When I am Gone Pt. 08

Chapter 15

I could hear the sirens coming down the street and I looked up and it was a girl in white.

She looked at me and said nothing, I kept saying hello to her, but there was no response.

The paramedics loaded me into an ambulance and kept asking if I could hear them, but I couldn't speak.

The little girl followed me into the hospital and into the operating room.

I tried asking her what she wanted, but she never answered. She said you are not ready my child, I will not take you yet. But please get yourself prepared because the worst is yet to come.

I closed my eyes and she disappeared. When I open them I was in a hospital room.

My parents just arrived and were so excited to see me. They told me that I should rest and that I could take off a month of school if I needed.

I told them no because I didn't know when my end is, but I know it is soon. My parents said I could go back to school, but I must see a psychiatrist.

I agreed, not feeling like I needed one. When I arrived home, I thought my dad would be angry at me that the police had to take his gun. But he just let it go because he still had me.

My mom took me back to the hospital, where I met with my psychiatrist Dr. Logan.

First, we started talking about what my childhood was like. I told him it was normal and then we talked about Jr. High.

I told him that Jr. High was filled with hate and anger. He asked me why and I said because Mikey and his friends use to pick on me because I was the smallest and the weakest.

They knew I was smarter than them, so they would always beat me up about it. After 39 minutes of talking about Jr. High, I felt very uncomfortable and I started to sit quietly.

Dr. Logan said that this is a safe place to talk about problems, but I couldn't get out of theirs fast enough.

Dr. Logan said I could leave early, but I had to do something new in my life to show that I am understanding myself better.

I agreed I would think about it and I left anyways. When I got home, I closed my door and thought about what Dr. Logan said.

So I thought I would make a podcast about kids who struggle in life.

That night I was just 5 minutes before my first video, I began to have butterflies in my stomach.

I turned on my camera on my computer and started.

"Hey, it's Scott Hall, I know most of you know who I am. More precisely, you know what I look like, thanks to that video that ruined my life.

I know that most of you think that the video was funny, but turns out your laughter has hurt someone.

The video is stupid and I can't believe all you guys watched it.

You all called me gay, but who is the one rewatching and resending the video to many people."

The podcast lasted about a whole hour, but I told all my listeners, which wasn't a lot, to not dwell on the negative things in life because there are positive ones too.

Chapter 16

I finally got back to school and I could see that everybody heard about my accident because everyone was whispering behind my back.

In math class, the teacher asked the class what they did over break and one of the kids responded with, I watched Scott's podcast.

The whole class turned to me and I really wanted to be a turtle, that could hide in its shell.

The teacher responded with great and told me that a podcast was a neat idea.

After that, Aaron didn't stop looking at me throughout the whole period. Before the end of the day, everyone knew about my podcast, which brought attention to me.

When I got out of school, I started walking and a car pulled up. It was Aaron and he told me to get in his car.

I turned around and continued walking away from his car. He got out and yelled Scott Hall get in the fucken car now.

As I felt a thousand eyes look at us, I decided to get in his car to get away from school.

He drove me up to the top of this hill where we talked about our problems.

I told him that my psychiatrist thought it would be a great idea to build some bridges with my enemies.

So we talked for a while about my accident and we seemed to be getting along again. I told him that now we both had another thing in common, that we both tried killing ourselves.

I could see his face turning bright red and we was getting angry. He yelled again to get in the car.

He drove me home and when we pulled up to my house, I asked should I call you later and he said no.

He said I'm not gonna try anymore. I got out and said I was sorry, but he wouldn't respond.

I went to my meeting and the whole time we discussed the story of Aaron. Which inspired me to make my next podcast.