Westrons Pt. 30

The awkwardness didn't end there. Tudino was ill at ease, unusually nervous. She had the nanny bring out little Cook, our daughter.

Many small children would've been shy, faced with a room full of strangers (plus a relative stranger - me). But Cook immediately began talking, and then kept going. She didn't seem to need to stop to draw a breath.

Tudino apologized. "She's not normally like that."

- "Why don't you show me some of your estate?" I suggested.

- "Yes, you two go for a walk." said Isa. "Maybe young Cook can show me the house - or the garden. Which do you like better, Cook?"

I took advantage of the opportunity to hustle Tudino outside.

We walked for half a league, or so. She couldn't move quite so smoothly as she had before, since the wound to her foot at Kesmansha. But we weren't out here to cover ground.

Tudino was perfectly capable of companionable silence; it was one of the many things I liked about her. She didn't always feel the need to fill every moment with idle chatter.

But this silence was more than a little awkward.

- "You're going to have an estate of your own, aren't you?" she said, in a weak effort to talk about something other than the reason I had come to visit.

- "Are you happy here, Tudino?" I asked.

- "It's ... quiet. Peaceful."

- "Peace and quiet? Solitude and contemplation? I didn't know that you were interested in any of those things before."

- "People change." she said.

- "You're hiding." I said. "You're hiding from me, specifically."

- "Maybe we should go back." said Tudino. She wouldn't meet my eye.

- "I miss you." I said. "All of us do. But me most of all."

- "I -"

- "Little Cook will need tutors. Friends. She needs interaction, not isolation. Family."

"You're needed, too. Kanitz wants me to train the entire army. How am I supposed to do that without you? Langoret's on leave for the next four or five years - she and Tomos are going to breed themselves a platoon, or more ..."

- "I can't."

- "Of course you can. Votuda will make a great taskmaster, but I need someone with a personality. Someone the young recruits can look up to."

- "I can't."

- "You lost your hand, Tudino. Everyone knows. It's not going to be a surprise. People will look once, and then move on. Here - show me. Let me see." I held out my own hand.

- "Don't. Please, Cook. Don't make me." She resolutely kept her left arm behind her back.

- "I don't care -"

Wrong thing to say, apparently. Tudino turned, and started limping back towards her house.

I did care. I just didn't know how to reach out to her.

***

Somehow, though, Isa and Koroba did.

I played with little Cook, carrying her on my back, letting her steer by pulling on my hair, or tugging on my ears. I resisted the temptation to call her 'Cookie'.

Thankfully, she didn't look like me. She had her mother's raven hair and deep grey-green eyes, allied with a pleasant disposition.

While I entertained my daughter, Tudino talked to Isa and Koroba. All day, and all night. That was a good thing, actually, because after two full days of trying to keep up with Cook, I was falling asleep at the dinner table.

Finally, on our third day there, our hostess asked me a question.

- "Cook? Would you walk with me?"

We walked in silence, again - only this time it wasn't awkward: Tudino had something to say. She just needed time to come out with it. Somehow, though, I'd finally figured out what it was.

- "You were in hemmer." I said.

- "How -? Isa told you." She grit her teeth.

- "No. Isa would never do that. It came to me last night - you aren't avoiding anyone but me. You weren't worried about being seen in public. So it had to be something ... more private."

- "I was afraid." she admitted.

- "Of me?"

- "No - I was afraid that if you saw my stump, that you wouldn't ..." Tudino had courage; she looked me in the eye. "You wouldn't want me again."

- "Of course I want you. You seem to forget: I've already seen your stump. I changed your dressing on Peck's Hill. I saw you at the parade, as well."

- "Hemmer is different."

- "No. It doesn't change who you are. What you are."

- "We weren't ... in bed." she said.

- "Naked, you mean? Well, that wasn't going to happen anyway if you kept on avoiding me, hiding away out here in the country."

- "Cook - I'm serious."

- "Do you remember when we first met?" I asked.

- "Of course I do. At Tonol. You and Langoret came to see me."

- "Do you remember one of the first things you said to me?"

- "No - what?"

- "You shaved the shitty. That's what you said: 'You shaved the shitty.' You'd taken a bullet in the mouth, and you'd lost a few teeth. Do you remember?"

She tried not to smile, but failed. "I do."

- "You had a broken nose, a broken jaw, and more scars than I could count. Plus that silly bandage covering half of your face. And I thought - what a woman."

- "You did not."

- "I did. When your aide came running, at Feirlan ... I was terrified. I was afraid that you'd been killed."

"I'm not making light of the loss of your hand. But it's so much less ... severe, than what I feared. I thought you were dead, Tudino. I was afraid that I'd lost you."

Tudino didn't reply immediately. She did me the enormous courtesy of thinking about what I'd said.

- "Running away was a mistake." she said, softly. "Spending my hemmer alone ... brought back old memories. I should have faced my fears."

"I'm just ... an irrational person."

- "Most of us are. I am. But how can I prove to you that I'm not - repelled, by your injury - unless you show it to me?"

Tudino wore a piece of leather, like a bracer, over her left arm. It wasn't to simply cover the stump, or hide it from view. It was more for protection, because it was still tender and hyper-sensitive, and she didn't want to bump or scratch it.

She couldn't think of a better solution. Tudino slowly undid the laces with her right hand. She hesitated again.

- "I won't cry out, or run away screaming." I promised.

She slid off her bracer, and pulled back the sleeve of her shirt.

I'm no expert, though I've seen more amputees than I ever expected or wanted to. Tudino was exceptionally vulnerable at that moment; I could have ruined her life - or our relationship, at least - with a careless word. So I thought about what I was going to say.

"Boska did a nice job. The stitches are even, and the scar is straight. Looks good - not inflamed ... is it tender?" I reached out with a finger extended, to touch it ...

Tudino snatched her arm away.

"Is it sore?" I asked. "Does it hurt?"

- "No. Not that much. I just ... why would you want to touch it?"

- "Alright. Here's what I suggest: at your next hemmer, you can blindfold me, so that I can't see you. Or wait - you can tie me up, too. That way, I couldn't possibly-"

She elbowed me in the ribs. Hard. But she was laughing as she did it.

After she stopped, Tudino allowed me to help her put the bracer back on, and lace it up for her. Then she let me gently embrace her.

- "I'm sorry." she whispered.

- "Don't be."

- "I promise I'll talk to you, first, if I start to feel like this again."

***

Tudino agreed to help me with the training program.

Almost immediately, though, I discovered that it would be more complicated than I'd anticipated. Everyone had ideas about what we should be doing - and how we should be doing it. They all wanted to talk, but no one seemed to be all that interested in listening.

Kanitz wanted to reform the army, but without spending much money, if at all possible. The Queen wondered if we might have more public displays - perhaps a unit attached to the Palace Guard, who could drill on an open field just outside the city.

The Duchess of Cande wanted more spectacular uniforms. She'd also designed a cap (with ear flaps), which she thought should be standard wear for the whole army.

I remembered reading that Kutuzov and Wellington paid very little attention to uniforms. Tsar Alexander, on the other hand, loved parades and reviews. He claimed to have invented the Russian shako.

Frederick William III of Prussia was known as 'the military tailor'. In 1814, he refused to allow Yorck's Corps to participate in the victory parade because of their torn uniforms.

Personally, I would've preferred some sort of camouflage for my skirmishers. Or maybe an overcoat, with pockets. Warm, practical ...

But I understood that a colourful uniform was a source of pride. And for soldiers who are asked to stand in line, while enemies fire cannonballs at them, pride is very important.

One bright spot was being able to work with Tudino. Koroba could make me laugh; Isa was a wonderful companion, who also understood military matters. Tudino combined all of those features. And the more we worked together, the less self-conscious she was about her missing hand.

We discussed several ideas for signalling. If armies were going to become larger, then the General's job was going to be more difficult, unless she had a quicker, effective means of communicating.

- "Flags?" I knew about semaphore; it was simple, if time-consuming. I didn't want to introduce it, though, and spark curiosity about 'Pylosian customs'. Instead, I tried to let Isa and Tudino 'discover' the idea on their own.

Kanitz may have been right when she suggested that I was a lousy liar. But I could be a bit sneaky when I wanted to.

One of the other bright spots of the army training program was my monthly meeting with Kanitz and the Queen's representative on the Army Reform committee: her sister, Princess Maia Simonia.

***

THEMIS

- "You seem very happy." said Isa. We were walking home from the Palace.

- "He must be getting some sex on the side, that we don't know about." said Koroba.

She was just kidding. She knew very well that I wasn't. In fact, my only sexual partner now was Esyle, whose libido was no match for her sister's. We made love twice a week, or perhaps three times. She was a mother first, and a wife second.

I had hopes that Koroba would invite me to her next hemmer, but that was still many months away. Tudino, too - but that would be almost a year from now, if not more.

- "It's just ... a pleasure, to spend my day with friends. With capable, intelligent women that I genuinely like."

- "All of whom he's boinked. Except for Madze." said Koroba.

So she did know about Themis. I'd thought so, but I wasn't about to ask.

Themis was a major source of my good mood. She was competent, kind, and very quick to understand what Tudino and I were talking about. She didn't demand special treatment because of her rank; instead, she acted like just another member of the team.

And she smiled at me.

Themis could make my skin tingle, just by looking in my direction. When she smiled at me, I wished that I was just Lieutenant Cook again, at the siege of Tonol, sharing my tent with Ensign Themis.

A month after Isa's comment, Themis asked if I could stay for a moment, after our meeting. Kanitz and the others left the room, leaving us alone.

- "I do enjoy these meetings." said the Princess.

- "So do I. It's rare to have so many talented, dedicated people in the same room."

- "That's true. But I really meant that I enjoy them because you're here."

I'm sure that I blushed. "The same holds true for me." I said.

- "Cook - if I asked ... would you attend my next hemmer?"

I'd been waiting - without hoping, really - for her to say that. My knees went weak. I had to lean on Kanitz' desk.

- "Of course I will."

Themis smiled, and reached out to touch my hand.

- "We would have to be discreet." she said. "I would need to leave the Palace the moment I sensed my hemmer coming on. If ... if you're willing, I'll give you directions to the special retreat I've chosen."

- "I'll be there."

***

There was no question in my mind. I couldn't refuse another opportunity to be with Themis. She was incomparable.

Three months after our conversation, she passed me a note, with directions to a remote cottage in the hills close to the Western sea. 'Two weeks' she'd written, at the bottom.

I asked Kanitz for leave. She granted it without comment.

Koroba and Isa accompanied me. They both knew what I was doing - and they were equally capable of keeping a secret.

The location Themis had chosen was a royal hemmer lodge. It was situated on a hill overlooking the sea. The road wound up and around, through lovely forested slopes.

There were no soldiers on guard, on the lower part of the road. But as we came around a corner, we found a single person waiting for us.

Ishana. I had seen very little of her since the collapse of Iloni's conspiracy. But here she was, to guide us up the hill, by a narrow path. I understood the reason for her presence. Kanitz knew that I was meeting Themis.

After all of the assassination and kidnapping attempts, the Chancellor would never leave the Queen's sister unprotected. But this ... assignation had to be secret, if only to spare the Prince's feelings. So the fewer people who knew about it, the better.

Beautiful trees surrounded the property. The view was incredible. To our left, we could see out over the sea. To our right, we could see the road, winding its way up the hill. There were soldiers there; two full platoons, from what I could tell.

Ishana stopped, next to a large rock, with a smooth face.

- "You have to get over this." she said. "Then it's a straight climb to the cottage."

She gave me a boost, to help me up the rock, until I could reach a handhold. From atop the boulder, I looked back, and gave Isa and Koroba a little wave. They would be waiting for me when I returned.

It was odd, though, to approach the cottage alone.

Themis opened the door, before I'd even reached it - she'd seen me coming.

She was perhaps two days away from her full hemmer. I could smell it, and feel it. It was powerful, and tantalizing. Themis didn't say anything: she simply wrapped her arms around me, and held me close.

I just held onto her as well, breathing deeply.

- "I've waited for this for so long." she said, softly.

- "Me too." I croaked. I was having trouble finding my voice.

Just being here - with Themis in my arms - seemed so unreal. For so many years, I hadn't thought that it would ever - could ever come to pass.

She took my hand, and led me through the cottage. The furnishings were first class, but not especially opulent. Themis took me out the back door, to a green sward.

The first thing I noticed was the amazing view out over the sea. The second thing I saw was a tent. A two-person tent.

- "I thought we might ... sleep under the stars. If the weather permits." she said.

- "That ... brings back memories."

- "For me, too. My only regret is that we won't be able to bathe in the river again. There's a cistern here, but ... well, it's not quite the same."

- "You're here. That's all that matters."

Both of us were older. Not old, yet, but no longer in the first flush of adulthood. There was a bond between us, that years could never break, but for so much of the time since Tonol, we'd been apart.

We were a little awkward with each other, at first. Most of our recent conversations had been about military matters. But I hadn't come here, in secret, to discuss those things with her. Not now.

Naturally enough, I suppose, we began to reminisce, to remember our first encounter.

- "When I was told that I'd have an aide, I never expected you to be so beautiful." I told her.

- "Ha! You can say that, after seeing Kanitz and my sister?"

- "I'd met Kanitz. But she was the Chancellor - way over my head. I was a mere Lieutenant, remember? She wasn't about to be sharing a tent with me, either."

- "I'll never forget you teaching me to walk-run. I can still do it, you know."

- "I believe you."

She went back inside, to get a bottle of wine. We sat on a stone bench, overlooking the sea, and talked about Tonol. Themis asked me about Langoret, and about Tudino.

I must have had a lot to say.

- "You and Tudino have been intimate again." she said.

- "No. She's ... she was very self-conscious about the loss of her hand. We didn't ..."

- "I understand. But there's always next year."

- "Yes, I suppose so."

Tallia had pretended to not be jealous. Esyle had been willing to share me from day one. But Themis didn't have the slightest idea of what jealousy was. It was utterly foreign to her.

That was why she also asked me about Isa.

- "I like her very much. She seems like a perfect match for you." she said.

- "Oh?"

- "She's kind. Generous. Very intelligent. And she can discuss military matters with you. Very attractive, too."

- "In other words ... she's like you."

Themis smiled, sadly. Then she shook her head. "No, Cook. Isa is better. She's free to be with you."

"Sometimes, I wish that I could have been her."

***

The evening was a bit cool, so we went inside to sleep. I cradled Themis, and held her while she slept. Or rather, didn't sleep. We were both too keyed up.

- "This is so like Tonol." she said. "You lying me beside me, trying so hard not to touch me with your erection."

***

We were both tired, the next morning. She was still probably a whole day away from her full hemmer. I was hard, of course. But she wasn't ready.

So we prepared food together, and talked about our daughter. There was only so much that was new, and we were soon re-hashing old conversations.

- "We can talk about Tonola another time." said Themis. "You need rest."

- "I'm fine."

- "You are not. You barely slept a wink last night. Go lie down."

- "Can I sleep in the tent?" I asked.

She laughed. "That's an excellent idea. I'll ... I'll join you later."

Hard to sleep, after a promise like that. But she was right - I was exhausted. Somehow, my erection subsided - maybe it was because Themis was just out of my sensory range.

But I woke up immediately when she came to me. I think my nose picked up her scent just before my ears heard the tent flap rustle.

She slid in behind me, and gently wrapped her arm around me. I felt the pressure of her breasts against my back, and the warmth of her loins.

- "Soon." she whispered.

- "Just like Tonol."

- "Yes. I ... bathed. I know you like me ... fresh."

- "I like you any way."

- "I know you do." she said.

I turned to face her. I ran my fingers through her yellow hair, and looked deeply into her big brown eyes.

- "Stay." I whispered.

I slipped out of the tent, and went to the cistern. I poured cold water over my head, and washed.

When I returned to the tent, her scent nearly overpowered me.

- "I'm ... close."

- "I can tell." I said. "You have the most beautiful hemmer." I described what I could feel, and smell. I tried to explain how I felt, being with her at this moment. I also tried to remember what I'd experienced at Tonol, with her. It was almost impossible to put into words.

But I knew that the attempt to express it would help her. Westrons love sex; they especially love talking about it, since they have so few opportunities for physical pleasures. The preliminaries, as Kanitz would have said. Foreplay for Westrons.

It had that effect on Themis.

Just as I leaned over to kiss her, she reached for me. Her lips were soft, and moist. She opened them, to admit my probing tongue, which she met with her own.

The years seemed to melt away, as if we were back in our tent outside Tonol, embracing for the first time. On this occasion, though, we were less hesitant - and a little more impatient. Her hand collided with mine, as we both reached for each other's clothing at the same time.