Westrons Pt. 16

That was enough information to change my mind. If this was an assassination attempt, I'd already be dead. That fact, plus the cudgel, told me all I needed to know: this was an abduction - a kidnapping.

And wherever these people were planning to take me, chances were I didn't want to go.

Someone directly behind me jammed a pistol into my back, and then reached for the hilt of my sword with their left hand.

She wasn't expecting me to take hold of her hand with both of mine. I spun on my heel, and savagely twisted her arm. She couldn't roll or fall quickly enough; she screamed as I dislocated her elbow.

Luck was with me. As my assailant fell, she dropped her pistol, and I saw the puff of dust in the dry dirt where it fell. I snatched it up.

There was no time to look out for Madze. She was a professional, and could take care of herself - I hoped.

I cocked the hammer on the pistol, and ran towards the leader - the woman with two pistols.

- "Stop!" she shouted. "I'll shoot!"

She didn't. But I did.

For some reason (which I still can't explain), I followed that up by leaping forward and kicking her in the chest. She staggered back, and fell on her ass.

I didn't see where her pistols went. Just as I regained my balance, I felt someone approaching. My dodge was only partially successful. A club struck me on the shoulder, numbing my left arm all the way down to my fingertips.

When a second attacker came from the right, I was barely able to fend them off with one arm and a foot. In the end, that simply allowed the first club-wielder to line me up for a better strike. Her weapon clipped the back of my head, and I fell to my knees.

Then there were two of them, kicking and swinging clubs, as I tried to cover my head, shield my testicles, and roll away.

I felt several solid blows land.

And then they stopped. My two attackers were gone.

- "Colonel! Colonel? You alright?" It was Nasta.

- "Yeah. I'm -" I had to spit out some of the blood in my mouth. "- fine. Actually, I felt groggy, and was having trouble getting to my feet. "Where's Madze?"

The big bodyguard was on one knee, stunned. Someone had hit her in the head with a club, too. But she was still holding her bloody sword, and there was a cloaked and hooded figure lying in the dirt nearby.

Two dead. The others - including our friend with the dislocated elbow - had scarpered. The link-boy was long gone, too. I couldn't blame him.

Koroba helped me stand, as my head began to clear.

The scream and the shot in the next street had been nothing more than a diversion. Ishana was furious: she'd been duped, and she felt as though she'd failed.

- "I will offer my resignation, Colonel." she began.

- "We were all fooled, Ishana." I said. "Pull yourself together. We need to keep possession of those two bodies, to identify them. And you still have to get us to the Belere. The night's not over - yet."

That did it. It was as if I'd slapped her in the face. Her back straightened, and she began issuing crisp orders.

- "Nasta - pull those bodies over here. Don't lose sight of them. Koroba - we need an ox-cart - there was a stable that we passed ..."

- "On it!" The little blonde sped off.

- "We're not going to the Belere tonight, Colonel." said Ishana. "There may be a second party lying in wait. We're going to the Palace - as quickly as possible."

- "You think -"

- "This was a well-organized plot. I wouldn't be surprised if the delays we experienced on the river were orchestrated. They knew exactly where we were, and where we were going."

She was probably right.

We arrived at the Palace, and woke up a very annoyed, very pregnant Chancellor.

- "Again?"

Kanitz was angry. Ishana insisted on tendering her resignation a second time. Koroba volunteered to run to the Belere, to let Esyle and Tallia know that I was alright. Nasta offered to go with her.

A doctor was sent for, to take a look at us. Kanitz knelt beside me, and looked me in the eye.

- "I'm fine." I said. "Ishana's not to blame."

- "We'll talk about it in the morning." she said.

***

Madze was concussed. I was possibly concussed, and my shoulder was badly bruised. My ribs were sore, too, where a couple of kicks had connected.

Esyle and Tallia were there when I woke up. There were a few tears, and quite a few kisses, before I could coax smiles out of them.

Kanitz was much more business-like.

- "This ends now. I went easy on Krayt and Berandot. No more."

She chased down every loose end.

The teamsters who should have been pulling our boat upriver had been paid, and told to take a day off. They couldn't identify the noblemen who'd paid them.

Kanitz tracked down the terrified link-boy who'd run away. He wasn't a part of the abductors' plan.

One of the two dead women - the one holding the two pistols - was tentatively identified. Kanitz was shocked. She called in an expert witness.

- "Yes. That's her." said Avette. "She was a sergeant in my 3rd Company."

She didn't have to say anything to me. I knew exactly how she was feeling.

But she crossed the room, to stand directly in front of me. Face to face.

- "I am so sorry." she said.

- "It's not your fault, Avette. Someone's been suborning the soldiers in your regiment. It's probably happening all over the army."

- "The other four may be from your regiment as well." said Kanitz.

- "The ones on leave. I'll find them." said Avette.

She never did. But there were four soldiers in her regiment who never returned. Deserters.

***

Kanitz gave birth to a boy. She was pleased.

- "Poor little tyke." she said. "But at least he can marry a Westron, some day. What would you like to name him?"

I hadn't expected her to leave the choice up to me.

- "Howe." I said. My high school History teacher.

- "Was that a Pylosian General?"

- "No - he was a teacher. But a great man, nonetheless."

- "I like the sound of it." said Kanitz. "Like 'Cook' - simple. Straightforward."

- "Perfect."

***

Tudino gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She had black hair, a phenomenal chin, and exceptionally bright blue eyes.

- "I was thinking of calling her 'Cook'."

- "What? Why would you do such a horrible thing?"

- "Horrible?" said Tudino. "What are you talking about? Every time I call her name, I'll be thinking of you."

My smile vanished. I'd been joking; Tudino was completely serious.

She wrapped an arm around my neck. "I love your name, Cook. Why would I not want to perpetuate it? It will make me happy, every time I hear it."

How was I to argue with that?

***

The sisters were fully occupied in preparing for the Royal Weddings. Thanks to Kanitz's influence, both of them had invitations to attend the main functions with me. It was definitely deserved, considering that Tallia had been my aide at Limset, while Esyle was busily gathering intelligence for the Crown through her Wole Project.

But I think that Kanitz also enjoyed tweaking the noses of the conservative nobility. Even those cranky old biddies who barely knew me would wonder why I had two women - one on each arm. And in this society, there would always be someone who would be delighted to tell them.

I was already notorious as the father of two of Aneli's children, the partner in Tudino's near-legendary hemmer, and now the father of her child as well as the Chancellor's. Avette's pregnancy, the duel with Berandot ... and now the fact that I was living with two hybrids.

Even worse: they were commoners.

Some people would be offended - there are always people who are looking to be righteously indignant. But imaginations would be running wild, too.

It didn't matter to my lovers. They were too busy. According to them, we needed new outfits for each major event. The Belere had to decorated, as well, inside and out. Apparently the loyal citizens of Cercen were showing their devotion to the Queen by displaying banners with the royal colours of red and white

Tallia took me shopping for clothes. Then Tallia and Esyle went shopping for clothes. The capital's tailors were enjoying a once-in-a-lifetime bonanza.

The first big party was a concert, held in the Palace gardens. A mere 600 people were invited. Because there were male performers and male guests, some of the women who received invitations were not able to attend, as they were in hemmer. There were some very happy members of the B-list who got to take their places.

There were musicians, of course, but the main attraction turned out to be the mass choirs - two female, one male, and three mixed. One of the all-female groups was composed entirely of soldiers, including two women from the Aneli regiment. Langoret's, Tudino's and Avette's regiments were also represented.

I enjoyed their performance, but I have to admit that the all-male choir was really very good. There are those who say that women can sing baritone, while others argue that the deepest or lowest a female can go is contralto.

But there really is something to be said for a vocal group that can integrate baritones and even basses into a song. It was stirring.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing that was stirring. I had an uncomfortable erection for most of the performance.

The fault for that was entirely Countess Iloni's.

I'm not sure why she was sitting almost directly in front of us. There were two possibilities.

First, I noticed that the section we were seated in was mostly female. That might have been done deliberately, because Iloni tended to be ... distracting ... even when she wasn't in hemmer.

Second - and I was inclined to believe this one - Iloni herself had persuaded someone to juggle the seating arrangements. All she had to do was turn in her seat, and look back, to speak to me almost directly.

Before the performance even began, she came in with a few other guests, and pretended to be surprised to see us.

- "Colonel Cook!" she exclaimed. "What a pleasure to see you again. I trust that you're fully recovered from your illness?"

"Esyle - how nice to see you again. And is this your sister, Tallia? What an honour to finally meet you."

It was all bullshit, of course, but we had no choice except to play nice. Esyle and Tallia might even have been a little bit flattered at this attention, from one of the capital's most famous socialites.

Iloni took every opportunity to turn in her seat, and ask how I was enjoying the concert. The way she twisted around never failed to open a gap in the top of her dress, and give me a fine view into her cleavage.

But even that wasn't necessary. I could smell the bitch. Worse than that, I could feel her presence. With my eyes closed, I could've told you if she'd moved.

I was hard before the singing even started.

It was utterly irrational, but I had visions of shoving her chair over, and throwing the Countess to her knees. Unfortunately, the vision continued, to include a scene where I would yank Iloni's breeches down, and ... I tried to concentrate on the singing.

But the voice choir could only engage one of my senses. I could see Iloni, shifting in her seat, and then turning to us to comment. She started addressing her whispers to Esyle, who was seated on my right. That way, I got a good look at her profile and her cleavage every time.

I could smell her hair, too, and her body. That alone was distracting.

But I could feel her there, even with my eyes closed. It wasn't as powerful as the sense of touch, but it was all the more invasive, because it was so unusual.

Iloni knew exactly what she was doing. There was a little twinkle in her eye, and just a ghost of a smile on her lips - the non-verbal equivalents of a "Gotcha!".

I struggled manfully through the rest of the performance. Getting up and leaving would probably have been the wisest, safest course. But that would have meant ceding the field to Countess Iloni, and I didn't want her to win.

My erection grew uncomfortable, and I had to shift a bit, trying to make an adjustment. Tallia glanced down, and saw the lump in my kilt.

- "Mmm." she whispered. "Save that till we get home."

I glared at her.

Somehow, I survived the singing. I was also enormously grateful that there were no long-winded speeches afterwards. The singers were thanked, and the guests were reminded of the protocol for the boat party - or the wedding flotilla, as they chose to call it, which was to take place the day after tomorrow.

- "Well, I hope to see you all again soon." purred Countess Iloni. "Perhaps you'll be well enough to join us for dinner some evening."

I grunted something in reply, and concentrated on getting us out of there.

I spotted Kanitz as we were leaving.

- "Did you enjoy it, Cook?" she asked.

- "The singing was wonderful." I said. "I could've done without Countess Iloni sitting right in front of us, though."

- "What? She wasn't supposed to be there. I saw the seating plan. I made sure that ... certain people were on the far side of the gardens."

- "Well, Iloni wasn't." I snapped.

- "I'll look into it." she said. "I'm sorry, Cook."

- "Look on the bright side." said Tallia. "She won't be on the same boat as us."

- "She'd better not be!"

That night, I didn't sleep with Tallia, even though she offered. I didn't go to Esyle, either.

I didn't want to hurt them.

***

The Wedding Flotilla was a huge event. They'd gathered several dozen river barges, and then decorated them with banners and pennons, and garlands of fresh flowers.

It was a beautiful sight - and it smelled wonderful, too.

The Queen and her consort to be were in one boat, Princess Maia Simonia in another with her intended. Each vessel that followed had illustrious passengers, representing the wealthiest and most aristocratic families in the land.

Kanitz had arranged for us to share a boat with her. Aneli, Langoret and Tomos, Tudino, and Avette were also aboard - along with quite a few bodyguards. Weapons were discreetly stowed away.

The plan was for the flotilla to gently drift downstream with the current, so that people could line the riverbanks and get a glimpse of their Queen and her consort. It was a spectacular show - the kind of event that these folk would be telling their grandchildren about one day.

There were a dozen regiments of soldiers, too. They would get to enjoy the display, even as they participated in it - and provided security at the same time.

In the afternoon, we would stop, to load on new supplies of food and drink, and then reverse course. Every ox-team and driver within a hundred leagues would be there, working in relays to tow us back upstream.

Each boat would break out coloured lanterns, so that as we returned to the capital, there would be a beautiful light show for the participants and the spectators. Most people were going to get to bed very late.

The plan was to arrive at the landing before midnight, for a torchlight procession back to the Palace. It was designed to look like 'a river of light'. Of course, that assumed that there would be some of us still capable of walking, after eating and drinking all day and all of the night.

That was how it was organized. I'm not sure if everything went according to plan, or if it was as impressive a spectacle as everyone hoped. I didn't actually see any of it.

Because I wasn't there.

*****