Warmth Pt. 02

VII

A little while later, we hit a snag that put a strain on our relationship. It wasn't sudden, it was gradual, so much so that I'd have a tough time pinning down when it even started, but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say it began around the first week of October.

Pine started having subtle changes in his demeanor. He seemed to get a little less touchy-feely, which was a shock since "touchy-feely" was basically Pine in a nutshell. He was less physical with me and less willing to let me touch him freely. Instead of smiling or rubbing against me, he'd start to heat up and act annoyed when I'd kiss his face. The touching and nuzzling went from incessant to rare. There was one day when he refused to let me put his hair up, even when he was brushing it out of his face and eyes every few seconds.

He also got weirdly possessive and territorial. One time I sat on the couch, right next to his spot and he narrowed his eyes at me. He wasn't even on the couch himself, he just stood by it and glowered at me. Experimentally I inched closer to his spot and he growled a little. I scooted to the other side of the couch after that.

Another time I caught him with the candle, and when I made a move to take it from him he snarled at me. I raised my hands and backed away slowly in shock. He had never done anything like that before. Despite how much he loved that thing, he'd always give it to me willingly.

He started retreating back into his shell a bit. His face got less expressive and he went back to using the poker face as his default. I had known him long enough to be able to guess what he was feeling from his body language, but it was still unnerving. Whenever emotion did show, it seemed to flare up. When he got bored, he didn't just sulk, he fumed. When he greeted me on weekday evenings, he'd use a bone-crushing hug and not care if his fingernails dug down a little. Several times when I'd try to get up in the morning, he would hold on to my arms and whine when I attempted to pull away.

I was starting to get really worried. Things were taking a turn, but my pride stopped me from being honest with myself about it. I tried to brush away my concerns, discounting the changes as something temporary and insignificant. That got more and more difficult as things became more strained between us.

By the time it had been happening for a full week, it had started to take a toll on me. I'd feel drained and weak during the day and restless when the sun went down. I'd wake up over and over during the night and have trouble getting back to sleep. Probably a hundred times I wished more than anything that I could talk to Pine, simply ask what was bothering him so I'd know how to fix things. It made me feel useless.

Even with all that, I still avoided asking James for help. The first time I asked him for advice, it had turned out that I had overreacted to the situation. Things would have gotten better on their own if I had just been more patient. I didn't want to make that same mistake and tried my hardest to ignore my panic and not worry so much.

That mentality stopped after one particular event made me drop everything and admit defeat.

Pine woke me up in the wee hours of a Friday morning by having one of his night terrors. That had been his third one, so I accepted that it would be a recurring problem with him. Just like the previous two times, I woke him up and hugged him tightly.

This time, though, Pine squirmed in my grasp after a few minutes. I responded by strengthening my hold and he began to struggle more against me. By the time he lowered his hands to paw at me and scratch me with his nails I let go and he slinked away. My heart sank as I saw him crawl over to the wall and just sit there facing it. He was still freaking out, sweating and hyperventilating into his hands, but he had rejected my attempts to comfort him.

All I could do was watch him have his episode alone, rocking in place slightly. When he let me hold him, it took about fifteen minutes for him to calm down, but on his own he was there for almost an hour, shuddering and weeping quietly. By the time he was finished, I had thrown all pride, self-respect, and dignity out the window. I needed to fix what was wrong and I couldn't do it alone.

He slowly rose and got back onto the bed. I gently got closer to him and just lightly lay my hand on his body. He didn't protest, so I held there. He curled himself up into a fetal position for a while before slowly drifting off.

I didn't follow. I couldn't; I was too wired. All I did was lay next to him, not moving a muscle until well after the sun rose. That was one of the Fridays I didn't have work, so I didn't have anywhere to be. I was still and quiet as the hours rolled by.

At around nine in the morning, Pine woke up. As he did so I gently removed my hands, not wanting to intrude any further. When he sat up, blinking tiredly, I wanted so badly to give him a kiss, but I held myself back.

Instead I just got up and handed him some clothes. Once he had dressed and eaten breakfast, he went off to his spot on the couch as I went to the other side of the house and got out my phone.

I got sent to voicemail the first time I tried calling James, but when I hung up and tried calling him again he answered.

"Hey, man."

I smiled weakly. "Hi. Sorry to call you all of a sudden, but I really need your help with something."

James grunted. "Finally. Something has been eating away at you all week and I was starting to think I'd have to do something about it myself."

I sighed. "Am I that transparent?"

He chuckled once. "Absolutely, but never mind that. What's going on?"

I described all the changes in Pine over the past days to him: the moodiness, possessiveness, how he got territorial and vindictive, and how he stepped away from any contact with me. Only when I had said it all at once did it really sink in how bad I had let it get.

There was a strange silence coming from James' end. I heard his breath hitch, like he had started saying something but stopped himself.

"James, what's on your mind?"

He paused. "Well..."

"Well, what?" I asked sharply.

"I mean...I think I might have some idea what's going on, but I might just be way off."

"I don't care. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Tell me." The insistence in my voice startled me a little.

He took a deep breath in, then out before answering me.

"Zach, what you're describing sounds an awful lot like the list of reasons why it's best to neuter your dogs. Intact dogs are moodier, more territorial, and less focused. When the urges spike, they can even run away just to find something to mate with. It's a stretch, but it sounds like Pine is going through something similar."

I think I was too numb at that point to feel shocked, so I just started pondering what James had said. I had never thought of Pine as a sexual being before, but physically he was a college age male, possibly still a teenager. Hormones are some powerful things, and I knew from past experience that sexual confusion was a bitch and a half.

"Please keep in mind that I could be misinterpreting the situation," he reminded me. "This could be something else entirely."

"Well, let's say it's not. What should I do about it?"

He laughed without humor. "I can't answer that. I'm going to go out on a limb and say you don't wanna castrate Pine, and I don't have any other advice to give you."

I pursed my lips. "Thanks anyway. I know that you don't think you helped much, but I'm grateful."

"If my hunch is right, you don't need to overthink this too much. For dogs, sex isn't about romance, it's about physical release and gender roles. Intact males just want to dominate and feel powerful."

"I'll keep that in mind," I promised him.

"I just hope you can fix this. Pine's a good boy." I could tell that he was trying to lighten the mood and I forced a chuckle.

"I hope I can fix this, too. Thanks again for listening."

He said goodbye and hung up.

I stood there for a few minutes, not even lowering the phone from my ear. Eventually I walked to the den and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw what Pine was doing.

Pine was on the couch, not curled up on his side like he usually was, but on his stomach. He wasn't still, though. He was moving forward and backward, grinding his body into the leather. After a few seconds of confusion, it dawned on me that he was trying to stimulate himself.

Without warning I burst out laughing. Maybe it was from the image of Pine, fully clothed and dry humping a couch, maybe it was stress from the past week manifesting itself in a weird way, maybe I just thought that if I didn't laugh I'd cry, but once I got going I couldn't stop. I was in tears. I couldn't breathe properly. My legs gave out and I collapsed to the ground, rolling around in hysterics. For what had to be three or four minutes I laughed harder than I had laughed in a very long time. Eventually the peals had subsided enough that I could sit myself up.

I saw that Pine was eyeing me curiously. I just grinned. This was a problem that had a very simple solution. Pine was just a normal guy with needs, after all, and the tried and true method I would use had never let me down before.

Still chuckling lightly, I grabbed Pine by the wrist and led him to our room. I stripped Pine down completely before leaving to find some lotion. When I got back, all it took was massaging some into his hand and guiding that hand to the right place for him to get the picture and move on his own. I sat down on the bed next to him and sighed in relief. Here I was thinking that Pine was mad at me or hated me and it was just some urges flaring up that he didn't understand.

It then occurred to me what exactly Pine was up to just a few feet away and I decided that it would be better if I gave him some privacy. I rose to leave, but when I glanced over at Pine my blood turned to ice and I couldn't move.

Pine was staring at me. It wasn't like he normally looked at me, though. There was something different in his eyes. Something hungry. Slowly he stood up, never once pausing in his motions or looking away. He now stood in front of me. The hunger in his gaze started to intensify.

Before I could do anything, he lunged forward. He knocked me on the bed and got on top of me, using his hands to pin down my arms.

VIII

For a split second, my mind simply refused to acknowledge the situation. It was so surreal that my brain wouldn't accept it, but in the space of a single heartbeat, everything went back into sharp focus.

I freaked out. I screamed at the top of my lungs and used all my strength to wrench his body off of mine. I heard him fall off the bed and hit the ground as I desperately scrambled to the door. Once I was through, I slammed the door behind me and leaned against it, reeling.

I slowly sank down until I was sitting with my back touching the door. I tried my best to calm myself, get my bearings, and try to process what had just happened.

I knew that Pine was going through some sexual frustration, and for whatever reason all of the pent-up urges turned their attention to me back there. My first thought was that Pine was sexually attracted to me, but I was able to shoot down that idea without much effort. First of all, I'd seen Pine humping a couch a few minutes ago. He wasn't exactly discerning. Also, I was not unexperienced in this field. I had gotten intimate with a couple girlfriends in the past. I knew what lust and desire looked like on a person, and whatever Pine was feeling when he looked at me just then wasn't it.

Intact males just want to dominate and feel powerful, James had told me. I relaxed a little. Most likely he just got in the mood and saw me as a warm body in the room, something he could dominate.

After my pulse slowed down a little bit, I became aware of a noise coming from directly behind me. Pine was scratching the door with his nails. I'd only heard that sound once before and it was on the other side of that door the first night he was here.

I thought about how violent my reaction was, how I cried out and flung him halfway across the room. I got to my feet. Before I would leave and let him finish his business, I wanted to make sure he wasn't hurt.

The instant I opened the bedroom door, Pine lowered his hands and took a step back. His head was down so I couldn't see his face, but his posture and body language told me he was upset. Gently, I grabbed his chin and raised his head so I could look at him. What I saw made my heart shatter.

Pine had the most anguished, horrified look I had ever seen on anyone. He looked more sad and scared than I even thought possible. Just looking at him made me want to cry myself.

Pine wasn't very expressive. Usually it wasn't easy to look at his face and tell what he was feeling, but at that one moment he was wearing his heart on his sleeve and I could tell exactly what he was thinking.

He thought that he had gone too far with me. When he pinned me down a few minutes ago he had been acting purely on instinct, but my reaction was a harsh reminder of reality. He was terrified that I hated him now or was even scared of him.

On his face I noticed something shine in the light. I looked closer and saw that he was crying.

I like to think that normally, I'm a pretty logical person. When things get intense, I may panic and fret, but always try to act rationally. Seeing Pine cry made all rationality leave my body in an instant. Looking back, I know that what I did next was unnecessary, but at the time, all I could focus on, all I could think about, the only reason for my life's existence, was getting that look off his face.

I did the only thing I could think of. I got back on the bed.

For a few horrifying, heartbreaking moments, Pine didn't do anything. He just stood there, looking completely broken. Then he got the message and sat on the bed next to me.

He got on top of me again, except this time he was more hesitant and gentle. Only after he started moving against me, undulating his body, did my panic subside enough for me to actually think about what I had just agreed to.

I couldn't say that I was too thrilled about the prospect, but at that point I figured that my feelings on the matter were irrelevant. He was fully in motion, further along than he was when I had pushed him off the last time. Pine looked so haunted when he thought that he had hurt me. If I panicked, if I pushed him away again, there was a chance that I would lose him completely.

I raised my head to look at him and saw that hunger creep back into his eyes. I won't deny that it made me nervous, but at that moment I steeled my will. Pine had thought he crossed a line with me. If this would prove to him that that line didn't exist, so be it. I took a deep breath before I lay my head back down and let him use me.

Pine got bolder, more forward when he started forming a clearer idea of what it was he wanted. He kept grinding against me but started pulling off my clothes while he was doing it. That wasn't necessary for what he ended up doing, but I let him follow his instincts. When I was bare, he began moving in earnest.

It wasn't long before Pine was completely down for the count. He had no idea what he was doing; nothing he did to me was any fancier than what he had done to the couch, but he was so wet behind the ears that it didn't matter. Within ten minutes, he had been squeezed and drained and wrung out until there was absolutely nothing left.

When it was all over his body gave out and he collapsed on top of me, panting in exhaustion. His sweaty chest was against mine and I could feel his heart frantically pounding against his rib cage. I just lay there, patiently waiting for his body to climb back down.

Eventually his heart rate slowed enough that I could check and see if he was okay. I nudged him and he raised his head up to look at me blearily. I saw in his face that he was back to normal. All the hunger had left his eyes and was replaced with simple tiredness.

He was at the perfect height for it, so I kissed his forehead. He responded by lightly nuzzling the hollow of my throat. They were simple gestures of affection we had done hundreds of times, but the exchange made me warm and happy in a way I hadn't felt in days.

I rolled him off of my body so he could lay down on the bed next to me. He was snoring within seconds, and I felt fatigue flood myself as well. The week had been a stressful one. I hadn't been sleeping much, only getting a few hours of rest the night before. Besides, I was so used to having Pine with me when I slept that seeing him on the bed next to me had a sort of Pavlov's-dogs effect. My body told me in no uncertain terms that it was time to sleep.

It was the middle of the day. The lights were on and I was on top of two layers of sweaty bedsheets, but within moments I had drifted off, falling into a deep, dreamless slumber.

*****

I woke up slowly, gradually, sensations fading in bit by bit. The first thing I remember doing was looking at the window. The natural light coming through between the blinds told me that it was likely afternoon, which meant we had been out for a few hours.

The next thing I remember is noticing in surprise that Pine and I were in the standard spooning position, even though we hadn't fallen asleep that way. I wanted to laugh. I guess it was just a habit at that point.

Part of me, a big part of me, wanted to stay, to remain on the bed with Pine in my arms for as long as possible. However, the rational, logical part of me, the part I was so quick to ignore earlier, told me that we had been in a stupor long enough.

I got out of bed and stood up. I then grabbed Pine's wrist and pulled until he was standing in front of me, yawning and rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

I looked at him and looked behind him at the bed, which told the whole story. I sighed before leading Pine to the bathroom. I turned the water on hot, warmer than when I usually bathed Pine. I told him to stay before I got back to our room and scooped up all the bedding. It wasn't until after I had walked to the laundry room, put the sheets in the wash, and walked back to the bathroom that I realized with a start that we were both naked.

Pine's nudity I was used to; I saw it all the time, but before then I took steps to never expose myself to him completely. Whatever purpose that modesty had served, it seemed to no longer have any point to it. I just shrugged and got us in the shower.

After letting the water wash over both of us for a bit I got Pine soaped up. I didn't use a washcloth and instead used my hands so I could feel when he was clean. After his hair was washed, I patted him on the back and sent him to towel himself off so I could finish up on my own.

Once I was clean and felt more like myself again, I turned off the water and dried myself. It wasn't until after we had both gotten dressed that I was hit with a powerful wave of hunger. All of a sudden, I felt like I hadn't eaten in days. I looked at Pine. He was horrible at letting me know when he needed something, but if I was famished he had to be even worse.

I went out and came back a few minutes later with enough burgers and fries to feed at least six people. We both feasted; it was a rare occasion when I ate just as hungrily as he did. In no time at all the food was gone and we were wallowing in satisfaction.

It was then that it occurred to me that what we had just done was sort of like the morning after. It didn't feel like it, though, and that had little to do with what time of day it was.

I fixed my gaze on Pine, who was sitting and playing with his hair like he would any other day. There was nothing romantic or emotional about what had happened in his eyes. To Pine it was completely physical, an itch that I helped him scratch. Because of that he had no reason for it to color his perception of me. He went right back to treating me with the same affection he always did.