What It Means to Fall in Love

By the time Alex Thorndyke was 33 he had finished in the top of his class in law school, served as an advisor to the governors of three states, convicted a notorious serial killer, published an historical novel set in Washington DC during the McCarthy era and sold the movie rights of that same novel for a cool three million dollars. But he had never been in love and had slept with only one woman.

Her name was Elizabeth, a blind date which he agreed to only because it was set up by his boss's wife. He was 26 years old when they had six dates and three sexual encounters. Elizabeth was an attractive woman with a pretty round face, large green eyes, and auburn hair which she cut short in an unbecoming fashion that made her round cheeks look chubbier than they really were. Her body was nonetheless inviting-- breasts not large but beautifully shaped, a flat, muscled midriff and thighs which were firm from years of practicing yoga. But she used none of her physical assets to any great advantage in the bedroom and Alex found himself disappointed by all three experiences.

"This is what all the fuss is about?" he asked himself. He still occasionally found himself masturbating to the mental image of her large, puffy nipples, the smell of her perfume, and the wet, soft cushion that greeted his penis when he penetrated her. Nonetheless, he could muster no emotional attachment to her and found masturbation almost as pleasurable as the flesh and blood encounters--and much more economical.

With his schedule, sex was simply not an issue; it was, in fact, more of an annoyance than anything else. There were plenty of worlds left to conquer and Alex's accomplishments spoke of his ability to get the job done and get it done well.

If he found himself aroused by the sight of a beautiful woman, braless, her erect nipples a secret to no one; or if his secretary, Shauna, absent-mindedly ate a Klondike bar, to which she was addicted, in that peculiar way that took forever, inevitably leading to a stream of melting vanilla ice cream on her lips and chin, a quick trip to his private washroom would remove the distraction and he could once again focus on his work. Never really knowing what he was missing, Alex was content.

Lisa would change all that.

Lisa was Shauna's younger sister and though Shauna had worked for Alex for over three years, Lisa's very existence was unknown to him. It was a fluke that Alex was even in the hallway when Lisa walked into the office that day but Shauna had retreated to the ladies' room and he needed the recently delivered updates on the Turner file immediately.

He had been restless in recent weeks anyway and though he rarely ventured from his office--people came to him--he had found himself looking for opportunities to take short walks, even if it was only to the water fountain. Still, Alex might not have noticed Lisa at all had it not been for that button--that one undone pearl button.

Her silk blouse hung open and the top of her large breasts peeked out as she leaned over to sign herself in at the receptionist's desk. Lisa had walked to the ninth floor, a habit, as she would later reveal to Alex, that she picked up in high school; she was 'the fat sister' and had worked assiduously to shed pounds. Though she clearly had no weight problem now, Lisa simply enjoyed the daily challenge of remaining fit.

At the moment, she was perspiring and while Alex had always found perspiration so unappealing in other women, Lisa glistened as if a special light shone from beneath her unblemished skin and Alex felt a pleasurable thrill surge through his entire body.

It was at that moment that Lisa dropped her purse, spilling its contents onto the marble floor of the foyer. Alex, like a schoolboy in love, leapt into action, scooping up the contents of the purse and placing them gently back inside the purse.

Among the items that spilled onto the floor was a tube of lipstick. For a fleeting moment, Alex had a sudden, indefinable urge to slide it into his pocket. He glanced Lisa's way momentarily, his eyes drawn to Lisa's open blouse and an even better view of her cleavage. Suddenly self-conscious, she turned away slightly and buttoned up. He dropped the lipstick into his suit coat pocket.

Lisa stood and Alex tried to but by this time, and much to his surprise, his penis had achieved a full and particularly stiff erection. Standing up would surely reveal this embarrassing fact.

"Thank you so much," said Lisa, as she stood.

"No problem, no problem," muttered the still kneeling Alex in a choked voice.

"Are you all right?" asked Lisa, reaching a hand down to help him up.

"Just a leg cramp," he said. Her hand brushed lightly against his face and, for the first time, he felt her silky skin on his. The smell of hand cream mixed with her perfume and yet another smell that Alex vaguely remembered from his encounters with Elizabeth--it was the smell of sex and Alex actually became light-headed for a brief moment. He put his hand out to steady himself and sat back on the cold floor.

"I just need to sit for a moment," he said, not daring to look up at her.

"You sure you're OK?" she asked in her smoky voice.

He nodded.

"You need some water, Mr. Thorndyke?" honked the whiny receptionist.

"No," he said, embarrassed. "I'm fine."

"Oh, you're Alex Thorndyke. My sister works for you."

"Your sister?"

"Shauna."

He looked up at her.

"Shauna has a sister?"

"Lisa!" It was Shauna calling from down the hall. Lisa screamed and ran into her sister's embrace. The phone rang at the same time, distracting the receptionist and Alex took the opportunity to get to his feet, being sure to shield his erotic salutation. He wanted to go to his private washroom but to get there he had to run a gauntlet of secretaries and office workers. The associates' public washroom was only two doors away so he crept in as surreptitiously as possible.

The washroom was empty, thank God. Alex ducked quickly into an empty stall, shut it and stood breathless with his back against the door. He unzipped and started to stroke his penis feverishly when two young associates walked in. Afraid that an orgasm now would give him away, he stopped stroking and clasped his penis tightly, hoping to keep the explosion at bay.

"Gwen, that whore. It's like she's asking for it," said one of the associates. "The way she crosses her legs every 30 seconds."

"And could she wrap those skirts around her ass any tighter? Jesus," mused the other.

"Gwen's got a great ass, though."

"Fabulous."

"Outstanding."

"I'd like to stick my tongue in there, just once."

"Perv."

"Come on, don't tell me you wouldn't like to--"

"Hey," the friend interrupted, "I just said you were a perv. I never said I wasn't."

They both laughed raucously at this rudimentary excuse for wit and Alex suddenly envisioned himself in the boys' room between classes in high school. One of the men lit up a cigarette and the illusion was complete.

"Did you stick your tongue in Shauna's ass?"

"Shauna? My Shauna?" thought Alex.

"No," answered the associate. "But she stuck hers in mine."

The image of Shauna's pretty face pressed against this young man's buttocks, her tongue reaching hungrily into his...well, it was more than he could stand and instead of holding his inflexible penis tight now, Alex found himself slowly running his hand lightly up and down the shaft.

"She did not!" cracked the other, clearly envious, associate.

"She was amazing. Unzipped me on the drive back from the restaurant and blew me right there on the Ninth Street Bridge, stuck in traffic next to a mini-van full of cub scouts."

"Goddamn!"

"My Shauna? My innocent, shy little Shauna who brings her lunch to work every day, wrapped in foil and sealed in Tupperware?"

"You shoulda seen her pretty mouth, those luscious lips covered with my juice. Ah, man!"

"She does have a pretty mouth," Alex thought, remembering those Klondike bars. He vowed to study her lips later.

"Went back to my place, fucked her twice last night--shower, then later on top of the dryer."

"Goddamn."

"Fucked her once more this morning, she pulled on her panties right afterward saying she wanted to go to work with my cum dripping out of her cunt."

"This morning! My secretary is dripping semen as she types up the Turner briefs?!? Note to self: shampoo carpet."

"So, are you seeing her again this weekend?"

"Nah, her sister's dragging her off to some sort of family reunion for the weekend."

"Bummer."

The lucky associate then spoke in a conspiratorial tone and Alex had to strain to hear. "She told me to come by Thorndyke's office at noon, she'd let me sit at the big shot's desk while she sucks my cock."

My desk?

In the flurry of activity that consumed the last five minutes, Alex had completely forgotten about his daily noontime racquetball game. Clearly, Shauna hadn't forgotten.

"Note to self: cancel today's racquetball game."

"It's 11:45."

"And I'm already hard."

"Hey, tell me about this sister!"

They started for the door.

"Too hot for you, buddy boy. Gotta go."

The door pushed open and he could hear them leaving as the envious crony whined loudly, "Can I watch?"

The door slammed shut and the sudden silence reverberated in Alex's fevered head. His hand stroked the shaft of his penis harder and harder as erotic images danced through his consciousness--Lisa's moist cleavage, her sweet, sensuous odor, Shauna in any number of twisted configurations, even the image of his own erect penis, its tip inside Elizabeth's mouth as she timidly circled the head with her tongue.

Before he knew it, his whole body filled to overflowing with that prickly sensation and semen shot out of him with such force that it hit the wall behind the toilet. It seemed to come forever, in waves, each wave growing in intensity for what seemed to be a full minute.

It was the most erotic moment of his life. Afterwards, Alex fell back against the stall door, panting for breath, drops of semen still trickling from the tip of his penis onto the floor. He stood for a moment before he gently lowered himself onto the toilet seat. Breathing deeply, he pulled a handkerchief from his suit coat pocket and mopped his brow.

At that moment, Alex Thorndyke's life changed forever. Aware of his sexuality now as never before, Alex, poor Alex, felt a longing as deep as any he had ever known--he was longing for a woman's touch; not sexual, necessarily, but gentle, loving, kind, comforting. The longing was so profound that he thought he felt a physical change taking place inside of him--a sweeping away, that's how he would think of it from that day forward...a sweeping away of his contentment.

The ego that had sustained him through all of his triumphs now seemed drained and he was ashamed of his arrogance, his self-satisfaction--all of which, he now realized, made him a disliked, though admired, figure in the law firm.

Perhaps Shauna disliked him the most. She had never smiled at him except in the most perfunctory manner. The "Good morning, Mr. Thorndyke" that greeted him every morning for the past three years was lifeless and sing-songy, like a child's taunt. In fact, as far as he could tell Shauna had never shown even the slightest passion for anything except Klondike bars. To hear this report, however crude, of her deepest desires and her fierce determination to satisfy every conceivable whim, both shocked and aroused him and he realized that he still had an erection. This had certainly never happened before.

Even after making love with Elizabeth he had immediately lost interest and cooked up excuses to get the hell out of there, no matter how much she wriggled self-consciously across the half-empty bed, posing, shifting, stroking her nipples, fingering her clit, posing again, naked and unsatisfied.

Now, he wished he had her back, he wished for a second chance, to touch her again, to take her in his mouth, to run his tongue inside of her and to bring her to orgasm, something he had never done and that, frankly, never interested him before. But now, as he thought of that missed opportunity, he felt the hot blood flowing through his penis and started to touch himself when the washroom door slammed open and a whistling associate strode in.

Alex wiped his semen off the wall with a wad of toilet paper and flushed his DNA trail away. He zipped his trousers and checked to see if he had left any tell-tale stains on his suit.

When Alex emerged from the washroom a moment later, he looked to his left for any sign of the two randy associates. He thought he recognized the voices as Carl and Pete, two underachieving ambulance chasers from personal injury. Relieved not to see them, he walked quickly back to his office but did not see the young woman traveling in the opposite direction and they collided, sending her stack of files and law books flying. For the second time in just over five minutes, Alex found himself cleaning objects from the marble floor of the reception area.

"You OK, Mr. Thorndyke? Geez, you're two for two today." The receptionist's abrasive voice attracted even more attention than the actual collision and within seconds, four associates and Rocky, the 55 year old office boy were helping Alex and the young woman.

"Good one, Gwen!" blurted out a familiar voice and Alex found himself looking into the eyes of Pete, one of the associates from the washroom--the one who wasn't getting a blowjob in Alex's office in 5 minutes. He winked conspiratorially at Alex as he spoke and Alex panicked. Did Pete know Alex was in there the whole time? Did he and Carl see Alex slip in the washroom and then conspire to concoct a story about Shauna as a cruel joke?

"Hey, Gwen, don't you know who you just ran into?

"Yes, of course," said the flustered young woman. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Thorndyke, guess I wasn't watching where I was going, didn't want to miss the deadline on this case that I'm ..."

"It's all right, Gwen," Alex said kindly. "My fault entirely."

Everyone stopped dead at this display of compassion and Alex felt the glare of a dozen eyes. For a moment, he wondered what the fuss was about before remembering that only yesterday he had publicly upbraided a secretary, in her second day on the job, for giggling too loudly at an associate's joke as Alex walked past.

"This is a law office, honey, not the Tonight Show!" he had said loudly enough for the entire office to hear. "Please treat it as such and keep your moronic giggle to yourself!"

Alex suddenly felt ashamed for yesterday's behavior and decided to lessen the tension now by making a joke.

"Gwen, we must stop meeting this way."

It was a lame joke but the very fact of his making it was enough to send everyone within earshot into spasms of laughter. He graciously helped Gwen to her feet, smiled and walked away, feeling like a new man.

Suddenly, he no longer cared if Pete and Carl had seen him enter the men's room. It was none of their business and they were lightweights. When he turned back for a last glance at Gwen, he saw her walking away. "Carl's right," he thought to himself. "It is a great ass."

As he strolled back to his office, he felt a new confidence growing within him. He had always been sure of himself professionally and, given his stature in the firm and his myriad of achievements, it was not unusual for the waters to part for him. He never paid much attention but today, as he watched people step aside to let him through, he noticed that no one really looked at him and he now felt a strong urge to change that.

So when one of the older secretaries who had been at the firm long before he entered law school looked at him impatiently, he smiled. A bit shocked and flustered, she smiled back and Alex felt a warm glow.

After that, several others began to notice his new demeanor and they too made eye contact. Alex smiled at each of them and they all smiled back. The young secretary he had berated less than 24 hours earlier did not look at him until Alex spoke to her gently.

"How are you, today?"

She looked at him, stunned and afraid. He smiled.

"F-f-fine. I'm...how are you?"

"I feel great," he said and he held out his right hand. She took it and he clasped his left hand over top of hers and shook it gently. "I was a little out of line yesterday so I'm glad I ran into you."

"Oh no, sir," she said. "You were right. I always giggle at the wrong time."

"That's kind of you to say but I was at fault. Please accept my apology."

"Sure," she said, a bewildered smile on her lips.

He smiled back and in the same moment heard a voice to his left and turned to see who it was coming from.

"How's your leg?" said Lisa.

"It feels a little better, thank you."

"Well," said Lisa, standing awkwardly in the aisle and it occurred to him that she was leaving.

"Leaving so soon?"

"Well, I have some research to do and..."

"Research?"

"The impact of Allen Ginsberg's poetry on the sexual revolution of the 1960's."

He cock throbbed lightly to hear Lisa say the word 'sexual.'

"Do you know Ginsberg?" she asked.

"Some. I studied the beat poets in college."

Like every other class that Alex took, he aced it. But he could not now remember a thing about Ginsberg except the face--a pudgy, bearded man with thick black glasses. The image seemed incongruous with any revolution, sexual or otherwise.

"Wonderful," she said. "We'll have to get together and discuss him sometime."

"I would have never pegged you for a college coed."

"Grad school, actually." Then she giggled and put on a false frown. "What do you mean you'd never take me for a coed? Are my wrinkles that obvious?"

"No, no, no..."

"Is a gray hair peeking through?"

"No, I meant..."

"I'm just joking."

"...that you are very..."

"really, it's OK."

"...intelligent and..."

"Old?"

"Mature."

He stopped suddenly and took a deep breath before saying, "I mean, that you're very...um...you seem a bit wiser than your average college girl, I guess is what I mean to say."

She smiled and he found the courage to go on.

"And you're certainly a lot prettier."

"Thank you," said Lisa softly as if to conceal her gratitude from the swarm of people around them in the office. "We really should get together and discuss Ginsberg some time."

"I'll brush up."

"The world is holy," said Lisa. "Do you know that one?"

"The soul is holy." The words came out of Alex's mouth almost involuntarily and he was surprised to hear himself reciting Ginsberg. Lisa was obviously impressed.

"Do you remember the rest of it?"

The fact was that, even though he had not thought about Ginsberg in fifteen years, at this moment he remembered the next few lines of the poem vividly.

"The world is holy! The soul is holy! The skin is holy! The nose is holy! The tongue and cock and hand and asshole holy! Everything is holy! everybody's holy! everywhere is holy! everyday is eternity! Everyman's an angel!!"

He remembered it all but did not say any of it. In response to Lisa's "Do you remember the rest of it?" Alex simply said, "No."

"Mr. Thorndyke, you're going to be late for your racquetball--"

It was Shauna.

"Call Fisher and tell him I can't make it today, Shauna."

Shauna froze in fear for a split second and peered nervously over Alex's right shoulder. Alex turned around and saw Carl standing behind him.

"Hi, Carl. How are you today?"

"F-f-f-ine, Mr. Thorndyke. You?"

"Call me Alex. Carl, do you know Shauna?"

Shauna and Carl were deer, Alex was the headlight.

"We've met," Carl stammered. "If you'll excuse me, I have to..."

"Come to lunch with us, Carl."

"What?" said Shauna and Carl in unison.

"You too, Shauna. My treat. Lisa, can your research wait an hour or so?"