We'll be home for Christmas

The more she talked about her family, I began to detect a hint of sadness or maybe even remorse in her voice. She also made no mention of ever having been married or having any children. I saw now family pictures anywhere inside the cab and I also noticed that she wasn't wearing a wedding band. But I decided not to press the issue since talking about her family already seemed painful for her. So like an idiot, I told Erica about my family and then showed her a recent family picture. Seeming to very much enjoy hearing about my family, she noticed the size difference immediately. I told her about the nickname of David they'd given me and her head whirled around with her jaw hanging open.

"They called you David? As in David and Goliath out of the Bible?" She gasped.

"Yep." I replied.

(E) "Wow, now that's really creepy."

(N) "What do you mean?"

(E) "Well, I had a very similar problem with my family."

(N) "Don't tell me you're the runt of the litter too? My God, your family must be giants then."

Erica laughed as she shifted the rig into a higher gear.

(N) "How tall are you anyway; if you don't mind me asking?"

(E) "I'm six-one."

(N) "No kidding? That's how tall my mother is."

(E) "But you see everybody in my family are all about your size."

My eyes bulged and my jaw dropped at her in awe for a long moment.

(N) "They nicknamed you Goliath, didn't they?"

(E) "You better believe they did."

We fell silent for a moment and then I heard Erica scoff and giggle. Within seconds the two of us were splitting our sides in hysterical laughter. I fell in love almost instantly with Erica's laugh. It was one of those hypnotic kinds of laughs that just made you wanna laugh, even if your heart was broken and your soul was crushed; kind of like mine. It was very healing.

The CB radio suddenly blared forth with the scratchy voice of another trucker asking for a radio check and Erica called back to confirm it was working fine. The two of them chatted briefly back and forth, filling each other in on what they left in their rear view mirror. As I watched Erica jabber on the CB, I soon found myself staring at her. I couldn't put my finger on it exactly, but this woman was so intriguing to me. She had long since taken off her jacket and I now got a much better view of her upper body. Erica's breasts were perfectly proportionate to her overall frame; round, perky and firm and for some reason beyond my comprehension, I couldn't take my eyes off them. The blue and white checkered flannel shirt she wore clung tightly to her lean and slender torso, all the while accentuating her beautiful breasts. The driver on the other end of the CB made a joke and Erica glanced over at me as she laughed and made a reply. At the time, I was so wrapped up in worshipping Erica's physical beauty that I didn't even hear what he said, so I faked it. It was then that I noticed the white turtle neck she wore under her flannel shirt and it served as the perfect canvas to view the gold crucifix hanging from a gold necklace around her neck.

It's amazing how fast time flies when you're enjoying yourself. We stopped at a truck stop on the west side of Bismarck around eleven in the morning to eat and I took full advantage of the shower facilities there; I hadn't showered in nearly twenty-four hours. After airing up a few of the tires and topping off the fuel tanks, we were back on the road again by quarter of one that afternoon; tentatively setting our sights on Miles City, Montana as a good place to stop for the night. With my body clean, my clothes fresh and my belly full, I was really fighting to stay awake now; but having such a good time getting to know Erica, sleep was the last thing I wanted to do. Approaching a weigh station, Erica asked me to hobble back into the sleeper just to avoid any kind of potential hassle with the highway patrol. Pulling the divider curtain shut, I sat down on the lower bunk and immediately passed out into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, I sensed the truck still cruising along at highway speed. As I slowly got my bearings, I noticed that I was snuggly tucked in under the blankets on the bunk and that my shoes had been taken off. I hobbled up through the divider curtain into the front of the cab and my eyes fell upon the most breathtaking sunset I'd ever seen directly out the windshield.

"Good morning, sleepy head." Erica said.

"Is it?" I mumbled, still half asleep.

"Actually no, it's almost six-thirty in the evening." She replied.

"Where are we?" I asked as I sat down in the passenger seat.

(E) "Just passed Glendive, Montana. Should be in Miles City in a couple of hours. Want some water?"

(N) "Thanks."

Erica passed me a liter bottle of Evian that was between her legs and I took a big tug.

(E) "Have a nice nap?"

(N) "Yes, I did. Very nice. So, I guess I have you to thank for tucking me in?"

(E) "Chalk it up as being repressed motherly instinct."

(N) "Motherly instinct?"

(E) "They say every woman's got it."

(N) "So, I guess you have kids then?"

(E) "No. I said repressed motherly instinct."

(N) "Are you married?"

(E) "Nope."

(N) "Have you ever been?"

(E) "Nope."

(N) "How come?"

(E) "Not exactly the marrying kind."

(N) "Because of your job?"

(E) "I suppose."

(N) "But don't you wanna have kids?"

(E) "Now that would be rather difficult."

(N) "Difficult? Why?

(E) "Because I'm gay."

(N) "What?"

(E) "I'm gay. Sorry. I mean, lesbian; best to be politically correct."

I felt the most bizarre sensation I think I'd ever experienced, like a snake coiling its body around the base of my spinal cord. My stomach contracted and seemed to ball itself into a few knots and again, I heard my heart skipping about every other beat. Erica looked over at me, smiling sweetly and I suddenly realized that I'd forgotten how to talk. I didn't honestly know why though. Even though I really couldn't explain my internal reactions, I knew they weren't being caused by fear. If I felt anything, it was heightened curiosity, a certain amount of disbelief and maybe even a little stimulation. A fleeing thought that disappeared as instantaneously as it appeared whispered that maybe the reason Erica had picked me up and been so very kind to me is because she found me attractive.

"Natalie, you okay?" Erica finally broke the awkward silence.

"You...You.....You're a lesbian?" I stammered.

(E) "Uh-huh."

(N) "You like women then?"

(E) "Yeah. I like them very much. More to the point, I love them. That's kind of in the job description."

(N) "But you can't be."

(E) "Why not? Because I look like Michelle Pfeiffer? Wow, now wouldn't that be a headline! Michelle Pfeiffer goes lesbo! Film at eleven!"

Erica chuckled.

(N) "But that's just it. You're so beautiful."

(E) "Well thank you."

(N) "So how can such a beautiful woman be a lesbian? I mean, I never thought a lesbian could or even would want to be beautiful."

(E) "I think every woman wants to be beautiful, Natalie. And in truth, every woman is. But there is no physical appearance quota for being a lesbian, kiddo. You either are or you aren't. And you'd be surprised at how some of the most gorgeous women on Earth; I mean women that most any man would kill his own family to even have the chance to fuck, are madly in love with other women."

I slumped down low into my seat and elevated my ankle up on to the dashboard as I took another sip of water. Neither Erica nor I spoke for what seemed like an eternity as I desperately tried to interpret the thousands of erratic thoughts and questions that were suddenly tumbling around in my mind.

"You okay?" Erica broke the silence with her soft voice.

"Yeah." I bumbled almost absentmindedly.

"You're just suddenly awfully quiet." Erica said.

"Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking." I covered.

"About me being gay? Does it bother you? Does it make you uncomfortable to be with me?" Erica seemed to be pressing.

(N) "Actually, I wasn't thinking about that at all."

(E) "Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

Erica shot me a mischievous grin and winked as she giggled.

(N) "I wasn't! And to answer your question, no; it doesn't bother me at all."

I couldn't say for sure if I was lying or not because I couldn't really define the term "bother". Yeah it certainly caught my attention, but I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

(E) "So what were you thinking about?"

(N) "About what I'm going to get my niece for her first Christmas."

The smile quickly fled from Erica's face and she sighed almost despairingly as she returned her stare out the front windshield. Again the mention of family seemed to depress her. I realized that curiosity was killing the cat far too fast, so I was going to press the issue; but with as much tact and discretion as possible.

(N) "So, what are you doing for Christmas?"

(E) "I don't know. Probably the same thing I do every year; hunt down an Ebenezer Scrooge who needs a load hauled somewhere."

(N) "So, you're not spending it with your family?"

(E) "No, I told you: my parents live in Florida, my sister lives in Australia and my brother's locked up in New York for at least the next twenty years."

(N) "They can't come and visit you?"

(E) "They don't want to come visit me, Natalie. They haven't for a very long time now. And they don't want me coming to visit them either. Not ever."

By now I was really starting to regret pressing into her life this far, but there was no going back. I had to know and I think she deep down in her soul, she needed to tell me.

(N) "Why not?"

(E) "They renounced me when they learned that I'm a lesbian."

My heart suddenly felt heavier than a cinder block. I felt a powerful chill settle deep in my bones as waves of shock and heartache for this kind and gentle creature snatched me.

(N) "They disowned you because you're a lesbian? That's insane!"

(E) "No, that's fundamentalist Roman Catholics for you."

(N) "But you're brother is in prison!"

(E) "And they forgave him. Apparently murder is okay, but don't you dare turn out to be queer. Fuckin' hypocrites!!"

Erica sighed deeply and rested her hand on the head of the gear shift stick. Without even thinking about it, I laid my hand gently on top of hers and squeezed it as comfortingly as I knew how. Her skin was surprisingly soft and she immediately flipped her much larger hand over and took mine firmly in her grip. Erica cleared her throat and I could literally hear the lump lodging in it as she weakly smiled at me. I was all too familiar with that pain and soon felt yet another lump forming in my own throat. I couldn't even begin to fathom the agony that must come with your own family turning their backs on you completely. As the faces of Mom, Daddy, Stephanie and Ryan whizzed through my mind, I felt a tremendous rush of tender gratitude. But with Erica's hand still wrapped tightly around mine, I looked into her misting eyes and felt them tugging desperately on my heart; practically tearing it out of my chest by the arteries.

(E) "Can I have the water please?"

I handed Erica back the bottle of Evian and our hands slipped apart as she took it in her hand and drank. How could anyone possibly not want this gentle creature in their life; especially her own family? She was an angel; at least she was to me. She had shown me nothing but compassion, generosity and unconditional sisterly love since the moment I met her. The world would be a far better place if there were more meek and loving spirits like Erica.

Erica inhaled and exhaled deeply, shook her head, ran her hand through her hair and rubbed her eyes in a futile attempt to pull herself together as well as hide her emotions from me.

(E) "You mind if I smoke?"

(N) "It's your truck."

(E) "You got a cigarette by chance?"

(N) "No, I don't smoke. Sorry."

(E) "That's okay. Neither do I."

Erica forced herself to scoff and laugh to obviously try and lighten her mood.

(E) "But if I did, I'm sure this would be an ideal time for one."

She sighed deeply again.

(E) "Oh, Jesus."

(N) "Speaking of whom; I couldn't help but notice that you're wearing a crucifix around your neck."

(E) "Yeah. You like it? My grandmother gave it to me after I took my first communion when I was eight. She said that no matter what, she and the Lord Jesus would always love me. Old bitch up and died on me three weeks later."

(N) "That doesn't mean she quit loving you."

(E) "I know."

(N) "So if you think Catholics are fuckin' hypocrites, then why do you still wear the crucifix?"

(E) "Because Jesus wasn't catholic. He wasn't even a Christian. He was simply love; and he suffered terribly and died because of it. He loved his Father and wanted more than anything to do his Father's will. And his Father's will was for him to pay the price for all of my imperfections. Mine and everyone else's; and all he asked us in return is that we love God with all we've got and love our neighbors as ourselves. So, just because a lot of people can't do that doesn't mean that I stop believing in him."

(N) "People are just ignorant. And they're afraid of what they don't understand or don't want to understand. The intimate love between a man and a woman is holy, right? Then why shouldn't the intimate love between a woman and a woman be holy too? Or the intimate love between a man and a man for that matter. Human beings are human beings and love is love, period! Sex really has nothing to do with it at all. And like it says - faith, hope and love are the three gifts he gave us, but the greatest of these is love."

(E) "I like the way you think, Natalie."

Erica and I delved into a very deep conversation about faith and I loved listening to her beliefs. Having grown up in a home where we only went to church on Christmas morning and Easter Sunday, I wasn't exactly a faith based individual, nor did I have a solid base of religious convictions. I had read the bible at different times over the years spent in the library and I guess a few particular scriptures had stuck with me, but that was about the extent of it. Erica's interpretations of the scriptures and the life and mission of Christ blew me away. It was so refreshing to listen to a person of faith who from what I had observed, actually walked what she talked. Erica had shown me nothing but kindness, compassion and unconditional love; seemingly going out of her way to help me and when I asked her what she truly felt about her family, her answer only confirmed what I was already coming to know about her character.

(E) "I love them all very much and I always will. And I've long since forgiven them for abandoning me. Sure, it still hurts; especially around this time of the year; but if I want to be forgiven my imperfections and wrongs, I have to forgive others theirs. Like he said, father forgive them for they know not what they do."

I felt goose bumps pop up all over me as she spoke those words, but they were unlike any I'd every had before. This was evidently a much bigger goose, and then a phrase that I'd heard a classmate use at one time shot through my mind: "God bumps". She too was a strong person of faith and said that goose bumps were actually the result of the Holy Spirit wrapping his arms around you and whispering a powerful message directly into your soul; so she called them God bumps. The Holy Spirit had just wrapped his arms around me. Only problem was, I couldn't understand what he was whispering into my soul.

We rolled into Miles City, Montana just after sunset and Erica pulled the rig into the parking lot of an old, one story road side motel. Bringing the rig to a stop at the edge of the parking lot near the road, she hopped out and hurried through the bitterly cold night air to get us a room while I waited in the warmth of the heated cab. Erica returned a few moments later and opened the passenger door, blasting me with the surging shock of frigid winter wind.

"Our suite awaits, madam." She said in a lame French accent.

I handed her my crutches, slipped on my jacket and then slowly wrestled myself on my good foot out the door and onto the mounting steps on the side of the tractor. In the blink of an eye, my foot slipped and I went into a panicked frenzy of movement. I was suddenly falling backwards away from the warmth of the cab, heading for the asphalt and as I shut my eyes to await the rough impact, I all of the sudden stopped in mid air. Taking a couple of seconds, my mind finally caught up to the present. I opened my eyes to find that Erica had caught me in mid fall and she was now holding me like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold.

"You okay?" She asked, breathing heavily and with fading panic in her voice.

"I think so." I said, still getting my bearings back.

"Jesus, you scared the shit out of me." She said.

"Wasn't exactly a picnic for me either." I snapped back.

"You're welcome." She hissed.

"Hey, I didn't say I wasn't grateful." I replied humbly.

Both of us breathed a deep sigh of relief and then chuckled as we pressed our foreheads gently together. Still not putting me down, Erica took a couple of steps forward and told me to close the passenger door. She then started carrying me across the parking lot to our waiting room.

(N) "Ah, Erica? You can put me down. I can make it on foot."

(E) "Sweetie, the ground is slicker than snot and I don't want your crutches slipping out from under you. Besides, it's not like your heavy."

I felt a little ridiculous at first having Erica carrying me. But as I looked into her eyes, she seemed to be enjoying it and I have to admit that it filled me with a child-like sense of protection and comfort. Plus, I enjoyed being close to her. Feeling Erica's powerful arms holding my frail little form up almost effortlessly sparked a sensation deep down inside me that I hadn't felt in a very long time. So long in fact that I really couldn't put my finger on what it was. I only knew that I liked it and it was rapidly warming my body from the inside out.

I slipped the room key out of Erica's jacket pocket, unlocked the door and opened it as Erica then carried me inside and set me down on the edge of one of the two double beds. Erica returned to the truck, collected our bags and my crutches as she shut the rig down for the night. As Erica took a long shower, I changed into a pair of flannel pajama pants and an old white T-shirt. I flipped on the TV and unwound the ace bandage from around my throbbing ankle. Erica came out of the bathroom a few moments later drying her freshly washed hair and I was instantly staring at her. Wearing an old pair of gray sweat pants and a tank top undershirt, I now got a much better assessment of Erica's incredibly beautiful body as she stepped over to the mirror and began brushing her glistening hair. Her arms and shoulders were immaculately defined and heavily clad with toned, ripped muscle; bordering on that of an amateur female bodybuilder. Her stomach was perfectly flat, equally defined and ripped with muscle and she had an adorable silver stud of some kind in her pierced belly button. As she turned from the mirror and faced me, I saw her stunning cleavage straining hard against the thin polyester of her tank top and I was left breathless at just how big and beautiful her breasts were for such a muscular woman. Her nipples were also rock hard and peeping out at me through her shirt. Having only an instant to take her all in before she could notice me gawking at her, I quickly darted my eyes back to my throbbing ankle and rubbed it.

"Hey?" She said softly. "Ankle still bothering you?"

"It's killing me." I answered.

"You mind if I try?" She asked, gesturing toward it.

"Not at all." I told her.

Erica set her brush down on the chest of drawers below the mirror and came over to my bed. Sitting herself on the edge at my feet, she took my throbbing ankle and foot into her hands. I sat back, resting my upper body weight on my hands as Erica began to massage my aching ankle and foot. Not only is she a veteran trucker, but evidently a professional masseur as well, for I was immediately overrun by intense waves of physical ecstasy shooting up through my body and her soothing massage evaporated the pain in my ankle and foot almost instantly.