When Does Cheating Actually Start?

Author's Foreword: Those who skim LW submissions in private searching for ... the usual... might do well to pass on this one. Lots of thinking and psychology will be found here - not to mention big words and big ideas. Thanks for the excellent private feed back. One other thing: each submission takes me approximately 4 or 5 hours of my time and after my writing skills have improved enough to satisfy me, I will start to have my submissions proof-read. In the mean time, sorry for the typos - they are all mine.

When Does Cheating Actually Start?

John Warman was a product specialist for an industrial parts wholesaler. At 26 and single and with 6 years experience out of college, he was the acknowledged third party parts specialist for several uncatalogued German manufactured machine tool brands. He was a walking encyclopedia of what parts substituted for factory ones, he dealt effectively with customers at the company's city counter and very often amazed them by producing a substitute part when a broken sample was presented. John's honesty was legendary, probably because he never pretended to be someone he was not. His telephone relationship with the company's customers was renown - often the main number clerk could be seen holding up one finger or two to indicate the number of customers waiting to talk to him.

Not the brightest mind in college, where he had enrolled in the engineering school, but washed out, he pursued a World History degree. He also attended the free social dance lessons and student mixers and even managed to lose his virginity by penetrating the pussy of a heavily tattooed body-ringed co-ed once. She said afterwards to John, "Dude, I couldn't even feel you." Embarrassed, he gave up chasing pussy. But, after extensive research he found out that his cock was average size, and then had himself checked for STDs. His self-esteem skyrocketed at this point. He graduated without ceremony and went out into the world to pursue a career-track job and to seek a woman with whom being mutually in love was possible. He had a secret one but someone had already chosen her so he stopped thinking about her as a lover.

Friendships in the workplace are typically fleeting, random, and surface ones made of convenience. Getting alone and being pleasant or affable, and to a small extent, assisting co-workers, and finding someone to 'lunch' with drives the process of office friendship formations. For example, after such a 'friend' moves on, no ripples are felt in anyone's life. But, on extremely rare occasions, a real FRIENDSHIP may be found - e.g., A real friend for the purposes here may be illustrated as Person A can and does crash at Person B's house unannounced and is very welcomed by Person B. One such pair of friends was John Warman and Jennifer Thames (sometimes Jen, Jenny).

She was a product specialist for a Japanese line of machine tool parts for which the company carried replacement 3rd party parts. Jen had an associates degree from the local community college but had worked full or part time since a high school junior. Her cubicle had backed up against John's for the three years she had worked in that parts house. They chatted when both were idle. Each also brought lunch from home and they sat together either on the shaded outdoor seats in the warm months or in the company break room otherwise. Others were invited to join them and did from time to time but since the couple was 'boring' to others the few joiners soon moved on. John and Jen liked the same movies and songs and even the same food. His co-worker made John look forward to Monday on the weekends because he would see his best friend again. Thinking about John and Jen and sex in the same sentence was impossible because John was a nerd and Jen was married and the mother of a small child - and not very attractive. In fact, her child and husband visited the office freely and often when he was in town, and both of them liked John.

Mrs. Thames was a kind of a beautiful woman in one sense, naturally svelte and well groomed but she seemed to go out of her way to look almost plain and draw no attention. Her discount rack clothes poorly fitted her - again as if she was not trying to impress anyone - and for the little cosmetics owned, she once said with a laugh, "I buy what's on sale." She and her husband had met at church as both were choir members at their Methodist church. True Believers, they both reacted to John's being a Bright (i.e., a non-believer, non-spiritual) with a, "Too bad. I will continue to pray for you."

For the first year of their friendship it was shop talk and gossip about co-workers, inadequate pay, and bad weather. The twenty-something Jen did talk about her child and sometimes about her husband (e.g., She said to John more than once, "I got a picture post card from Richard in ... where he is on R&R for a few days" The cities remembered were Paris, Frankfurt, and Stockholm). On special occasions when home awaiting deployment her husband would show up impromptu and insist that John keep his seat when he walked up to their table at lunch time at her company.

Today had been such an occasion when Richard popped in to show both a new cell phone he had just purchased. He had joined them saying little but was attentive. After he had left them, Jennifer said the first time to John, "Richard is a technical guru working on a sophisticated weapons system for the Defense Contractor. He is deployed overseas often but has been at home for quite a few weeks now. I can tell he is getting antsy to be deployed again."

John Mused to himself, "When the brainiac, Richard, comes to the supply house to chat with us, I still have no idea what he is about and what is on his mind - the guy is a mystery. Sad to say, his only interest in Jennifer appeared to John to be that she is Chrissy's mother, and a very good one. But, in spite of it all, professionally I like Richard and think he likes and trust me. Maybe that is because both of us are very, very good at what we do for a living - albeit he makes mucho more money than I do."

The real Richard Thames that John didn't know at all was from a Classic American upper middle class family. Very quick and smart, he carried just under a 4.0 GPA in Engineering school, and generally kept his pants zipped as a student and was the acknowledged man-with-the-answer in at least three areas. A devout believer, he met his wife who was a fellow Choir member, at church. They dated a few times and of course their passions ran away with them and she became pregnant. He did the 'right thing' and married her and has spent the last four years trying to make his marriage work - but only for the sake of the child." John was convinced that their frequent separation preserved their marriage as he and Jenny learned early on that they bristle in each other's presence after a very short while.

For last year's company Christmas party, for example of John's closeness to both, Richard had just come home and John picked up Jen and Richard for transportation to the hotel. The three sat at a table together for the dinner and dance. Jennifer's husband detested those kind of dress up affairs but to keep peace the few weeks he was to be at home, he went. Richard assured both, "I have two left feet, so you guys enjoy yourself dancing as I enjoy watching. This caused no raised eyebrows at all probably because all three didn't care what co-workers thought down deep as each lived in his own respective world."

The story starts on a Monday, two weeks before Christmas after the fourth year of their friendship had begun. John and Jen were, as usual, at lunch eating their sandwiches. She said, "Something exciting has happened but I have pissed off Richard and I just may have started having an affair. Let me explain.

Seeing a, 'Whaaat' expression on Jen's face, she continued " My neighbor's Christmas party was Saturday night. Both Richard and I went knowing they were members and did volunteer work at the Faith Hill non-denominational Megachurch Southeast of the city for years. Are you familiar with that huge church?"

He replied sounding bored, "Yes. I drove by it one Sunday morning at 'shift change' - i.e., when one Sunday session had broken up and another was to start soon and the resultant traffic jams were brutal."

She continued, "My neighbor excitedly had told me about how she and her husband, as members, made lots of friends, close friends, within that group as they helped the disabled and elderly by preparing food and medicine packs. The distribution was by another team of devout volunteer friends."

John said, "Well, I can't fault anyone personally for helping the needy if they choose to do that."

She continued, "Many of our neighbor's volunteer group members were at her Christmas party Saturday night as well. I liked them immediately, but my dear husband Richard was turned off by them entirely."

John said, "Jenny, please don't tell tell me you fancy yourself as having an affair with God because of your new friends?"

"No. Nothing like that - my affair is almost the real thing. But to get on with my tale, the young assistant pastor, who proctored the seniors support program, was there. Most of her guests wanted to gather around him and listen but Richard and I just watched and listened from a distance. He had the bluest eyes and blondest hair of any man I have ever met. He told Richard and me later that he had graduated from a seminary somewhere and found this position at Faith Hill four years ago." She giggled and continued, "He also had the most beautiful, booming baritone voice as he spoke from his diaphragm like a trained singer sings, as he described their program. He never once took his eyes off my eyes, however, and and barely glanced at my husband standing beside me."

John said, "This is getting interesting, please go on."

She continued, "Richard was pissed and after a few minutes he whispered to me, 'I am going to pick up Chrissy from the baby sitter and go home. Come whenever this wonder preacher finishes.' I was filled with angst for one moment and meant to stay just a few more minutes, but I literally lost track of the passage of time and was the last guest to leave the party. In fact, the young pastor walked me next door to our home in the darkness."

John said, "Come on Jenny. Next you are going to tell me that he grabbed and kissed you and from then on you were hopelessly in love with him!"

"No, John, it didn't happen like that. He just gave me one of their brochures about their church in general and the senior program in particular on the opposite side. He said, "'Thank you for making Royce and Jane's Christmas Party very pleasant for me this year, Jennifer.' He turned around to walk to his car. But he turned back around and said, 'If you want to ask me anything, my cell phone is listed on the program side of the brochure.'"

John asked "How did Richard take the fact of your late hours at the party and coming home with the clergyman?"

She said, "He and the child were sound asleep so I took a shower and played with myself visualizing the pastor's blond pubic hair as he made love to me."

John asked, "Do you plan to physically enjoy the preacher in your bed when Richard is deployed again?"

"No. No Never! So Sunday morning, there was no fire storm from Richard - for him the party seemed to never have happened. At church Richard and I both sang and were chatty as if Saturday night never happened. John, believe me, I earnestly prayed for forgiveness and promised God that I would not do that again."

The next week was a short one for work because of the holiday closing schedule. At lunch on the last day before the company would be closing for 4 days, her Co-worker asked, "Has the wonder preacher contacted you yet - or you him?"

"No, John, but it's worse. I try to take a shower while Richard is shaving or crapping so I won't be tempted to diddle myself again while thinking of my fair-haired pastor. I have been successful so far, but his blond hair and dynamic voice pervades my mind. My defense is that we are entertaining both Richard's and my family members for Christmas and I am very busy cleaning and decorating as there will be 20 plus people in our house - Chrissy is old enough now that even she is excited and wants to rip open her packages under the tree."

John said, "That is nice. Have you planned a defense strategy for after the holidays?"

Before she could answer, John was paged to the City Counter. He said, "We have to continue this, Jennifer!"

The family Christmas festivities were painful for Jennifer. She could not enjoy the children playing and singing and their excitement of seeing their cousins in their gaily decorated house. She kept saying to herself, "Won't this damned Holiday season ever end?" Her mother eyed her with concern because she knew that something was bothering her daughter. There was some alone time with her daughter hoping she would open up. But she didn't. Jen kept thinking about the Preacher and wishing she had some privacy to diddle herself while the Christmas festivities went on.

On the January 2nd John and Jen were back at work eating their sandwiches together in the empty break room. John said, "O.K. Give Jenny! Tell me about your very miserable holiday season."

Jen went into some details of her torment and said, "But I haven't called him. I even destroyed the brochure with his phone number but I can not forget the number, try as I might."

The co-worker asked, "Well, is the lucky preacher-boy going to get that call this week or next?"

"John, you are not helping. Why do you just assume that I will be calling him? I am resolved to NOT call him, my buddy, because my reason tells me that there can not be a happy ending to my continued involvement with him."

John said, "It is true: calling him would net you nothing but tears and regret, not to mention the damage it would do to Chrissy who watches her Mom make these kind of decisions."

She said, "I know it. I have even thought about therapy until I remembered my father's old saying, 'Words can only solve a problem created with words,' and they certainly can not solve those problems created by watching parents and neighbors while growing up.' So therapy is out. I would go talk to my Methodist pastor, a good man, but I hardly know him and I am sure he couldn't remember me or relate to my problem."

John said, "Maybe you are afraid that your Methodist pastor would only recommend more of what gave you the problem anyway?"

She looked puzzled and thought for a moment and replied, "Now that you mention it, as usual, you are right when I think about it," she replied to John and continued, "We need to get back to work."

During their lunch chats for the next few days, Jen purposely steered their conversation away from her sexual problems and focused on shop talk and who was having extra long lunch hours with whom.

But a few days later at lunch Jennifer said, "John, I finally talked to our neighbors at length about their church involvement. Then I went to Richard and said, 'I want to start going to church at Faith Hill, and that our neighbors have agreed that I could ride with them Sunday and on Wednesday nights to do volunteer work.' Well I expected an outburst, but he only said, 'Knock yourself out!' Frightened, I said, 'Richard, I want you to support me and would like for you to join with me.' He said, 'No, I have no interest in groups like that and No, I will not support you and I will thank you not to involve Chrissy in your new found passion. In fact, Jennifer, maybe if we got a divorce now, it would save lots of pain and heartache later. What do you think?' Of course I adamantly said, 'I don't want a divorce as I just want to make friends and help others.' But John, it was a wake up call - Richard knows about my inner torments!"

John replied, "Of course. He is an erudite person. Besides that even a Dumbass would know if you had just become a 'wet fuck' to him - and he is technically brilliant - albeit I think he is pretty dumb about some things that really matter."

Jen said, "No. I disagree. I have decided to face the lion in the den. There are some good people and pastors in that large church, and I just happen to have a big personal problem with one individual that I will solve. Being busy and working around friends will keep my eyes and mind off of Pastor Mark. John, wish me luck. I am so glad I can bounce my problems off of you. I think that doing my volunteer work will help me to fend off the devilish desire."

John shook his head as they stood and said, "Jenny, you are not thinking and talking lucidly. But, O.K. 'Rotsaruk' and call me if I can help. In spite of what you are doing, we are still buddies, right?"

She smiled and replied, "Oh. Of course. If I lost you....."

During the early winter months the two best friends conversation never returned to the preacher-boy. She didn't say and he didn't ask out of courtesy except she had told him that she did the volunteer work and attended church at Faith Hill using her neighbors for transportation to both regularly. Richard had been temporarily assigned stateside and worked from his office.

One day in March the first tree buds of spring were out. Jen said at lunch one day, "I walked into Richard's office and he was watching porno and diddling himself. I wanted my husband to take me to bed but we had tried at first but then stopped trying. We drifted further and further apart so I didn't even approach him. Then I rationalized that 'I am a woman with needs' that are not being met. Maybe connecting up with my blond haired pastor is not as bad as it seems."

John said, "Ah! Now the drama begins!"

She continued, "So my opportunity for sexual expression came. On Wednesday our neighbors couldn't go to the volunteer work session. I called Pastor Mark and said, ' I have no transportation and I can not volunteer tonight.' He said, 'Let me drop by your house to get you and take you home, as it is not far out of my way.' When I declined he continued, 'I am offering to do this because I want to see you, Jennifer. I was hoping you wanted to see me as well.' A million thoughts fire-hosed through my mind. One part of me was rejoicing because the blond haired blue eyed super-man wanted me and another part of me balled-up with a giant mushroom cloud of guilt that had formed in my mind. But, I ultimately agreed to ride with him after he talked so convincingly."

John asked, "So you waited for your date to pick you up."

She replied simply, "Yes. I hurriedly got ready and a car horn blew. I grabbed my shoulder bag and ran to the Pastor's car. We started talking passionately about how much we had missed each other. He drove no further than an under construction strip mall's darkened parking lot and he pulled around to the back loading docks and parked in the near isolated area, leaving the engine running for warmth in the evening chill. I had been playfully handling his cock while he had been driving and he said, 'Jennifer I want to be inside your body more than anything on earth.' I replied, 'Me too, Mark, but only after I try to get your cock down my throat Heh heh heh.' The passion and the making out was fantastic building up both our sexual appetites, but his ability to satisfy me when we were naked AND getting it on in the back seat was 100 percent lacking. In fact, the sex was awful and the most depressing guilty conscience I have ever had descended on me. I forced him to leave me a lone in the back seat as I squalled at what I had done and put my clothes back on. I then said, 'Take me home right now, Mark!'"

John said, "Let me see. You arrive home and your make-up is gone, your clothes are a mess and your eyes are red from crying and you walk into your house. What happened then?"