What It Takes

••

I threw poor Jerry out of my room early the next morning in the hope that no one would see him leave, issuing him with strict instructions not to get too close during the day. I was determined that no one would interfere in this and scupper any chance we might have of getting this relationship off the ground.

It turned out to be quite easy to avoid each other, there was so much going on backstage with the press, record company people and competition winners all claiming their pound of flesh from the bands playing. I did make sure that I was stage side for Alice's set; I wasn't going to miss a single note for anyone! At least no one would find that odd.

Their set was in the late afternoon, but they still went down a storm and the crowd surfer dressed in the pink bunny outfit had everyone in stitches. James went out and sang 'Would?' with Jerry sending the crowd wild and William once again proved that he was the perfect choice to be fronting the twenty first century Alice in Chains. As Jerry came off stage we shared a brief look and he slyly winked at me before walking on by as if we'd never met. Besides that, the only time we came anywhere near each other was when I stuck my head around the door of James' dressing room and found the whole band in there with him. I couldn't help but grin when I saw Jerry chatting away with James and they both stopped and looked at me.

"Anyone seen Lars?" I chirped. 'No' was the general consensus, so I went on my way trying to disguise my smirk.

The rest of the day we spent texting each other, I was going to have an enormous phone bill by the end of this tour!

After Nurburgring, we'd have to wait until Donington before we could see each other again, but that night in Germany had just whet my appetite for him.

It was four whole days later before we found the time to actually have more than a couple of minutes on the phone together. I was still in Germany; Berlin and Jerry was in the Czech Republic. I'd claimed tiredness and gone for an early night hoping that I'd be able to catch Jerry on some downtime too. My luck was in.

"Hey baby I've escaped, can you talk?" I couldn't keep the longing out of my voice.

"Yeah, for once. Where are you?"

"In my room, are you alone?"

"Yep, what are you wearin'?"

"Just my robe and knickers. You?"

"Just combats. Tell me about your panties, what colour are they?

"They're red and they're lacy, you can see straight through them," I purred.

"Uh huh and what about your tits, are your nipples hard?"

"They are now, I'm rubbing one. Is your dick getting hard?

"Oh yeah. If you were here I'd be kissin' your neck and pullin' hard on nipple to make you moan."

"Mmmm, I'd be unzipping your jeans and taking out your cock so I can stroke and make it nice and hard. Do it, take it out for me," I heard the sound of his zip. "Now close your eyes and imagine that I've got both my hands around it pumping it nice and slow," his breaths started getting heavier. "Is that nice baby?"

"Fuck yeah. I want you to think about me kissing you all the way down from your neck and sucking on one of those hard pink nipples," I closed my eyes too now getting into the flow of things. "Is your pussy wet yet? I bet it is. Put your hand between your legs can you feel it through your panties?" I did as I was told, he was right. "Now put your hand inside, run a finger down and push it inside yourself," I moaned as I followed his instructions, feeling myself getting wetter. "You wanna taste yourself? Go on take your finger and run it along your lips, then lick 'em and tell me what it tastes like."

"Sweet," I breathed.

"Fuck Elle, I know how sweet taste and it's just makin' me harder! I want you to imagine that I'm running my hands down your body now. I'm pulling your panties off and spreadin' your legs wide before I slide 2 fingers in and outta your wet hole. Then I'm gonna take my thumb and rub your clit whilst I finger fuck you."

"Mmmmmm, Jerry that feels so good. Your turn; I'm leaning over you now and licking the length of your shaft from the bottom to the top really slowly making sure that every inch of it is wet as I blow lightly on it making you gasp. Now I'm taking your hard shaft into my warm mouth, closing my lips around it and sucking. Slowly first and then harder and longer as I run my nails under your balls and squeeze them softly. I've got all of you in my mouth now and your fucking it just how you like."

"Oh Fuck! I'm pushin' you back on the bed now so I can fill your pussy slowly inch by inch with my rock hard cock and pump it in and out of you."

"Oh… oh... Jerry!" I panted "Are you fucking me hard?"

"Real hard and your screaming my name and… Oh Elle, Elle, Elle''

Hearing him coming on the other end of the phone brought me to my own climax "Oh fuck Jerry!" I moaned.

We didn't speak for a moment just listening to the sound of each other's deep breaths.

"I wish you were here Elle. So I could hold you now."

"Yeah me too baby. I miss you. Only a couple of days now."

••

Donington was the big one for Metallica and for me; we'd all been looking forward to it for months. No more so than Lars who had missed Metallica's last scheduled performance due to illness.

My friends from home were there; we'd gone together every year and camped alongside the other metal heads, so it was kind of weird staying in a hotel with my own shower and a comfy bed.

I'd arrived on the Friday, so was able to hang out with them & catch a few of the bands in the evening. It was great to be back and I fell into my old patterns easily as we sat around drinking pints of cider. The boys teased me about not having a man in my life and decided that I must be having an affair with someone famous because when I lived in London, I was never without a man on the horizon, apparently. I laughed and played along, coyly suggesting that I might be, hoping it would throw them off the scent, it seemed to do the trick.

As expected, the requests for backstage passes came thick and fast all night but I only had 3 passes available to me, and I'd already promised them to my 3 closest mates; Ben, Mark & Ryan. They were inundated with offers of vast amounts of cash, sex (from both girls and boys) and promises to do cleaning, shopping, washing… You name it and the others would probably have pledged it for a chance to hang out with Metallica for 15 minutes!

I left them all still bartering when Tool finished their set so that I could get a ride back to the hotel. I fished my phone out of my bag and saw that I had 2 texts and 3 missed calls, all from Jerry. Shit I'd better call him.

"Hello gorgeous. How are you?" I probably slurred into the receiver.

"Elle, where are you?" I could tell he wasn't in the happiest mood, but decided to overlook it and act normal.

"I'm up at the festival site, been chillin' with my homies." I laughed, "Had a couple of drinks and a few laughs y'know…"

"Glad you're havin' a good time."

Uh oh, I was getting a decidedly stony reception. I'd better start back pedalling.

"Sorry I didn't call earlier baby, the time just ran away from me and I didn't realise how late it was until Tool finished. Can you forgive me?"

"I don't own you Elle, you can do as you please. It's not really any'a my business is it?" Jerry sarcastically spat at me.

I was quiet then, knowing that whatever I said would be wrong. We just hung on the line in silence. I decided I'd apologise again, but that was as far as I was willing to go.

"Jer, I am really sorry, it wasn't intentional. I've not seen my mates for ages; I s'pose I just got carried away. I don't know what else I can say." I heard him blowing cigarette smoke out furiously, but the silence told me he was beginning to realise that he was being unreasonable.

"Yeah I know," he finally conceded "I was jus hopin' you'd be in London tonight, so I could see you."

"Babe, why didn't you say that earlier? I might've been able to change my plans."

"No, you're right you should see your friends. I'm just being selfish. I shouldn'a snapped at you, sorry."' He sounded tired and I forgave him instantly, he had been on the road for nearly a month.

"That's ok hon. What time will you be here tomorrow, you know Down are playing at 11.30? The worst kept secret in Metal, everyone knows! " I was so excited about the following day I couldn't keep it in.

"Yeah I wanna see 'em too. We should be there by then. Can't believe we're gonna be on at the same time as England's first Soccer World Cup game though, hope some people still wanna watch us."

"FOOTBALL Jerry! And of course they will, it's only Paraguay, we'll kick their arses! I'll be watching you, and you know how I feel about football!"

We finished the call on friendly terms and despite my excitement about the next day I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

••

Jesus it was hot on Saturday morning, it had to have been 85 degrees by 10.30! This was unusual for a British festival; we're more used to rain and mud. Jerry called to tell me that they were stuck in traffic on the Motorway and stress levels were running high in the Alice camp as everyone worried about how much time they'd get on site before they were due to go on.

Ben, Mark & Ryan watched Down with me from the side of the stage as Phil and the boys tore up the largest crowd I've ever seen for a first band in my life. It seemed everyone had made the effort to get up early for them and they were well rewarded. Phil was clearly wasted, but very funny and the crowd was eating out of his hand. Pepper stopped to say hello as they left the stage and told me to drop by later as they were gonna be hanging out all day. I didn't imagine that I would, he'd probably forget anyway.

Lars called me to say he'd arrived so I took them to meet him and as ever he was super friendly, making my boys feel like they were the most important people on the planet for 20 minutes. He was on top form today, clearly psyched to be back at Donington.

Once we ran through his schedule for the day & I had him settled in an interview, I took the boys on a bit of a wander to see if they could spot anyone else they might want to meet. As luck would have it we bumped into Pepper and Phil.

"Hey Elle, you comin' by?" Pepper asked.

"Sure, a bit later though I'm taking my mates on the grand tour at the moment."

"Well fellas you're welcome too. Come 'n have a beer?" I wasn't so sure at that moment that it was a good idea, for me at least.

"Yeah c'mon sweetheart, we could do with a pretty li'l thing like you to brighten up the place." Phil drawled in that sexy deep Southern accent of his, sidling up to me and putting his arm around me. He was absolutely trashed.

I laughed. "Well thank you, but I'm sure you can find some younger prettier models in no time. I'm supposed to be working & I'll have to get back to Lars soon."

"Lars? Sure he won't mind if we kidnap you for a while. Will he boys?" Phil turned to Ben, Mark & Ryan who far too readily jumped on his bandwagon.

"Elle, don't worry I'll square it with Lars if he says anything. C'mon, you're always workin', time to have a little fun!" Pepper threw his ten cents in pulling me by the arm.

I tried to protest again, but before I could even finish a sentence Phil had picked me up and flung me over his shoulder in a fireman's carry as 'my' boys cheered and clapped following in his wake.

"Phil put me down please." I asked nicely not wanting to cause any offence. He paid no attention and cheekily slapped my bum. "Seriously Phil, PUT ME DOWN!" I shouted now and began to struggle, but I wasn't any match for him and he just gripped my legs tighter so I couldn't move them at all. Everyone laughed. I didn't have much choice but to go along with it seeing as no one was going to stick up for me and I knew they were only having fun.

He put me down once we reached their dressing room and I gave him a playful thump on the arm as he held the door open for me, but I was laughing now too as he draped an arm around my shoulders. I shook it off once we were inside and spent the next 10 minutes rejecting his advances then slipped away unnoticed at the first opportunity. I rushed back to Lars, but he was relaxed and jovial and told me I'd better hurry if I wanted to catch Alice, he'd be along soon. I checked my phone, but there were no missed calls. God I hope Jerry had arrived, it was only 15 minutes before they were due on stage.

••

Jerry's side of the stage was packed when I got there, and Mike's seemed a bit clearer so I walked around there to get a better vantage point. Word had got to me that they'd arrived an hour before and I wondered why Jerry hadn't called me, but realised that he was probably quite hassled with no time to chill out before the set, I'd catch him later.

They needn't have worried about the football, the crowd was huge and certainly well up for it which became apparent as soon as 'Man In The Box' began. The onslaught was relentless, their set was only 40 minutes long and they crammed 8 songs into it. Donington went mad for them and it was a fantastic sight to behold; 50,000+ people singing along with William and Jerry. It sent shivers up my spine despite the 90 degree heat!

Ben joined me a couple of songs in giving me a massive hug and big wet kiss on my cheek, he'd been on the Jack with the Down guys and was pretty pissed and full of beans, making me bounce about with him. I wasn't sure if Jerry had seen me, we didn't make eye contact at all whilst he was on stage and when it was over he went straight off the other side.

Ben and I wandered backstage and whilst he visited the loo, I sent Jerry a congratulatory text and told him I couldn't wait to see him. Ben returned as I pressed send and caught the massive smile on my face.

"So who is he?" He asked throwing his arm around my neck and rubbing his knuckles on my head in that annoying big brother way. "I know you too well, you weren't kidding last night when you were trying to double bluff us were you? Do I know him?" I laughed but refused to make any comment. We found the other 2 so I left them all watching the football on a big screen and went back to work.

A couple of hours later Peter Mensch, one of Metallica's managers called me needing to speak with Lars, apparently his phone was going straight to voicemail. I knew Lars was writing the set list at the time and would be in his dressing room, so I chatted to Peter as I jogged along to Lars' dressing room that was located quite a way back from the main throng in a port-a-cabin.

I bounded up the steps and didn't even think about knocking, I didn't usually. I burst into the room all smiles, but was greeted with a scene that tore the breath from my chest. Lars, pen in hand was on one sofa scribbling away, on the other sat Jerry with a young girl on his lap, his hand up her non-existent skirt.

Jailbait was the first word that came to mind, she looked about 20, so I figured she was probably only 17 or 18. She was everything that I wasn't; young, brunette, tiny, cheap.

"'Sup Elle?" Lars said. I looked at him blankly for a second trying to remember why I was there. "You know Jerry don't you? And this is his friend Heather." I looked back at them, and instinctively turned on my showbiz smile for their benefit.

Jerry just nodded, no sign of emotion on his face at all, but Heather was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Hi there, nice to meet you. It's Hayley actually."

I heard Peter's voice coming from my phone, which jogged my memory.

"Lars, Peter needs to talk to you." I thrust the phone towards him.

"OK, I'll take it outside." He took the phone and closed the door behind him. Leaving me in the most awkward situation of my life. 'The fucking bastard' I thought, I wasn't going to let him get the better of me though.

"Great set Jerry. The crowd loved it! Did you see it Heather?"

"Hayley. Yeah it was cool."

"Sorry, Hayley. So how are you enjoying Download? Have you been before?" I said being overly friendly, Jerry didn't say a word he just sat there glaring at me.

"No it's my first festival actually. I met the boys last night in London and they invited me and my friend Lauren, I've lost her somewhere, so I thought it might be fun."

Woah! Last night? This shit was premeditated! I couldn't believe it.

"Really? Wow lucky you. I hope you are going to stay and see Metallica later?"

"Metallica? I've heard of them, my friend Jess is really into them I think."

I had to laugh then, what was he thinking picking this girl up?

"Well Heather you'll be able to rub her nose in it at school on Monday then, when you tell her you were hanging out with their drummer today."

"Hayley." She said good-naturedly for the third time. I knew damn well what her name was, but I was fucked if I was going give Jerry the satisfaction of appearing that I gave a shit. "Oh I'm not at school, I go to college. So who's the drummer?"

I was spot on no more than 18!

"Lars is Metallica's drummer." I laughed, "If you ask him nicely I'm sure he'll give you an autograph for your friend."

The door opened and Lars stepped back in the room closing my phone and handed it back to me.

"Right, well I'd better get back to work." I said chirpily, "Have a great day Helen, maybe we'll bump into each other later. Bye Jerry."

"Hayley… yeah I hope so, bye Elle."

I skipped back down the steps leaving the door wide open and stood to the side so they wouldn't be able to see me put my head down towards my knees. I felt like I'd been punched. The sound of Lars chattering flowed through the door as I tried to regain my composure, but then I heard Jerry's voice too…

"I've just remembered something I need to do, you ok with Lars for a bit Heather?"

"Yeah fine, and it's Hayley!" Finally she sounded exasperated.

I straightened up and began marching away as I heard him coming down the steps after me.

"Elle!" He called. I just kept walking. "Elle, I want to talk to you." He'd caught me up and grabbed my arm pulling me round to face him.

"Yeah, and I've got something to say to you too Jerry." I shouted pushing him back with my free arm and violently pulling my other arm from him. "I didn't for one second imagine that we were exclusive. I know your track record. But I didn't think that you'd be as cruel as to rub my face in it. You fucking bastard! You're old enough to be her father, you make me sick!" I spat with as much venom as I had.

"So you admit it then?"

"Admit what?" I had no idea what he was talking about.

"I fuckin' saw you Elle!" He yelled at me accusingly.

"When? Where?"

"With Phil and Pepper and those other guys. Yeah, it's all fallin' into place now." He said nodding his eyes full of contempt. "No wonder working for Lars is your dream job. What is it they call girls like you? Super groupies ain't it?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I blinked hard my mouth falling open in total shock.

"Yeah, working for the biggest rock group on the planet is a real nice in for a girl like you… get to meet all the big names, flirt a little, fuck as many of 'em as you like. So where was I on your list? Seems like Pepper and Phil are there. I bet they shared you. Who else huh? That guy you were hugging and kissing at the stage earlier? I expect you've screwed half the bands on the bill. You're just a fuckin' whore!"

I was devastated, how could he even think these things about me? I didn't see the point in trying to defend myself, besides I'd done nothing wrong so why the hell should I?

"Are you finished?" I asked quietly with as much control as I could manage when he finally stopped his rant. He just stood there his arms folded across his chest challenging me silently. I turned on my heel and walked away as the tears began spilling from eyes.