We Need To Talk Tony

A short story showing the trials and tribulations that a marriage can bring. No hard sex. Nobody physically damaged. No editors mentally stretched.

Please enjoy!

+++++++++++++

Dring Dring ...... Dring Dring ...... Dring Dring......

I looked up from the TV that I was watching, and came back into the real world as my mobile went off on the table in front of me. Oh well, the pretty young blonde on the screen in front of me probably wasn't actually going to take her bra off as she'd promised. At least not at six thirty in the evening, on prime time TV.

Pity!

Leaning forward, I picked up the phone.

"Hi," was all I said. Why say more? It could well have been some double-glazing salesman, so why would I say more?

"We need to talk Tony!" I heard Glenda, my wife of nine years demanding angrily.

So ---- What was new?

"Talk away," I replied. "I'm all ears, Glenda darling."

"We'll talk when I'm damn well ready to Tony, you cheating asshole," she screamed down the line. "There'll be plenty to talk about when I see you later this evening."

"You seem upset about something Glenda."

"You bastard Tony," my wife shouted over the phone. "Of course I've got something to be upset about. I know you've been with that blonde bitch again you bastard. I warned you the last time so you've got this coming."

I just grunted. What the hell was she on about?

"Well you can just listen in on your phone to hear what your payback's going to be you cheating bugger," Glenda carried on furiously. "I've got Tom here with me and he's going to get what you thought you were going to get tonight."

'Tom?' I thought to myself. 'Who could that be? Tom Blandish perhaps, our neighbor probably.'

"Well just you listen in you bastard,' she carried on. "Just listen in if you've got the guts, and see what your cheating has cost you."

"Grunt."

OK, not exactly the most eloquent response, but bloody hell, this was the last thing I'd expected. Caught me out to be honest with you; on the hop as it were. What the fuck was going on?

I looked down at the phone in my hand in astonishment, not knowing what the hell to think. Almost hoping that a solution would pop out like some genie perhaps.

"Glenda," I cried into the mouthpiece with some anguish. "Is that you Glenda? What the hell's going on?"

But alas, to no avail. The phone was still connected sure enough, but no answer was forthcoming .

Just noises!

Oh bloody hell, such noises.

Have you ever heard the noises that a couple make when they are getting it on together?

Maybe you have. If your walls are thin, then probably you have.

Have you ever heard the noises that some bugger makes when he's making out with your wife?

When you haven't given permission that is. When you don't approve!

Have you ever heard what it sounds like when some other guy is fucking your wife?

Probably not.

Not nice. Not nice at all. In fact it's fucking awful!

Slurp slurp ---- Oh my God ---- That's wonderful ---- Stick it in lover ----- Oh Christ you're so big! ---- Deeper, deeper sweetheart ---- I'm nearly there..........!

I got the bloody lot!

I just sat there in front of the forgotten television, the program forgotten; yes even the little blonde; my whole attention riveted on the phone I had clasped to my ear, as my loving wife Glenda gave everything to that Tom guy that he could ever have dreamed of.

My wife?

I couldn't believe it. Not with our neighbour Tom. It was simply so sad.

----------------

"Are you still there Tony?" Glenda eventually came back to me, some ten or more minutes later. If they hadn't run out of steam, then I'm sure her mobile phone would have exhausted its batteries before long. "I've just let Tom fuck me in every hole I've got you pathetic bastard. That's what you get for cheating on me."

"Grunt."

Well it was a bit more than a simple grunt this time, not that it made any difference.

"Is that all you've got to say you hopeless wanker?"

"All your holes?" I ventured, somewhat unhappily.

"Yes all my holes Tony," she shot back in temper. "Is that all you've got to say? No other questions Tony?"

"Just one honey dear," I managed to mumble. 'Just one question."

"What's that Tony," my wife all but screamed at me. "What damned question you pathetic article."

"Who is Tony?"

"What?"

"I asked, my dear, who is this Tony you keep talking to?"

"What?"

"This is Michael on the phone Glenda dear, "I informed her, reverting to my normal voice. "Who is this Tony that you think you are speaking to?"

Silence!

No great surprise really.

"Michael?" Glenda gasped out in a strangled voice. "Is that really you?"

"Yes Glenda dear," I replied calmly. "Your husband Michael. I thought you were out shopping with your sister, but it appears not. Why exactly did you phone me Glenda?"

"Oh Shit!"

Yes folks --- That was her.

Then the phone went all sort of muffled like, as if she'd put her hand over the mouthpiece. Couldn't make out was being said on the other end, but I could detect that there were two of them talking excitedly.

"Michael, sweetheart," Glenda came back on eventually, all honey and roses. "Just joking and all that darling. Just pulling your leg honey. There's nobody here with me really."

"Say hello to Tom, Glenda," I replied sadly. "Tell him that if he turns up for golf on Saturday morning, then I'll wrap my nine iron round his bloody neck."

"Oh Michael please honey," she went into pleading mood. "It's not what you think sweetheart. It's not ....."

"And I guess the Tony you are referring to is Tony Adams who works with you." I interrupted her. "I think I've got his wife's number here somewhere."

"Now Michael sweetheart," she sobbed down the phone. "Let's not get this out of proportion honey. We do need to talk. Don't do anything silly. I'll get dressed and ..... What I mean is, I'll put my coat on right now and ......"

I cut the connection, and left it off the hook.

I could have told her that unless she made it home in the next half an hour then the front door lock would be changed, and her things would be boxed up and on the drive outside.

She'd find out soon enough!

If she came home at all that is of course.

Oh well ---- Life goes on!

-----------

"Hi Sally," I spoke up when my legal eagle answered her phone some forty minutes later. "I hope it's Ok to call my solicitor at this late hour."

"For my favorite client that's no problem Michael," Sally answered. "Did it work? Did you get a result?"

"Better than I could ever have expected Sally," I laughed into the phone. "The silly cow fell right into the trap."

"You managed to reprogram her mobile phone then, did you?" She asked gleefully. "When she speed-dialed Tony the call came through to you instead."

"You bet it did," I responded with enthusiasm. "I got hold of it when she was in the shower this morning, and changed it to put my number on her phone menu against that bugger Tony's name."

"So she rang you when she thought she was speaking to Tony then did she? Did you trick her into incriminating herself?"

"Oh you better believe it Sally," I answered her. "And I got it all recorded as we planned, but it's better than we could ever have expected."

"Tell me Michael please. Tell me all about it."

"You'll have to wait Sally," I shot back, unable to believe that our subterfuge had worked so well. "I'll bring it along with me to your office tomorrow morning."

"I can't wait till tomorrow honey," Sally complained. "I need to know now. I need you now."

"Now hang on Sally," I tried to calm her. "I know we both fancy one another like mad, but we did agree to hold off till I had definite proof that my marriage was finished."

"Sounds as if you have got definite proof handsome."

"Well ..... Yes, I suppose maybe I have."

"Of course you have Michael sweetheart," she enthused. "I've got a little black cocktail dress to put on that says you do have enough proof."

"Little black cocktail dress eh?"

"Yes honey. Plunges low the front and very, very short on the thighs."

"Short eh?"

"Yes really, really short sweetie, and I've got an itsy bitsy little black thong to wear underneath."

"Itsy bitsy eh?"

"Yes lovely man, and the dress is so low that I couldn't possibly wear a bra with it either."

"No bra eh?"

"No bra Michael, and no panties either if you want me that way."

Well now! A man can only take so much.

"Forget the dress as well Sally," I exploded. "I'll be round in fifteen minutes."

I put the phone back down with a huge grin on my face and an even bigger tent in my trousers, only for it to start ringing away like crazy.

I grinned as I realized it would probably be Glenda with some other excuse trying to contact me.

That or that damn double-glazing salesman, and either way, I had no wish or need to speak to either of them.

YUP --- Life goes on!

+++++++++++++

You have my word that it all ended up fine for Michael and Sally, whereas Glenda and Tony, and Tom for that matter all got their comeuppance.

Oh yes, nearly forgot. The double glazing salesman didn't get any orders that week, but he did meet an attractive young brunette called Susan with huge great big tits. Nothing to do with the story, but I thought you might be interested.

Thank you for reading.