Waves of Confusion Ch. 03

When we finally came to back to Earth, Julian was pretty tired from his fight with nature's fury, so we decided to go to his house until it was time for me to go to class. We hadn't been on the beach that long when all of this happened and it was only just before noon now. I could still spare a little time and it wasn't like I wanted to be anywhere else. My insecurities were still hovering somewhere close to the surface of my consciousness, but the endorphins in my brain from being in Julian's embrace were still firing heavily. I wanted Julian, had wanted him for years and now that I had allowed myself to admit it, all of the immediate confusion I had been feeling for the last couple of days, just seemed to slip away, well most of it.

I suppose seeing Julian's beat up pick up, I expected us to pull up to a track home, like the one I lived in, but when we turned right off the coast highway into a stand of trees and started up a long driveway, I was about to get a eyeful of surprise and wonder. Against the backdrop of pines and an occasional redwood, stood what I assumed was Julian's house. What lay before me was a crisp English Tudor style house with brick and stonework everywhere my eyes could see. As if I didn't have enough to contemplate already, now I discovered Julian was rich. This didn't fit with the "persona" that he projected however and I tried to reconcile the teenager I knew with a spoiled little rich boy who apparently lived here.

I stared at him across the bench seat of the Nissan pick-up.

"What?" He looked back into my eyes and got the answer I need. He wasn't the stereotype, either in thought or deed. His sexuality wasn't what it appeared and based on the reaction I got, neither was his station in life.

"Nothing," I said. "Nice House." I winked at him and he rolled his gorgeous hazel eyes back at me.

"It's my dad's house, not mine. Don't go thinking I'm some rich kid or anything." He had a far-away look on his face and I deduced that his relationship with his father was not at all wonderful. He parked the truck at an angle, askew from the front of the garage. (it had five bays...wow!)

"You comin'?" He winked at me and I caught on to the double entendre.

"Yeah, right behind you." I was having some slight misgivings about my sudden surroundings. Self-doubt, after all, was my strong suit.

When he traipsed through a side door to the house, I assumed we were going in the back way because it didn't look anything like a front entrance. He kicked off his checkerboard Vans and pushed them under a bench in what someone on the East Coast would refer to as a "mudroom" and continued into a brightly lit kitchen. An older woman was standing at the sink in front of a huge window overlooking the ocean, cleaning fresh green beans. As she snapped the ends off and peeled the string from the vegetable she was working on, she glanced over her shoulder at us, lingering momentarily on me. I wondered who she was, but assumed if Julian wanted to introduce me to her, he would say something soon.

He continued through the house and I followed, leaving a bit of distance between us not wanting to look like his little lost puppy. Julian stopped in front of what I assumed was his bedroom door, pulled a note off the bulletin board plastered there and flung it open. Tentatively, I poked my head around the corner to see what a "rich kid's" room looked like. Although it was a lot bigger than my room, it pretty much looked like any teenage boy's room; desk, computer, TV, bed, posters (mostly of surfers and one of Orlando Bloom). The thing that struck me was how dark it was in here. If I hadn't known for a fact that the sun was high in the sky at this time of day, I would have thought it was night in here.

"Don't be scared, Jody. I won't bite you..." Julian's smile turned to a little sneer as he muttered, "not yet anyway."

I had to admit, I was a little bit scared. Julian had been the center of my universe for four years and now here I was in his room, his bedroom...where he slept, dreamed and possibly jerked off??? It was almost more than I could handle. I wondered if Julian had many guys in his room before this. Of course he has, don't be such a dweeb Jody.

Julian had taken his wetsuit off at the beach before we drove to his house, donned a pair of bright swim shorts that hung off his hips loose and revealing and now he was shedding them in favor of only his tight Speedo. My eyes, free from the guilt and turmoil of a high school locker room, consumed the sight of his beautiful body with gusto.

"Like what you see, bud?" He knew he had embarrassed me, catching the way I was devouring him with my eyes, but he seemed to be more pleased about it than anything? His cockiness both emboldened and frightened me as I lifted my head to meet his stare. When I opened my mouth to reply, nothing came out.

I stammered for a few seconds more, and then finally sputtered out my answer, my cheeks blushing a fierce red. "eh...yeah."

Slowly, as though he was approaching a skittish animal, Julian crossed the room and held out his hand for me to take.

"Come on, bud. I've think I've been waiting for this moment for just as long as you have." And as I relinquished my last bit of control, he closed and locked the door behind us.

***

Of course, "Mrs. Noseybutt" had to been lurking in the kitchen when we got home. I didn't want to have to go into my whole, ugly family history with Jody right there in the kitchen, so I just kept walking when she glared at us over her shoulder. I'd have lots of time to explain myself later, lots and lots of time, if I had anything to say about it.

Jody was following me at a somewhat detached pace, probably so I wouldn't think he was tagging along like my pet or something. When we got to my room there was another annoying plea from my dad for absolution for the fact that he wouldn't be home again tonight. It just made me edgy, so I crumpled the note in my hand and threw it in the trash under my desk. As I slid my board shorts off, I noticed that Jody was still standing in my doorway, as if waiting for an invitation. My hormones were driving this bus now as I ushered him inside and closed the door.

I could tell he was nervous about being alone with me and it made him all the more attractive to me. I wanted to initiate him in the worst way, but my fantasies were probably not going to be fulfilled just yet. We only had an hour or so until I had to drive him back across town so he could catch his three o'clock class and what I wanted to do with him would take hours of coaxing and cajoling, I was sure. I was determined however to let a little of the "lust monster" out of him today before he left.

Standing there in just my rather revealing Speedos, I pulled Jody to me. My dick was already hard and I knew that kissing him, something that I had dreamed about doing for so long, was going to stretch my suit to its limits. I laid a soft, tentative kiss on his lips and waited for his reaction. My hands, at his sides in the beginning of this little adventure, worked their way under the hem of his shirt and up his thin, warm back, kneading and stroking him all the time my lips were glued to his. When he finally began to exert a little pressure back against my mouth, I took it as a sign to proceed slowly.

I turned my head at a slight angle and opened my mouth just a bit. My tongue, having a mind of its own swept out and probed his soft lips, begging permission to enter his sweet mouth. After what seemed like an eternity, I felt a small, wet ruffle as his tongue gently touched mine in exploration. This too was a good sign and I reveled in the feeling that I was finally going to get to have Jody Larson after all this time. Jody's initial probes of my mouth were short, reconnaissance for his senses I supposed. I let him play in my mouth for a few minutes before the wave of lust in my body took over. I wanted him to know how much this meant to me and at the same time how hot he was making me. I forced my tongue hard into his mouth, going for a deep throat kiss.

Jody pulled himself away from me and as I followed his eyes, he gaped downward from my chest to my belly button. Setting there, alive and throbbing, spitting its venom was my snake. I was so turned on that the head had worked itself free from the waistband of my suit and was pulsing, in plain sight against my abdomen. I wasn't sure if I had scared Jody off with my ardor or if he was amazed at how fast I had gotten completely hard. I took a chance.

"See how hot you make me Jody?" I pulled the string on my tiny suit and let it fall to the ground. I kicked it out from under my feet and reached back up for my cock. "It's so hard...do you want to feel it?" I searched his eyes to see if I could detect any fear, but what I saw instead was exactly what I was feeling; lust, pure and simple. I made the step back toward him, fisting my manhood, the head appearing and disappearing behind my thick foreskin, precum bubbling at the slit.

"Come on baby, touch it, it wants you so bad." At first he seemed as though he was going to reach for it, but then he hesitated, stopped and stood stock still. I wasn't going to force him. I didn't want it that way. I wanted him to want me as much as I did him and I didn't think I was going "too" fast, but he wasn't responding the way other guys had at the sight of my rather well-proportioned weapon. Maybe this wasn't what he wanted after all...he was sending me such mixed signals.

"Jody, are you okay?" I stopped stroking my cock and let my hands fall to my sides. I was kind of embarrassed. If I was coming onto him and he really didn't want it, I was going to look like some kind of pervert. My erection had definitely gone "south" so I turned away from him and grabbed my boardies. Slipping them back on and tying them at the waist, I looked back to Jody's frozen face.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay...I...uh...thought. I'm sorry Jody." Now I was stumbling on my words like he had earlier.

He looked at the floor, the same way he always had when I had flashed him in the locker room last year. "I should....probably go."

"Jody, look at me, please?" His head slowly lifted from the subservient position it had taken, "you are gay, aren't you?"

"I don't know."

***

Julian dropped me a block from the school. I walked with my head down all the way across campus. I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone. We had driven all the way across town in absolute silence. I had wanted to tell him everything I had been thinking, but it all sounded so lame now. Since I still had an hour until my class, I sat on a bench between the Arts and Sciences buildings and thought about everything that had happened today.

Julian wanted me...me, the geek, he wanted to be with me. He had done everything I had ever dreamed about this afternoon. He had kissed me and held me and then when he showed me how much he did want me...sexually, I froze. God, he was so fucking gorgeous and his cock was even more mesmerizing fully hard, than it was semi aroused. I just stood there transfixed as the head repeatedly showed itself while he stroked it, his nectar dripping out of him like a fountain, telling me how ready he was, how much I turned him on. But I couldn't respond for some reason. My dick was hard too, even though he couldn't see it beneath the rugged jeans shorts I had on. And if he had been able to see inside my head...well, then there would never have been a question. In my mind, I saw myself drop to my knees and take him in my mouth. In my mind, I tasted the sweet and sour essence of him on my tongue, relishing every drop. Even as scared as I was, in my mind I saw him hike my knees to my chest and place that beautiful weapon at my virgin hole. I wanted it, I really did...but even as the lust tore through my body, my fears crept in.

What if it was a trick? Maybe he was recording it to put on the internet for all his friends to laugh at, to belittle me. What if he only wanted to be with me one time and then move on to someone else? I wasn't cheap or easy and I didn't want my first time to be a one-night stand. All these things and more sped through my brain in between all the thoughts of unadulterated lust that my hormones were bouncing around in there as well. I was one confused puppy.

Julian looked so sad when I had the courage to look back at him through the windshield of his truck before he pulled away. That was the last thing in the world I wanted. He had been so sweet to me and I wanted to be good to him too. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him just what my heart was saying, to kiss him hard and deep like he had kissed me, to show him my less than glorious cock and let him see how hard I was as well, but the truth was...I was scared...truly petrified of what all this meant. For eighteen years I had been the apple of my parent's eye. I was their only child and really in their world, I could do no wrong. If I took the step to be with Julian, how would my life change?

Truthfully, I guess I never really though that my parents would actually throw me out if I told them I was gay. I had never heard them disparage gay people, but since they were church-goers, I just assumed they wouldn't be too happy about it. The pastor at our church never talked about homosexuality; that was when I went, so it was just the ever-present stigma that most high school kids hung onto that stalked my thoughts, like an ominous fog. The thought of not having a home to go to or parents to pester me was something I didn't want to experience first hand, so firmly in the closet, I stayed.

But this wasn't a "what if" scenario anymore, was it. I was attracted to a guy like I never had been to my girlfriend and the excuse of "waiting for marriage" was no longer applicable in my virginal tableaus. There was nothing stopping me from having sex with Julian, nothing except my fears. I was eighteen, an adult really and neither of us had to worry about getting pregnant, so the old excuse I had used with Julie was busted. Not that it had ever really worked for me as an excuse. Julie was a super-smart nerd too, so she knew all about conception, birth control and women's reproductive rights and we talked had about it on more than one occasion. I think deep down she had a feeling I was gay, but it was too much drama to bring it up and consequently we both just ignored it. Now, it wasn't going to be ignored. It had reared its ugly head (ha ha, no pun intended) two days ago and it wasn't going away until I dealt with it.

I didn't HAVE TO deal with it however for at least another two hours. My class was about to start so I slipped past the door and sat in the very back row, hoping to avoid interaction with anyone else on the planet for a little while at least.

***

God, what did I do? When I finally got Jody back to campus, he hustled out of the truck without a sound. As I was pulling away though I saw him looking at me...what was he thinking? Did he think I was a total jerk, coming onto him like a little slut in heat? Did he think I was gross? He did kiss me back...okay it was in sort of an exploratory way, but it was a kiss nevertheless. Was he just scared? The thought of being gay is so daunting to some kids that they totally repress their feelings and go the other way, pretending to their conscious selves that they are ultra-straight. I had never seen that kind of behavior in Jody. He ogled my body every chance he got, as I did his during daily PE classes in high school. I had never heard him or heard of him spouting anti-gay epitaphs as those who "protest too much" sometimes did. What in the world was going on in that boy's mind? I sure wish I knew.

For now, I was going to have to leave the whole situation alone. I definitely didn't want to scare him any more than I already had, even though I wanted him so bad I could taste it. I had thought on the way back home that I would call him later tonight and try to explain, see how he was feeling, but then I decided that wasn't such a great idea either. I couldn't think of what else I could possibly say after exposing myself to him and him saying he didn't know whether or not he was gay. This was something only time would fix and nothing I did was going to help him figure it out...on the contrary, I would probably screw it up even more, just like I always did.

To be continued...