What Have I Becone?

Amanda told me during our first date that she was going to see other people no matter how serious we might become. I thought it was an odd comment and regardless of the truth in the matter it seemed like a topic one avoids on a first date, saving it perhaps for the second or third date. Then I wondered to myself how many second or third dates she actually got. To be sure, she was gorgeous and charming, witty and even down to earth so I let her comment go with just a smile while thinking to myself that it was a shame she didn't want a serious relationship.

Despite the oddness of that comment and its lingering echoes in the back of my mind, we continued dating, seeing each other once or twice a week for the first month or so and then more often after that. By the time our third month of dating had rolled around we were officially considered a couple by our friends and found that making plans for the weekend required a phone call to one another to check calendars. Soon, she began spending the night at my place three or four nights a week and we fell into a routine that was comfortable and nearly perfect in every way.

Since I worked from home, when she arrived, which was usually around 7:00 pm, I would have already started dinner and would have a glass of her favorite wine waiting when she came through the door. And because she spent most of her nights here, we had made room for her things in the closet and bathroom and dresser drawers. I simply did her laundry with mine each Saturday afternoon and became rather adept at the care it takes in washing women's clothes. I found too that I was adding to the shopping list items she needed for the house, from feminine needs to her preferred shampoos to the ice cream she likes during her monthly cycle. Like I said, we had fallen into a wonderful routine and I really couldn't have been happier.

I still remember the Sunday morning when we first said, "I love you" to each other. I had made coffee and was bringing it to her in bed and as I handed her the steaming mug I kissed her forehead and said, almost without thinking and perhaps without realizing it before, "I love you." She acted like it was old hat, took the mug from me and said with a small smile, "I love you, too." Then she took a sip of coffee and returned to the morning paper. It was natural and simple, just like everything between us it seemed.

Later that day we went shopping in Union Square and I dutifully carried her shopping bags from store to store while she searched for the perfect pair of boots. Our last stop before heading home was a high end lingerie store where a black satin baby doll with matching panties and bra in the store window had caught her eye. I bought it for her as a special treat and as the woman behind the counter was wrapping it up and placing it in the bag, Amanda gave me a sexy smile then bit my lip when she kissed me.

She whispered, "It won't be too long before you'll see this again."

I smiled and blushed, hoping my growing excitement wasn't as obvious as it felt to me. I told her that the vision of her in those sexy things is enough to drive a man crazy with desire. She raised her eye brows and said, "That's the plan." We both laughed.

The work week passed uneventfully and soon the weekend was upon us. I called her on Friday afternoon and asked what she wanted to do that night. She said she had a work dinner and I should make plans without her, but that she would come over later that night. And so my evening passed quietly with a good book and a nice bottle of wine. I realized at one point that Amanda and I hadn't spent a Friday night apart in almost two months and that the break was actually pleasant. Around midnight I finished my book and my wine and decided to turn in, a little surprised that she wasn't home yet but not giving it any thought.

I must have fallen asleep pretty quickly and soundly and the only time I woke up was at 3:30 am when I felt Amanda slip naked into bed next to me. I remember glancing at the clock, thinking it's awfully late, kissing her on the forehead and then rolling over with an "I love you." She draped an arm around, kissed my shoulder and said she loved me too.

When I woke a little after 7:00 am Amanda was sound asleep, purring peacefully in the bed beside me. I have always loved the way she looks while she's sleeping, sweet and innocent, but this morning she looked especially angelic. I quietly kissed the top of her head and got out of bed to begin my day. Over coffee with a perfect morning sun streaming through the window I made my list of things to get done that day. It was a typical Saturday filled with laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning. I thought about dinner and planned our menu, realizing I had missed her last night so maybe something romantic was in order.

Much to my surprise she was up at 8:00 am, wandering into the kitchen to get coffee dressed only in a pair of my boxers and one of my Radiohead T-shirts. She still looked angelic despite her mess of hair and sleep still in her eyes. With coffee mug in hand, she came and sat down beside me on the sofa while I finished my list. I asked her about her night and she said simply that it was really fun. She contributed things to the shopping list, we discussed dinner and she agreed a quiet, romantic dinner would be lovely. She glanced through the morning paper while I finished my coffee and then went about my chores.

I was surprised when I found the black negligee, panties and bra at the top of the laundry pile. I thought she hadn't worn them yet and had expected their first showing to be for me. I set them aside and continued sorting through the laundry, dividing things by color with the whites in one pile, bright colors in another and darker things in a third. I started with the whites, filling the basket and made my way to the laundry room. With the load spinning away, I hopped in the shower while thinking about the rest of my day.

When I stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, a towel wrapped around me, clean and refreshed, Amanda had crawled back into bed with her coffee and the paper. I came over to her and kissed her softly. She touched my cheek, smiled and told me she loved me. She watched me as I got dressed, an adoring smile on her face that warmed me all over. I heard the washing machine click off and I moved to pick up the next load of laundry, this time the dark colors.

She stopped me. "Honey, the lingerie needs to be hand washed, ok?"

I nodded my head and took the opportunity to mention that I was surprised she had already worn her sexy new things. She giggled slightly and responded with something like a playful sigh.

I collected the baby doll, panties and bra and carried them into the bathroom, setting them aside while I filled the sink with warm water and Woolite. I picked up the baby doll, feeling its silky softness and catching her scent before I placed it in the water. Her bra came next and lastly her panties. But when I picked up her panties, which were inside out, I couldn't help but notice a deep, wide white stain in the crotch. It was still damp too. My heart raced and my mind reeled. I searched for explanations but I knew that only cum stains like this. I fingered it and recognized immediately the sticky and slick feeling of semen. I began to tremble, realizing she had been with another man last night and that they had had sex. I could feel the blood rushing to my face and I took a deep breath to collect my thoughts. She told me on our first date she was going to see other people but I guess I either hadn't believed her or had forgotten about it since our relationship thus far had been nearly perfect in everyway. I wondered if I had done something wrong or if she didn't find our relationship fulfilling. I asked myself if this was the first time or if she was in love with him and a thousand other questions swirled through my brain.

I dunked the panties in the water with the other things and began carefully scrubbing them, perhaps thinking that by washing away the evidence I could also wash the feelings of confusion from my mind. As I scrubbed the silky things I began to formulate in my head how I was going to broach the subject and when. I knew that a direct confrontation would not solve anything and so I resigned myself to holding my tongue and waiting until later this evening to bring the subject up. I left the dirty lingerie soaking in the warm water. When I returned to the bedroom Amanda gave me another adoring smile and I nearly lost my resolve. Somehow I managed to smile back as I collected the remaining laundry and continued on with my chores.

The day was long and draining, thoughts of her with another man never far from the forefront of my mind. I tried to gauge my emotions and weigh my thoughts, but they seemed to be all over the place, wavering between hurt, anger and something akin to curiosity. Still, I managed to keep myself together and later that day as I was washing up before preparing dinner I noticed Amanda had taken the lingerie from the sink and left it to drip dry on towels draped over the shower door. The fact that this too elicited from me an odd response -- one of hurt and uselessness and failure -- further added my confusion.

We shared a bottle of wine over dinner and opened a second as we curled up on the couch and made small talk. She placed her feet in my lap and I began massaging them unconsciously as had become our routine. As I massaged one foot, her other pressed almost unnoticeably against my crotch. Amanda seemed very happy and content, almost glowing, as we chatted and made plans for Sunday and yet there hung in the air a strange energy because we both knew a conversation about last night was to come. I didn't know how to even begin the conversation and maybe I was hoping to avoid it all together. After all, I didn't know for certain that she had spent the night with another man and even if she had, it seemed odd to me that she would seem so guilt free about it. And it wasn't just that she gave off an aura of confidence as if she had nothing to hide, but that she seemed so adoring and loving and attentive. I began to think that maybe I had concocted the whole thing in my head.

As her foot worked a little harder against my growing cock tucked safely inside my pants, I refilled our wine glasses and she suggested with a sexy purr that maybe we should retire to the bedroom. I agreed, although my heart was pounding because I knew the conversation had to happen now or it never would. But before I could say anything, she rose from the sofa and headed toward the bedroom. I sat thinking for a moment and then took a deep breath, gathered the wine glasses and my thoughts, and then followed her.

She was already naked and under the covers when I entered the room. I handed her a glass and set the other on the night stand before getting undressed myself and crawling into bed. We each propped ourselves up on one elbow, looking at each other as our legs played together. Her hand wandered down to my cock and she began gently stroking it as we made small talk, discussing dinner, an interesting article in the paper and recapping our day. I was formulating my thoughts to ask her about the lingerie when she brought up the subject first.

"Thank you for hand washing my lingerie. It's lovely and I didn't want to risk having it ruined in the washing machine," she added.

I smiled, my heart pounding, knowing that I had to ask then. But before I could she continued while squeezing my cock a little tighter.

"I met a man last night after dinner," she said, her eyes watching mine for a reaction. I didn't know what to say, my face flush, and simply prompted her for more with a non-committal "and" dangled like a question.

She kept her hand on my growing cock and spoke again. "We went back to his place and one thing lead to another..." Her voice trailed off. I was more than a little caught off guard upon noticing my cock had grown to full length and I was almost imperceptibly fucking her hand.

I swallowed deeply, "Did you fuck him?"

She stroked my cock a little harder as she responded, "Yes, I did. I fucked him all night."

I was trembling, taken over by conflicting emotions of confusion and arousal and having seemingly losing control of my body, I thrust my cock into her hand a little harder and more obviously.

All the things I had practiced saying in my mind earlier in the day seemed to escape me and I found myself asking, "Was it good?"

She stopped stroking me, letting me instead simply fuck her hand, although she tightened her grip. She leaned forward, kissed me softly on the lips and then brought her mouth to my ear.

She whispered, "It was fantastic. He had a huge cock, long and thick, and he used it to fill me completely."

I moaned and whimpered, amazed that I was becoming aroused.

She continued, "He was rough with me too. We weren't through the door more than a minute when he grabbed the back of my head, forced me to my knees and demanded that I suck him off."

An audible gasp escaped from my mouth and I closed my eyes, not knowing if I was trying to block her from my sight or ward off the incredible arousal that had overcome me. I tried to speak but before I could she kissed my ear and increased the pressure on my cock. Her voice became more seductive and the heat of her breath against my ear only contributed to the eroticism of the moment.

"It was the first time since we've been together that I've been with anyone else; but it won't be the last," she purred.

I looked up at her with confused and pleading eyes as she brought me closer to orgasm with her hand. I did not understand what was happening or why and any sense of outrage I may have harbored was belied by my swollen cock and furious pumping into her hand.

I could feel her mouth form into a smile against my ear as she continued. "I'm going to see him on Tuesday night and I expect we'll relive the same passion we shared last night. I hope so at least because he made me cum five or six times in just three hours and even after I sucked his cock and he exploded in my mouth, he stayed hard and available for my cunt."

I couldn't take much more and I needed release badly and without even thinking about all that she had told me I simply blurted out, "Please Amanda please let me fuck you."

She cooed in my ear, "Aw. Someone sure seems aroused. But no, you can't fuck me tonight. I'm still a little sore from being so thoroughly used last night. Lie down on your back and we'll finish you off this way."

I quickly rolled on to my back and although her hand never left my cock, I wanted to stroke myself and placed my hand on hers. "No, no," she spoke immediately, "tonight I'm giving you pleasure because you've handled this so very well and I'm proud of you."

I let my hand slide to my side and began pumping into her with greater urgency. She began speaking again, "your cock is so hard and hot. I don't think I've ever seen it quite this way. Is it because you know I was so thoroughly fucked last night or because I'm going to be again on Tuesday night? Hmmm?"

I honestly didn't know what or how to respond. It was true that I was harder and more aroused than I could remember being in a long time and yet it felt so wrong to be finding such erotic pleasure from this situation. The first spasms of a tremendous orgasm began building deep within me and I hissed through clenched teeth that I was going to cum.

Genuine happiness seemed to ring through her voice as she said, "Yes, Marc, you may cum now."

Something about the control in her voice and the voiced permission to have the pleasure she was granting sent me over the edge and I exploded in violent tremors, shooting long and thick ropes of cum all over my stomach and chest. My orgasm continued for longer than I had ever experienced before and when the convulsions stopped and I opened my eyes, Amanda was smiling at me. It was a different kind of smile and at the time I couldn't place its message.

She released my cock and using two fingers like a spoon, scooped up a large dollop of cum from my stomach and brought it to my lips. "Taste yourself," she said and although the request shocked me, I found myself opening my mouth and sucking her cum coated fingers in.

As she removed her fingers and brought them to my chest for round two, she added more directly, "Swallow your cum, Marc" and I did before she forced her fingers back in again.

Before turning out the light she said, almost as if it was a foregone conclusion, "You should get used to the taste of cum as I plan on feeding it to you often. Now good night."

To be continued...