We Need to Talk, Darling

Put another way, the pair of us fucked ourselves senseless, trying out every position that I knew, plus a few that I didn't, and two or three, that to this day, still seemed quite impossible.

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"Hi darling," Laura greeted me despondently with, when she came home somewhat later on the same night. "Tom was a bit of a damp squid, I'm afraid, and Anne's husband was there as well, but if his penis is ten inches long, then I think they're maybe getting their inches mixed up with centimetres."

"Disappointing was it Laura?" I sympathized.

"Terribly," she confessed. "In fact I think those friends of mine may have been exaggerating."

"Really?"

"Yes," my stupid wife declared. "I think all this orgasm stuff isn't what it's cracked up to be. I don't think all the screaming and thrashing about really ever existed."

"Well it just so happens Laura, that I know that you're wrong there," I informed my surprised wife as I helped her back on with the coat she'd just taken off, guiding her back to the front door. "Because I've had a woman screaming and thrashing about and things under me most of this evening, so I think the problem lies with you, rather than me. Now why don't you go off and see if you can find a curved one or a thick one, or a damn great black one if you want to."

"But it's late honey," she protested. "I don't want to go out again."

"Yes it is late Laura," I told her firmly. "Too damn late after the disrespect you've shown me. If you can't find a cock with a man on the end of it, then why don't you try the YMCA for the night? I'll be contacting my solicitor in the morning to arrange the divorce."

"Solicitor? Divorce?" I heard her cry out as I eased her out of the door. "What do we need a solicitor for? I don't want a....."

The rest of her words being cut off as I shut the front door on her, double locking it to prevent her getting back in.

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"Jolly well done Phillip," Delia congratulated me breathlessly as I rolled off her, even later that night. "That's five times so far. Do you think you'll be up for the sixth?"

"I'm certainly going to try," I gasped out, close to exhaustion. "Better give me ten minutes or so for my totem pole to recover first though."

"Wait till the girls hear about this," giggled the gorgeous, and very satisfied woman in my arms. "They'll never believe me when I tell them."

"Yes," I thought silently to myself as a contented smile washed across my face. "Sometimes the truth is indeed stranger than fiction."

++++++++++++

I warned you!

For those who like stories a bit more finished, then as I said, all this only happened last week (????), so who knows what's going to happen.

Sorry, got to go now, as Delia is calling me.

Hope you enjoyed it, and of course I'd love to hear from you all.