What I Did for Love

Steven kept calling. I continued to send it to voicemail. He stopped by several times, but I had nothing to say to him. After a few weeks he got the message.

I've been in therapy now for a year and a half. I'm feeling much better. I never told the therapist about all the sordid details, but they really weren't the point.

The point was that Steven was a salesman. You don't get to be a district manager in his company unless you're very good at sales. And he was the best. I bought his product, hook, line and sinker.

It reminds me of the Moor in Shakespeare's Othello who was also exploited by a master of the craft of manipulation. In the last act, after ultimately learning of Iago's deceit, he says about himself "then you must speak of one that loved not wisely but too well."

Steven had me believing that he loved me and he was doing everything he did to please me. I wish I hadn't fallen in love with his pitch, but I did.

Months went by. With a healthier perspective, I started to date a little. After about a year I had sex with one of the guys I met. It wasn't great, but it was nice to be with a man. It had been a long time.

A couple of months ago I met a nice guy, Harry and we've been going out. He's a good person and I have fun with him. The first time we made love it wasn't amazing, but it was good. And it's since improved. Now the sex is up there close to great and it keeps getting better. I'm not addicted to it the way I was with Steven.

One of the best things about him in the sack is his cock. It's really big. Maybe as big as Shane's. The first time I sucked his cock I took him pretty far into my throat. Those exercises were a success.

Harry's sense of humor and playfulness in bed and everywhere gives me joy. He tickles me. When we make love he goes very slowly at first. It almost feels like foreplay. Then when I'm getting comfortable with his erection, he starts to move and I move with him. The orgasms I've had from our lovemaking have surprised me they're so good.

At first, he kidded me about the size of his cock and the tightness of my pussy. He kept making jokes. I laughed so hard I let out a little fart. So embarrassing. I've never done that in my life. We laughed like school kids.

One night I even suggested that we try anal. I'd only done it twice when I was in college and once I got past the whole rear end thing it was incredibly hot. He was shocked. But even with his huge cock, once I was able to relax and he was inside of me it felt pretty amazing. I liked the pressure it put on the whole area. We've done it a few times since and I'm looking forward to doing it again on occasion.

We'd pleased each other orally several times, but I never tried to deep throat him until last night. I went slowly and kept at it until I was able to get him into my throat. He couldn't believe it. And, to tell the truth, neither could I, especially when I slowly pulled him out. It seemed like he was endless. I couldn't keep it down there long but we'll see. I'm looking forward to continuing to develop my technique on him. Much more fun than a dildo. Damn, he is big. He told me that no one has ever tried to do it or even to get much more than the head in her mouth.

I told him a little about my dildos and jaw exercises.

Harry said, "Well, Patrice, ever since I was aware of it as a young man, I knew that it would be a problem with women. So when you first sucked me I was amazed that you could even get the thing in your mouth."

"I have to be honest," I told him. "I was in a perverted relationship a while ago and did things I'm not proud of."

"That's in the past, right? It was heaven feeling and watching you take me down your throat. The determination you brought and the pleasure you seemed to take. I loved it, the amazing feeling on my cock."

"Me too," I told him. "I want us to please each other. Maybe you could let me please you some more in a little bit. I love the way you taste."

With that I playfully grabbed his big dick and rubbed it around my lips.

"You know," he said, "to tell you the truth, I knew with some practice I'd be able to get it down Pat!"

I groaned, but smiled at him.

Later I tried doing it with me lying on my back and my head over the edge of the bed. I found that it was a little easier in that position.

"You know, Harry, this position is easier for me to get you way down. But I fear though, that I could suffocate with your cock in my throat and your balls covering up my nose."

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" he said. "If you suffocated I'll never find anyone to deep throat me."

I laughed. I realized that I was content. I was happy. I felt that this man cares about me and I care about him. We have mutual respect. This relationship feels healthy.

Getting away from Steven was the first step in my return to a balanced, satisfying and engaging life. The therapy has helped a lot since then. I feel so much more grounded.

My life as an obsessive, I think and I hope, is in the past. It's not a straight line to getting better, but in a healthy, happy way I am looking to my future.