What She Knows

She wouldn't sit up and smile to herself, and she wouldn't watch him sprinkle water on his face in the adjoining bathroom for fear he might turn and see this strange woman named Zoe. It was too much work to figure out the woman he wanted tonight anyway, and so she resigned herself to silence. Later, when he was fast asleep, she would lie awake and contemplate masturbating. She would never give into the temptation because she would not know what to masturbate to. And if she found something, she would question the whole endeavor until the desire was gone completely. Then she would turn back to her side as before, eyes wide open, and wait for sleep to come.

*

Neil didn't hear from Katy again until Labor Day, when her work called him in search for her next of kin.

"Yes, is this Neil Stanton?"

"Yes it is."

"Hi, this is First Western Bank calling. You're listed as the emergency contact for Katy Stanton. She is your sister?"

"Yes, why? What happened?"

"Oh nothing serious, she just fainted. She seems to be ok, but we've given her the day off, and she probably should not drive home. Could you come get her?"

Neil was already out the door before he hung up the phone.

Katy was conscious when he arrived to pick her up, and he walked her to his car and took her home. He didn't ask any questions at first, and he didn't even know where he would have started if he did.

When he helped her to her door and eventually inside, he discovered a small studio apartment with no furniture that was cluttered from wall to wall with boxes, papers and books. It was a complete mess, and it was difficult not to step on anything.

Katy sat down on a pillow that was next to a wall, and she leaned back. She kept looking straight ahead like she was waiting for Neil to start asking her why she was such a terrible person.

Instead, all he said was, "Talk to me, Katy. Tell me what's going on."

"Nothing's going on, I just fainted, that's all. Everything's fine now."

"I don't believe that, Katy. I'm serious, what's up?" He squatted before her and tried to look her in the eyes, but she avoided him.

"I'll be fine, I don't need any help."

"Why don't you have any furniture? You moved in over a month ago, didn't you?"

"I don't need furniture right now. Besides, I don't have time to go shopping right now."

"But what about that stuff Mom and Dad gave you?"

"Probably still in storage. I don't know."

"You don't want it?"

"No."

"I don't get it. What happened to you?"

"Look, nothing happened to me, ok?! I'm just busy with work and school."

"You know that if you want to ask mom and dad for money, you wouldn't have to work so much and you could focus on school. You could focus on your personal life. You know they'd give you whatever you need."

"I don't need them. I can do it just fine without them. I don't need a social life, I just need to pay my bills and finish school."

"What about you're friends? You used to be very social. What happened?"

"Not really."

"And your secret admirer?"

"That was a lie."

"Which part?"

It was very difficult for Katy to get specific, but she answered him anyway, "There was no secret admirer. Not really, anyway. Just some guy at the bank playing a prank on me."

"Do you know that for sure?"

"Well, I don't know that it was prank. But I know it wasn't serious."

"Why did you lie about it being a regular thing?"

"I don't know. I guess I didn't want you to think less of me. Like I couldn't handle myself. Like, maybe... you wouldn't worry about me if I told you the truth."

"The truth about what?"

"That there's... no one. No one who would want me. Look at me, I'm such a mess..." She was about to cry.

"That's not true, Katy. If you're a mess, it's only because you believe no one wants you."

"But it's true. I haven't been in a single serious relationship. The longest one lasted six months, and they always leave me. They say I'm complicated, too hard to read. Too hard to connect to. And it's true. I'm a basket case."

"You're being too hard on yourself, Katy. Don't punish yourself like that. Look, you're working yourself to death and you need to slow down. You need to learn to be happy with yourself. I just can't understand any of this."

"It's easy for you to say. You've got a really cool wife waiting at home for you, and I've got nothing. Nobody. And I'm tired of feeling lonely and I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I just need to keep working, that's all that works for me."

"If it makes you feel any better, Zoe and I aren't exactly seeing eye to eye these days." She gestured for him to continue. "I don't know what it is, but she's been very quiet these days. And that's weird. We used to talk about everything."

"Do you think it's about the whole daddy thing?"

"I don't think so. I've sensed it for a while now."

"So what is it?"

He decided to take a seat next to her, having sensed a shift in the tone of the conversation. "I really have no idea. And you know, it might be nothing. Who knows?"

"I know you two will work it out, whatever it is." Her comment sounded very genuine to Neil, so much so that he looked her in the eyes for a few moments.

Then he said, "That's sweet of you to say. Look, I know you'll be fine too. I believe in you, sis, I always have."

"If you say so."

"No, I'm serious. You remember in high school, I used to look up to you. I know you were two grades behind me, but I always thought you were going to go way farther then I ever would. You got all the good grades, brought home all the trophies. You were successful in all the ways I wasn't. You inspired me, and you still do."

"You mean it?"

"Of course. I mean, look at you. You insist on doing all of this on your own. You're so stubborn about it that you're willing to put yourself through hell to do it on your own. And you're not some freshman straight out of high school, you're getting your Master's for fuckssake. You're a Grad student, and you're still making sacrifices. You got balls, sis. I don't just love you, I respect you."

Her face had gone from sullen to positively glowing. He'd meant every word of it, and had no idea that it would do the trick.

But then her face darkened once again, as she said, "I just wish that we... you know..." She hated that he seemed to need it spelled out again, but she did it anyway. "I really miss you, Neil. You don't know how bad I need you in my life. I mean, I make everything work financially and I can get through school just fine. But I'm a mess emotionally, and I really need to. I know what you think already, I'm just being honest. I have to be honest with you."

That familiar pang of guilt arose in him once again, like he couldn't let his sister down. He couldn't tell her no, not again. She was right, at least for now. She did need him.

"I'm not going anywhere, sis. I'll always be here for you."

"You know what I mean. You know how I need you, and it's not halfway. I can't stand thinking about getting by without you, because you've just always been there. I've never had to imagine you not being with me."

"I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything, then."

And he didn't say anything. For a few moments that felt like eternity, their hearts raced. All the cards were on the table, but something was happening under the table. She thought he wanted her, could sense it and feel it. His eyes communicated it, and he didn't look away. He even looked at her body, and she caught him doing it. That was it for her.

She grabbed the side of his face and pulled him in for a kiss. Then she quickly started rubbing the bulge in his shorts, knowing for certain that he was aroused after all. She was going to have him until he stopped her.

He let her tongue mingle with his, and it kept him from protesting her hand, which was unzipping his shorts with ease. She pulled out his dick and quickly began to give him a hand job. The hand job quickly turned into a blow job, and Neil lacked the willpower to protest.

He re-examined the conversation he just had, or tried to, because he couldn't figure out how it lead to this. He didn't know where he went wrong. Or maybe he was wrong from the start, and this was right. After all, he was the reason she was a mess.

What kind of a brother shows his sister so much love, only to snatch it away? Who would do something like that? Maybe he was being cruel. Maybe she was right.

And it felt so right. She would do anything for him. She was desperate to show him that, and was anxious to give him another orgasm. She would give him a thousand orgasms if she could, and she showed no signs of disinterest. This is what she loved: making her brother happy.

He came, and she drank it merrily.

It was so simple, and he felt so stupid for making it complicated. If she wanted this for him, a whole lifetime of this, he would be stupid to refuse. Who, but Zoe, had ever exem plified this level of devotion? It certainly didn't mean nothing.

She was already looking up at him with the look he'd been dreading right after he came. It said, "Why don't you want this anymore?"

And he honestly didn't know.

*

When he left her apartment, he knew. That was all it took: absence. When she was in his face, he couldn't resist her.

Fuck your sister. Fuck your sister. Fuck your sister.

It repeated, like a mantra his mind had learned over the years. To learn something else would be to reprogram everything. And the image of his sister was stimulus enough. He was always ready to fuck his sister. He knew that now more than ever.

But enough was enough. He couldn't be split anymore. Because the same went for Zoe, the woman he was madly in love with. He could not bear to see his sister suffer without him, but it's what he would have to do. He was too weak, and he had to end it. For Zoe's sake.

So he drove back to her bank with a plan. He decided to give her a distraction, not knowing how it would backfire. He wrote a note and left it on her car, then drove home. When Katy received the note, the game would begin:

"I was very sorry to hear that you fainted, I hope you are ok. I know you haven't heard from me in a while, but I just wanted you to know that I still think about you. You are the most beautiful, amazing, smart and sexy woman I've ever met. I wish I had the courage to tell you this in person, but you are stronger than me. I look up to you, and I look forward to a day when we might be able to get to know each other. Until then, be strong and know that there's a guy who sees how awesome you are."

It was signed "SECRET ADMIRER." Katy giggled when she read the note, and you could say that the distraction worked like a charm.

*

Leaving the note felt like the right thing to do. He was going to move on from his sister, and he was more serious than ever. He realized that breaking up with her was not going to be easy for either of them, but leaving the note was a step in the right direction.

And now, he'd never had more of a desire to go home and fuck Zoe. He would fuck her wherever she was, it didn't matter. He imagined all the places she would be in the house, and the excitement of guessing which room she would be in made him harder than ever. He even texted her to confirm she was home, and that he would be home soon.

But when he got home, he knew something was not right. She didn't answer when he called, but her car was in the driveway. After not finding her downstairs, he went upstairs, prepared for the worst.

But then he heard the sound of music. Pop music, in fact. It wasn't coming from the bedroom, but the room down the hall. The room they were turning into a study.

He figured she didn't hear him because of the music, and that she was probably painting. It let his guard down just when he needed it most, because when he walked in, she was not painting at all. She was Katy.

He thought it actually was Katy at first. She was sitting at a desk that faced away from the door, so he couldn't see her face. She was drawing lines using a T-square, on tracing paper taped to the desk with masking tape. She had converted the room into an architect's office.

But that was only the second thing he noticed. Right away, he noticed that she did not have the familiar long, silky black hair. She now had wavy hair that was dirty blond. She was not dressed in a dress or cute blouse, either, but in a casual lady's T and jeans.

Zoe never wore jeans.

On Zoe, Neil discovered, nothing was sexier than a pair of jeans. It was simple. He could see her right leg from her thigh all the way down, and saw that she was actually sitting with her left leg beneath her, hanging off the side. There was no arm on the chair, just a back.

Her resemblance to Katy was uncanny.

"So, I just decided, to hell with homework. I'm going to take a break and design something of my own. It's a coffee shop. But not one of those stupid, drive-in ones with only one table. It's my dream coffee shop. What do you think?"

She looked up at him, and he was still frozen. She had her speech down pat. The only thing different about her was the skin color, which was slightly darker. That was literally the only thing.

"Come look at it."

He stepped up to the desk and looked at the drawing, and was speechless. She did not just dress herself up to look like Katy, and she did not just practice her speech. She even took the time to figure out how to draw a decent architectural draft of a real coffee shop. He realized how much time she must have spent, as if she was a real actress preparing for a very real role.

He was a slave to everything that followed.

"I was thinking, maybe one day, when I get done with my program and I've had a few years of experience working for a real firm, I could start my own firm and make this one of my pet projects. We could build it together, and run it. What do you think, baby?" As she was speaking, she ran her hand up his shirt and across his chest.

Then she stood up and said, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Neil. I'm the luckiest girl alive to have a brother like you." Then she slipped her hands out from under his shirt, and started to unbutton it. She pulled it open and caressed his chest once again, smiling up at him. She moved in to kiss him, but waited for him to meet her. She was not going to just kiss him.

It worked, because he leaned in to kiss her back. She slid one hand down and began to unfasten his belt and unzipped his pants without breaking stride. She stepped back, looking happily up at him as she knelt to pull his pants and underwear down.

"Close your eyes," she said, and he obliged. "Neil, I'm so happy to be spending the rest of my life with you. I love you so much, I just want to make you as happy as you make me." She began to rub his penis gently, saying, "I would do anything for you."

The last line was haunting, because she said it exactly how Katy would have said it earlier today. It was not hard to imagine Katy being here, because it was so fresh. He had just resolved himself to put his sexual relationship with Katy out of his mind, and how quickly he was made to fail pained him. But not for long.

"I hope I can make you happy, Brother." Then, he felt the warmth of her lips around him. Right at the moment he had Katy's smiling face in his mind's eye, Zoe's mouth wrapped around him lovingly.

She continued for a bit, and Neil was surprised to find he hadn't come immediately. So instead, she stood up and unzipped her own pants -- her jeans -- and pulled them down and kicked them off. She stood with her underwear and T-shirt on, then turned to lean forward on the desk. She bent over to rest on her elbows, leaving her butt to stick out.

Neil positioned himself behind her, again stunned by her likeness to Katy. He was even sure he'd seen Katy wearing panties just like the ones she had on now, and wondered if Zoe had actually gone to such a length as to steal his sister's actual underwear. And the thought that Zoe was wearing Katy's underwear struck him as highly erotic.

He was caressing her rear when he decided to take her panties off. He quickly pulled them down and put his penis up to her crotch until he felt the very moist opening of her pussy. He slid it in with ease, and was all the way in at once. Then, he just started fucking her.

He used the desk for support so he could fuck her fast and deep without stopping. "Oh Neil..." she was saying. He was never more thrilled with the idea of coming inside Katy as he was at that moment, because there was nothing to worry about. It was Zoe who was actually going to receive it. It was a strange paradox.

He had already come once, earlier, so he was able to maintain fucking her for a good several minutes. They were both sweating as the early September breeze drifted in to cool them off. He repositioned only slightly to get deeper, and when he started again he did not stop. He was prepared to fuck her right, and the sweat began to drip off his forehead.

He felt under her shirt for her tits, and he fondled them while he continued to fuck her. Zoe started to cry out so desperately, she was not even able to maintain being Katy any longer. Her cries did not sound like Katy, they sounded like Zoe. And that was the hottest thing of all to hear, he discovered. There was no sound sweeter to his ears than the sound of his Zoe coming.

She was grabbing at the table's edge for strength, but to no avail. She could not take being fucked while she was coming. He did not want to let up. Did not want to let her catch a breath. Her screams were now stunted, intermittent yelps. He felt her muscles tense up around his dick the whole time, but he continued to fuck her.

He continued until he came himself into the now-tightened pussy of his beloved. She was relieved when it ended, as she could finally breath. He let out a long grunt as the last of his come poured into her.

He held her hips in his hands afterward, while she just stayed with her head resting on her arm at the desk.

Finally, he pulled himself out and she sat down at the chair. It was strange for Neil to see Zoe sitting in the chair with a lady's T and no underwear, but stranger to see her in a wig. She pulled the wig off and released her own hair from its tie, then fluffed it out. She then sat back and spun around to face him, looking both amazed and tired. She ran her fingers through her hair, then slapped her hands back down on her legs, a grin forming on her face.

Neil was still awestruck. She had just taken their role-playing to the next level, and she knew it damn well. She was looking pretty proud. So proud, in fact, that after a few minutes of silence, waiting for him to say something, she got up to leave. She leaned in to kiss him on the cheek sweetly, giggled, and then walked out.

The wig, the drafting table and the panties were all still there. He didn't just dream this. His wife was freakier than he knew, and he loved it. But he loved it for all the wrong reasons.

*

"Is Neil with you? He's not answering his phone and I'm trying to get a hold of him."

It was rare for Zoe to hear Katy's voice, even if she had it memorized and could reproduce it on demand. "He isn't," she said. "He's working late at the office tonight. Should I have him call you when I see him?"

"Oh no, nevermind then. I have an extra ticket to see Cake and it starts in like an hour. I know he really likes..."

"Cake! Oh man, I'm so jealous. I always miss them when they come."

"You like Cake? I always took you for the Leonard Cohen, artsy type."

"That's funny, cuz I like him too. No, I love Cake. 'I Will Survive' -- Best. Cover. Ever."

"Right?"

"Totally."

"Well, you know, you could come if you want to."

"You serious?"

"Why not. I don't think I've ever gotten to hang out with my sister-in-law. How soon can you be ready?"