Waves of Confusion Ch. 01

I dressed in the bathroom and combed my hair, parting it on the side, just as I always had. I walked back to my room by memory, having left my glasses on my nightstand. My mom called up the stairs to let me know dinner would be in about forty-five minutes. Plopping down on my bed, I grabbed my backpack and got the rather large book for Psych 101 out and started to leaf through it. Thinking that maybe that Amber girl might have been setting up study times already, I logged onto my computer and brought up my email. Bunch of junk, mostly...I could add inches to my cock, win a million dollars, increase my sex drive, improve my education through online courses....one email stuck out... "Hey Jodders" from surfpunk87@.... it was from Julian.

Why did he keep calling me that? Jodders was my mom's nickname for me and somehow my girlfriend Julie found out about it during our senior year. I absolutely hated it when she called me that, especially at school in front of everybody, but she though it was cute, endearing she told me. I looked at the email address about a zillion times. How did he get my email address in the first palce? I deleted all the trash, procrastinating a little at reading the message from Julian. Finally, it got the better of me.

To: Jodders06

From: surfpunk87

Subject: Hey Jodders

So, dude,

Psych was fun today, huh? Wow, get to delve into each other's most private thoughts...hmmmm.

I'm really glad you're in there with me; it will make the class so much better.

Well, this Amber girl seems to have it goin' on... so I guess I'll see you at study group, huh?

***hugs***

Jules

p.s. you looked really good today buddy!

Oh my god. He was teasing me again, wasn't he? Just like in the locker room, he was dangling his prick in front of me just to show me what I couldn't have; proving his superiority, asserting his masculinity over me. The alpha male, marking his territory...hmmm, there was a thought, his territory. What if he really does think I'm cute, could that really be it? I was a mess. How was I going to deal with this? I had to go in tomorrow first thing and get that class changed, that way the problem would just disappear, wouldn't it? UGH! I sat there for what seemed like ages reading the message over and over again, just to see if maybe I had misread it somehow. It was an email after all; you could take it any way you wanted to. The whole thing could have been completely innocuous and I had just taken it wrong because I had this totally unnatural obsession with Julian Claymore.

I sat at the dinner table in a complete fog. My parents were talking about some fundraiser that my mom had gotten involved with at our church so they didn't much notice that I was there in body only. I picked at the food on my plate for a few minutes and then excused myself. As I was headed up the stairs, my mom questioned if I was feeling all right. I said I was fine, just not very hungry and that I'd be in my room working on homework. My folks weren't unconcerned with my life, we just had a little bit of a scenario that we always played and in that piece of fiction, everything in my world was always rosy, or at least that's what I told them. When Julie and I broke up, they asked whether I was upset and telling them that I wasn't, that separations after high school were inevitable, they accepted it with ease. It's not that I'm lying to my folks, but I suppose I am trying to spare them the grief that goes with having a child who is different. Since I always got good grades and I never brought any psychodrama home with me, they never dug any deeper than just the surface of who I was.

As I went back to my computer, I contemplated what to do about Julian's message. I could do one of three things:

a) ignore it, not respond and try to forget that he had ever sent it to me (not very cordial, but effective at getting my message across)

b) I could write a carefully worded reply that had no hint of innuendo or suggestiveness to it, and hope that he wrote back something equally cordial. or...

c) write a message from my heart, telling him that I was glad that he took the time to email me and that above anything else I would love for us to get to know each other better.

The first option seemed like the most logical to me. I'd transfer out of the class tomorrow, forget about the email and go on with my life; end of my temptation to men, end of the problem with Julian. I wished it was that easy to get him out of my thoughts though and that left me with only option. As I contemplated the keys and what exactly to say to him, Julian's gorgeous, gleaming, olive-colored skin, shone in my mind. What I wouldn't give to be able to run my hands across his chest and up into his beautiful, wavy hair.

To: surfpunk87

From: Jodders06

Re: Hey Jodders

Hi Julian,

I was glad to hear that you liked Psych class today. I've been looking forward to it ever since we got out of New B's. I plan to major in psychology, what about you? Have you thought about what you'd like to major in? Comparing profiles might be very interesting, indeed, since we are at two completely different ends of the teenage male species.

***

Oh my god, now I'm using technical language from Psychology Today...he's going to see right through me... and then he'll know I'm basically full of shit... I tried to continue in a more casual tone.

***

I guess since Amber collected all of our names and addresses that she'll let us know when the first study session will be. I look forward to seeing you there.

All the best,

Jody

p.s. that's quite a nice tan you've acquired this summer, as well.

Okay, so it sounded stuffy and formal, but I don't think I gave anything away. I guess more than anything I really did want to get to know Julian and if that meant sacrificing my sanity, then it was something I was going to have to do. I logged off and went to bed. That night I slept pretty well, I know I dreamt of Julian again and it was a pretty sexy dream, but at least I didn't blast off again in my shorts. Waking to the last of the mockingbirds serenade, I wondered what I was going to do today. Originally, I'd planned to go to campus early and get the mess taken care of with my advisor, but I'd since reconsidered fleeing from the object of my desires and decided to try to deal. After all, how bad could it really be? Maybe we'd share a couple of sodas at a study session or laugh over some things other people said during their analysis of the other's profiles, but I wasn't going to let the "real" me out, no way, no how, so I really shouldn't worry so much.

I showered, (yeah and jerked off again, hey I'm at my sexual peak, I need some release now that I'm dreaming in Technicolor every night) and headed down to breakfast. I pretended like it was any other morning, but for some reason my mom decided that I looked or seemed or sounded different this morning than any other time in my life.

"Jody, did you meet someone new at school yesterday? You look different, happier today." She looked almost ravenous with interest.

How could she tell? I hadn't dressed any different, done my hair in a new style or even changed my deodorant, shampoo or soap. None of my morning routine differed in any way from any other day for the last year or so, but somehow the woman had a sixth sense about what I had resigned to myself last night as I sat at my desk and typed that email to Julian. I had a crush and I was tired of denying it.

"Mom...how did you...I mean, no Mom, I didn't meet anyone new," I backpedaled as visions of being homeless and destitute raced through my mind at breakneck speed. "I'm just really glad to be done with high school and getting on with my life."

"That's good dear, I'm glad you're happy." She went back to scrambling my eggs and preparing toast.

I finished my breakfast and headed back up to my room to look at my email, hoping and not hoping at the same time that Julian had written me back. I putzed and puttered around doing other things besides opening my email program, nervous and excited about what might be there. When I finally got around to it, I was disappointed to find that there was nothing from Julian, only more spam with claims of improving my life in every possible way except the one I wanted; they didn't offer me a sweet, olive-skinned surfer boy straight from the shores of the Pacific.

To be continued...