does not mean it will stay that way. Most are only thinking of what they want to happen in their future verses the opposite. They fight the idea of the possible, unfortunate scenarios that could happen to them. This is what leaves them unprepared and vulernable to falling later in the future.

The couple may not want to have children, but what if it does happen?

One of them may be ill more often or have a serious injury, how will they cope with the set back?

Does it bother the man to not be the bread winner or is it perfectly fine that the wife is fully independent?

Too many people do not stop to take the time and discuss a wide range of topics for the sake of their future. If they did then there would be less splitting up, less suicides, homicides, depression, abuse, affairs and all sorts of crazy scenarios due to a bad marriage. A vital key to any type of relation is open communication. This also means to keep an open-mind, make room for compromise and be able to acknowledge everyone has flaws. Trust is also another important key in every relation whether it is business, personal or public. Sadly, the world becomes more and more distrustful of one another due to a handful here and there that make it harder on the rest of us.

I really do hope Gracie is as open-minded as I am in some areas. She should understand why I have so many concerns. It is best that we clear the air before I propose to her. This is a major step in our lives and it will affect us for better or for worse. I rather it be better, but I also have to acknowledge that it would be a heavy scar for the both of us if it does not work out.