Westrons Pt. 14

- "We really must become friends, Colonel." she said.

- "My hope as well, Countess." I said.

Never. Not in a million years. Iloni's face was carefully made up, to conceal her true age. I'd have put her in her early thirties. But the eyes don't lie. This Countess was a thousand years old, in terms of experience.

Sometimes, you just instinctively dislike someone, from the very first moment.

A dozen more introductions were made. I couldn't have remembered three names, a minute later. I was too busy wondering if Iloni was the one who'd blown up my tent, while I was lying in the tall grass with Tallia.

***

I was caught off guard, later, when the guests split up - by gender.

- "Go with Tomos." said Langoret. "He'll look after you."

The females went off to one side, and the males to the other. That left the dance floor of the ballroom open. Now I could hear the music.

It was odd, to say the least.

- "The point," explained Tomos, "is that everyone can see which female asks which male to dance. It may be the first overture to inviting him to participate in her hemmer."

- "Like high school, in reverse." I mumbled. Then a horrible thought struck me.

"Tomos, I don't know how to dance." Not in Westron fashion, anyway. I had a nightmare vision of some female dragging me onto the floor, where I would be revealed as nothing more than a grinning idiot.

- "I know, Cook." he said. "Esyle said that you were graceful as a lumbering ox. That's why she didn't even try to teach you. And that's why we're going to get something to eat. Come on."

- "A lumbering ... Wait - aren't you going to want to dance? With Langoret?"

- "She asked me to take care of you." he said. "And no - I wouldn't want to dance here, in any case. Langoret knows how I feel about her. We have no need to put on a show for these drones."

He led me back, towards the entrance. We passed close to General Vis, and her little entourage. I figured that a bow was sufficient, given that I had nothing to say to her - not after the way she'd treated Avette.

- Urgh." muttered Tomos.

- "Pardon?"

- "I'm sorry. For General Vis to pretend that she would have won the battle at Tonol ... and then to claim that she could have organized your winter raid, if only the Crown had provided her with the troops ..." His face was screwed up in an expression of disgust.

- "Is that all she said?" I asked.

- "I don't understand how you and Langoret can take this so calmly. It would drive me mad. That woman has said that you should never have stayed to fight at Limset, because you were outnumbered."

"That, she claims, is evidence of poor generalship, whereas her victory at Henach was tactically and strategically sound. You were merely lucky."

- "I'm getting used to it. Langoret has even thicker skin than I do."

Tomos laughed. We each grabbed a plate, and loaded up.

- "Drones?" I said, repeating something he'd said earlier.

- "I shouldn't have said that." he admitted. "But ... there are far too many wealthy people, in the capital. Too much money, too much time on their hands, and nothing constructive to do ... I'm sorry - listen to me go on."

- "I'm interested, Tomos. These are things I know so little about. Langoret won't tell me, because she doesn't want to influence my thinking."

- "Nor do I."

- "What do you do?" I asked him. "I mean - pardon my ignorance - but do you have an occupation? A vocation?"

- "I raise oxen. I'm a farmer." he said.

We talked for a while, about breeds of oxen, the army's requirements, Woles ... he was easy to talk to.

- "Can I ask you something?"

- Please do." he said.

- "What political faction does Countess Iloni belong to?"

He grinned. "Langoret told me that you'd quizzed her about our politics. And the endless intrigues. You have to take my word for it, Cook: we're not all bad people."

- "I like Westrons, Tomos. I like them better than my own folk. There's just this small minority of yours who are trying to kill me."

- "Forgive me. I didn't mean to make light of your situation. To answer your question ... I don't believe that Iloni really belongs to a faction. She is a faction."

"She shifts so rapidly ... groups tend to coalesce around her, if you understand what I mean. Then she moves ... and things change. I'm sorry if I can't explain it properly."

- "No need to apologize - thank you for telling me."

- "I hope that we can be friends, Cook." he said. "Langoret thinks the world of you, and I have this odd sense that I already know you, somehow, from all the stories she's told me."

- "I have one more story for you." I said. I told Tomos the tale of how Langoret had hidden from me, when she was in hemmer.

He laughed. "I'd already heard that one - from a different perspective."

- "Is there - a lavatory here?" The drinks were catching up with me.

We asked the first waiter who passed by. He directed us to a hallway in the east wing. There was a room set aside, with little curtained alcoves, and large chamber pots. A servant was busy carrying one out through a door on the far side of the room - probably to empty it in the garden, or to pour it in a cess-pit.

I waited for a gent ahead of me to finish. That was when two men came up beside me, and took hold of my arms. They turned me around.

A third male stood there. He was big, for a Westron, and thickly muscled. I'd never seen him before. There was no sign of Tomos, who was probably still in the main room.

There was a quick exodus from the lavatory, as anyone who wasn't actively using the chamber pots decided that they should be somewhere else. That was all I needed to know.

- "You need to be a taught a lesson." growled the third male. His hand closed into a fist, while his two confederates tightened their grips on my arms.

I kicked the male on the right, a stomp with the sole of my foot right on the side of his knee. His leg buckled, and he yelped as he let go of my arm.

I swung that arm around, and punched the guy on the left, right in the throat. He released his hold, too, when I followed that up with a kick in the balls.

The third male swung at the side of my head, but he telegraphed the blow, so that it was easy to dodge. I just swayed to one side. He tried again. That swing I blocked, with both arms. I got a grip on his hand, turned it into a reverse wrist lock, and then got my other hand on his elbow. A swift push let him feel the pain.

The first male looked like he was trying to get up, so I kicked him in the head. Then I said "Come along." to the guy with the muscles, intending to drag him with me, back into the main room.

We didn't get there, because Ishana and Madze burst into the room, with Tomos a step behind. He looked ready to mix it up.

- "Anyone know this male?" I asked.

***

From the uproar we caused, you'd think that there had never been a fight at one of these balls. Or maybe the excitement was partially because I was involved.

Ishana was furious. She and the three other bodyguards formed a circle around me. I told her about the two others, so she sent Madze and Nasta to check them out.

- "No need to hurt them." I said. But I would like to know who they are."

- "This one's name is Krayt." said Tomos, indicating the male I still held in a wristlock.

- "You know him?"

- "I know of him."

- "AH!" said Krayt, as I adjusted my hold on his arm. It was bent back at an awkward angle.

There was a crowd gathering, getting bigger all the time.

- "Ishana - maybe we should get out of here? I'm guessing that Kanitz might want a word with this guy."

- "We have no authority to arrest him, Colonel." she said. "I'm sorry. But we know who he is, so we can bring his name to the Chancellor's attention."

I was tempted to break the bugger's arm; he'd probably intended to inflict a fair bit of punishment on me. There were too many people around us, though.

- "Alright. Let's get out of here, then. Tomos, would you mind letting Esyle know where I've gone? Ishana - who's going to stay with her?"

- "HOW DARE YOU!"

I knew that voice. And that tone.

Colonel Berandot.

She was a tall, imposing woman, and she looked really good in black, with scarlet trim. But her face was contorted in rage.

- "Release him this instant!" she shouted. She'd built up quite a head of steam - and she was coming straight at me.

Ishana stepped between us.

- "Colonel -" she said, "this male-"

Berandot barely slowed down. She backhanded Ishana across the face.

I didn't stop to think. I let go of Mr. Muscles' wrist, and stepped forward. With flat palms, I just ... pushed. My left hand hit Berandot's shoulder. My right hand must have been a little lower, because I made contact with something softer.

I shoved Colonel Berandot. She staggered back, and tripped over the leg of another guest who didn't get out of the way quickly enough. Berandot fell, and landed heavily - right on her ass.

The hall went dead quiet. I could hear the music coming from the ballroom.

Ishana took charge. There was a little blood on her face, but she ignored it.

- "Outside." she ordered. Koroba took my arm, and pulled. Nasta and Madze rejoined us, and covered our retreat.

The party was over.

***

- "What have you done?" asked Langoret.

She and Tomos had brought Esyle back to the Belere. Tudino was with them.

- "It wasn't like I planned it." I answered. "She hit Ishana, and I just ..."

There wasn't much more to say about it. Everybody seemed to be in shock - including me. Tallia took charge, and put food and drink in front of us.

"I'm sorry, Esyle." I said. "I didn't mean to spoil your debut."

- "It wasn't your fault." she said. "I was afraid for you, though."

- "They'll be talking about this for a year." predicted Tallia.

- "I am more concerned with the immediate consequences." said Langoret.

- "They attacked him, in the lavatory." said Tomos. "I'm prepared to swear to that."

Langoret was a little bit prescient. Half an hour after we were all safely gathered, there was a knock on our gate.

It was Berandot.

We all trooped out to meet her. I wasn't about to duck her, even if I'd had a choice (which I suspected I didn't).

- "Colonel Cook." she said. "You have assaulted a friend of mine. When I attempted to address the situation, you laid violent hands upon me. You've caused me shame and embarrassment."

"I would demand an apology, but the injury you've caused me is too great."

"I demand satisfaction."

***

There was more, of course. There's always more.

- "As the injured party, I claim choice of weapons." Berandot said. That sounded ominous.

"My seconds will call upon your seconds in the morning."

- "I'm his second, Berandot!" shouted Tudino. "And you'd better hope that he doesn't fall ill just beforehand!"

Nobody could do 'haughty' like Berandot; she sniffed, and turned on her heel.

I had just been challenged to a duel.

***

- "Well, that was foolish." said Kanitz.

We were alone in her cabinet meeting-room.

- "I'm sorry, if this causes you any -"

- "You're sorry?" She shook her head. "I consulted just about every expert on the subject of duelling in the capital. There hasn't been a female-male duel in eleven years. But they're all agreed: you're both army officers."

"Gender doesn't matter, in such a case. Technically, you could challenge a Penchen, and they have no gender."

After pacing for a while, she hid me in a little alcove, out of sight, but well within earshot. She wanted me to listen as she questioned the people involved in our little 'incident'.

- "I don't want to spy on anybody." I protested.

- "Be quiet. Stay here."

First, she interviewed Aneli. I was embarrassed to listen to it, because the owner of my regiment seemed wholly intent on covering her own ass, in case anyone thought that she was at fault. She blamed Langoret for not keeping me out of trouble.

Tomos was next. He told Kanitz his story, and then apologized for not doing a better job of keeping me from harm. That was interesting.

Langoret took her turn. She stuck to the facts. Except when it came to the matter of the duel.

- "Is there nothing we can do?" she asked.

- "It's out of our hands, at this stage." said Kanitz.

Esyle was interviewed, too. She acquitted herself well.

Tudino was amazing.

- "I'll kill her, if you want. Before the duel can take place."

- "That might not be wise, Colonel." said Kanitz. "What weapon did she choose?"

- "Pistols."

- "When?"

- "A week from today."

Kanitz then heard from each of the bodyguards in turn. Ishana, straight to the point, described the bare bones of the events of that night. Koroba, though, advanced the theory that I'd been set up - not once, but twice.

Kanitz came to check on me, in the little alcove.

- "What do you think, so far?" she asked.

- "I'm proud of my friends." I said. "Did you get what you wanted?"

She shook her head. "We've only begun. Have something to eat, before we continue."

We sat on either side of her desk, and ate.

- "I'm afraid for you, Cook." she admitted. Kanitz wasn't being clever; she seemed to be genuinely worried. I thought that I could see dark circles under her eyes.

- "What can I do?"

- "Win the duel." she said.

After our lunch, she interviewed General Vis.

- "I bear Colonel Cook no animosity." she said.

- "Yet the two males who assisted Krayt in ... waylaying the Pylosian ... were your nephews, General." said Kanitz.

- "I had no idea that they were involved with other ... factions." General Vis was full of shit, as a general rule - she couldn't quite meet the Chancellor's eye.

Her nephew were idiots. They only knew that Krayt needed their help to teach the foreigner a lesson.

- "Why?" asked Kanitz.

- "Why ... what?"

- "Why did the foreigner need to be taught a lesson?"

- "Well ... he's been copulating with our women."

Kanitz let them stew in silence for a moment.

- "Your women?"

I couldn't see their faces, but they must have been feeling pretty stupid. Kanitz fined them a substantial sum, and advised them to stay away from Krayt.

Krayt himself was made of sterner stuff. He denied that there had been any assault or attack on me in the lavatory. He denied even knowing who I was. Instead, he claimed that I had jumped him.

- "Why?" asked Kanitz.

- "Huh?"

- "Why would Colonel Cook attack you, if you'd never met?"

- "Uhh ... jealousy?"

Krayt was a cockroach. But two interesting things emerged, as Kanitz questioned him: he'd been Berandot's escort that night, and he'd 'participated' in the hemmers of General Vis and General Brune, in the past.

Kanitz fined him heavily, and sent him on his way, before calling me out of my little hiding place.

- "He's just a tool, Cook. I could lock him in the stocks for a few days, but that's about it." The Westrons didn't have prisons, per se. Most offences were dealt with immediately: a fine, a beating or a flogging ... or execution. Prison was a place you waited in, for a day or two at most, until your sentence was carried out.

"You could challenge him to a duel, but that would be unwise."

- "Oh?"

- "He is too far beneath you." she said. "Beneath contempt, of course, but socially inferior, too. If you killed him, or even if you simply maimed him, it would look ... bad."

"Also, his family might feel justified to seek recourse."

- "Another duel?" I guessed. "If I was a Count, or a Countess ... what would I do about someone like Krayt?"

- "Set your servants on him, and have him beaten to within an inch of his life." The way Kanitz said this, I wondered if it was something she'd done before.

It probably wouldn't go over well if I - a foreigner - tried something like that.

She explained the limits on her legal power to deal with Krayt. He was - barely - a nobleman. In the 17th or 18th centuries, on Terra, you'd have described him as a gentleman (not because he was courteous, or kind to women, but because he didn't have to work for a living).

As a noble, he couldn't be publicly beaten, or flogged; and if his crime was a capital one, he would have the privilege of being beheaded instead of being hanged like a commoner.

- "I see."

- "But in this case, I'd prefer if you left Krayt to me." she said. "He's only an insect, but I'll have him followed, to see which hole he scurries into."

"Ready for more?"

I went back to the little alcove.

Berandot was ... Berandot. Haughty, stubborn, and difficult.

- "How DARE you summon me here - like a common criminal!" she shouted, before Kanitz had even uttered a word.

"This is an outrage! I won't stand quietly for this sort of treatment!"

The Chancellor didn't reply. She just let Berandot run out of steam.

- "Colonel Berandot." said Kanitz, finally. "There is nothing I can do to prevent your duel with Colonel Cook."

- "You'll miss him when he's gone, though, won't you - your little ... hemmer-toy!"

I couldn't see Berandot's face, but I was taken aback by the venom in her voice. She had a powerful hatred for me. It went well beyond the personal.

Kanitz' voice was level. "As I said - I will not prevent your duel. That is not why I summoned you. The reason you are here today is the unprovoked assault on Colonel Cook by three young idiots - one of whom was your escort."

- "A scuffle between males." said Berandot, dismissively.

- "Three against one? And one of the three ... why was Krayt your escort, that evening? I would have thought that your tastes were more ... refined."

I had to admire Kanitz' tactics, there. She hit Berandot in the one spot she was most vulnerable: her snobbery. Krayt was a bit seedy. The usual reason for taking a male out in public, for women of her class, was quite simple: a thank you, after a satisfactory hemmer, or as a prelude to inviting him to your next hemmer.

In other words, Kanitz was implying that Berandot had fucked Krayt - or that she was thinking about fucking him.

- "I do not have to explain my actions to you. Or to anyone." huffed Berandot.

Kanitz must have said something - or whispered it - I couldn't hear. But I clearly heard Berandot's response.

- "You wouldn't dare."

Kanitz didn't answer. That was the end of the interview.

She came back to my little hiding-place after Berandot had gone.

- "Interesting. Koroba may have been right. There's no way that Berandot would associate with a creature like Krayt - someone put her up to it. She was set up, just as you were."

"Can you stay for one more?"

- "I'm at your disposal, Chancellor." She smiled at that.

The last person she called in was Countess Iloni.

It may sound unbelievable, but I could smell her - and almost feel her - before I heard her voice.

- "Thank you for acceding to my request, Countess." said Kanitz.

- "My pleasure, Chancellor." said Iloni. "I hope that I can be of help to you."

- "Do you know anything about a male by the name of Krayt?"

- "The one who attacked Colonel Cook? In my home - over the chamber pots, of all places. What a delicious scandal. And now a duel, to top it off." Iloni made it sound like the best thing that could have happened at her party. No doubt they'd be talking about it for months.

- "Krayt?"

- "Hardly my type, Chancellor. Nothing like that Colonel of yours - now he looks well worth the trouble. I am so curious - how was he?"