Westrons Pt. 27

Tallia was very close to delivering her baby. Would it be a Penchen child? A Westron? Or some new hybrid species that no one had ever seen?

Despite her pregnancy - or perhaps because of it - she looked drawn, and even thinner than usual. The stress of the unknown and the unknowable was wearing on her.

Senau never left her side. I kissed Tallia, and held her in my arms. I encouraged her to be brave, and to hope that everything would work out. She was eager to hear all about Iloni's plot, and how we had escaped.

I wanted to reassure Tallia, to remind her that I loved her and that I would be there when she needed me. But Senau's brooding presence inhibited me. I couldn't very well order him from the room. That meant that certain things went unsaid.

Tallia seemed to understand. She held me tightly, and thanked me for coming to see her - a few dozen times.

I went back downstairs, to find Isa and Koroba deep in conversation with Tisucha (senior) and Esyle.

- "Talley's in the library." said Tisucha. "We'll call you when dinner is ready."

Isa's smile and Koroba's impudent grin took some of the sting out of it, but that was a dismissal if I'd ever heard one.

Esyle rose and escorted me out. Once out of sight of the others, she stopped me with a hand on my arm.

- "I'm so glad you're safe." she said. "Isa has been telling us ... it sounds terrifying."

- "I was worried." I admitted. "But it's over, now. And I'm happy to be home."

As I said it, I realized that it was true. However much I'd enjoyed training the New Model Army, peace was always preferable to war. And in peacetime, my thoughts turned to the Belere, and to my ... family.

- "We can talk later, if you have time." said Esyle. "I'll ask Isa if she minds ... if you can .. spend the night with me."

- "She and I have already had this conversation." I said. "I was informed that I would be spending the next two nights with you. I hope you don't mind."

Esyle smiled, shyly. "She's very kind. Yes - I've missed you, Cook."

I took her in my arms, and kissed her. It was a very long, very intense kiss.

- "Can't wait until after dinner?" said Koroba, as she came into the hall.

Esyle buried her head against my chest - but she was laughing.

- "Is there more privacy in your army camp?" she asked.

- "No." said Koroba.

Esyle took me to where her father waited - in the very room where I'd talked to Lebuc, the Wole. Talley had a glass of wine that needed re-filling, so I helped him with that.

- "You saw her?" he asked. Esyle had just left us alone, so he wasn't referring to her.

- "Tallia? Yes."

- "How do you feel about it?"

- "How do I feel about ... what?"

- "This ... Penchen. Tallia bearing another man's child." he said, with an expression of mild disgust on his face.

- "Talley - you're aware that I have children by several other women, aren't you?"

- "I know."

- "So why would I be upset?"

Talley didn't 'get it'. He was a one-woman man. He simply couldn't understand what Tallia was doing as anything other than infidelity. Yet where she was having children with two separate males, I'd had children with multiple women.

He clung to good old-fashioned Terran values, in a Westron world. He didn't seem to be overly annoyed by the fact that I had impregnated several different women. Yet I knew that he was uncomfortable that I was sleeping with both his daughters.

But what really bothered him, apparently, was that his daughter was about to have a second child - by a second male.

There was no point in trying to open his mind, or change his opinions: Talley was set in his ways. I let him talk for a while, and then changed the subject.

- "Your maps were fantastic." I told him.

Thankfully, the meal was ready before my patience ran out.

It was a happy gathering. Isa and Tisucha led the way, ably assisted by Koroba. Tallia joined in, and Esyle smiled throughout. Senau and Talley were like gloomy bookends, but they couldn't dampen anyone else's spirits.

Tallia pled fatigue, and retired early, with Senau. That gave me an excuse to withdraw as well, and to take Esyle with me.

She was a bit shy with me - understandably, because we hadn't been together in months, and so much had happened in that time.

To put her at ease, I sat down on her bed without undressing.

- "I learned something interesting, earlier today." I said.

- "Oh? What was that?"

- "Kanitz had me re-tell the whole story of the conspiracy to the Queen. I got to the part where Iloni had been trying to convince me to join them."

"She threatened my loved ones. Well, to be honest, she promised to protect my friends, and my lovers - she meant you and Tallia. But the threat was clear enough."

Esyle sat down beside me, and placed her hand over mine.

"I was explaining this to the Queen - but I didn't say 'friends and lovers'. Instead, I said 'my family and my friends'."

- "You meant ..."

- "Yes. I thought of you, and Tallia, as my family. Our children. Your parents."

She squeezed my hand tightly.

- "That's wonderful." she whispered.

- "I thought so, too."

She kissed me, then.

Making love with Esyle had always been intense. Gentle, and kind, but fraught with meaning. From the very first time, it had been an expression of love and commitment.

I was very pleased to see that I felt the same this time - and so did she. Tallia's situation, Isa's change ... neither of them could come between Esyle and me. Our relationship wasn't based on how often we saw each other. It was a case of quality over quantity.

We just kissed, for a long while, enjoying the taste and the closeness. Hands wandered, of course, and articles of clothing were unbuttoned, or shed entirely. But it was quite some time before she was mostly naked, and lying back on her bed, as I kissed my way down her stomach, and between her thighs.

She enfolded me in her arms, and enveloped me with her legs as I entered her. She whispered my name, over and over, as we made love.

***

I spent most of the next day, and all of the following night, with Esyle. We made love several times, and I told her the whole story of the conspiracy. And more: I tried to explain what Isa meant to me, and what Senau meant to Tallia.

- "Will you and Tallia be alright?" she asked.

- "I don't know." I admitted. That was the honest truth. "I'm more worried, right now, about you and me."

- "There's no worry there." she said, with a shy smile. "Except ..."

- "Except?"

- "I'd like another child, I think."

***

Esyle was very gracious, as she yielded her claims on me to Isa.

- "She's so lovely." said Isa.

- "I know." I tried to explain to Isa, in turn, how I felt about Esyle.

- "It sounds almost Penchen." she said. "Esyle chose you. Just as Tallia did. And they agreed to share you."

There was a matter preying on my mind, like a dark cloud hovering ahead. I finally decided to broach the matter with Isa.

- "You know ... we've been together for ... quite a while now."

- "Ten months and twenty-six days since my change." she said. "Is that what you were wondering?"

- "That's ... a long time."

- "I know. Isn't it wonderful?"

It wasn't wonderful at all. I was terrified that our time together was coming to a close.

Isa was pretty. She was very sexy, too, with a fantastic body. Our love-making was exceptionally good.

She was also clever, and kind - not only to me, but also to the people I thought of as my family, and my friends.

Isa was intelligent, too. She was friend and lover, rolled into one. I couldn't imagine what it would like if ... if her change ended.

- "How much longer can it last, Isa?" I asked. "Will there be any warning? Will you ... feel the beginning of the change ... back?"

- "There's no way for me to know, Cook."

- "But -"

- "Listen to me. Every day is a blessing. I treasure every morning that I wake up, knowing that I can still be with you for another day - that I can still try to make you happy."

- "But you ... you told me to go with Esyle."

- "Because that made you happy. And her, too. I like Esyle very much."

I didn't understand. Isa tried to explain.

"If I tried to monopolize you - if I made a fuss and insisted that you stay away from Esyle - or Tudino - or ... any of the women you love - would you still be able to care for me? Would you still love me?"

- "You know that I love you."

- "I know." she agreed, with a brilliant smile. "Why would I spoil that?"

***

Aneli asked to see me. Kanitz allowed it.

She looked so much older. A little thinner, but more ... worn down.

- "You came."

- "Of course I did."

- "They're going to strip me of my title, aren't they?"

- "Probably." I said. There was no point in giving her false hope.

- "And they'll confiscate my estate."

- "Yes. I think so.

Aneli took a deep breath.

- "I was a fool, Cook. I thought ... I don't really know what I was thinking, anymore."

- "That was Iloni's influence."

- "Partly. Maybe. With a healthy dose of my own vanity and my stupid ambition." She slapped her own thigh. "Why couldn't I just enjoy what I had?"

There was nothing I could say to that which would have helped.

"Will you ... look after Tonol and Limset?" Those were her children, by me.

- "I'll take care of all your children, Aneli. I'll see them all settled. You don't have to worry about that."

She sobbed, a little. "You're a good man, Cook. I'm glad, that you've ... risen. I wanted to rise, too. But I don't have your talent. Or luck."

- "You were always good to me, Aneli. I'll never forget what you did for me."

- "We had some good moments, didn't we?" she said. "And we did some good things."

- "We certainly did."

- "Remember me as I was, Cook. That's the best thing you can do for me. That, and looking after my children. Our children."

***

Kanitz had me come to the Palace on consecutive, to repeat my story for her alone. She continued to ask questions, and pounced on the slightest detail which wasn't consistent with the first version I'd told. Or the second, third, and fourth.

- "I need you to be absolutely sure, Cook. We can't afford any mistakes." she said.

- "D'you mind telling me why? What is this all in aid of?"

Kanitz ran a hand through her curly hair as she considered her answer.

- "We were too soft, last time." she said. "After the wedding plot. We didn't arrest Iloni. We went too easy on Vis. When I think of what we could have avoided ... it keeps me awake at night. We have to get it right, this time."

- "No Council?"

- "Oh, there'll be a Council - but it will vote as we direct."

There was an extra note of ruthlessness in Kanitz' tone. I wasn't sure that I liked it very much. I'd had plenty of time to think about the events at Aneli's estate - and Kanitz herself had repeatedly made me go over the details in my mind.

And then, an old memory re-surfaced: Esyle, telling me that she had one of the servants follow Ishana as she left the Belere. Ishana had gone straight to the Palace - to report.

- "You've known all along, haven't you?" I said.

- "What does that mean?"

- "Ishana and the others. They're not just my bodyguards, are they? They never were."

- "Of course they're your bodyguards. What are you talking about?"

- "Alright. Maybe they're my guards - but first and foremost, they're your ... agents. Spies. Assassins, even - if necessary."

- "What are you trying to suggest, Cook?"

A sudden thought struck me.

- "Oshide. Oshide and Yehla. They weren't just bodyguards, either - were they?" I felt a tightness in my chest. "Watchdogs. Watching me. And assassins, too, if the need arose."

"Which one? Which one would have pulled the trigger, if you'd killed the order?"

Kanitz didn't have to answer. I already knew.

Oshide. She would have killed me, if the Chancellor had told her to. She might have regretted it, a little. But she would have done it.

In my mind, I'd elevated Oshide to the status of a demi-goddess. I'd thoroughly mythologized her. Yehla had named our child after her.

And all the while, it was Oshide who would have killed me, if Kanitz thought it needed to be done.

- "You've come a long way, Cook." said Kanitz. "But perhaps there are still some questions we shouldn't ask each other."

Pylos? Was that what she was referring to? A little reminder that she could have exposed me any time she chose. She'd kept my secret - at least, she hadn't strapped me to a table to torture the information out of me.

"Perhaps you should go home. Think things over. We can talk another day." she said.

That wasn't bad advice. When in doubt - think.

***

If Esyle noticed that I was a little bit distracted, she didn't let on. There were already plenty of things going on at the Belere to keep everyone's attention.

But Isa saw it. I always came first, with her. She would tilt her head to one side, and study me, subjecting me to a visual examination.

On this occasion, she came closer, and hugged me. She could feel the tension in my body - so could I.

- "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

- "Ahh ... not really."

- "Very well." she said. "Why don't you tell me where you learned to speak Penchen?"

I'm sure that my jaw dropped.

- "Really, Isa? Blackmail? You'll expose me, if I don't tell you?"

- "Let's take a walk." she suggested. I agreed, because there would be less chance of anyone else hearing what was said if we were outside.

We strolled through the streets, with Koroba and Nasta following us at a discreet distance. Isa gave me time - to say something, or to think of what to say.

I couldn't seem to do either.

- "You can have secrets from me, Cook." she said. "But only a few. Too many secrets, and I would begin to worry that you didn't trust me. And from there to feeling that you don't love me is just a short step ..."

- "I love you, Isa. Never doubt that."

- "I know you do. So tell me a secret: where you learned to speak my language, or whatever it is that's bothering you today."

How could I explain Sleepread? Or that I came from another planet?

As it was, I did need to unburden myself. Isa was clever, and empathetic. She had a feeling that I needed to get some of this off my chest.

So I told her about the Royal weddings, and the plot to destroy the Queen. I explained about the Council of the Blue Chamber. Isa listened, and didn't interrupt. I described my most recent conversations with Kanitz, and some of the unpleasant realizations that had struck me.

Isa didn't try to tell me that I was worrying about nothing. She didn't try to comfort me with platitudes.

- "What can I do to help?" she asked. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? Would it help to get drunk? Or should we go back to the Palace and make love?"

I chose 'All of the Above'.

***

Koroba was obviously uncomfortable with what I'd said. She turned her head, and avoided any kind of eye contact. So I repeated my question.

- "If it had been necessary to kill me, who would've done it?"

She shook her head.

"Come on, Koroba - it's a fair question: if Kanitz or the Queen had ordered it, who would've pulled the trigger?"

She still couldn't look at me.

- "Me." she whispered.

I'd known that that was the answer. Nasta couldn't have been the assassin. Madze was the muscle, but she wasn't ruthless enough. It was Ishana ... or Koroba. Somehow, though, I just knew that Koroba would have been the killer.

- "Thank you." I said. "For ... admitting it."

- "After my first hemmer with you," she said, "before the royal wedding ... after the weddings, I mean. I told Kanitz that it couldn't be me."

- "That you couldn't kill me?"

Koroba finally lifted her head, and looked me in the eye.

- "That's right. I don't think I could kill you, Cook."

We were seated across from each other, in my study. I filled her glass, even though it was still half-full.

- "Do you know why I might have been killed?" I asked. "Because I'm trying to understand. Had I not proved my loyalty - several times over?"

- "Because you won a victory?" she asked. "Because of Limset? Kanitz and the Queen made you a Colonel. Then they gave you an army. What if that success went to your head? What if you'd suddenly become ambitious?"

"What if Iloni had seduced you? What then? What if she'd managed to convince you that her party were going to win?"

- "That wasn't going to happen." I said.

Koroba snorted. "And just how were we supposed to know that? Because you said so? 'I won't betray you, I promise'?"

"Aneli betrayed us. So did Marbaud. The only reason we know for certain that you wouldn't turn on the Queen is because you didn't."

For a brief moment, I tried to put myself in the Chancellor's shoes. There was no way she could have been certain of me.

And how could I blame Koroba?

***

"Mend your fences." said Isa.

She was right. I was angry at Kanitz and Koroba for things that weren't their fault, or that they couldn't change. The one thing that Koroba could change, she had: she'd told the Chancellor that she couldn't kill me, if she was ordered to.

I was also angry because I felt like my memories of Oshide had been tarnished. That wasn't right, either; Oshide hadn't chosen to be assigned as my watchdog - or as my potential killer, if that had become necessary.

So I followed Isa's advice.

- "I'm sorry." I said, to Koroba.

- "Nothing to be sorry about." she said. "You're just not cut out for Westron politics."

- "I know."

- "That wasn't a criticism, Cook. It's more of a compliment."

Koroba's impish little grin was back.

- "We're alright, then?"

- "Always were." she said. "Well, since the Queen's wedding, anyway."

***

It was harder to apologize to Kanitz. For one thing, she was all business the next time I saw her.

- "Can you start up the Wole Project again?" she asked. "Or have Esyle do it?"

- "Don't you have direct contact with the Sendrin?"

- "Not for some time. Your friend Lebuc has disappeared, too. I don't know what's going on in Crolia."

- "We can try to set up the Project again. But if the Woles won't talk to you, I don't see why they would come to me."

- "I know." she said. "I just don't want to leave any stones unturned. But that's not why I asked you to come in today. I have good news for you - and a question."

"The good news is: the Queen has decided to grant you land."

- "That's very generous of her." It would be wonderful for Esyle and Tallia, and the children. There would be guaranteed revenue now, to ensure that they could keep possession of the Belere, regardless of what happened to me.

- "Well, there will be estates confiscated from attainted traitors. Plenty of land to distribute as rewards. Maia Matila is still trying to decide whether to grant you a title."

- "I don't need a title." I said. That was simple truth. 'General Cook' was more than enough for me.

- "You deserve one, though, if anyone does. But she may not want to alienate the remaining conservatives any more than she has to."

- "I mean it, Wenzla. I don't need a title. If it would create problems for the Queen ..."

- "That's what I told her. She is going to adopt your suggestion, though: the Order of Maia Matila will be inaugurated in a few months, once the medals have been struck. And you're going to be the very first member."

- "That's not why I suggested it." I said. Medals and ribbons were ... just tinsel, as far as I was concerned. Once I'd read what Napoleon had said about them, I lost any interest in having them for myself.