Westrons Pt. 04

The Corporal wasn't sure what to do with a scruffy-looking Pylosian who was asking directions to a non-existent Consulate. So she did what soldiers have done throughout history: she kicked me up to her Captain. The Captain passed me to a Major.

They had a discussion about how long ago the Pylosians had left. The Corporal had said 15 years ago; the Captain thought 12, while the Major thought it was more like 10.

At this stage, I was more than stunned; I have to admit, I was losing hope.

The Major looked me over, and even sniffed the air close to me. She didn't appear to know what to do with me. But the Major had an adjutant, and after a whispered conversation between the two of them, a possible solution was found.

- "There is a Pylosian who lives in Cercen. Not too far from here, as it happens. My adjutant will escort you there."

The Major graciously allowed me to wash, and change into the better of my two shirts. After weeks of riding in the back of a wagon, I wasn't looking my best. Three Westron soldiers then took me for a walk through the streets of the capital. They didn't seem altogether sure whether I was a VIP or a prisoner.

The adjutant stopped, and knocked at the door of a modest house, painted bright green.

A female Westron opened the door. She had jet-black hair, and lovely features.

- "How may I help you?" she said. Then she saw me, and her eyes went wide. "Oh dear!" Then she turned, and called out: "Talley? Could you come here for a moment?"

- "What is it, love? said a male voice. Then he appeared behind her in the doorway, and spotted me.

"SON OF A BITCH!" he swore - in standard Terran.

Talley was human.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?"

The female touched him on the arm. "Isn't this one of your countrymen? We should invite him in, don't you think?"

The man called Talley didn't seem too thrilled with that idea, but the adjutant was quick to seize the opportunity offered.

- "May we leave this Pylosian in your keeping, then? He was seeking your Consulate."

- "We will take responsibility for him." said the female, while Talley glowered at me.

I had the good manners to remove my shoes and stockings, and to wash my feet just outside their door. Talley grudgingly allowed me inside. The moment the door had closed behind us, though, he turned on me.

- "Who are you? Where did you come from?"

- "Our guest must be tired, after a long journey." said the female. She didn't directly reprimand the man for his impolite behavior - but he got the message.

"Please sit." she said, with a smile. "You must be hungry, too, Sir ...?"

- "Cook. My name is Cook. I'm sorry to arrive like this, unannounced. I don't wish to inconvenience you."

- "Not at all." said the female. It's a pleasure to meet one of my husband's countrymen again, after so many years. I'm sure the girls will be delighted, too. My name is Tisucha."

She broke out a bottle of white wine, and a pair of small glasses. Then she glided about her kitchen, before returning with a loaf of bread and a hunk of cheese. She saw my look of surprise - this was hardly common fare in a Westron household.

"Ah - I learned, early on, that Pylosians cannot live on meat alone." she said. "Should I give you a moment, love?" That question was directed at Talley.

- "If you please, my dear."

- "I'll see what the girls are doing. Their curiosity must be killing them." With that, she went up the stairs.

Talley waited only a few seconds before he leaned forward, and spoke - in Terran.

- "What are you doing here? How did you even get here?" he hissed.

- "I was posted to the Consulate on CW144 -"

- "You mean CWD144?"

- "Wait - CWD? I know what the CW stands for. What's the 'D'?"

- "Discontinued." said Talley. "The mission ended 11 years ago."

- "But ... but you're still here." I was grasping at straws. Discontinued?

- "I fell in love." he said. "We have two daughters. I wasn't about to leave them. Damn - you have no idea where you are, do you?"

- "No - that much I know." I said. Talley's expression softened a little. He could see how shocked I was. He gently slid one glass towards me. It was a light white wine, which tasted faintly of pine resin, like a Retsina. It was quite pleasant.

"Now, explain to me, from the beginning - how did you get here?"

It only took me a moment to decide. I was marooned, stuck on an alien planet. I had no money, and just two shirts. I needed Talley's help, rather desperately, to find my feet. So I told him the truth. I told him everything he needed to know about how I'd ended up here.

When I'd finished, I looked him in the eye. "There's no relief coming, is there? I'm here for good."

Talley nodded. "I'm sorry. That's the most unbelievable story I could ever imagine."

Something occurred to me. "What about Rosencrantz and Guildenstern? How do they get off the planet? And ... isn't it a bit much, to send them on an 8-year journey, just to screw me over?"

Talley shook his head. "There are humans on the planet. All the time. Prospectors for Masebium and Caranolites. University research teams. Biologists and Xeno-Biologists. But they won't come anywhere near Cercen - or the Westron Kingdom, for that matter."

- "I'm here to stay, then."

Talley sighed. "I'm sorry, Cook. Here - eat some of this."

I heard Tisucha's voice from the top of stairs.

- "If you two are finished talking in Pylosian, can I bring the girls down to meet our guest?"

- "You alright?" Talley whispered to me.

I nodded, and stood up, as the ladies came down the stairs.

Seeing his wife again, I could understand why Talley would want to stay behind when the Mission ended. Tisucha must have been in her 30s or 40s, but Westrons aged remarkably well. Her hair was still shiny, her exotic features and perfect skin unchanged. The ravages of time seemed to have missed this address.

Talley wasn't ugly, by any means, but he wasn't even remotely in her league. Their daughters, thankfully, took after their mother. They were hybrids, obviously - yet my untrained eye couldn't see any significant differences.

Tallia, the eldest, was 17. Her facial features were as fine as her mother's, and they shared the same slender frame. But Tallia had her father's dark brown hair, and a little bit of his height. She bent her knees and dipped her head slightly, in the Westron greeting; I responded with a bow.

Her sister Esyle was 15, a little shorter, a little heavier, but just as lovely. She repeated the greeting, and I bowed again.

All three women wanted to hear an account of my journey. I glanced at Talley, who had a nervous smile plastered to his face. I launched into a highly edited version of my travels, adding details where I thought it was safe. I invented a more complicated robbery attempt to explain the loss of my chest, hat and sword.

- "Why did you leave Pylos?" asked Tisucha. "Very few of your countrymen come here anymore. It's a shame."

- "I can't pretend to know the minds of the ruling Council." I replied. "But I agree; it is a shame."

- "Are you a soldier?" asked Esyle. "If so, you've come to the right place: there's going to be a war."

- "Is that so?"

- "The Queen is ailing." said her sister. "Dying, really, if the rumours are true. And the Crolians are expanding their army - again."

Talley and Tisucha, I saw, were indulgent parents, who didn't speak down to their girls, and let them participate in the discussion as equals. Both Tallia and Esyle struck me as bright, capable young women.

- "Why did you believe that there was still a Pylosian Consulate in Cercen?" asked their mother.

I'd been expecting that question. "A regrettable gap in my education, Lady, combined with a convoluted series of lies, coming from someone I'd considered a friend. In short, I was a fool, and my credulity was exploited.

- "You don't strike me as foolish." she said - but thankfully, she let the matter drop.

- "My dears," said Talley, "Master Cook must be exhausted. We shouldn't keep him up all night, talking. There will be plenty of opportunities in the days to come."

The ladies excused themselves, and went upstairs to prepare for bed. Talley, meanwhile, was studying me carefully.

- "You're a proficient liar." he said, in Terran. "I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not."

- "I'm sure you've practiced a few deceptions of your own, over the years." I replied.

We had a staring contest, for a moment. Talley gave in first.

- "You're right. I apologize." He rose, and brought another bottle of wine to the table. "You said you were a cadet, before your studies were cut short."

- "I was."

- "Any good?" asked Talley. "The reason I ask is, you'll have to find a way to make a living. There's no Consulate, and you don't know any wealthy or influential Westrons who could grant you a position."

- "So Esyle was right? There is a war coming?"

- "There's always a war coming." he said. "But yes - it looks imminent. If you knew enough about warfare in an age of musket and sword ..."

I quickly told Talley about my studies at AFOTA, and my Sleepread programs aboard the Halygon.

"Hmm ..." he said. "So you might be interested in a military career?"

There was no 'might' about it; if I had to make my way among the Westrons, volunteering for their army was probably the best possible course. "As an officer of some kind. I'm not so sure about starting as a private."

- "It just so happens that I 'might' know someone ..." he said. "I could write you a letter of introduction."

- "I would be entirely in your debt."

- "Never mind that."

- "Can I ask you a question, Talley?"

"Just one? You must have millions of questions."

- "Just one, for now. When the Consulate packed it in, and the humans were all evacuated ... how did you come to be left behind?"

- "What do you mean?" Talley's eyes narrowed.

- "Because I Sleepread everything about the Consulate of Pylos. And I do mean everything. Choosing to stay behind wasn't an option, was it?"

Talley glared at me for a moment, but then his expression softened.

- "No, it wasn't." he admitted. "Ach - it's not like anyone cares, twelve years later. Yes, I went AWOL. They didn't have the technology, or the resources, to come looking for me."

"I wasn't going to leave my wife and daughters. No matter what."

It seemed that I wasn't the only one who had trouble following orders.

***

I slept on the floor in their sitting room, with a blanket, and a cushion for a pillow. That was no hardship, after sleeping in the back of a wagon or by the side of the road for the last three weeks.

Talley's family were very kind, and went out of their way to make me feel welcome. The two girls took me with them on a shopping expedition, so that I would know where to obtain food other than meat.

That evening, we told stories, and then the three women sang. They had lovely voices. I thought of Vanova's music, and what she could have done with this trio singing harmonies.

Tallia and Esyle were fascinated by virtually everything I had to say.

- "I was barely five when the Pylosians left." said Tallia. "I can hardly remember what they looked like, or how they sounded."

- "I have no almost no memory of them at all." said her sister, a little wistfully.

I didn't want to be a burden on Talley's family, but he assured me that they were relatively well off.

- "Tisucha is a physician - and a good one. Females here don't want to be examined by a male, especially if it's near their ..."

- "Hemmer?"

- "Yes. Or if they're pregnant, or ... oh, for a hundred reasons. She does very well. And I have my own little enterprise." He showed me a roll-top desk in his study, covered with scrolls and odd little devices which I suspected were for measurements.

"I'm a cartographer. Most of my maps end up with the army, but every so often a wealthy noble wants a map of her estate."

- "Do you have to travel?"

- "No, not very often. The trick is to find accurate maps, and then improve on them, or even just make a decent copy. Hard to believe, but I earn a little more than my wife does."

Still, I would have liked to contribute to the household, in some way. Talley told me, in no uncertain terms, not to worry about it.

"You're trying to become an officer." he said. "That means that you're a gentleman, which basically means that you don't work. If anyone saw you doing any kind of labour, they'd never believe that you were a gentleman."

Talley seemed to be a bit more relaxed around me. It might have been that his wife and daughters truly seemed to enjoy my company. For my part, I began to warm to the man when I put 2 and 2 together.

He'd abandoned his own people - his own species - for Tisucha. And that despite the fact that they could only have sex when she was in hemmer. That might be once a year. Or less. That was devotion on a level I could barely fathom.

***

I don't know how it happened so quickly, but Talley's letter paid dividends.

- "You're going to the Palace." he told me. "Three days from now."

- "Three days? I can't -"

- "Shut up and listen. Her name is Wenzla, Countess Kanitz. She could be in a position to get you started. But she won't do anything if you turn out to be less than she's expecting."

- "What is she expecting?"

- "Dammit, Cook: don't talk, just listen. I might have hinted that you're some kind of military genius, and well-connected back in Pylos. On top of that, you'll need to be at your most charming. Can you pull all of that off?"

"Then we have to get you some gear. You can't go to the Palace looking like you fell off a ship. Let me talk to Tisucha."

Tallia took me to several shops. Tricorne hat, two new cotton shirts, a waistcoat with gilt buttons, knee breeches and silk stockings, shoes with gilt buckles, two handkerchiefs, a smallsword ...

I knew that these things didn't come cheap. And I didn't have many coins to my name.

- "Tallia, I can't accept these things. They're much too expensive."

- "Nonsense. We can't send you to the Palace looking like a pauper. My parents aren't poor, you know. And if you must know ... my father says that this is an investment.. If you make good, you'll be able to repay us easily."

- "Still, I can't -"

- "You can, and you will." said Tallia, quite sure of herself. "Cook: my mother helped deliver two royal Princesses. We're not poor."

I gave in with as much grace as I could muster. There were, nonetheless, a few ... difficulties.

First off, I was considerably taller and heavier than most Westron males, and military-style clothing was worn only by females. A tailor had to be persuaded to do some rushed alterations on the waistcoat and the breeches.

Westrons didn't wear shoes, given the shape of their feet. The pair Tallia bought for me came from a prestigious (and expensive) shop which served primarily Penchen customers.

And finally ... no underwear. Wool or linen underpants are less than ideal, as you can well imagine. Cotton went primarily for shirts. Most male Westrons wore a kilt, with nothing on underneath. Females wore trousers, or breeches, and they didn't seem all that concerned if they were showing a camel toe.

But in my case ...

- "My goodness," said Tallia, "you seem to have a remarkably large penis, Cook."

Yes, I'd read that Westrons were very open about sexual matters. Few of their children grew up without hearing (or seeing) several frantic acts of public copulation. There wasn't much mystery about it. Still, I wasn't prepared to have my hosts' teenage daughter commenting on ... well, you know.

When I tried the clothing on at Talley's house, they were delighted with what Tallia had found for me. Tisucha quite liked my tricorne. Then she glanced lower.

- "Goodness, Cook. That's a very large penis you have there."

***

Talley briefed me, thoroughly, on the political situation in the Westron Kingdom. There were three potential successors, and the Queen was said to be terminally ill. The Crolians smelled weakness, and were building up their forces, stocking supplies in their depots closest to the borders. A war seemed more than likely.

- "That's all in your favour, though." he said. "We may need every capable young officer we can get."

He also fed me priceless information from the former Consulate: fictional families of Pylos, and their fictional feuds, which I could use to create a believable explanation for my presence in Cercen.

- "Could I see some of your maps, Talley? The most recent ones? Do you have any showing the present borders with the Crolians?"

The day of my interview, the whole family gathered to wish me well. I thanked them, from the heart. They'd given me a chance; now it was up to me. Was this what I wanted?

Yes, I could have sat with my head in my hands, bemoaning my sad fate, trapped in this alien world ... or I could accept the help Talley's family were offering me, get up off my ass, and find myself a job.

I wasn't going to be a mercenary. More like ... a volunteer. In human history, especially before the onset of nationalism, there was a long tradition of expatriates serving in European armies: Scots in Russia and Prussia, Italians in Austria, Germans and Irishmen everywhere.

And I could be a soldier, rather than a glorified busboy in a Consulate.

I took a barge upriver, to the Landing closest to the Palace. It was a mile-long walk from there. I arrived well before the time appointed for my interview.

To my complete amazement, I wasn't kept waiting.

Talley had told me all he knew about Wenzla, Countess Kanitz. He'd neglected to mention that she was an incredibly beautiful female.

I'd spent the past few days with three lovely women, but Countess Kanitz was something else again. She flowed into the room, wearing a simple silk shirt over indecently tight breeches. Her face was exotic, and exceptionally beautiful. Her dark hair, though, was most striking of all.

She had thick, curly locks, which jutted out to either side in unruly fashion. Yet she carried herself like a person who knew, absolutely, that she was important - and that she would be even more important in the future.

- "Master Cook." she said, with a bare nod. "You are punctual; I like that."

- "Countess." I said, and bowed.

- "Please sit." she said. I was admiring her lovely face, so I noticed her eyes flicker, for just a moment, south of my belt line.

"Airta - could we have wine, please? It's nothing special," she said, to me, "but I do find that it cleans the taste of council chambers from my mouth."

Airta was a sturdily-built woman with hair the colour of rose-petals. That was all I noticed, though, because my attention was fixed on the Countess. Westron females didn't wear brassieres.

- "Master Talley informed me that you were interested in a military career." she said.

- "Yes, Countess."

- "But you must be aware that our army is entirely female."

- "Except for the Penchen mercenaries in Westron service. Many of them are male, but entirely unaffected by the hemmer of a Westron."

- "True." she said. "You are remarkably well ... informed." I could have sworn that her eyes dipped again, to glance at my crotch. I half-expected her last word to be 'endowed', instead of 'informed'.

"Tell me, though, Master Cook: why were you seeking the Pylosian Consulate ... when there hasn't been one for over a dozen years?"

I took a deep breath. If she knew that, then she also knew that I'd arrived in a dirty shirt, looking like a desperate refugee.